THE FIRST TIME_(9)

This happened about 16 years ago, when I was ten at the time. My first time was interesting, to say the least, but I only do because it was with my father, and I was so young. Although I remember a lot of it, there are still details that have become fuzzy, or forgotten, however there are still things that, even at that age become burnt into the mind forever. I will do my best to retell my first time. 



Close to my ninth birthday, my mother left. She would often say how her life sucked. I remember that every time when I was around her, she’d be complaining about this and that, and it all revolved around her. She would often degrade me in front of people, and in private. I was never allowed to be good, or achieve when she was around because it always had to be her who was better than everyone else. So, one day she left. No notice, or anything. In later years I learned from my father that she left to Texas to be with some guy she met online. He found out because the man dumped her and she tried to crawl back to my father, only to be rejected. He had found someone else by then. His son. 



I remember crying on my birthday, and most nights. I was young then and didn’t understand what was going on, nor why I wasn’t loved. That’s how I felt, of course. Unloved, but he’d find ways to make it up to me for her. Gifts, and more time spent with him, even trips to places I wanted to go, but when she was around we couldn’t. It was nice that we began to bond like that in the face of something negative, to build a more positive relationship with my father. That changed, however, something innocent became something more.


One night, around June, I remember, my father, who was pretty average in height, about 5’10” and a slim build, though he did have some muscle from his work. I don’t remember what he did then, only that one day he came home early and then three months later and a new apartment after he found another job. Money was really tight in that period, but love was always in an abundant supply, I made sure of that, even though I didn’t quite grasp the concept of what could have happened had he remained jobless. 



Anyway, on the night it began I had been ten for three months. We would normally watch television together, whether it was a show for him, or me. I always liked watching the shows he liked because it was some kind of secret insider into my father. I never really understood the programs, but I felt like an adult watching them with him. I would rest my head in his lap and he’d caress my hair, or cheek until I fell asleep. This time, however, he had forgotten to take a few things out of his pant pocket on the thigh I would lay on and so it was uncomfortable. I just nuzzled my head further in his lap, over his crotch. It seemed innocent to me, because I didn’t know anything about that. He didn’t really care, or take notice, but as he continued to watch television, I noticed a subtle growth pressing upward against my cheek. I remember thinking it was a pretty big bulge at the time, and kind of odd, but fun. I pressed against it with my head, nuzzling into it, again being innocent and curious. This made him moan, at the time I thought he was just making some unintelligible gesture to the television. He caressed the side of my body from cheek to hip and then back up. My father then gently lifted my head and rested it back on his outer thigh, but noticing my discomfort, he let me lay on his bulging crotch again. I guess not having anyone so physically close, let alone touch such a sensitive area sparked an erection within him, even if he didn’t mean it to.



I was a pretty curious kid at the time though, so I even reached underneath my cheek, as if to rest my hand under my head and rubbed it gently, but very subtly. I squeezed and tried to feel what it was. It wasn’t as jagged and uncomfortable as his wallet, which is what was in his pant pocket. It was soft, but still firm. He took note of this and promptly sat me next to him, he apologized and said something to the degree that he wasn’t feel well and it was probably best I didn’t lay on him.