Temptations of a Young Teacher

Prologue

As my eyes opened, I stared at the unfamiliar ceiling above me. Remembering where I was, I turned my head to look at the other side of the bed. All I saw was a mass of light brunette hair, as the girl in my bed (our bed!) was still asleep, on her side facing away from me. Somehow, despite the mess the hair was in, it was still beautiful to me. She had managed to pull the single sheet completely onto her side and was now cuddling it, leaving her naked back and the top of her butt visible to me. I lightly ran my fingers down her spine, eliciting no reaction from within her deep sleep. I turned around and slowly sat up, swinging my legs off the side of the bed. I took a brief look around the room – it was empty save for more than a few stacks of cardboard boxes. Closing my eyes, I arched my back, stretching it while taking in a deep breath. After slowly exhaling, I got up and walked in the nude over to the curtain, parting it enough to see outside while not letting too much light into the dim room. While staring out at the sun rising over the new surroundings, I wondered to myself, ‘How did I get here?’




Chapter 1

I think it began with Chris’s twenty-fourth birthday, some three-and-a-half years ago.

Chris was a friend of mine from college. A group of us, all male, had stayed rather close after graduating; all living in or around the college we had gone to. For Chris’s birthday, we decided to all head out to a bar we used to frequent regularly from our college days. Including Chris and myself, there was five of us, with me being the designated driver, only because I had become famous in my college days for being able to drive perfectly well in a near-drunk state. I don’t know how I developed said skill, but I was often taken advantage of for it.

The bar was divided into four main areas. Walking in, the bar itself was right in front of you. On the right side of the bar was a gaming area with four dart boards, two billiards tables, and a variety of electronic games. On the left side of the bar there was a bunch of tables. Finally, there was a doorway near the tabled section that led to a back room that featured a decent-sized dance floor featuring dim lighting and its own DJ.

The five of us went straight to the bar, or at least tried to. Coming in around 11:30 on a Friday night, the bar was already packed, so we had to slowly work our way up to the bar to get our drinks. While waiting, Chris pointed to the corner booth in the tabled section, which used to be the place we’d always take over every Friday night when we were in college. “Remember when we were like that?”

There were eight people squished around the table – four guys, four girls. From where we were standing, I could see the four guys and the first two of the girls next to them, the last two girls I could only see the back of their heads, one a blonde with short hair, the other a light brunette with hair down to her ass. There was no way anyone in the group was 21, being 20 at most, and probably all 18 or 19. But then again, we regularly came to this bar before we were 21 with no problems at all. I guess they hadn’t improved their IDing.

We all laughed while reminiscing about the times we had at the bar, chasing girls, getting smashed, stumbling back to campus, vomiting in the streets some nights. Traditional college fair.

And then we reached the bar. We got a round of double shots of Canadian Club whiskey, an old favorite of our college days, and then all got a beer and headed for the dart boards.

I don’t really remember the details of the next hour or so. As we played darts, word got out that it was Chris’s birthday, and everyone in the gaming area (especially a few old regulars who remembered us) started buying him shot after shot. About half the time our whole group was included in the round, leading to a very cheap night for all of us. But before one in the morning had come, Chris was already in the bathroom puking it all back up. We figured that meant that it was just about time to go. However, I didn’t want Chris puking in my car, and I had drank more than I meant to so I wasn’t quite ready to drive. So I headed to the bar to get some water for both him and me.

The bartender looked at me strange when I asked for two glasses of water to go, but I had tipped him so well that night that he didn’t question it. As he walked off, I heard a girl right next to me order a Long Island ice tea off the other bartender. The voice sounded eerily familiar, but the kind of familiar that I didn’t want to check on as I didn’t want to get recognized.

As it turned out that didn’t matter.

“Mr. O?” I felt doomed the second I heard that. Looking back, I wonder why she didn’t feel more awkward than me. But sure enough, I turned, and there was Kim, a girl from the last period earth science class I taught. Mr. O is what the kids call me at school, Brad Orlon is my full name.

“Hi–” was all I got out before she interrupted me.

“It’s me! Stephanie!” The Stephanie was dragged out forcibly.

I looked at her strangely for a moment, and Kim just looked down and pulled an ID halfway out of her pocket. I understood immediately, motioning for her to put it back. “Right, Stephanie…. Well, ummm, what are you doing here?”

She proceeded to tell me some story about how her brother owed her and she, in some way, managed to talk her brother into bringing her and a couple of friends out to this bar with them. Apparently they were the crowd in the corner stall that we had noticed before.

I should break in and explain a few points here. I teach at an urban high school about twenty minutes from the city, an easy thirty or more from the bar we were now at. So it seemed odd to me that I would see a student here. Also, I teach ninth grade earth science there. Ninth grade. As this was still in the first half of the school year, that means most my students, including Kim, are fourteen. Fourteen! Forget what the hell she is doing here – the question is how in the hell did she get in?

In defense of Kim, she looks much older than she is. She could easily pass for 18, but no way 21. Then again, I guess you only have to look 18 to get into this place. She’s easily the tallest girl in her class at what I’d guess was 5’8”. She had long light brunette hair, a very well-defined face, and an ample bosom. She looked like she was on the opposite end of puberty than the rest of the kids in her class. She was also quite skinny – I’d guess around 110-115, no more than 120 tops. I had heard from other teachers that her brother also was very mature (physically at least) for his age, but I never knew him, as he was before my time, this being only my second year at the school.

Honestly, looking back now, Kim was very attractive physically. While I had never thought about hooking up with any students (I mean, I didn’t have problems getting girls my own age, why should I look for younger girls?), I still could see which girls were good looking and which ones weren’t. Thing is, while Kim in many ways was probably one of the hottest girls in her grade, I had never put her on that list. I guess the way she acted influenced my judgment. She had the ditziest way of talking I had ever heard, always high pitched and drawn out. It made her sound like a complete idiot, which was a complete turn-off to me. She was also always obsessed with her looks, always having a mirror out, some kind of make-up or brush, stuff like that. That didn’t help in the looking semi-intelligent department either.

But that ridiculous voice was now talking to me about her brother and something about her mom getting mad at him or something. Honestly, I wasn’t really paying attention; I was just looking for an out. Both of us had long since gotten our drinks, and she was clearly drunk, just rambling on about her mom or brother or whatever with me nodding along to not seem rude.

Finally my out came. I guess she finished talking about whatever and, after a brief pause, asked me, “Why do you have water?”

“You see, a friend of mine, Chris, it’s his birthday, he’s puking in the bathroom so–”

“Brad, buddy! I’ll take those!” The interruption came from one of my friends, Rock we called him, as he grabbed both waters out of my hands and turned to walk away.

“Hey, wait a second!” I grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. “I’m trying to–”

“Damn right you’re trying to!” Rock eyed Kim a few feet back. “Listen man, she’s hot, young but hot, the rest of us ain’t gettin’ shit tonight, so we’ll call a cab and take care of Chris. You go tap that, man!”

Young! He had no idea! Probably thought she was 18 or 19, not 14! “Hold up, Rock. Listen, she’s my–”

Cut off again!

“She’s your what? Your piece of ass? That’s what I’m trying to tell you, man! Now get back there!” And with that he shoved his shoulder into me sending me back the few feet towards Kim, who apparently had just stood there watching us, though unable to hear us. Rock then turned to Kim and asked, “You like whiskey?”

“Yeah,” was her response, which came out sounding more like a question than an answer, but I could barely tell over her ditzy voice.

Rock laughed, immediately turned to the bartender, who apparently had gotten in front of us again, and ordered, “Round of the CC for these two!” The bartender just smiled and pulled out a couple shot glasses and the bottle of Canadian Club while Rock put one of the waters down, pulled out a ten dollar bill and threw it on the table.

Kim immediately picked up her shot and held it up, obviously waiting for me to toast. I turned and gave Rock the most evil look I could come up with, then grabbed the shot, clinked hers and downed it, slamming the glass on the table. As soon as it was down, I felt Rock’s hand slam into my back as he announced, “Why don’t you two go dance?”

Kim excitedly said, “Sure,” while Rock pushed me in the direction of the dance floor. I once again gave him a look of sheer anger as I continued walking towards the dance floor with Kim. I could just barely hear Rock tell the bartender to keep the change and saw him looking at me and laughing as we entered the dance floor.

As we got in with the other people on the dance floor, Kim started swaying her hips back and forth while I just kind of nervously moved with the beat. I’m not much of a dancer to begin with, let alone when I’m drunk and terrified of dancing with my own student.

It didn’t take long for Kim to ask, “Soooo, what was that all about?”

“I guess my friends are going to take Chris home in a cab, leaving me here.”

“Why?” The way she said it sounded like she already knew the answer, which normally would have really pissed me off. However, having had her in class and knowing how she talks, I knew that was just the way she said ‘why.’ I still figured she had some kind of idea though, so I thought a blunt answer would be best.

“Well, I think Rock expects me to hook up with you, which, no offense, is not going to happen.”

Kim replied in her high voice with a slight laugh, “Of course it isn’t!”

There was no talking for a moment while she continued dancing and I continued, well, whatever sorry excuse for dancing I was already doing. Eventually she said, “That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun though!”

The comment caught me off guard. “What do you mean?”

Kim laughed. “Lighten up Mr. O! You’re like freaking out over there! Just dance… like this!” With that last comment, Kim grabbed my hips and started moving them back and forth. I however, was still nervous and my body was stiff and jerky, which kept making Kim laugh. I was also beginning to note just how drunk Kim was.

Finally, I spoke my thoughts. “You know you can’t tell anyone about this, right?”

“Of course not,” she said, looking up at me for a moment, “I think I’d get in more trouble than you!”

While I don’t think that was true, we both laughed at that and, for some reason, I finally loosened up and started dancing more naturally.

The dancing continued for awhile, and we started talking during it. I should also add that our dancing wasn’t anything bad, like there was no grinding, no inappropriate touching. In fact, our hands never touched the other after she had let go of my hips, only our hips and legs occasionally bumped into the others’.

It was close to two in the morning when the DJ abruptly changed pace, announcing he was “givin’ those workin’ hard out there a break,” and played a slow-paced R&B song. It really wasn’t danceable, and to this day I wonder what the hell he was thinking. Most the girls on the dance floor just did some slow dances on/with each other while the guys just stood there doing nothing.

As I looked around the floor, Kim announced, “Well, this sucks.” I agreed without looking at her. I was then completely shocked when I felt her hands on me for the first time since she had started swaying my hips. She had wrapped them around my back and moved up to me, resting her head on my chest, looking down and to the side.

Suddenly the nervousness from earlier was back. I didn’t know what to do. I’d like to think that if I was more sober, I would have pulled away. Instead, apparently thinking this was innocent enough, I wrapped my arms around her back and just started swaying back and forth with her. Slow dancing with a fourteen-year-old. Real classy, Brad.

When the song ended, I stopped moving and looked down at Kim, who still had her head on my chest. Then, suddenly, without warning, she turned her head up and pressed her lips to mine. All I remember of the kiss was my eyes immediately going wide in shock, then seeing her closed eyes, and closing my own. The kiss lasted no more than a few seconds. There was no tongue. Just a simple peck.

As she pulled away, my senses came back to me. I opened my eyes to see Kim looking up at me. Not smiling, not frowning, just looking. I decided that was enough. “You should probably go now.”

“Okay.”

And that was it. She turned and walked off the dance floor and out of the room. I worked my way to a wall and just stood there for a couple minutes, trying to convince myself I had done nothing wrong. Eventually I decided whether or not I had done something wrong, staying there was not helping me figure anything out.

I didn’t see Kim, or her brother and friends, as I entered the bar area. There was a new group of people in the corner stall, and none that I saw from the original eight, including Kim, appeared to be anywhere in the room. I let out an exhale; I had been kinda worried that I’d have to say something to Kim again, but that wasn’t the case now that they’d left. Well, at least until I see her in my class.

I headed towards the door.

I didn’t even look around as I left, I just headed straight for my car. But no more than ten feet out the door I stopped abruptly.

Behind me, someone had asked, “You need a ride home, honey?”

That wasn’t unusual. No, it was the response, the scream of, “Go away!” that came from who he was talking to that caused me to stop. It was Kim. I turned around, ready to run and attack the guy she was talking to, but he had already started walking away. Maybe he was really just offering a ride, nothing more. Nonetheless, Kim was still leaning against the wall of the building looking angry, and on the verge of tears. I headed over to her. Kim noticed me and looked up.

Without me prompting her, she just announced, “My brother left, and I have no money for a cab.”

Big, glassy puppy-dog eyes were staring at me. There was a momentary pause as we just looked at each other. Finally, I smiled and said, “Alright.” I abruptly turned and walked towards my car. A few steps away, I turned around to see Kim still leaning against the wall staring at me. “Well, you coming?”

Kim forced a smile and walked up behind me, following me to my car. We said nothing as we walked to the car. I kept trying to defend my actions – I mean, if I did not drive her home, how would she get there? With no money, she’d end up either hitching a ride with someone who could easily take advantage of her, or she’d end up with the cops, which could be bad for me if she happened to mention me. This was the only way, I decided.

After getting in the car, I asked her where she lived. I recognized the area as one of the worse areas of the district I teach in and headed off in that direction.

The first couple minutes passed in complete silence. Worried that Kim might be feeling awkward, I told her she could change the music if she wanted, trying to make some semblance of conversation.

Kim’s response was, “I hate my brother!” She then broke into tears and proceeded to rant about her entire life. How her brother, Frank, is a big, dumb jock that does nothing but sleeps around with girls from the high school, and apparently even some of Kim’s friends from middle school. Her dad, Rico, thinks this is great and never fails to brag about his son. That is, when he’s around. Her dad does not live with her, her brother, and her mother, who he was never married to. Her mother, who she calls Karyn – not mom, is an insecure alcoholic. She got knocked up her senior year of high school with Frank. Rico refused to support her in anyway, but Karyn “loved” him, if you consider love to be sex. Rico comes to visit only when he needs to get laid, and Karyn always opens the door – and her legs – for him. Then, when he leaves, as he always does, she drinks even more. Kim presumes that one of these times he came over is how she was conceived. Karyn was pregnant twice more – at least that Kim knew of – but drank herself to a miscarriage each time. Kim used to try and stop her mom from drinking, but after getting beat a couple times, stopped doing that. She hadn’t talked to her father in two years. Every time he’d come over, she’d go to her room and put on music so that she couldn’t hear him either bragging about his son’s promiscuity or fucking Karyn. Kim knew that Rico sold drugs, as that is how her brother gets weed. She started smoking herself one day when her brother was smoking with her mother and they made fun of her when she said she didn’t want to try it. So she smoked with them whenever she ended up around them when they were smoking. Kim also began drinking her mom’s alcohol when she was ten. About a year ago, Karyn stopped buying Kim new clothes. All of Kim’s clothes now, except for her panties, were hand-downs from her mom. Even her bras were now shared with her mom, now that they’re the same size. So Kim ended up dressing in clothes that would be considered slutty every day, because that’s what her mom likes to wear. Because of the way she looked, people started treating her like she was dumb and easy, so she started to act like that herself to fit their expectations, and she ended up losing all of her friends from when she was younger and was now friends with a group of people that only like to talk about sex and drugs and drinking.

Needless to say, I was blown away by this story. I had no idea what to say to her. Luckily, she rarely even paused to take a breath, let alone allow me to speak. She just kept rambling on, getting angrier by the moment.

About thirty minutes after we had left, I pulled up to a park at the end of the street she lived on. I had barely said a word. There were points where I almost didn’t believe her, but her emotions, along with the fact that similar stories are not unheard of in my school, convinced me. Kim stopped talking as the car stopped moving. I looked over at Kim and watched her take a deep breath, gaining control of herself.

“Sorry,” she said, not looking over at me.

“There’s nothing to-”

“Don’t tell anyone any of this, okay?” She finally looked over at me, hers eyes pleading with me.

“Of course I won’t!”

She smiled. “Thanks.” She paused, then continued, “You know, for that, and the ride.” Kim then turned and opened the door to leave. I reached out and grabbed the wrist closest to me.

“Kim,” I began. She turned around to look at me, pulling the door lightly closed. “Listen, I can tell the school what’s going on and they can pull you from that home and give you a better one.” Kim just frowned and shook her head in response. I took a deep breath, then continued, “Okay, then I won’t. But you gotta know you can make it through this. Don’t give up. You’re a smart girl! You shouldn’t drink and smoke, and do keep your grades up. In three and a half years, you could graduate high school and go to college, moving out of that house forever. Just don’t give up. I know it’s hard – well, I don’t, I’ve never been through something like that, but don’t let them win. Don’t let them keep you there forever. You can get out if you want to. I truly believe that.”

There was a long pause when I finished. I started to panic. Had I said something wrong? Did I offend her? Why was she just staring at me like I was crazy?

And then Kim smiled. It was a strange smile, a smile of thanks, but also of pity, like I didn’t know what I was talking about. Before I knew what was happening, Kim had leaned in to kiss me again, just a simple peck on the lips again, though this time I felt a flick of her tongue on my upper lip as she pulled away.

And she was gone. Without saying another word, she pulled away from the kiss, turned around, got out of the car, shut the door, and walked towards her house. I watched until she entered her house, which was really run down. I wasn’t sure if I was happy or disappointed when she entered without having looked back once. I ignored it and headed back to my place.

During the drive, and for a few minutes after entering my house, I tried to figure out what had happened and what I was going to do about it. I eventually decided I would do nothing. I would hope that Kim tells no one and we would both forget about it. Anything else was out of my power. And so I headed to sleep, though I could not get to sleep that night without getting off to thoughts of Kim first, which left me feeling very guilty in the morning.




Chapter 2

I was very anxious about seeing Kim in school after that, but as it turned out, there was no reason to be. She acted like nothing had ever happened. Well, almost.

I should explain the kind of teacher I am, and the kind of student Kim was. While I take teaching very seriously, I think the most effective way to teach is to have an amiable relationship with the students, so that they want to pay attention and learn. As such, I often joke around with my students. I sometimes inoffensively make fun of them, and they’ll do it right back. The students seem to enjoy it, and they’ll often drop by my study halls just to chill and talk. This may sound too laid back, but the scores my students get on the state tests last year prove that I’m doing something right.

Kim was always an easy target to make fun of. Though she came across sounding stupid the way she talked, I had come to know that she was actually pretty smart. She generally knew what was going on in my classes, and was one of few that participated seriously in class on occasion (most my students just joked around when they participated, which I didn’t mind, but I like having a student sound smart every now and then). I had talked to other teachers before this whole thing went down too, and apparently she did well enough in their classes too, so it wasn’t like she was just good in science. Well, maybe good is the wrong word. She was smart enough, but lacked common sense. She put forth minimal effort, rarely doing homework or projects. She got good grades on her tests, and that kept her grades up in the low 80s, some in the high 70s, but that was it. She did practically no work outside of class. I guess I know why now. However, before knowing why, Kim had been an easy target to make fun of in class. I often imitated how she talked, drawing laughs from the rest of the class while only getting a mean smirk from her along with a rolling of the eyes. At the beginning of the year I had actually felt bad about it, but as she continued to not put any effort in doing work outside of class, I lost all my pity for her. Well, until this whole issue arose.

I should also mention that while many students seemed to like me, Kim did not. I can’t really blame her, given how much I made fun of her, but she was one of few students that really did not seem to like me. A lot of her friends would come up and talk to me in the halls or after school or in my study halls, but she had never talked socially with me before, which made that night at the bar all the more shocking.

The whole situation changed after that night though.

That first day back, I had been panicking all day fearing what would happen in my last period earth science class and what Kim would say. Kim had slightly alleviated my fears throughout the day as she walked by me a few times in the hall, and didn’t seem to be different in the least. She didn’t look at me, which was nothing new, but she also didn’t go out of her way to avoid me, so nothing looked suspicious. She just talked to her friends as she walked by. This led me to believe that things were going to be okay, but I knew I wouldn’t know until I had her in class.

Sure enough, class went pretty normally. I acted normal, began the period with pointless conversations with the class, and then got into the lesson. Kim sat at her table, slightly off of the center of the room, talking with her friends on occasion but mostly paying attention. Absolutely no difference. I asked a few questions throughout the class, and when she answered one, that was the only time I noticed a difference. She gave me the correct answer, in her stupid ditzy-sounding voice, and I had a momentary panic. Normally, when she does that, I respond imitating her voice. The class was even waiting for me to do it. However, for once, I didn’t want to offend Kim, but I was more worried about acting differently towards her and someone magically figuring out what had happened. Paranoia at its best.

So I responded, “That is, like, a really good answer Kim!” It was high pitched and drawn out, just the way she talks. The class laughed while I watched Kim for her usual reaction – the mean smirk and the roll of the eyes. It didn’t come. Rather, she just smiled at me, as if she was now in on the joke and thought it was funny.

I swear, all my anxiety and paranoia that had built up since the night at the bar a couple days earlier flowed out of me with that smile. I focused on teaching and finished that lesson. When the final bell of the day rang, I just watched as the students piled out. Kim didn’t even give me a second look on the way out.

Over the course of the next few months, a couple changes slowly occurred. First, Kim slowly started joining her friends when they’d come to talk to me. We never mentioned the night again, we just joked around like a normal student and teacher, just like everyone else. She’d now say “hi” when she walked by in the hallway, and she would join in laughing in class when I made fun of her. The other change, which was more subtle, was that she started doing her homework. Not just for my class, but for other classes too. In fact, I didn’t even notice it until her math teacher brought it up to me. Sure enough, she had not missed an assignment in my class, or in the math class, and I’m guessing not in any of her other classes, since our night at the bar.

Things were normal. Better than normal really. And I thought they’d stay that way. Then fate threw its hand in the mix again.




Chapter 3

Shortly after the beginning of the fourth quarter, some speaker came in to give a presentation to all the students in the school. I think it was supposed to be some kind of inspirational speaker type of thing. The whole school filed into the auditorium. The assembly began during a period I had off, so I just hung out at the doors directing students in, making sure no one walked off trying to skip out. After it began, I just hung out at the doors listening. The guy actually wasn’t too bad, from the little I got to hear of him. I doubted he was changing anyone’s life in that room, but I had heard much worse.

Barely ten minutes after the guy began, I saw the principal of the school walking up the aisle I was in with another student. In the dim lighting, I couldn’t tell who the student was with her (yes, the principal was a woman) until they got about halfway up the aisle. Of course, it ended up being Kim, who was now 15, as her birthday had been a month earlier. Obviously, Kim had done something if the principal was pulling her from the assembly. I tried to ignore them as they approached, but as it turned out, I wasn’t so lucky.

“Mr. Orlon, could you come with me please?” I immediately panicked when I heard the principal’s request. That night at the bar, which I had practically forgotten about, suddenly came shooting back into my head. I suddenly began wondering if she had somehow found out about it.

I just nodded and followed the principal, with Kim in tow, out of the auditorium and down the hall to the in-school suspension room.

“Mr. Orlon, Kim here seems to believe the world is wrapped around her and has no respect for the speaker, talking continuously and refusing requests from myself and other teachers to stop.” I tried to hide my sigh of relief. The principal continued, “I need to get back to the auditorium, so could you keep Kim here until the speaker is done? I’ll come back and deal with her after it’s done.”

“Of course,” I replied.

“Thank you.” And with that the principal turned and left the ISS room, shutting the door behind her.

I watched her leave, and the second the door closed, I heard Kim scream, “Fuck you bitch!” I turned around and looked at her, having never seen her as angry as she looked now. The only time I’d heard her scream like that before was when she was yelling at the guy offering her a ride at the bar to “Go away!” Luckily, the ISS room was soundproofed (don’t ask me why, I guess it was done in the 70s – it’s a running joke amongst the staff that our students are so bad that the teachers soundproofed the room so that they could just throw the bad kids unsupervised into it and forget about them). If the room hadn’t been soundproofed, the principal would surely have heard that, and who knows what would have happened from there.

After a few seconds of shock, I regained my composure and asked the obvious question: “What’s wrong?”

I don’t know what ran through Kim’s head at that point. Maybe she had forgotten I was even there. She had been staring at the door as if she could burn it with her eyes, and she suddenly jerked her head to look at me when she heard my voice. She stared for a second and her look faded from anger to sadness. She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, paused, then closed her mouth and went back to looking angry and simply responded, “Nothing.” She then pulled a chair from one of the desks, slammed her body into it, and sat there.

“You know, if you need to talk, I’m here.” No response. I let out a sigh, and then headed over to the ISS supervisor’s desk. Even the kids currently in ISS got to go to this assembly, so it was just me and her in there. I went through the desk drawers, eventually finding a stash of magazines. I pulled out a Time and started reading. God knows I had nothing else to do. The speaker was supposed to be talking for an hour, followed by a half hour question and answer session. I guessed I’d probably finish the whole magazine by the time it was over.

Every now and then, I heard Kim move. Crossing her arms, kicking the legs of the desk she was at, slamming her head and arms down into the desk. She never said a word though, and never turned to look in my direction.

I was in the middle of some stupid political story about half an hour later, when out of the blue I heard, quietly spoken, as if she wasn’t sure she wanted me to hear it, “Do you really think I can get out of here?”

I was totally taken aback by the question. I looked over at Kim and she had not even turned around to face me. This was the first reference to the night I had driven her home from the bar since, well, since that night. She had never brought it up, and neither had I. I could tell the girl was having some kind of trouble though, and I felt really bad for her, so I was quick to respond.

“Of course you can. I told you before, you’re a smart girl. You’ve gotta know that. Just stay positive. I know it’s gotta be hard given everything you told me before, and I wish I could help with that, but I can’t.” I paused as Kim turned around to look at me, no emotion whatsoever in her eyes. “Listen Kim, you grades went up a lot this past quarter. Keep that going, and who knows what can happen. You’ll definitely be able to make it to college. Hell, maybe your mom will even catch on and support you–”

I didn’t get to finish that last statement as Kim interrupted with what can only be described as an angry laugh. She followed that with a muttering of, “That’s fucking bullshit.” Damn she had a mouth on her right now! I had never heard her curse in school before, and the only time I had even heard her curse at all was when she had described her home life to me when I drove her home from the bar, and even then they were few and interspersed.

I took her comment defensively, and responded, “I’m just trying to say that things can change. Maybe if your mom sees your grades have gone up and stay up she’ll support you more, and fight for you to get to college.”

There was a long silence. In retrospect, I’m amazed she hadn’t interrupted and yelled at me right then. Instead, she let me finish, and just sat and stared at me, giving me a look as if she pitied me, as if I was ignorant and didn’t know what I was talking about. I think she knew I was trying to help, but I also think she thought I was clueless. I just sat and waited for her to say something.

It must’ve been about a minute after I had stopped when she finally mumbled to herself, “That’ll never happen.” She laughed to herself, in a kind of self-depreciating manner. It became abundantly obvious to me at that moment that the girl had absolutely no faith in herself. Despite all she had going for her – smarts, looks, her personality (not including the way she speaks) – Kim clearly believed she was doing nothing with her life and that that was never going to change.

I felt obligated to say something, though I wasn’t sure what to say. “Look you don’t know–”

That was all I got out. I must have said the wrong thing, because she flipped out. Kim suddenly got fiercely angry and began yelling at me, again making me thankful for the soundproof room.

“I don’t know what? I don’t know that my mom will never change? I don’t know how my mom’s going to react to everything? I don’t know that she’ll always hate me? Hate me! She fucking hates me!”

She paused for a second, tears had begun rolling down her face, but she was still furious and ignored them. I felt like shit for having set this off. I tried to apologize after just about every sentence she finished, but she always started again before I could get it out, or at least before she could hear it. That happened again here, as she quickly started again.

“I don’t even know why! She fucking loves Frank! Is it because I don’t get high with them? I don’t drink with them? You told me I’d do better… that I was better than… that I was too smart to… whatever you said you told me not to do that with them! And I stopped! And what do I get? Nothing!”

She paused again, and I tried unsuccessfully to apologize, but she started again too quickly.

“Not that that’s anything new. She always hated me! And why? Why? I don’t know. Maybe it’s cause I’m a girl and she never wanted a girl! Maybe she never wanted me! Maybe I got in the way of her and Rico! Maybe she doesn’t like me because Rico doesn’t like me! God knows he also fucking loves Frank!”

She paused and again I tried to apologize, though to no avail. Her face was soaked with tears at this point as she continued screaming at me.

“I don’t know! I don’t know? I don’t know that Karyn won’t support me? I don’t know that Karyn won’t fucking be happy for me? God knows I fucking tried! She wanted me to smoke, I smoked! She wanted me to wear her clothes, I’m wearing her trashy clothes!” She motioned her hands over her body during this last comment to point out that she was wearing her mom’s clothes which consisted of a tight blue tank top with white bra straps showing at the top, a jean skirt, and some ridiculous looking shoes (at least they were ridiculous to me). This motion took a mere second as she continued, “I’ve tried everything to fucking please her!