The Good, The Bad and the Molly – Chapter Thirteen

I was starting to have difficulty sleeping again. It was bringing back bad memories. On more than one occasion, I would have a nightmare about having to tell Molly what I did to her, only this time she knew, but just didn’t want to hear it. I would wake up angry at myself, and until the haze of sleepiness wore off, I would get no less angry.

It was only two days after my encounter with Molly in the bathroom. I was up late, getting myself a snack, and Chris and Jerome were probably in the living room doing something or other, as usual.

I opened the fridge, eyeing some leftovers, sighing as I took it out. Microwaving was for the weak, real men just eat things cold. I set the tupperware on the table and saw Chris coming into the room.

“Yo.” I casually greeted him.

“Hi, Aaron.” he greeted me, almost nervously. “Can we talk about something?”

“Sure.” I nodded, sitting down. “Is Jerome in the other room? Sounds like you want to talk about something private.”

“Jerome isn’t here tonight.” Chris replied.

“Oh.” I responded, nodding. “Wait, hold up, he lives here. Why isn’t he-”

Chris held up a hand in front of his face, his expression serious. I don’t know what made me do it, but I shut up on the spot.

“I just need to ask you about something real quick.” Chris clarified, his tone more serious yet more nervous.

“Uh, yeah.” I replied, getting as nervous as him. “What’s up?”

“So, you’re having sex with Molly, right?” he asked, bluntly as he could.

I choked on a piece of food I was eating. Stupid me forgot that him hearing was even a possibility. “Uh, yeah.” I replied, figuring I should match his bluntness.

Chris sighed and ran his hands over his head, through his hair. “How long?”

“I haven’t been keeping track, but that wasn’t our first time.” I replied uneasily.

“I could tell.” Chris replied with a half-laugh. “If that was your first go, you… it sounded like you were just having sex in the hallway, or at least with her door open.”

“In the washroom, actually.” I corrected him. “Door open, though.”

“Great, love that for you.” Chris responded angrily, eyes shut in irritated concentration. “But why the hell are you – well, I suppose I know why, but I figured…”

“Are you disappointed in me?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” he replied, almost hopelessly. “I just really don’t know. I don’t know a damn thing about what’s going on here.”

I laughed. “Yeah, me too.”

“Then fucking stop doing it!” Chris replied desperately. “I’ll accept, granted, guilty, I have no clue what’s going on. But this can’t be good. For her, for you…”

“It’s consensual.” I attempted to clarify.

Chris glared at me. “In 99% of cases that wouldn’t really change anything but I suppose that’s a step up for you.” He immediately brought his hands to his temples and squeezed his eyes shut. “Sorry. Old you. Sorry, I’m just… the word is ‘scared,’ Aaron. I don’t like that situations like this keep happening, and under our roof, and… she’s such an innocent girl, Aaron. She’s naive, that’s what she is. She’s naive. She’s just going to keep making mistakes like this if you let her.”

“Molly wants to make mistakes on her own terms and experience fucking up for herself.” I interjected.

Chris gave me a sour look. “That better not be an excuse for why you’re fucking her when you know that’s not what she needs.”

“No, but that’s why she does it anyway, and I’m a sexually starved creature that has a huge crush on her. That’s why I do it anyway too. It’s all well and good to judge from your ivory tower, but what we do is absolutely irrational. It’s hormones, it’s urges.” I frantically told him, hands waving. “That’s all that it was behind this. We resolved our differences, then discovered we still wanted each other. In a weird sort of way.”

“But you know you should stop, right?” he asked me, with a tone of hopefulness.

“We did stop, actually.”

“So what happened?”

“Hormones happened.” I replied with a sad snicker. “We kept eyeing each other, getting hornier for each other, and then… that’s exactly why the bathroom incident happened.”

“Well then… you…” Chris slumped down in his chair. “I dunno.” he eventually said sadly. “But like, just accept that looking at this rationally, you have to stop.”

I nodded. “I was the first one to suggest we stop having sex.”

He nodded in turn. “I think I can believe that.”

“Rationally, it makes sense. Realistically, we’re not going to stop.” I told him, standing up and putting my tupperware back in the fridge.

He motioned to the fridge. “You didn’t even touch your food.”

“I’m not hungry anymore.” I told him. “I get that you’re right. There’s nothing you’re telling me I haven’t told myself these past few days. But I’ve seen the patterns, it’s stupid to be in denial. Fucked-up shit is happening. I’m trying to grow through it, not pretend it won’t ever happen again.”

“Sometimes walking away from it is the most mature thing you can do, Aaron.” Chris pressured me. “It’s not going to be the end of the world. You have other things going on in your life.”

I chuckled. “You know, sometimes it doesn’t feel like that.” I admitted. “It’s like, yeah, other things are happening, but this is at the front of the stage, in the spotlight or something. Even when doing other stuff or seeing other people, it’s like, everything seems to be about her, even when it’s not. It feels like this is the most important thing in my life, and it feels cowardly to run away and leave that of all things behind.”

“I get that, but as long as you keep spending time and energy only there, especially emotional energy, you’re only trapping yourself in that cycle.” Chris pointed out. “Wanna come to movie night tomorrow night?”

“Gee, all the way in the living room? I dunno if I can make the drive.” I joked.

Chris smiled in response, and stood up. “Your call, sweetie. But we’d really like to see you there. And no offense, but…” He pointed downstairs. “You know this has to stop too.”

“Yeah.” I gingerly admitted as he walked up to his room. “Aren’t you going to wait for Jerome to get back?”

“Jerome isn’t coming back tonight.” Chris replied flatly.

“Oh. Spending the night out with friends, or…?”

“I, uh, don’t really want to talk about it.” Chris replied, trying to keep his tone even, not looking back at me as he went up the stairs. I felt too awkward to do anything but stare at him.



***



It was a nice thought on paper that Molly and I could just avoid each other and our situation while we were living under the same roof, but it clearly didn’t work out. Molly and I were fairly polite to each other, smiling at each other if we ever saw each other in the kitchen or something, but we each had noticeably less to say to each other. Whenever we did have something to say, the conversation was cut short.

It was as if the two of us were carrying a great secret. Not from anyone in particular, just keep a secret from the audible world, trying as hard as possible not to acknowledge it.

Until we had to acknowledge it. Occasionally, one of us would feel a flash of weakness, and as if the universe was goading us, when one of us felt the weakness, it usually meant the other was feeling that same weakness. One of us would knock on the other’s door and the conversation would always be the same, albeit with the roles being reversed from time to time.

“Hey.