My Brother’s Smile

My Brother’s Smile
By Tom Cup

I was crying. Not because I had been beat up after school for the third time this semester but because Randy was yelling at me. I couldn’t stand the fact that my big brother was angry with me and so his ranting brought me to tears.

“Jesus Tyler,” Randy said noticing the tears flowing from my face, “Don’t cry. Come on!”

He sat beside me a hugged me. I knew he was right. I was acting like a fag. The truth was that I was a fag. I knew it and I knew that Randy knew it too, though he’d pound anyone that ever called me one. I knew that the kid that beat up would never approach me again. Randy would see to it.

“Who was it?” Randy asked again. I shook my head. I didn’t want Randy to beat anyone up on my account. I desired to be beat. I was a fag and fags deserved to be beat. It wasn’t just that I was a fag that made me despise myself it was that I lusted after my own brother.

“Don’t fucking piss me off,” Randy yelled, “Nobody fucking beats up my little brother! Nobody! Now you tell me who the fuck did this to you!”

I shook my head again as the tears fell from my eyes. I was determined not to tell. I knew that Randy’s rage was a manifestation of his love for me but I wasn’t going to let him beat up anyone else because of me. The last kid he really hurt. I was scared for a while that the kid would tell who had beaten him up and that Randy would go to jail. In the end, the kid was more afraid of Randy visiting him again and kept his mouth shut.

At fifteen, Randy was two years older than me. He wasn’t the biggest kid at school and was relatively medium in build. It was his temper and the speed of his fists that made even the seniors at school admire him. Randy had been in enough scraps to have the reputation of being one of the better fighters in school. I had been beat up enough to be known as a pussy boy.

“God damn it Tyler!” Randy screamed at my refusal to identify my attacker. My left cheek and eye were already bruised by the time I got home.