What a Difference a Summer Makes- Part 4B

Author’s Note: I sincerely apologize for the extremely long wait, but life does get in the way. I decided to break this into a part 4B and 4C as this is a decidedly long portion of the story. Thank you all for your continued support of this series. This is not the final chapter. I have many ideas for future plots involving Chad and his friends, but it takes a lot out of me to construct these stories just the way I want them, but I promise you guys it won’t take a me a year between posts again.

If you haven’t read the previous installments, I encourage you to do so to get a full understanding of the world I’ve created. By now, you know the whole shtick about my use of italics, so I won’t bore you about that any longer. Please feel free to leave comments either good or bad. I do read them and will respond quickly. I want to improve as a writer and any CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is always welcomed.

Without further ado I present:

What a Difference a Summer Makes- Part 4B

Chapter 9

How can such a seemingly fantastic day come tumbling down? With a blank expression on my face I slump back in my chair at a loss for words. At first, I thought she might have been joking, but by the tenor of her voice it indicated she was quite serious. Her question made my head spin.

Do I like the person I’ve become? What the fuck does that even mean?

“Kimmie, what – where,” I started then paused putting my head down briefly then back up. “I don’t get it. Where’s this coming from?”

“I’m sorry Squirt but…”

“But what?!” I interrupted just loud enough that nearby patrons quickly looked in our direction.

Biting her lower lip, she refused to make eye contact with her eyes darting everywhere. She seemingly was squirming in her chair as she slowly returned her gaze back to me.

She was NERVOUS.

On the other hand, I was quite different. Anger boiled deep inside of me, as hot as lava. I had to get up from the table because there was no telling what would have spewed out my mouth if I remained. With a deep breath, I rose from my seat.

“I’ll be right back,” I mumbled. “I have to go stretch my legs.”

My look upon her couldn’t hide the annoyance that was coupled with confusion.

She reached out for my hand just as I was about to walk off, “Wait Squirt, don’t leave. Let me explain, please.”

Once again, I feel vulnerable, hurt. Just like the emotional pain of that dreadful summer night. It felt like an old wound opening before being fully healed. I was not going to allow her to do this to me again because I knew, if I did, it would break me.

Did I forgive her too fast?

Her hands were trembling on top of mine as I slowly drew my hand back.

“No Squirt, please don’t. I’m sorry,” Kimmie apologized. “All of this – you’re not this person. This is not the best friend that I grew up with and love.”

I would’ve just stormed off, if it weren’t for that last part, LOVE. I was taken aback by her word choice as it instantly brought back the memories of our entire twelve-year friendship and the love she proclaims existed.

“One-sided,” I snapped back.

She wore a puzzled expression trying to read my thoughts to no avail.

Isn’t it funny, after all the women I have slept with, it was still Kimmie that held my heart? It all came back to her. This is what I’m most frustrated about.

“One-sided. Everything about THIS love is one-sided,” I said firmly as I waved my finger to her then back to myself.

“After everything we’ve been through over the years, how can you say that?” she replied with her eyes starting to water.

I hit a nerve.

Not allowing her emotions to deter my message I continued, “You just don’t get it.”

“Don’t get what?” she sniffled as she wiped a tear from her eye.

“Oh boy,” I exhaled and took a deep breath. “I like the person I’ve become, and I wouldn’t change it for anything; not even you.”

In our conversation I let it all out. Kimmie listened in disbelief on how broken I felt prior to this summer. Sure, on the outside I seemed happy when I was around her and Joe, but I was in pieces internally. Every night I told her; I would look in the mirror at myself and just see a disappointment.

“I never truly loved myself prior to this summer,” I confessed.

Kimmie hung on my every word like her life depended on it and when I was done explaining how I am now finally living the life I’ve always dreamt of she couldn’t help but smile.

“I don’t know what to say,” she quietly said. “You’re my absolute best friend in the world and I can honestly say it’s like I never knew you at all. Why haven’t you ever brought this up before? Did you not think me, or Joe would understand?”

That was a particularly good question. I couldn’t find the strength to tell her I kind of felt Danni was right when she told them they’ve outgrown me; that I felt inadequate around them.

“I don’t know. I guess…I just didn’t bring it up. It was something I was dealing with on my own.”

“Squirt, we’ve been best friends for twelve-years. You could have told us this. We’ve always been there for one another through thick and thin — Mr. Poole’s heroin overdose, my sister’s leukemia; we would have been there to support you and how you were feeling. We tell each other everything, right?”

That struck a chord with me.

“Oh yeah?! We tell each other everything?” I challenged with a hint of sarcasm. “You guys didn’t tell me y’all were fucking.”

This is what I meant when I said I should’ve gotten up from the table and walked away because of what might have come out my mouth.

Her eyes shifted to the side again and became glazed with a glassy layer of tears.

“That, “she choked-up as the tears dripped down her cheek, “that’s not fair Chad.”

I knew it wasn’t fair, but I didn’t care at that point.

“I know it’s not fair Kimmie, but it’s the truth. You just don’t get how badly you guys hurt me and I will not apologize for it. The Squirt you knew is dead. I’m Chad now.”

Oh – My – God! A rush of certainty coursed through my veins after saying those words. It was as if I knew precisely at that very moment who I’ve become. Squirt was like a ghost that fell at my waist side and what remained was a strong and confident young man that was ready to move on.

Have you ever seen the movie Superman III with Christopher Reeve? There’s a part in the movie where Clark Kent fights the evil version of himself/Superman.

I bring this up because even though what transpired between Kimmie and Joe that summer night hurt like hell, I’ve just come to realize it was me I was more upset with than anything else. They were my world. They were my everything. I thought without them I was nothing. I was just, for lack of a better word, a squirt.

But now, I am my own man. Like Taylor told me, this is my origin story. Squirt is like the evil version of Superman that I had to finally kill off to become me, Chad Lincoln.

“So, what does that mean?” she asked anxiously, “What – are you telling me?”

“I’m telling you,” I paused and took a deep breath to gather my thoughts. “I love you but maybe we rushed back into things. I think I need more time to process…EVERYTHING. Are you ok with that?”

My heart sank as I watched Kimmie’s eyes well up with sadness as if her soul were ripped out of her. I wanted to scoop her up, hold her and tell her everything would be ok, but I knew if I did, we would just fall back into the same old routine and I didn’t want that; this was the right decision – for me.

She grabbed a tissue as she stood up and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“Kimmie,” I begin to start but she raised her finger, shaking her head no. She was hurt deeply. I could see the pain in her eyes as she rested them on me. Without a word she turned and walked away placing her hand over her mouth to muffle the sounds of her crying.

This was the hardest thing I’ve EVER done in my life.

Watching her walk away a feeling of irony swept across me. I thought it would feel doubt or uncertainty about what I decided, but instead it was one of freedom, independence. A burden was lifted, and I was Squirt no more. I still love Kimmie and Joe. And always will. But it’s about me now and my growth. It didn’t dawn on me until this moment that they still saw me as that same person that left for France and in some sense, so did I.

I let out a big sigh of relief when I hear, “Sorry for keeping you waiting guys – wait – where’s Kimmie going?”

With a quick raise of my eyebrows I turn to Taylor and answer, “She had to go take care of something.”

Taylor knew all too well that was bullshit, but she didn’t call me on it. She just sat down next to me, reached for my hand, and rubbed it.

We walked back in silence to the car holding hands. Every few steps I would look at Taylor giving her a forced smile. At my core, I am certain of what I just did. But it tolled a heavy price, the future of my friendship with my best friend. The combination of joy and sorry is an odd mix that I was battling just under the surface and I knew Taylor could sense it as well.

“It’s going to be ok, you know,” she softly spoke as she leaned in, resting her head on my shoulder.

“How can you be so certain?”

“Because at the end of the day you’re a good guy Chad Lincoln and plus, Captain America always does things for the greater good.”

The deadpanned nature in which she said that I couldn’t help but give a slight chuckle.

“There goes my Chad,” she giggled while giving me a reassuring smile. “Let’s get out of here.”

How does she always know the right thing to say? I’m so thankful I have her.

——–

This was a pretty fantastic day overall, I thought to myself while at a stop light coming from Taylor’s condo. I replayed all that transpired today. I had sex with Lisa ‘FUCKING’ Montero, of all people, and she stayed part of the night with me in my bedroom. I got the car of my dreams from my parents and grandma. I went over to Taylor’s place and fucked her like a porn slut TWICE. I met new friends, Addison, and Piper, at the beach. Then of course, Kimmie.

Kimmie?! Why do all roads lead to her? Damn it!

I need to get her out of my head and the best way to do that right now is to put on some music.

Fuck!

Of all the songs in the world this one just so happens to be playing. I couldn’t bring myself to change the station as Patrick Swayze’s She’s Like the Wind hypnotized me and pretty much summed up my feelings for Kimmie:

I look in the mirror

And all I see

Is a young old man

With only a dream

Am I just fooling myself?

That she’ll stop the pain.

Living without her

I’d go insane!

Feel her breath in my face

Her body close to me

Can’t look in her eyes

She’s out of my league

Just a fool to believe

I have anything she needs

She’s like the wind

Even after everything, I’M STILL IN LOVE WITH HER! I cursed at myself turning off the radio.

The problem is when I look at her now it’s just of her calling me a loser while fucking Joe and Danni on my computer monitor. No matter how I try to forget and erase it from my mind – it won’t go away!

This was not supposed to happen like this. We cried and hugged one another. All was forgiven, right? One moment I’m happy and cheerful around her. Then, in an instant I’m dragged back down in that sunken place where the anger and sadness consume me.

I just need to go home, get in bed, and clear my thoughts. Right as I’m about to pull up into the driveway, I see that all too familiar black Dodge Charger parked in front of my house.

‘Oh Fuck,’ I thought, ‘Joe.’

I totally forgot I told him to come over for dinner tonight.

Chapter 10

As we all were eating dinner around the dining room table there was a heavy silence that settled over us. Everyone was avoiding eye contact with the other and when we did, there was an awkward smile that followed. Joe especially looked uncomfortable shifting every few minutes in his chair. He looked painfully out of place, like a piece of lettuce in a bowl of cereal. I must admit it was kind of funny to see him like this because he has always been the cool, confident guy in the room and now, he’s sweating bullets.

“Great dinner tonight mom. You’ve really outdone yourself,” I began trying to lighten the mood.

“Aww,” Mom said bashfully while slightly leaning her head to the side. “Thanks honey, that means a lot.”

“Yeah Mrs. Lincoln. This is fantastic,” Joe chimed in. “I didn’t know vegan food could be so delicious.”

Joe was right on the money. Mom prepared us a Spaghetti Squash Burrito Bowl and a Butternut Squash Chipotle Chili with Avocado that was to die for. Who new Vegan could be so good!

“Honey,” dad praised while wiping his mouth with his napkin, “you really have outdone yourself.”

Mom looked at all of us with such joy and simply said thank you.

This is exactly what was needed to break the icy start to the evening. Watching my parents and Joe conversing reminded me about all the years previous when we would sit around this very same table along with Kimmie to joke, laugh and play. This house was the epicenter of everything for me, Kimmie and Joe with my parents being like their parents. We would do school projects, do karaoke, Halloween parties, barbecues, etc.

Thinking back on all those memories made me smile but when I looked over at Joe the moment changed quickly. In an instant I’m taken back to that damn night! It won’t get out of my head. It’s still haunting me.

Damn it!

I quickly get out of my head and pay attention as mom began to explain to Joe how she started her vegan journey this summer and incorporated it in her yoga classes for her students.

I’ve always been enamored with how my mother explains things. Her conversations are so much more than words. It’s her smile, the gentle shrugs and the light in her eyes that draw people in.