The Good, The Bad and the Molly – Chapter Seven

“I think that just about does it.” I confidently stated as I inspected my work. I prodded the wooden frame staring down at me and nodded. “Yup, we’re good. I think the mattress can go back on now.”

“Are you sure?” Molly asked me, arms close to her chest in hesitation.

I rolled my eyes, wiggling out from under the bed so I can stand up. “I haven’t let you down yet, have I?” I gestured back to the bed. “It’s just as I suspected. The thing just came loose. You’re honestly good to go at this point.”

Molly’s unsure expression loosened, then a smile appeared on her face. “Thanks, Aaron.” she replied, coming in for a hug, surprising me with her force.

I couldn’t help but chuckle, albeit hoarsely due to the force and passion of the hug. There were no two ways about it, Molly had a distinctive glow to her. And I knew about Molly, I knew about her life. I knew that there was a hundred-to-one chance that I had been the cause of it, that I had helped her become a happier person. She seemed so… serene. So happy.

I hugged her back with as much passion, squeezing her slightly before letting go. Still smiling, she wordlessly walked over to her mattress, picked it up, and practically threw it down onto the bedframe. The frame, of course, stayed in place.

I looked over at her and shrugged. “What’d I tell ya?”

She shook her head at me, still somehow smiling. “You’re a dork.”

“I’m, at the very least, a useful dork.” I smiled back, posing with my arms.

Molly threw herself, practically headfirst, into the mattress from her standing position, then resurfaced dizzily. “Yup. Back to normal.” she beamed. “I’m so glad to have my own bed back.”

“Yeah, it’ll be nice for both of us to have elbow room again.” I replied, folding my arms.

Molly sat up on the bed. “You’re the one that likes to sprawl all over the bed when you sleep.”

“Do not!”

“Do too!”

“Oh, well then, excuse me.” I replied, getting onto her bed and lying down beside her. “Let me do my impression of you.” I then stretched my entire body out, intentionally squishing her sitting self against the wall as I did so. “My name’s Molly Sharpton.” I reinforced the point.

Molly playfully kicked me away, causing me to fall off the bed. “I do not do that, you dork.” she giggled. “Besides, I’m a shortie. What’s your excuse?”

“I sleep straight as a board.” I pointed out, standing up and dusting myself off. “And that’s a rare find. When you’re married in the future to Carson or whoever, you’re going to find out just how few guys are actually pleasant to sleep next to.”

Molly’s smile turned into a half-smug half-guilty one as she chewed on my words. “Yeah. Carson. About him.”

I almost leapt where I stood. “You didn’t.”

Molly scratched the back of her neck compulsively and laughed nervously. “No, I didn’t. It’s just…” She emitted another laugh in lieu of continuing.

I had to stop myself from leaning forward. “What? What is it?”

“You were just… you were right.” Molly admitted, her humor fading from her tone. “Carson and I were talking today, and… he sleeps around. We were just talking about our relationship history-”

“Short topic with you.” I winked at her, trying to keep levity in the situation.

Molly glared at me, albeit playfully, and continued. “He was talking so clinically and honestly about how he likes to sleep around, so I asked him what his kill count was.”

“Wow. Didn’t expect you to use a phrase like ‘kill count.’” I pointed out.

“Well, how else do you phrase it? I was just curious about how many he slept with. It was kind of fascinating to me. So he talks about it some more and then just flat-out asks me if I’d ever want to experiment with someone I trusted sometime. Then asked if that someone could be him. Didn’t even wait for my response.”

“Did you say yes?” I asked, as if we were sharing a joke.

Molly didn’t even look at me, she just looked at the ground and chuckled. “You know, I swear this happens with every guy I meet here. I think that maybe they’re friends with me because they actually like talking to me or believe that I can go somewhere with my life.” She looked up at me, her smile now faded except for the insecure shadow of her smile that hung on to her face to let me know she didn’t want me taking this too seriously. “I think one of my biggest insecurities is having no guy friends that don’t want me sexually, or romantically or whatever. It’s like I’m not enough as a person, I also have to return their desires too. Like I’m a bank. Like I’m not a person.”

I sat down beside her gently and looped an arm around her shoulder for support. She looked at me expecting me to say something, but I never did, just smiling sadly.

She took that as a cue to continue. “Carson was like the first guy I met here to make me think, ‘Huh. Maybe.’ Well, maybe fucking not.” Her smile was now gone. “I was totally fine with him sleeping around, but now that he’s asked me, it’s like a spell has been broken. Even when he told me he does that, it didn’t even register that that’s all he wanted from me. Until he asked.”

“It may not be all he wants from you. He might genuinely enjoy your company and just also… also be a man, a hormonal man, and want to have sex with you.”

Molly’s smile returned softly. “I wasn’t expecting you to take his side today on anything.” I had to stomach the sudden discomfort that I wasn’t talking about him at all. “But maybe. It still doesn’t change much. He wants that from me. They all want that from me. That’s all they’re interested in, and the actual ‘getting to know me’ thing isn’t interest or whatever, it’s foreplay or it’s getting information so they know how to ask me at just the right situation where I’m weak and say yes. They don’t even know who I am.” She shook her head sadly. “If someone were to ask Carson to describe me in one word, it wouldn’t actually describe me. It would be some bullshit like ‘flawless’ to make me go all ‘aww’ but reinforce how… how nothing I am to him. I’m nothing to him.” She was now pouting, still staring at the floor with my arm around her. Slowly, her eyes trailed up from the floor to meet mine. “In a word, Aaron. What am I?”

This was the perfect opportunity for cheesiness, but something held me back. It felt right, but something felt… righter. A grin shone on my face as I quietly replied, “Short.”

Molly immediately grinned back, pushing me away playfully. “You jackass.” she laughed, then composed herself, going back into thought mode. “Maybe I wouldn’t like the truest answer anyway. ‘Naive.’ ‘Manipulable.’ I…” She stood up, clearly feeling fidgety, walked halfway across the room, and turned to face me. “You know, Carson had the biggest chance. Out of all of them. If you want to talk realistically, if he had just waited, or… or fuck, cared…” Her face went blank as she stared at mine for a few seconds. “Thanks, Aaron.”

“What did I do?”

“You’re just… there for me.” she replied slowly. “You’re the only one, I guess besides Chris, who can tell me they’re a friend that’s there for me and I’ll believe them. You’re a good guy, and actual good guy, and you’re right, most of these guys are just trouble. I wish guys like Carson were more like you. Maybe then I’d have some friends where I know they actually had good intentions and no ulterior motives.”

That was my breaking point. I couldn’t hide my expression from the dramatic irony of the moment any longer. Guilt took over and I suddenly looked away, right at the wall, a look of downright worry on my face.

“…What?” I heard Molly ask. “Are you okay?”

“I…” I felt my mouth go dry. I couldn’t finish the sentence.

“What?” Molly asked, more emphatically this time. She closed the distance between us and sat down beside me again. “Look at me please.”

Reluctantly, I tore my gaze away from the wall to look into her painfully serious face. “Do you need to tell me something?” she asked.

But I could never answer that. At least not with what I was clearly supposed to say. Guilt washed over me like the tide of an ocean. I couldn’t tell her what she needed to hear. Dark clouds hung in my mind as I felt more and more trapped.

The trap suddenly released its grip on me. Maybe I couldn’t tell her what she needed to hear, but I could at least substitute it with something I was sure she wanted to hear.

“I’m a bad person.” I said, uncharacteristically slowly, my mouth barely spitting out each word, feigning perfectly a state of vulnerability. “When you asked me to go clear the air with Daisy, I yelled at her.”

Molly just stared at me, nothing impacting her face. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking, and maybe she too was playing a game of ‘he doesn’t think I know this, how should I react.’ It’s a shame neither of us were English majors; we would have loved the dramatic irony.

“I lost my temper.” I continued, keeping up the facade perfectly. “I lose my temper around her a lot. We don’t get along.”

“Is there a reason?” Molly asked, even-tempered.

I shrugged. “Probably. I think it just comes down to us not fitting well with each other.” Bullshit excuse, but ‘she’s a super-genius and we bonded over that and she even tried to help set us two up until I did stuff with you in your sleep while you may or may not have wanted it’ would have been a much less acceptable response. “I know how you are about… y’know, honesty and stuff. I’m sorry I never told you. I just thought you didn’t deserve to have that bullshit to deal with.”

I lowered my head and felt Molly’s hand supportively patting my shoulder. “It’s okay.” she replied flatly. “She’s twelve, you know. People at that age aren’t exactly… the most mature.”

“Some people our age too.” I replied bitterly, head still down.

Molly chuckled. “Yeah.” Silence filled the air for a bit. “Don’t worry about it, Aaron. I forgive you.”

“I’m…” I lifted my head. “I’m not a good guy.”

“Yes you are.” Molly coaxed me. “You’ve been an amazing friend. You’re not bad. You’re just… complicated.”

“Complicated?” I repeated.

Molly smiled, albeit sadly. “I understand you have issues. I completely understand why you have them.” Her hand trailed to a part of my back that particularly stung, a place my dad hit me particularly hard. I winced. “With what you have to deal with, I’m amazed you’re as great of a person as you are.”

That broke the dam. Molly knew. It was my own dumbass fault for not wearing a shirt to bed, but she saw my back. She knew about… about Dad, about the full extent of what he did. My whole life, she knew he and I didn’t get along, and I let her know a few of the things he said to me, but I had been trying to keep that, my wounds, as the one secret I had from her. I wasn’t great at not keeping secrets from her, but now she knew about him hitting me, and I didn’t even get to tell her.

It wasn’t a facade anymore. My vision became blurry as tears clouded my eyes. “Molly… it…” I didn’t know what to say.

The next thing I knew, my head was on her shoulder and I was bawling my eyes out. I never cried. I never cried in front of her. I didn’t even know how to feel, all I knew was that it was too much.