My son My love

THE FIRST TIME HE CALLED ME MOM, HE WAS FUCKING ME

I looked at my son William’s handsome face as he slept peacefully. He fell asleep in my embrace. It was the day he first called me ‘Mom’ and he was almost 19. He called me ‘Mom’ because he now realized that I had been forced against my will to give him up.

I was a na? 16 year old girl when William’s father David made me pregnant. He was an Englishman of rich, aristocratic family. He had come to the States for a holiday and he was 30. We fell in love (or so I thought). He had refused to go back to England without me when we found out I was pregnant. I went with him, but due to my age we could not marry.

His mother, Margaret was a lying bitch. He knew David would not leave me so she kept me sweet and promised we could stay that way and be legally married as soon as I came of age. All the while I was kept away from public view. She had been busily planning to get David married to an appropriate girl of “decent breed” and not some underage Yankee.

Eight months after I gave birth to William, I got news of my parent’s accident. David had been away to manage some estate. His mom said that I should leave without William, and that David would come with William to the US as soon as he was back.

My parents did not survive the accident. I was told this as soon as I was home. I was so afraid and lost I needed someone to standby me. Before I could call, Margaret called me from England saying that Father and son were on their way. Little did I know that they were indeed on their way- to a new woman.

After I managed the funeral and everything all alone, I called England to ask about David and William. I asked for David and was answered by Margaret who said that David was on his honeymoon to Paris. She faked to be sorry that David found another woman and had been having an affair all along my pregnancy. And now that I was not there to create a scene he decided to marry his girlfriend. Later I found out that the girlfriend was the daughter of a wealthy man who was a member of the House of Lords. Their getting together was carefully orchestrated by Margaret while I was oblivious of why David was frequently away on “managing of estate”. I was told I could forget about whatever I had with David and I should not worry about the baby because now the baby was with its legally wedded parents.

I was unwilling to give up on William. I took them to court for William’s custody. But I, a na? teenage American without a job or property (not to mention without family), did not stand a chance against a biological father with a wife, who both were from high society in England.

So every year I had to tighten my belt to make it to England for William’s birthday. My visits were on condition that he should not know I was his mother until he reached a certain age. And as a child he knew me as Nikki, some distant aunt who lived in the US, who also loved him to death albeit for only a few days once a year. I used to miss him so much that once I even begged to stay with him as his nanny. But Margaret just ridiculed me in return.

William went to the best school, had the best of everything, he played a number of sports and was an outstanding soccer player. He was trained to be a fine young man of culture. I was so happy and proud of him, and I consoled myself that his father gave him all that I could not have given him. So in each of my visits I made sure that I gave him all the love and tenderness if that was all I had to give him.

On his 15th birthday he found out that I was his biological mother. Since David’s wife had not wanted to be called mother he had been told all along that his mother had left him. So to him, I was now the mother who had not wanted him and left him and his dad for another man. He got very angry with me and he said that I could never see him again. Nobody cared to enlighten him and I could not because he would not speak or listen to me.

I later learned that his granny Margaret went one step ahead to speak of me as no better than a broad, in between men and incapable of fidelity. My failed relationships over the last couple of years didn’t help either. I went to his 16th birthday with a man only to come back on his 17th with another.

David died between those two birthdays and when I tried to console William on the phone, he was so calm and sensible, I was so proud of him. I knew he loved his father very much. He was also very distant despite my attempts to get close to him. I told him that I will always be there if and when he needed me. He muttered a noncommittal “okay”, said “Bye Nikki, thanks for calling” and hung up. The next birthday (17th) we hardly spoke to each other, although he was very polite as taught; it hurt me so much to see my only blood so unaffectionate. So I decided not to go to his birthdays anymore.

I consoled myself that now my child was big and turned out to be a fine young man, he would turn to me when he will need me. Though I knew at the back of my mind, that for William to ever need me for anything was unlikely.

Over the years I had dreamed that when he would learn that I was his mom, he would come to me and stay with me, he will take care of me and say, “Oh Mom, I am sorry for what you went through, I will wipe away all your difficult past”. I smiled wryly at the stupid dream I had been nurturing.

I did not know that they were going to come true and some more!!!

One day he called me out of the blue and said, “Hey Nikki, guess what?”

“I did not know how to take it “Yes..???”

“I am in the airport, Can you come and pick me up!”
I couldn’t help but shriek, “you mean you’re in town?”
“Yeah”
“All the way from the UK? ”
“That’s right”
I was ecstatic and confused at the same time. If I remember correctly, the last time he spoke to me, he was cross and judgmental. I thought ‘Whatever. My son has come to town and wants me to meet him at the airport. That’s what mattered.’

When I looked for him in the airport, I could not find him when suddenly a tall and handsome man called out, waived at me and said “Hi” .On close scrutiny I recognized him as William. He was all smiles and warmth, just like it used to be before he found out I was his mother. Only that he was a boy no more but a tall handsome young man.

The sight of him warmed my heart not only because he was my dear son but I couldn’t deny that he was very attractive and well…sexy. I know a mother should not feel that way. But I have never been dishonest to myself so now I would not start by denying to myself that the young man in front of me is indeed a desirable hunk of a man.

On the way back in the car he told me that he had decided to spend the vacation here and would like to stay with me if I didn’t mind.