In Riley’s Arms: Part 5

The second I woke up, I knew something was wrong. I felt well rested and the air smelled faintly of the sweetly scented shampoo I had used the night before. My head lay against the pillow on Riley’s bed, and his covers wrapped around my body. The sheets were warm and welcoming. But overcoming me more than any of those things, was the simple fact that I was alone.

I sat up, looking around the room as if it would provide me some answers. No matter what, my eyes kept falling back to the empty spot beside me on the bed. To the void. Thinking that I would not get any answers by remaining where I was, I rolled myself out, resting my bare feet on the carpet and standing.

Bathroom or kitchen. Those were the two obvious options. If he got up and left it had to be for a good reason. After what had happened the night before, after what he had said… The door to the bathroom hung open, light off. I looked inside anyway, but as expected, found it empty. Moving to the end of the hall, the kitchen came into view next, illuminated only by the glow of sun coming through the window.

I turned the corner, already filling with a twinkle of excitement at the thought of seeing Riley standing there. My thoughts flew to him wrapping me in his arms, and my heart gave a flutter. I twirled around the corner, and saw nothing. An empty kitchen.

Everything that had risen inside of me dropped unceremoniously. I was alone. There had to be something. He had to be somewhere, but there was nowhere left to look in the small apartment. I sank into a chair at the table, placing my face in my hands and trying to make sense of anything I could. Just then, I saw it, a yellow paper pinned by magnet to the refrigerator.

Holly, had to go to work. Call Jon so he can bring you home.

That was all there was. No kind wishes or shows of concern. Not even a signature. I read over it again, and then again. No matter how many times I read it, it stayed the same. Slowly, I rose to my feet and walked back to Riley’s empty room. Having no other true options, I dug my phone out of the pocket of my abandoned skirt and dialed Jon’s number.



The boys were all there, running along the beach and jumping through the water, spirits high. It wasn’t the first time I had seen them since the incident, during which time they had all told me every violent vile thing they hoped and planned to do to Dean. It had only been a week, enough time for most of my bruises to fade, but no time at all when it came to my nightmares stopping. Everyone welcomed me back readily, as if I had never left the group, and it made moving forward that much easier. Even so, things did not feel quite right.

Riley had spoken very little to me during that time, cutting my calls short – the times he actually answered them – and not showing up at our house or other outings nearly as often as he normally would have. No matter how much I tried. I couldn’t make sense of it.

I sat at the edge of the water, my feet getting brushed over by the ebb, wearing nothing but my bikini. The late afternoon air was hot, warming the lake to the perfect temperature, but I hadn’t found the nerve to go in any further. My toes pushed through the wet sand, feeling stiff yet smooth. I knew Riley had been avoiding me, but I couldn’t figure out why, though not from lack of a million different scenarios going through my head. He was tired of helping me. He was fed up with all my crying. He was angry that I hadn’t listened to him for so long. The worst though, by far, was that he was disgusted by being around me. He knew what Dean had done to me, he knew what Dean and I had done in the past, and it nauseated him.

Listening to the boys splash around in the water, I dropped my head to my knees, wanting to keep my thoughts from going back there. I knew how much I cared about Riley, but I hadn’t truly known how much I needed him until he wasn’t there anymore. Taking deep breathes, I began to think it would have been better if I’d just stayed home. “Now, Holls, you can do this the easy way or the hard way.” The voice behind me made me jump, and I felt the onset of panic as confusion riffled through me. “Easy way you walk in, hard way I throw you.”

It took me a moment before I could turn around and face him, needing to hold my composure. “I don’t think today’s my day for swimming.”

He gave me a small mischievous grin. “Wrong answer punk.” He scooped me up over his shoulder and jogged us into the water, throwing me down as soon as it was deep enough.

“Now it’s war!” I jumped to him and pulled him with all my strength. Laughing, he dragged me down with him. Splashing, throwing, dunking, we joined the others in their fun. For the first time in a long time, I felt truly happy and perfectly at ease.

The fire started a few hours later as the sun went down and the temperature went with it. I pulled a black cotton pool dress on over my bikini, keeping the cool breeze from chilling me too much. I sank down into the sand a few feet from the fire, enjoying the heat on my face. “Having fun is exhausting, huh?” Riley lowered himself down next to me, his hair thrown in every direction.

“I forgot how exhausting it can be.” He laughed with me. We both sat watching the flames. “Hey… you haven’t gotten in trouble for… you know?”

To my relief, he shook his head. “No. It doesn’t look like he said anything about it to anyone, so I’m good. He gets in enough fights that no one would really think anything of it anyway. Don’t worry, okay?” He knocked his shoulder into me gently, smiling.

“I’ll try not to.”

“He hasn’t tried getting a hold of you or anything has he? I’m still willing to beat him up more if necessary. Even if not so necessary, I’d still be more than happy to. Felt a lot better than I ever imagined it would.” The smile faded a bit as he looked into the fire and then finally back to me. “Your bruises look like they’ve… softened up a bit.” His fingers moved to my cheek bone, tracing it gently.

“Y-yeah,” my heart was sped up unceremoniously. “Doesn’t really hurt too much anymore.” All at once, the wind was cooling me, raising goosebumps on and leaving me shivering.

“Are you cold? Here you can…” His eyes went back to the fire as he cut his sentence short. He had started to open his arms to me, but they came together again. I wanted to say something to him, but no words came to me. The crackling of the fire and the boys still splashing off in the distance were the only sounds to break the silence. Finally, he opened his arms again, “You’ll get yourself sick if you stay in the wind like that.”

“I’ll be fine. You don’t have to…”

“You moving three feet now will save me from having to make chicken noodle soup later.” His smile was inviting, though not as bright as I had known it to be. Even so, I scooted toward him, and the second I was within reach, he pulled me to him, bringing me between his knees and wrapping his arms across my chest.

There was the smallest degree of stiffness in the way he held me, so small that I would never had noticed if not for all the hours I had spent thinking about his arms, knees, chest, fingers… everything. Even so, my body relaxed into him. The warmness of his skin perfectly contrasted the cool night air. “You’re amazing, Riley.” I whispered the words, not quite sure if I should be saying them, but needing to.

He exhaled shortly, shooting the air from his lungs and leaning his chin against my head. “About time you realized it,” he whispered in response. “You know, Holls, I never thought…” Again, he stopped, shaking his head and looking to the fire. “I have to go.” He stood, releasing me from him arms. “I just… I need to go.” Just like the week before in his bedroom, he was walking away.

“Riley? Riley!” Scrambling to my feet, I took a few steps after him.

“Just… I… I don’t know…. I need some time.”

“Riley!” He did not turn around, but walked quickly toward his car at the side of the beach. If my pulse slowed for even a moment, it may have allowed my heart to sink in my chest, but it simply beat frantically and unsteady. I couldn’t move, even to chase him. His car door slammed, headlights scanning over the sand as he pulled away.

“Boy trouble?” I turned to face Jon, seeing a knowing look on his face as he stood just a few feet behind me.

“Riley troubles.” I corrected.

“Is there a difference?” Moving toward me, that same expression did not leave his features. To an extent, he was right. Riley troubles were boy troubles, but they were also so much more. They were best friend troubles. Life troubles. I felt empty without him. “He’s hurting, you know.”

“I don’t understand what just…”

He stepped forward until he was almost uncomfortably close to me, looking down into my tearing eyes. “Holly, you’re my sister, and I love you, but you can be so stupid, and you don’t even realize it.” His voice wasn’t harsh, but the words burned me nonetheless. The softness in his eyes said that he didn’t mean to hurt me, but tough love was the only option left. “You know Stacy broke up with him because of you.”

Shock and confusion filled me, raising goosebumps along my arms and neck. I thought of all the times he talked about her, how in love with her he had been. “No. No, he said…”

“You thought that she broke up with him because you took too much attention away from her, but that wasn’t it. She saw how he acted around you and how he took care of you, and she also saw something that he didn’t see then. Holly, Stacy broke up with Riley because she knew that one day he would stop seeing you as a little girl, and when that day came, she wouldn’t be able to compete with you.”

Frantically, I shook my head. “Well she was stupid and wrong, and…”

“Holly. Listen to me, okay? Riley asked you to prom because he knew he would have a great time with you, and with Stacy refusing to go with him, there was no one else he would have rather taken than you. But there was another reason, too, way in the back of his mind. He needed to prove her wrong; he needed to prove to himself that he could be with you in an intimate setting and feel nothing. It backfired completely.”

As calmly and clearly as he spoke, the words still refused to connect properly. “He calls me his little sister, Jon! He’s introduced me to people as his little sister. That isn’t the way that a guy would act toward a girl he’s supposedly…”

“Since prom?”

“What?” My head was spinning.

“Has he introduced you to anyone as his little sister since prom? Has he dated anyone or even so much as been on a date since prom?” I didn’t need to think. As soon as he asked the question, I knew the answer. I dropped my gaze back to the fire, no longer able to look my brother in the eye. “And before you start reasoning that prom was years ago, think about it. Think about how he’s held you and the things he’s said to you. Are those ways guys act toward girls they just want to be friends with? And then, of all the stupid, ridiculous, heartless things you could do, you start dating Dean, the one guy Riley told you to stay away from. The guy everyone told you to stay away from. Even then, Riley was always there for you, while you were making him sit there and wait. How heartlessly naïve could you be?” His voice started to raise. I turned my eyes further away.

“I never meant to hurt…”

“You lied to him, continuously. You insisted on dating someone who treated you like shit, and you were perfectly content with having Riley on the sidelines to pick you up every time Dean knocked you down.”

“It wasn’t like that at all!” I was facing him fully, anger and pain filling me.

“That’s exactly how it was, Holly! Exactly! He has every right to be mad at you, to avoid you, and you sure as hell don’t deserve his sympathy. He could have lost his job after attacking Dean the way he did. He could have made you go home and spend the night alone. He should have told you how stupid you were and said ‘I told you so’ a million times over, but do you think any of that crossed his mind for even a second? Most girls would give every inch of their heart to a guy willing to love them the way he can’t help but love you, and you not only avoided it, but shoved your relationship with Dean in his face, whether you meant to or not.