No Denial

No Denial

If you do not believe it happens, well…fuck you! If you deny that you have never thought about it, well…fuck you again. Might be a given that choices can be made, but circumstances help dictate which fork in the road one might take. So if those circumstances make the choice one that might not be the one you take, fuck you thrice. If you judge without ever taking that rod into your fire…keep going on fucking yourself. Because my choice is my choice, and all the consequences it brings, I accept that. There might be a tinge of regret here and there…but that is to be expected.

The circumstances, of which there are many, are mostly of my own doing.

Outwardly, I am a bit of a narcissist. Take it for what it is. I have the goods and not afraid to flaunt it. Have since my early teens and now at barely over forty, still physically slay it. Anyone that says that someone over forty should not wear a string bikini on a beach…well, fuck you. My 35 “C” cups, my 25 “ waist, and my 36” hips say otherwise. My body makes people turn their heads, towards me, not away…males from sixteen to sixty respond. Do not care what you think…so…well, fuck you.

Unfortunately, or should I say fortunately, my narcissism and my physical attributes allowed for the former to be fed by a ***********ion based on a moments desire. Those moments of desire have been have been numerous through out my almost twenty year marriage. Another words, I fucked around. There was somewhat of a hiatus when my children were born, and did try to use a little discretion while they were in their formidable years. But some of that faded during their teenage years.

That is where the circumstance started to pile up. Five or so years ago, my husband found out about one of my indiscretions. Almost lost my meal ticket. Believe when he looked around, he still looked at me as being steak compared to the hamburger available on the market. Whatever…told him I would not embarrass him again…What he did not know was that I found another medium to help satisfy my narcissism…personal blog porno web sites that allowed me to post selfies, while getting accolades as to my physical proclivities. The other caveat of me indulging for my own selfish wants, is that those sites opened my awareness to possible deviant sexuality that turned me on. Started to fascinate about all kinds of taboo, such as group sex, getting gang banged, incestuous stuff, and other topics.

Again…don’t judge, if you do, fuck you!

All this incentivized , or should I say desensitized me. It was not long before the call of the wild overwhelmed my fear of the threat of losing my marriage. I was on the prowl and my indiscretions came back. With an additional caveat, I enjoyed having a camera (sometimes just the one on a phone if it was totally unplanned) record the events for my future posterity. Not only did this indulge me as a tool of self-stimulation through visual memory, but my voyeur instincts by posting some of my escapades on line. Granted, I usually edited them enough so the casual viewer would have a hard time making a connection.

Sometimes that was awful hard though, maybe the facial distortions of having a swollen cock in my mouth was enough, or only showing me get stuffed in the vagina by a large, hard dick…but when getting caught up in the spurt of the moment…well, it was hard to hide the fact of my mouth over spilling with some guys cum or my cunt splayed open with jizz pouring from the gapping hole.

Still, I also relied on having a disconnect between my inner whore and my public presentation. Though my style of attire might lean towards accentuating my physical attributes with a hint of sexuality, my demeanor leaned way towards social conservatism. I enjoyed the feeling that I was that hot, sexy woman that you could not touch. Which was also one of my rules, nobody close enough to connect to my social circle.

But in the back of my mind, I kind of knew that someone somewhere would make a connection. Especially since my needs were starting to become an obsession.

So I knew it was coming, did not expect the source, and certainly did not expect what the damage control ended up to be.

But happen it did…the first blip was relayed to me through a text.

An “uh oh caught!” caption below a grainy picture of two naked people coupled in the missionary position. The background looked vaguely familiar, too grainy to actually confirm, but looked as though someone took the photo from outside through the screen window.

My initial reaction was actually one of humor; thought one of my partners might have managed to swipe a frame from my phone. Or they were showing off one of their own…I laughed it off as a feeble attempt to turn me on and get back between my thighs. Not recognizing the phone number…I put it in the back of my mind. Heck, did not even mentally confirm whether or not that I was one of the participants, and the background did not have enough detail to define one the places that I had my liaisons most often.

So I went along, my merry way…spent hours that week addicted to web sites that catered to spy cams and such. Twice that week I had to seek out relief.

First one was in the back of a car, in a church parking lot with some hot looking guy that joined me for lunch at the mall. He made the mistake of sitting at the next table…and I was in full cougar mood. A little cleavage, a dropped napkin, a seemingly innocent uh oh moment, a laugh, and out to the car…he was a good choice. Fucked him dry…. took three times. Then I had to let him go, he needed to pick up his young children from day care.

Second one was in my most often used domicile. This is our guest room, which is separated from the rest of the house by the family room, and with an access directly to the outside of the garage. It is where my parents stay when they are in town. Lets them have privacy and allows them to come and go without disrupting the household. Very rarely did anyone from the immediate family ever go there, besides me. It is my fuck room, my own private fuck room. Even the computer in the room is my own private viewing station…to watch fucking!

Anyway, the guy I caught…a young guy in his mid twenties, at the most, and a delivery driver from a different city, made the mistake of thinking the side door by the garage was the best place to make a delivery. He stood outside in the rain for twenty minutes before I heard the banging on the door. I was in the shower and about to relieve myself manually when I heard the banging. Being interrupted being so close, pissed me off a bit.

Just grabbing a robe and almost running to the other side of the house did not help in keeping me totally covered…and I did not care.

When I pulled the door open and saw the shocked expression on this cute kid’s face…I followed his eyes to my completely exposed right tit.

Could not help myself, his expression was priceless. I let out a small chortle.

With a fluidity of movement that even shocked me, my left hand came up and grabbed him by the shirt pulling him into the hallway…”jeez”, I said, “Get the fuck out of the rain”.

As I pulled him in he started to verbally resist, “I…I…ma’am…uh, just need you to sign this…I have to go to lunch…what…what do you…”

He did not have time to finish, I was on a mission and cut him off, “I want you to fuck me right now…right after you eat my cunt. Do you understand?”

It wasn’t a question…it was a directive. His eyes were the size of saucers and his mouth hung open.

“I’ll take that as a yes” I said more to myself as I continued to pull him into the guest room.

I turned around at the foot of the bed, dropped my robe and pushed his shoulders down until he was kneeling on the ground in front of me. I grabbed the back of his head and pulled it between my legs as I laid back on the bed…the first feeling of his tongue against my clit was electric.

Did not take long for me to orgasm…a wet one. I held his head back for a moment…”take your clothes off and fuck me…NOW!’

He was on me in seconds, felt him start to penetrate…not the biggest dick in the pond, but right now, big enough.

He almost immediately started to act like a jackhammer. Had to turn up my own internal wick, he would not sustain this long. But the audacity of the moment increased my own sense of urgency and I was rising to the occasion…but not soon enough…he started to spasm…alternately thrusting and freezing as I felt hot jolts of jizz pulsate into my cunt.

Fuck…I was so…so close…”Fuck!…Fuck!” I yelled as I clasped the bed linen in my hands beside me…he semi collapsed on me.

No…no, this is not how it was going to end…the little fucker was not going to be through, I was not done with him.

I grabbed him by the hair and in one swift movement…spun him on to his back. I rolled over and up on my knees…then straddled his head.

“Listen fucker…I am not done with you yet…” and then I laughing said, “here’s your fucking lunch”.

A squatted full force down on his mouth with my cum soaked pussy.

There was a moment nothing happened…then I felt a little movement. Apparently my ass was pinching his nose shut and he had to open his mouth to breath…it was all I needed. I rocked back and forth slightly, spreading my pussy lips open.

Then I felt his tongue…he was catching on…I could not help myself, “That’s it little bitch…yes…eat that pussy…clean that fucker”.

I grabbed his semi hard dick and yanked it hard…his mouth opened wide in reaction. I pushed more of his spent jizz into his mouth.

Did this three…maybe four times, and the little fuckers cock was starting to harden…and my own orgasm was starting to develop. Felt the sucking of his mouth pull out any remaining jizz…then he gave my clit a lick…a suck, I was now the one without the control….my hips were hammering up and down…I was fucking this kids face…and then I exploded.

Took a moment or so to recover, a wave of passive satisfaction allowing me to catch me breath. The young guy underneath me, well not so much as he wiggled his head trying to gasp for air. But his dick was still hard and waving like a flagpole.

I knew what to do with it…I spun around and settled my cunt on his protrusion, allowing for full penetration. From this position, I controlled everything, even his hands on my tits…a slow, satisfying fuck lasting long enough to build myself to a rocking crescendo.

Whether from the strenuous physical expenditure or a combination of that and the mental release, I was almost sedated as I rolled off of him. Trailing a string of his goo from my well fucked cunt. I lay next to him…and then absent mindedly commented, “you know what I need now?”

Not really expecting anything, but he must have read my mind as his tongue slowly massaged my gash. The smile of satisfaction of feeding him his lunch slowly spread across my face.

A half hour later…fully satisfied and cleaned well, I told him it was time to go. He got up and started to get dressed…he somehow looked more than just a bit tentative.

“Why don’t you give me your phone number…maybe….well, you never know” I said in an almost patronizing voice.

His face brightened immensely, and pulled a pen and paper out of his pocket. After handing me his number….he spun and was off.

Put the paper under the keyboard of my computer, wondered if I would ever use it.

Scooped up my bathrobe and headed down the hallway intent on finishing the shower that I had started a couple of hours ago, maybe longer.

I must have been longer, as I turned from one hallway to the one towards my bedroom, the front door popped open.

In came my son Kyle, and two of his buddies right behind him.

And there I was, like a deer caught in headlights, I froze clutching my robe with one hand to keep it from opening since the belt was god knows where.

The expression on Kyle’s face was not one of surprise, but one of those snarky, humorous ones when one would catch another in a compromising position.

He smiled ear to ear…his two buddies trying to position their heads around him to see…well it was obvious what they wanted to see was me.

“Mom…so nice to meet me at the door like this…” He laughed quietly; as he walked towards me with his hands outstretched, “give me a hug”.

I should have just turned and walked away…but something in me told me that is what he would expect and then turn it into an embarrassing reaction on my part.

After taking one step back, I held my ground…then opened my arms as he put his around me. Gave him a short, hard hug and then backed away trying to regain clasping the robe shut.

Noticed my son’s nostrils flaring…just a little and then a bit more. There was a curious expression on his face.

It hit me…he smelled sex.

Turned to make an exit…robe somehow caught on the floor lamp next to me, as I turned it pulled one side of the robe open.

Kyle and his buddies got an eyeful of the entire length of half my naked body. I quickly closed and made an exit.

All I heard behind me was a collective “wow”.

Any embarrassment was fleeting at the most; instead humor enveloped and then turned to the devious thought of my inner voyeur.

If that bothers someone, oh well…fuck you.

Internally, our family never shied away from the preponderance of media sexual connotation. We never inhibited our children based on entertainment ratings, whether sex was implied or expressed in movies, magazines, or what not…we did not shield them from it as the idea was that curiosity was a greater motivation than exposure. So if a question was asked, it was answered…but both my husband and myself usually responded with answers more based on a sense of levity than seriousness.

So if we were all watching a movie and there was nudity, or even actual sex, the comments from one or all of the children hardly raised an eyebrow.

Kyle might say, “nice rack” in regards to an actress’s assets…and we might or might not agree. The same thing as if Kayla would make the comment about some guy being “hung”, we would all agree or not. Not that we did it with vulgarity, but most often with a sense of being humorous. Even lately…our thirteen, soon to be fourteen, youngest daughter, Kellie, has surprised us with comments. It seems as though as she is moving from a training bra to the real thing that she is becoming aware…

So…the incident with Kyle and his buddies was not that big of a deal…or so I thought.

Later that same day, after a good long shower, and doing a few other things that kept my preoccupied, I walked into the kitchen with Kayla sitting at the table.

When she saw me, she had this Cheshire cat grin on her face.

“What? What the heck are you looking at?” I said while quickly scanning myself thinking something was out of place.

“Heard about you flashing Kyle and his buddies today…getting a little risqué aren’t we?”

I laughed, “ Yeah…I guess…it was an accident, probably will give them nightmares”.

“Doubt it…probably will give them sore wrists.” Kayla laughed.

Would guess that some people would be shocked if their sixteen year old daughter would make a comment like that, but as stated earlier, we have an enlightened, humorous view of implications pertaining to sexuality. It was funny.

“Really…an old woman strutting her stuff?” I knew better but wanted to hear it.

“Yeah…right Mom, those guys have been drooling at the sight of you since they figured out what that thing is hanging between their legs”.

Cannot dispute it, flattery works on me. “Thanks hon, but think it was your brother that got the most of it.”

“Don’t think that matters to him, Mom”, Kayla said as she pushed herself away from the table and walked out of the room.

A shutter came over me as the vision of Kyle smiling at me while he quickly scanned my half naked torso when the robe caught flashed through my mind.

The matter soon passed from my consciousness. The week passed without incident and as Friday rolled around, made through my period without even concerned about that interfering with my lifestyle. This is especially true with factoring the caveat of “out of sight, is out of mind”. Kyle and his father were going to a ball game that night and Kayla was staying at friends…. that just left Kellie and I for the evening.

Had a great evening with my youngest daughter, the opportunity to have quality time alone with her was rare in that we are all pulled different ways and as a young teen, she showed more interest in kids her own age than hanging out with me.

That being said, even when it was hours after the game ended and Ken and Kyle did not get home, I was not upset in the least.

I was just a little perturbed though when Ken woke me up to drunkenly apologize for something that was totally incoherent…and then tried to make amends sexually. Not only was I not in the mood, but he was apparently in no shape to even attempt it. And he stunk to high heaven…and not just from booze…it was more than that. When I pushed him off of me, could swear that he reeked of that bittersweet smell of sex.

Needless to say…I let him have the bed to himself and finished the night in the guest room.

Saturday was an odd day, Ken got up late nursing a hang over, and he avoided me the entire day. Acted as if he was either guilty or afraid of me.

Kyle on the other hand…he was strange in the opposite way. He was overly jovial as if there was some big juicy secret he knew and nobody else did. He as also acting in a teasing, playful way, to the extent that as I walked passed him once, he patted me on the butt.

“What the hell?” I turned, shocked by his touch. Not that he ever did that before, but never with even a slight squeeze.

He laughed slightly, “Just wanted to see if it was as firm as it looked.”

“For crying out loud Kyle…I’m your mother”.

“Yeah…I know”. He just smiled and then gave me a wink.

“You’re insufferable”. I just walked away wondering what got into him.

That night, Ken went to bed early…he was going golfing in the morning. Kellie was heading to a friends house in the morning, and Kayla was staying another night at her friends.

Thought I might be stuck with Kyle, but he said he was going out.

I jokingly mentioned that I felt sorry for any girl he might be with. My thoughts that he seemed so sexually charged all day.

He laughed, “Don’t worry Mom…saving it for you”.

“Geez…just stop it, what has gotten into you?” then my memory flashed back to me flashing him. Is that what was doing it?

“Nothing Mom, “ he winked, “it is what is going to be getting into you”.

He laughed as he walked out the door.

Chapter 2

Left to my own devices as the night went on, and becoming bored, somehow I ended up in front of my computer in the guest room. Without realizing it, my interest seemed to skewer from my penchant of leaning towards the cougar sites to cursory looks at taboo sites. Predominately looked at sites that elicited the provocation of possible incest. Not until after I coordinated a fantasy with my visual that gave me a self-induced orgasm did a wave of guilt permeate my consciousness.

Took over an hour once I went to bed to fall asleep to Ken’s cadence of snoring…

Sunday arrived bright and sunny, Ken left at dawn for his golf outing and did not expect to get back until well after dinner that night. Kellie was picked up shortly after and also said that she would get back around her school night curfew…or 10 PM. Had no idea when Kayla was going to get back and presumed Kyle would do his normal mid day sleep in.

Of all things…I decided to go to church. Just felt a need to go, maybe second guessing all that had happened in the last couple of days warranted it.

Half way into the service, my phone vibrated. Nobody could hear it and believe nobody noticed. So I took a glance. It was a picture of me riding the delivery boy…I was lifted off of him just enough to see an inch or so of his dick between me and his body…I was clutching his hands against my tits and my face had a determined look.

Underneath the picture, the caption, “Ah ha! Caught again! This might be fun!”

Almost lost my composure but did not, held my breath long enough. Then it hit me…the little red light above the computer screen was still on when the delivery boy left. I shut it off without saving anything…so how?

Almost in a panic, I left church and went straight to our guest room. Started the computer and ran the diagnostics, I have an app that cleans browsing history and unsaved downloads every day…nothing showed up. Then did a complete computer scan and nothing came up. Somehow, someone had hacked at least one picture from my computer…I tried to calm down and evaluate just who that might be. It had to be someone in my blog group. Granted, I have posted many similar type pictures on the blog, but I did it, not someone else. I felt almost violated, intimidated, and a slight loss of controlling my privacy.

If this became public…how could I face my friends, my associates, my family?

I tried to mentally shake it off, and made a determination that I would find the culprit and put an end to it before any damage was done.

It would not take long.

Storming out of the guest room and turning into the family room…there was Kyle. He was sitting almost spread eagle in the middle of the couch, wearing just loose basketball shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt. His arms were up on the back of the couch with a remote in one hand and a phone in the other.

He faced his phone in my direct and snapped a picture.

“Damn Mom, you look pretty hot…probably got the pastor all nice and horny”. Kyle said in a very flat monotone voice.

I was dressed in a shorter basic red dress that did cling a bit, but was nowhere close to being provocative. So what the hell was he talking about? I could feel anger rising in me as it was not too far from the surface.

Kyle thumbed his phone…then the phone in my hand vibrated.

I looked down…my jaw dropped. There was a split picture…me dressed as I was, with the caption “before” and the other half, me on my back naked with someone’s face between my thighs…the caption “after”.

Could feel the emotion bring a “what the fuck” to my mouth.

Just as Kyle hit the volume of the TV playing to the side of me…the grunts, groans, and verbal expletives drowning me out.

It was me on the screen…just at the moment of climaxing…the delivery boy underneath me.

The perverted, peeping Tom was my son. It hit me like a brick.

The authority of being the parent overwhelmed me.

“You are spying on your own MOTHER!” I screamed. “You give me everything you got…or else.”

“Or else what Mom?” Kyle said in a very calm voice.

“Or else…well you can’t let this get out…I am serious, do you have any idea as to what this can do…to our family, to our standing in the community, to me?”

“Yes…I do” Kyle again calmly replied a smirk on his face.

“Well…then give me your phone and show me were this all can be deleted” I demanded.

“No…think I will hang on to it”.

“Listen Kyle…what I might have done is wrong…but this could be devastating…I mean your Dad…your sisters.” Then I made my mistake, “What would it take for you to make this go away?”

He paused and looked at the TV, dropped the remote and grabbed his crotch.