The absence of a mother

It was the summer holidays. It had been three months since my mother had left my father. He was not a man to let himself die. Life had continued, almost as before, even if I missed my mother. Daddy did not let himself die, but he was more and more tense. I was young and naive, I could not imagine what sexual frustration could represent for a man.

One evening I was in my bed, I was already in a state of half-sleep. It was only when he sat on my bed that I realized he was there.
– Dad, what do you want? I was going to sleep!
– Oh dear … I did not want to wake you up! It’s just that I feel so alone! Would you let me … play with you? !

Play ? I did not understand. It was already late, it was not time to play. And then, if he wanted to play, we could very well have played scrabble or cards, or anything else the next day.
– But Dad, what you’re talking about, it’s so late, I’m so sleepy …
– Oh nothing, you’ll see, it’s very fun, and it’ll go very quickly …

Dad slid his hands under my pajamas. He slid the fabric on my neck, I found myself topless. I was young, it’s true, but I understood that it was not normal. He started kissing my topless breasts. I felt a very strange sensation, like a heat, like a burning too. I started to struggle, but Daddy held me tight. His lips continued to kiss me, his tongue to lick me, his hands to caress me. Or rather one of his hands. I felt that his right hand made strange movements, a little like he beat eggs in snow. I did not understand why. I soon felt, on my belly, several jets of a sticky liquid, and then, above all, very hot, but which was not slow to cool down. My father put my pajamas back in place. It was very unpleasant, the sensation of the fabric stuck to my belly by this cold liquid. My father kissed me on the cheek, thanked me for playing with him, and he left almost as quickly he came.

I did not sleep that night, I could not believe what had happened. In the morning, I would not have believed it if I had not seen the stain on my pajamas, and the yellowish film on my stomach before going to wash.

Throughout the day we both did as if nothing had happened.