Influence Part 1

Part I

I was in my early twenties when these events took place. I’d finished school and took a couple of gap years before pursuing whatever might be next. I mainly worked but occasionally caught up with my friends to see what they were doing. After finishing school my social life had slowly diminished. It was a shame, but I didn’t have anyone to blame for it other than myself of course. I had a few friends who I kept in contact with. One of those few friends were one of my better friends. Ryan was his name. I had spent a lot of time at his place throughout the years and thus knew his family very well. I knew them like I’d lived with them for several years. I had been on multiple separate vacations with them and the general perception of my role in their family was as close to being another brother to Ryan. Ryan had a big sister, a younger sister and a younger brother. A rather large family (if you count me as well, that is). Times had now changed and a part of me missed the good old times.

Ryan had moved out and whenever I hung out with Ryan it was at his new place. I hadn’t seen his family in forever which was a shame considering the good times I had had with all of them. But I just had to accept that it was a finished chapter. Both his sisters had also moved out and his brother was planning a year abroad as an exchange student. Studying in another country and his dad had a job in another country as well and worked there for weeks in a row before coming home and having some weeks off. So, most of the time it was going to be Lily at home by herself. Lily was Ryan’s mother. She was a lovely lady. She had always been sweet towards me and made sure I felt at home. It’s fair to say that she was the backbone of the whole family. She was the glue that held them together through tough times. She cared a lot about her family. I could only imagine how she felt a bit at peace, not having to constantly break up fights now that everyone had moved out. But she was without a doubt also sad about not having her family around her anymore. I felt bad for her. She also worked overtime almost on a daily basis. She carried so much weight and responsibility. Ryan and I had planned a week that we’d be spending together. We swore that we hang out like back in the day. Just for memories sake.

Ryan had called up his mother to ask if we could stay there a couple of days, and she apparently agreed without even questioning why we didn’t just hang out at Ryan’s or my place. We had both gotten time of work and were finally going to enjoy a relaxing week. We’d been looking forward to this for months and now the time finally came. We had agreed that I would just drive to his parent’s place by myself. I still lived in the same city as his parents. I got in the car and drove off to the house of his parents. I pulled up in the driveway. Everything looked more or less like I used to. I pulled out my phone to text Ryan. I’m here, should I just wait for you to come? I waited a few seconds, but I wasn’t expecting him to answer. He was probably on his way right now. I then stepped out of the car and pulled out my duffel bag from the second row of seats. I headed towards the door that opened by itself as if it was automatic. It wasn’t, instead it was Lily who had opened it to greet me.

“Hello, so nice to see you! You’ve lost some weight I see” she said happily leaning in for a hug. I had never been too fond of intimacy with anybody else than my lover. I however couldn’t and wouldn’t make myself turn away her hug. I felt her embrace and body pushed up against me.

“Common in!” she said after letting go of the hug and stepped aside to clear the doorway.

“You must also have lost some weight” I said to butter her up. She laughed a little as if the thought of her losing weight was ridiculous.

“You do look younger” I added. She shrugged her head slightly not believing what I said.

“Maybe it’s just because you are getting older” she replied with a smile.

“Ryan will be here soon” I said and checked my phone to see if he’d answered.

“Here let me take this” she said and reached down for the duffel bag that had ended up on the floor next to me.

“Absolutely not” I said and quickly squatted down and got hold of the duffel bag before she did. Lily had a few minor injuries in her back from work. She worked at a nursing home.

“It’s still the same room, right?” I asked on my way towards Ryan’s old room.

“Well I actually made a bed in the room next to his old room. Didn’t know if you both were fine with still sleeping together” she explained as we went up the staircase leading to the first floor.

“Oh, yeah that’s fine too. It’s almost like a stay at a hotel then” I said jokingly.

“Hopefully you still feel at home” she said.

“You know I do Lily” I said reassuringly. I continued to the room next to Ryan’s. It used to be his younger sister’s room. I dropped the duffel bag next to the bed and let my body fall onto the bed. The bed had been made with pillows by the headboard. I had ended up spending some time mindlessly scrolling Twitter and Instagram. I finally received a text from Ryan. I’m going to be a little late. I’ll be there tonight. The text read. I wrote back. Well, I see that you’re late. Just hurry up. I don’t know how to talk to your mom. I got up from the bed and headed out of the room.

I left my phone behind and went downstairs to the kitchen. Lily had seemingly just started prepping for dinner.

“Ryan is not coming till tonight” I said to inform her.

“Yeah, I know I also texted me” she replied. I went over to the counter and stood next to her.

“So, is there anything I can help with?” I asked referring to the dinner prep.

“Oh, well you could perhaps skin the potatoes if you don’t mind” she said accepting my offer to help.

“Of course I don’t mind. Besides, I don’t have much else to do” I said and opened the drawer where I knew the peeler was. I did really feel at home here. I didn’t have to ask where everything was, and I also used to help doing chores.

“So how are you? How’s work and all that. Met anyone?” she ended of hinting towards a girl.

“Work is good. We’re not too busy for the time being so that’s nice. And no, I’m afraid I haven’t.” I replied with a sad tone at the end.

“That’s great and I’m sure you’re gonna find someone great!” she said almost sounding enthusiastic on my behalf.

“Well, I hope so.” I said followed by a sigh.

“She won’t like you for your cooking skills. Now that’s for sure” she said while laughing and looking at the potatoes I had skinned. I looked at them and saw a lot of patches of skin still on them. I must have lost focus on the skinning.

“What about you? You finally have some alone time in this house.” I said.

“Yes, it is nice, but I do miss having people here, also if it means dealing with the arguing” she said in a tone that sound like someone giving up.

“It actually just feels a bit empty. This house used to be the home to seven people, and now it’s almost only me” She added. I couldn’t help but to notice that she said seven and not six. She did genuinely count me.

“It is unfortunate and if I have to be honest, I also miss how it used to be. But things change and there’s not much to do about that. I think you should focus on yourself now. Lily, I know how much you’ve done for your family and I respect that, but it’s also about time that you think a bit about what’s best for you” I said sounding as though I paraphrased an inspirational speech. She kept quiet for a second. I could tell she thought about what I had said. I looked at her as her eyes started to tear up. It started to get audible. I put down the peeler and turned her to me with a tug on her shoulders. I brought her into what could only be described as a delightful and needed hug. Her face was buried in my shoulder. I caressed her back with a slow up and down movement of my hand.

“You’re a fantastic lady and I truly mean it when I say that you’ve done an excellent job as a parent. I know it hasn’t been easy.” I said and continued caressing her. She pulled her face away from my shoulder to speak.

“No one has ever told me to focus on myself” She managed to say.

“I’m sorry” I simply said. I too felt guilt for not telling her before.

“Oh, no don’t be. You’re totally right!” she said and pulled a bit away to look at me. I reached out for the paper towels and handed her one.

“Thank you” she said and smiled.

“Why don’t you just sit down and let me cook the food” I said with a refreshing uplifting tone.

“I will definitely mess something up, so if you can tell me what to do, then that would be great. But otherwise, you just sit down and relax” I said and lead her over to dining table. The crying had turned into laughter. I could feel her eyes following me back to the counter. I put on an apron and rinsed the now skinned potatoes. I did need her guidance a few times but made it through. I served the food and took off the apron. I sat down across from the table. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I had actually enjoyed this time with Lily. It sure felt a bit more stiff when I arrived but during this past few hours, we had gotten closer than we ever were, talking about things we would’ve never talked about back then. I knew that it should probably feel weird, but it didn’t. It felt so natural talking to her. I was becoming more of an adult talking about adult things with another adult. Granted there where about thirty years between the two of us.

We had eventually eaten all that we could. I stood up with my plate and reached for hers.

“No no, we’ll let Ryan take the dishes. That seems fair. Actually, about Ryan…” she said and checked her phone.

“I’ll just put them in the sink then” I said and brought the plates.