Shagging in the Confession Box

Now I’m a grown man, and I’ve had some wild shit happen to me, but just in terms of the universe coming together to give me pussy, nothing has topped this.

I was in the confession box having a wank. I knew it was fucked up but it was the only goddamn place I could do it in the church after hours. I was at a church retreat with my catholic high school. This is what you get with Catholics. Instead of a night partying you have to get locked in a fucking cathedral on a Friday because of Jesus or some stupid shit. So I’m having a wank in the confession box, and I hear some shuffling. A woman’s talking, and she’s saying “father forgive me for the sins, blah blah blah” don’t care, move on, I’m trying to be a gentleman and jack it quietly but the cunt just keeps pacing around the fucking church. “Father forgive me for my sins. Father forgive me for my sins.” It’s fucking Alyssa Albrite. She’s one of those innocent catholic types who are so pure you just know they have a secret. You know the type of a girl who smiles all coy but you can tell that she’s got something going on upstairs.

So anyway she comes into the confession box, and I’m sitting there holding my fucking breath trying to fucking move an inch or she’s going to freak the fuck out and I’m going to be expelled for fucking sure. But my dick is harder than multi-variable calculus and it’s starting to ooze out the tip and I’m like fuuuuuuuuuuuuck I’m going to have bust this nut any second there’s no stopping it!