Someone to Talk to

My continuing exploration

After that night with Josh we both got up at around nine and had to be ready by ten. So we each quickly took a shower and decided to grab something from the continental breakfast. We were the only ones down there at the time so Josh decides that this is a good time to have a talk.

“So, Dan, I didn’t sleep well last night thinking about what we did. It wasn’t right. I am not gay. I know I am not. I mean I can’t be.”

“It sounds like you are forcing yourself not to be, but if that is how you feel I respect that. We can just pretend as if nothing happened,” I replied.

“Thanks, Dan, I knew you would understand.”

With that we chatted a bit more while we ate and waited for the rest of the class to be ready. The rest of the day was really fun. Josh and I continued to hang out and we had a blast walking through downtown, checking out stores, and just being together with Kaden and James. We had dinner as a class that night at the Olive Garden and didn’t care when all the older people glared at us because of the noise. This trip was kind of our last hoorah as a class because we only had a couple of weeks left before summer.

The trip ended to quickly and we were forced back to school to somehow find a way to actually learn for a couple of more weeks. Josh and I were not able to hang out very much the first week after the trip because I had to write a few big papers, but Josh found other means to entertain himself. He got a girlfriend. I find it to be more than a coincidence that after all these years of being single he would start dating a few days after having a homoerotic experience. I knew that this girlfriend was probably just a way to try to prove to me and possibly to himself that he was, in fact straight. I think that he felt he needed a straight experience to counteract the gay one. That’s why he decided to start dating the slut of the school. I had no doubt in my mind that Josh was probably getting sex anytime he wanted it while he was with her.

Even though I knew he was just trying to convince himself of his straight sexuality it still hurt to see him with someone else. After all he was mine; I claimed that night in the hotel room. It was a difficult experience, but I was able to survive it for those few weeks.

After finals one of our former classmates Ryan decided to an end of the year party. It was an awkward prospect considering he left our school at Christmas break after coming out. He knew full well that had he come back he probably would have been tormented for being gay, but I guess he missed our class and invited all of us over. I wasn’t sure who from our class would actually go or how they would treat him, but I decided that I would go and set an example by treating him like I had before. To my surprise the night of the party most of our class shows up and are actually quite understanding. Some of the guys feel a little weird, but eventually they get to the point where they can talk to him about it.

“So, Ryan, did you ever have a thing for any of us while you were at school?” asked James.

“Well have you guys ever had things for any of the girls in our class? Of course I had some crushes, but just like you guys are able to remain friends with the girls I was content to remain friends with my crushes. So don’t feel weird about it or anything,” answered Ryan.

“Wait, you were on the basketball team with us and saw us naked,” exclaimed Kaden.

“Yeah those were good times,” Ryan said as he chuckled, “But really I made sure not to look at anybody sexually while I was there.”

A number of other awkward conversations like that occurred throughout the night. Eventually though the party atmosphere at he house died away and everybody started talking about going bowling. It was only ten so a bunch of us decided that was a good idea.