What a Difference a Summer Makes- Part 5

Hello readers. After much thought and messages from fans of this series, I decided to continue. Thanks for the awesome feedback from the latest installment especially regarding the cliffhanger. I urge those who haven’t read the previous installments to please do so to get a full understanding of the world I have created.

For those who know my work sorry to repeat but here goes: I use italics in my stories as the inner thoughts of the main character and since musicals are my favorite movie genre, they are used for musical breaks as well. You will find in my writing I try to be as illustrative as possible so you, the reader, will have a clear visual of the characters and the environment they are in. I do encourage you guys to use your platform of choice to look up the songs being used in this latest offering to fully immerse yourselves in Chad’s world.

Please feel free to leave comments either positive or negative. I do read them and will respond quickly. I want to improve as a writer and any CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is always welcomed.

Without further ado I present:

What a Difference a Summer Makes- Part 5

It was like a horror movie being played in front of my very eyes. My mom, half-naked, standing behind a woman I’ve grown to care about and not to mention having sex with. And not just any sex, but nasty, dirty, raunchy sex. So many thoughts flashed across my mind. How long has this been going on? Does dad know? Was I tasting my mom’s pussy each time I kissed Taylor?

Oh… My… God! I could hurl right now!

I could feel my stomach churning in a not comfortable way. Mom locked eyes with me.

“Chad!” She quickly covering herself in embarrassment. “What are you doing here?”

That exact thought ran through my head. I couldn’t answer even if I wanted to. With every ounce of energy in my body, I bolted down the hall to the stairwell. Both my Mom and Taylor called out to me but there was no way I was turning back. I needed to get out of there.

While waiting for my car I didn’t realize I was pacing and mumbling to myself until one of the valet workers asked if I was ok. Forcing a weak smile, I gave him a slight head nod indicating everything was alright. I’ve always considered myself a levelheaded kind of person, never judgmental, always keeping an open mind, but this was way more than my brain could handle. With all that happened today, I was on mental overload.

My hands were trembling trying to turn the ignition. I drove. Nowhere in particular. My mind was blank as I road down the highway. The dark cloud that dissipated before has now returned with a vengeance, consuming me. How can everything about my life change in a little over three months? Sure, there were great things I’ve experienced. But, to me, the bad far outweighed the good. I wish things could just go back to the way they once were. I can’t handle all of this. I don’t want to handle all of this. Life was simpler when I was just Squirt.

At this time of night, the roads are usually clear from any other cars which I enjoy. The sound of silence is usually a great comfort for me. But tonight, it was like poison, gnawing at my insides and I could barely breathe! My arms were still shaking. I tried to keep them still by gripping the steering wheel tighter, but it was pointless.

This can’t be happening. This can’t be – MY LIFE!

All at once, I realize, I feel nothing. I’m paralyzed. This emptiness I feel, this void in my spirit just makes me feel ill. Maybe listening to some music can turn my spirits, at least a little bit. The first station that pops up on the dial is Lil Wayne’s A Milli. Nah, a good song, but not the vibe I’m in right now. The next station is playing Ariana Grande’s 7 rings. Nope, not at all! I hit the button again and I’m transfixed by Aloe Blacc’s voice as his lyrics rang through my speakers and are expressing my exact feelings at moment, Ticking Bomb.

The future is a dying art

Laying in a ditch in the dark

I need you here but all I hear

Is the beating of a broken heart

Don’t wait to say goodbye, you’re running out of time

Whatever you believe, it’s easy to see

The whole world sitting on a ticking bomb

The whole world sitting on a ticking bomb

So keep your calm and carry on

The whole world sitting on a ticking bomb

And it’s about to explode

The whole world, the whole world

The whole world, the whole world

The whole world sitting on a ticking bomb

The whole world sitting on a ticking bomb

And it don’t care what side you’re on

The whole world sitting on a ticking bomb

Just as the song ended, I was back at Deerfield Beach. Taking off my boots, I step on the sand and walk forward until the water covers my bare feet. It was a quiet night as I soaked in the cool breeze and even cooler seawater. As I listened to the waves roll in and out at a steady rhythm, it made me realize why I gravitate towards here. This place was like my Fortress of Solitude. My home away from home. This is the destination where I come to center myself when I feel I’m veering off course. It must have something to do with the sounds of the ocean.

There was a time when coming back home after a long vacation abroad this place would provide me with so much joy. Since I’ve returned from my summer vacation, not even this place is as it once was. Nothing is as it once was. Everything and everyone has changed. Joe, Kimmie, Taylor, Lisa, my parents, and most of all me. Even with all the confidence in the world… this is brand new terrain I’m venturing into and to be honest, I don’t know if I’m ready, especially after tonight.

Every detail of tonight is etched in my brain. As much as I want to savor the good parts, the bad parts are much more maddening.

Maybe this is a sign of something. Should I go back to France and stay with grandma and Josef? Will that solve anything, or will I just be running away?

I don’t know what I’m going to do but I do know for sure I’m tired of feeling like this. Lying flat on the sand I look up at the night sky. The stars filled the heavens. Oh, how I wish I could just fly away! My eyes were closing slowly. I was so close to drift off to sleep while humming the Ticking Bomb song when I hear a voice, “I thought I would find you out here.”

Sluggishly opening back my eyes, I see Kimmie smiling down at me. The kind of smile best friends gives when they know the other is hurting. Warm and comforting.

“Hey, you – what brings you out here?” I asked in a low tone with a grin.

Kimmie plopped down next to me. She let me know my parents called her asking if she had any idea where I was because I wasn’t answering my phone.

“Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln seemed kind of frantic on the phone,” Kimmie voiced with concern. “Did you tell them about what happened at the party?”

If only it were that simple.

Not giving a reply, I sat up and stared out onto the water. The sea was perfectly calm, almost as if the waves were sleeping.

“Squirt, Squirt,” she repeated softly trying to get my attention.

“Huh?” I replied, still looking out at the sea.

“I said, did you tell them about what happened at the party?”

When I finally turned to her the expression on my face must have given away how I was feeling because she looked overly worried and asked me what was wrong. With a big sigh and with deep pain in my voice replied, “Everything.”

Kimmie listened as I told her how I’ve been feeling since my return from France. How I’ve felt lost and still out of place. And even though my outward appearance has drastically improved my sex life over the last three months, I’ve never felt emptier in mind, body, or soul. I feel, in a word – ALONE.

I didn’t mention to Kimmie the situation with my Mom and Taylor because that was something I didn’t want to get into currently. I’m still trying to process that.

“Maybe I don’t belong here anymore. Maybe I should just go back to France to live with grandma and Josef.”

Kimmie began to tear up after I finished. “What are you talking about? What are you not telling me, Squirt?”

The pain of all of tonight’s events just hit me at once as my eyes began to drip with tears. I pinned my chin to my chest and began to sob. Kimmie wrapped her arms around me pulling me into her.

“You are not alone! You have friends here that you can lean on. Especially me and Joe.”

How can I tell her that she and Joe are not enough anymore? How can I tell her they were the beginning of the downward spiral that is now my life?

Kimmie continued, “You also have your mom and dad that love you.”

“My mom!” I fumed breaking from her embrace standing up immediately. I turned my back to her and watched the moonlight out on the water. “Yeah – I have my mom alright! You don’t know who that woman really is!”

“Squirt talk to me. What’s going on?” The confusion in her voice was evident.

I wanted to tell Kimmie everything, but I couldn’t. At least not now. I haven’t even spoken to my dad…

Oh shit! My dad! How will he react when I tell him about Mom and Taylor? What will happen to their marriage? Will they get a divorce? Who will I want to live with?

Then something else struck me. My dad’s words right before I left to go to the party tonight. He said I would have to make tough choices during my life, even if I feel there were none. He told me to follow my heart and that will be my guide.

A light bulb went off in my head! The problem, I realized, is I was saying all the right things about taking time to find myself away from Kimmie and Joe but all I did was replace them with Taylor, Lisa, Nate, and Tanya. I still don’t know who I am. Standing with the sand nuzzled in between my toes and the soft cool breeze against my face I made a vow to myself. This year will be a discovery of who Chad Lincoln really is. I’m not going to just talk about it but be about it. Talk is over. It’s time for action.

I turned back towards Kimmie and gave her a soft smile, “Stand up.”

She held out her hand, and I helped her up off the sand. Kimmie stared at me uneasily, trying to figure out what was going on in my head.

I assured her everything will be fine and my idea of starting from scratch.