Miss Kitty

My name is Kimberly Parker. I was a registered nurse in the pediatric ward of a local Austin hospital before all this happened. My typical uniform consisted of a pair of pink scrub pants and a top decorated with teddy bears, brightly colored balloons, cute zoo animals, etc. You get the idea. At 5’3” I’m not an intimidating figure even without the uniform. With it on I look positively ridiculous.

I had just come off my late night shift and was on my way home. I’d missed dinner because we had an emergency on the floor so I was feeling pretty hungry. I pulled into the local 7-Eleven to load up on snacks and just as I was coming out this black dude grabbed my purse and took off running.

“Come back here you,” I yelled. Shit! Why does everything have to happen to me? I dropped my bag of goodies and took off after him. Despite my short legs I was gaining on the bastard. I think he was kind of surprised I wasn’t going to let him get away with this without a fight. He jumped on top of a short retaining wall and I was able to grab his ankle. He lost his balance, flipped over the wall and completely vanished. What the fuck! That’s impossible!

I climbed up on the wall and jumped down the other side to look for him. I was immediately enveloped in total darkness. Dizzy. Disoriented. Falling. Before I had a chance to completely panic I landed on solid ground. I saw the cocksucker racing off, got up to follow him and stumbled over something. Hallelujah! It turned out to be my purse. The jerk must have dropped it when he fell.

I examined the contents. Everything was still in there including my pepper spray and my Glock 27. It fits pretty well in my small hand. A heck of lot of good it did me tonight but I knew if I ran into that thief again, I was going to use it to open up a second asshole for that guy to shit through.

I looked around to see where I was. I wasn’t anywhere; at least anywhere that I knew about. I looked up and could see a hole just above me. Through I could see a street lamp and the 7-Eleven sign. I started yelling to attract someone’s attention but that didn’t work. Just when I thought to fire a round through the hole, it winked out and all I saw was the night sky. The entire world I knew had disappeared. Now I was beginning to panic. I pulled out my cell phone and hit the panic button. No signal.

I sat around for a while waiting for the hole to open up again but nothing doing. Well, this wasn’t getting me anywhere but I had to know where I was in the first place to get anywhere else. I hope that made sense. I was starting to feel like Alice might have when she fell down the rabbit hole and landed in Wonderland but she wasn’t the slightest bit scared. I was petrified. I stuck my pistol in my waistband and my pepper spray in the pocket of my top. I felt better prepared in case of more trouble.

I decided to walk in the same direction I saw Mr. Shithead run in the hope he might know where the heck he was going but I lost his trail after about a hundred feet. So I wound up just wandering around looking for a house or a road or a sign but the only things I found were trees and brush. I was about to sit down to rest and wait for daylight when I heard the clip clop of horse hooves and I ran in the direction of the noise. I saw the figure of a man on horseback and he was riding my way.

“Yoohoo!” I called. “Kind sir?” The horse shied a bit and I heard the click of a gun hammer being cocked. I quickly raised my hands.

“I assure you I’m harmless,” I said trying to hide my fright.

“Shut up,” he ordered. I shut up. He kept me covered while he dismounted and then walked up to me. I avoided his eyes while he visually inspected me. Finally satisfied, the man holstered his weapon. He reached out with both hands and squeezed my boobs.

“Ouch!” I’m no prude and I wouldn’t have minded a gentle grope. But this guy was rough. I was going to be bruised there for sure. He certainly was no gentleman. Chivalry was an alien concept to him. I punched him in the snot locker with a palm heel fist. I heard the snap of cartilage and I knew I broke it. He stumbled back holding his injured beak.

“Bitch!” he screamed. “I’m gonna kill you for that!” He reached for his gun but I had mine already pulled. The round I fired struck him between the eyes and entered his brain case. There was no exit wound so the round must have done a good job rattling around in his skull destroying brain tissue. The man was dead before he slumped to the ground.

It was the first shot I ever fired in anger…or out of fear rather. Of course, I’d never killed a human being before either. I didn’t feel bad about it though. Maybe it was because I was in shock. That didn’t stop me from thinking. I knew I had to report this incident to the authorities. But who and where were the authorities? I still didn’t know where I was. Was I still in Texas? I didn’t have a chance to ask the man lying in the dirt in front of me.

I started to get practical. I was tired of walking and the dead “gentleman” had no further use for his horse. I had gone horseback riding as a little girl but that was a long time ago. Still, I knew the basics. I didn’t have any cash; only credit and debit cards. I figured if my cell phone didn’t work here my plastic wouldn’t either. I searched the man’s body and found a money belt and a Bowie knife. There was another little gun in his boot so now I had three guns. I was collecting quite an arsenal. There was no identification and nothing else of interest or value. I dragged the body behind some bushes and mounted the horse.

“Giddyup,” I said and the horse started moving in a leisurely pace. Why not? I wasn’t in any hurry. The horse was still pointed in the same general direction that he was moving when I first saw him. I figured he knew where he was going even if I didn’t. I just hoped he wasn’t taking me into more danger. I wondered when the man I killed would be missed. Speaking of that, I wondered when I would be missed. I lived alone but my boyfriend came over regularly. The hospital would call when I didn’t show for my next shift. My parents and my brothers would be frantic. My ex-husband wouldn’t. Fortunately, I wasn’t leaving any children or pets behind.

I guess the shock began to wear off because I started to cry. I should have been sitting in front of the TV at this moment and munching on my snacks. Or crawling under my covers and getting a well deserved rest. Instead I was in the middle of nowhere playing cowboys and robbers. Or was that cowboys and Indians? I was sure if there were Indians around they’d be hostile. I lived next door to an Indian but he was from Mumbai. He was nice. I cried some more. I was hungry. I was thirsty. It was past my bedtime. My boobs were sore. I decided I hated horseback riding.

I must have dozed off a bit because the next thing I knew I was in the middle of a town. It looked like I was on a film location set for a Wild West movie. The horse was drinking from a water trough. I began to have an uneasy feeling I wasn’t in my own time zone anymore. More likely it was the Twilight Zone. I dismounted and looked around. It was still dark out and the streets were deserted. I did see an open door and some lights. It turned out to be a saloon. The bartender gave me a surprised look when he saw me walk in. I couldn’t blame him. I must have looked a sight. There wasn’t anyone else that I could see.

“We’re closed,” he said.

“Do you have any snacks for sale?”

“Snacks?”

“Food?”

“The hotel restaurant won’t be open for three or four more hours.”

“I’ll take a Bloody Mary.”

“What’s that?”

“You don’t know what a Bloody Mary is?” What kind of bartender doesn’t know what a Bloody Mary is?

“Ma’am, we serve whiskey and we serve beer.”

“Give me a whiskey.”

“We don’t serve women.”

“What?” This was outrageous. I pointed to a woman walking down the stairs. “What is she, chopped liver?”

“She is the proprietress of this establishment,” he replied in a loud voice. Then in a low urgent voice he said, “Get out for your own safety, Ma’am.” Well, I must have been low on blood sugar but it was now obvious he was trying to warn me off. But I can be an obstinate bitch even so.

“What seems to be the problem, Bill,” the woman asked. She was older than me and a tad shorter.

“Nothing, Ma’am,” Bill replied. “I was just telling the lady we’re closed.”

“He also said you don’t serve women.”

“Serve the lady what she wants.”

“That’ll be two bits,” Bill said after pouring me a shot.

“It’s on the house.”

“Thank you kindly,” I said and lifted my glass to the proprietress before taking a sip. It was nasty stuff but I smiled pleasantly while she looked me over.

“I had no idea the circus was coming to town.”

“It’s the greatest show on Earth. You’re all invited.” I took another sip.

“My name is Mrs. Turner.”

“I’m Miss Parker.” I took back my maiden name after I divorced my husband. The cheating bastard!

“I keep the good stuff upstairs. Will you join me?”

“I’d be happy to.” I put my glass down on the bar and smiled at Bill. He looked sad and I wondered what I was getting myself into. Well, forewarned is forearmed as the saying goes. I joined Mrs. Turner and she led me into her office. There was a man in there sitting on a loveseat. He was well-dressed but looked like muscle. I had no doubt he was armed. He didn’t stand when we entered and Mrs. Turner didn’t introduce us. He also didn’t speak but I could tell he was interested in my boobs. My rack is my best asset, I guess. I take a D cup and it’s all natural without any sag. Well, without too much sag. I’m rather proud of the puppies. That’s what men tend to look at first when they meet me.

Mrs. Turner turned her back to me to pour the drinks and my spider senses told me my drink was probably being spiked.