Relax

If I had to pinpoint one thing in my life that struck true, undiluted fear into me, it was flying.

The whole ordeal terrified me. I would literally rather cross the country on a train for three days than be stuck in a flying metal tube for five hours, but since no one in my family seemed to care for my opinion, the plane is where I ended up on an August evening. A very large, selfish part of me wished I’d never even agreed to this trip. It wasn’t like spending my last month of summer at my aunt’s house had been at the top of my list of things to do, but it had been so long since my mom had seen her sister, that I couldn’t possibly refuse her. Even if that meant forgoing spending the last month with my friends before we all went to our different colleges in the fall.

My anxiety started the minute we got to Logan airport, and reached its peak when we were finally called to board.

Stepping onto the plane behind my mom and dad, I felt the claustrophobia kick in. I stopped dead in my tracks halfway down the aisle, causing my older brother to crash into my back.

“Move, dipshit,” he snapped.

“Shut up,” I grated out.

Matt gave a heavy shove to my shoulder, forcing me forward.

Being a jumbo jet, with a 2-4-2 seat configuration, our seats were dead in the middle of the aircraft, so mom and dad each took a seat at either end, leaving the two middle seats for Matt and I.

I sat down in my seat, trembling as my family stowed their bags in the overhead compartments. Matt looked down at me, still as a statue and clinging to my own hand luggage. With a roll of his blue eyes and a loud, exasperated sigh, he snatched the bag from my hands and unceremoniously threw it into the compartment.

Everybody settled into their seats, fastening their belts and trying to get somewhat comfortable in the tight space.

My mom, seated to my right, looked down at me. “Are you okay honey?”

I felt my lip tremble. “I want to get off,” I whimpered lamely.

I heard Matt snicker next to me and resisted the urge to give him an elbow to the ribs.

“We’ll be there in no time, kiddo. Just try to get some sleep,” my dad smiled, leaning over from Matt’s other side.

I said nothing, knowing his advice was totally useless to me. There was no way I’d be getting any sleep in this flying death trap.

The flight attendants began their pre-flight checks, going over the usual safety procedures as we began to taxi backward. My eyes shut tightly, trying to block everything out and pretend I was anywhere else.

When the time came for us to take off, my heart was thumping in my throat. The engine noise grew louder, and soon we were barreling down the runway. My stomach leaped when I felt it the moment the wheels left contact with the ground below us. Without thinking, I thrust my hands to both arm rests, and dug my nails in. Only my brother’s hand was already occupying the one to my left. He shot me an irritated look as I clawed into his skin, but he didn’t speak or try to shove my hand away. In fact, he turned his hand slightly to give my fingers a reassuring squeeze.

Once we were up in the air, Matt pulled his hand away. We were now stuck on this thing for five long hours, until we reached Portland.

As we climbed to our cruising altitude, I tried to get comfortable in my seat. Between my restless anxiety and the hard as rocks airplane seats, it was an impossible task.

“Stop moving so much,” Matt ordered.

“I can’t help it.”

“Figure out how.”

I scowled at him. He was such an ass. My brother and I didn’t hate each other by any means, but he was the last person you’d want around in any kind of high emotion situation. He just didn’t have the patience for dealing with anybody with what he saw as irrational fears.

Yeah, like plummeting to the ground with no possible way of being saved was irrational.

Our journey went on, and I tried my hardest to just relax like my dad had said. Despite it being a late evening flight, the cabin was pretty full, but everybody was mostly asleep already. My dad got us all some blankets and thin pillows, and by our second hour in the air both he and my mom were fast asleep, with my brother looking like he was about to join them.

I knew there was no way I’d be getting any rest during this trip, so I searched for things to occupy my mind and time.