The Librarian – Part 5

Author’s note: This is comparatively short, but I had to reconstruct it from memory after the original was erroneously deleted.



Carter got into his car and drove away. His mind was cloudy, and he knew that he didn’t want to see his family right now, or anyone else, for that matter. He changed his course and drove to Lake George, where he parked his car and slowly walked along the shoreline.

Carter looked out at the few skaters still enjoying the ice before it all came to an end, remembering the adventure he had shared with Daniel and Peter during Christmas break. Confused, he strolled along, his heart somehow breaking. “What’s going on?” he thought to himself.

He finally sat down on one of the many wooden benches scattered along the shore. His mind was racing as he pictured Daniel and Peter clutched together, sharing their love. Carter put his elbows on his knees, clasped his hands together, and began to think.

“I’ve got to figure this out,” he told himself. Okay, he had just had perhaps the most erotic and exciting sexual adventure of his life. That was enough to twist his senses unto itself, but he knew that wasn’t the problem. Carter had enjoyed several bi-sexual experiences, yet cared about no one. His new buddy in college was good for a roll in the hay, but nothing more, and the two girls he often screwed meant less to him than professional hookers.

“A player,” he told himself. “You’re just a player.” Carter had to admit that he was exactly that, never having loved anyone in his life, yet his heart was breaking. He looked up to watch the sun begin to settle onto the horizon.

“You love Daniel, don’t you? I mean, really love him,” he asked himself. “I don’t know what that means,” he thought to himself, yet knew it was correct. Maybe he just felt sorry for the kid. No, that certainly wasn’t the case. For the first time in his life, Carter truly, genuinely loved someone.

He tried to be logical. Carter was four years older than Daniel. Strike one. He could only see him occasionally now. Strike two. Having pushed him forward to find his own love, he had now done just that with Peter. Carter knew that he had struck out. The ballgame was over, and it was tearing him apart.

Slowly, he began to cry. He hadn’t cried since he was a small child, but the tears rolled down his face. “Get a grip on yourself, man!” he ordered, yet they continued to flow, becoming sobs that tore through his body.