In Riley’s Arms: Part 3

“Don’t be mad, okay?”

“Holly… no. Tell me you didn’t.”

“He asked me out, what was I supposed to say?”

“How about ‘no’ for starters?”

“Riley, I’m seventeen. Don’t you think I’m old enough to go on a real date?”

“A real date, yes. With him? No. Absolutely not, and your brother would more than agree with me.” We sat next to the fire in the same place on the beach. The boys once again enjoying some drinks, though legally this time (for the oldest of them, at least), as Riley and I sat a bit away from them enjoying our sobriety. They ran around, jumping in and out of the water and being unnecessarily, yet joyfully loud.

Riley and I stayed by the fire, somewhat secluded from the rest, as was not unnatural during nights like this. We romped around and played, swimming throughout the day – I had long since surpassed the shallow parts of the lake – until the alcohol really started taking hold, then we would retreat and turn our energy to conversation: philosophical, shallow, meaningless, deep, ill-witted, pointed, charged… it didn’t matter. The conversations were ours, and we enjoyed them to their fullest.

It seemed, however, that the enjoyment was slowly dying as Riley’s eyes turned almost harsh at my news. “I told you when you first asked about him that Dean was bad news. You really think that that’s changed much in the past couple years?”

I hated the thought of Riley being upset with or disappointed in me. I hated that look in his eye. “It’s just a date, Riley. One date.” He sighed heavily, showing his obvious disapproval. “If he tries getting fresh, you’ll be the first to know, and I will do nothing but cheer you on while you beat him up. You can even have the other boys join you and just demolish him if you want. I’ll carry mace with me.”

“What has Jon said about this?”

“I haven’t mentioned it to him, yet. I figured if I had your approval first, it’d be a bit easier to get his. Though I technically don’t need either.” I felt guilty throwing the last bit in, and immediately regretted it, wishing I could pull the words back into his mouth. The pained expression that briefly flashed across his face only made me feel worse.

Yes, the statement had been true, and technically would work in my favor as Riley wouldn’t want me to stop telling him things, but he was not someone I wanted to manipulate. I needed him and wanted him on my side.

“Why is this so important to you?” Somewhere during our bickering, he had moved a bit away from me, but he drew closer again as he asked his question.

Wanting to give him a complete honest answer, I took a moment to think. “I hang out with guys all the time Riley. I’m surrounded, constantly, by you and Jon and all your friends. But I’m not one of those pretty girls,” he looks as though he’s about to interrupt, but I press forward before he can, “you know like from the movies or something, the one that all the guys are actually secretly in love with. I don’t wear makeup, or know how to do my hair. I don’t really have a lot of friends of my own.”

This time, he succeeds in interrupting. “I’m your friend.”

“But you’re Jon’s friend first.” The words come out pointed, almost as if I’m accusing him or some kind of offense, though I don’t mean them to. “I don’t get asked out, ever, and I don’t know if it’s the intimidating band of guys I’m always in the middle of or if it’s just me. Regardless, Dean asked me to go out with him, and it made me really feel desirable.”

He shook his head, still looking distressed and determined. “I realize prom was a while ago, Holl, but don’t tell me you already forgot all of Jon’s friends trying to get a shot with you.”

I quickly put this thought down. “They were drunk.”

“No, Holly, no. Before that. They all wanted to dance with you. They saw how gorgeous you looked and how grown up you’ve become. They knew how awesome of a person you were, and still are, and… Holly they definitely started to desire you then, and not in a creepy sense of course, but just truly want you.” His words sunk into me, but I couldn’t help wanting to brush them off as soon as they did. The thought of any of Jon’s friends thinking of me in that way was ridiculous. “And it’s not as ridiculous as you’re currently thinking it is.” The knowing and accusing look in his eye made me laugh, and I bumped my shoulder against him to show that he had managed to lighten my mood.

He bumped back, making me laugh even more as I was thrown off balance, falling sideways into the sand.”Ya big brute!” It was all I could do to make my words sound accusatory before I sent my weight back into him, making him wobble a bit, though nothing more. Playfully, I scowled at him and tried pushing once more.

This time, he moved himself out of the way, throwing me off balance again, leaving me to fall across his lap. With my chest against his knees and my face almost to the sand, he took advantage of the moment and dug his fingers into my ribs. “Gah! Not fair! Not fair!” This was his weapon of choice; when in doubt, tickle me. Luckily, he didn’t drag it out for too long before helping me roll onto my back to get my face away from the sand.

My head now rest in his lap as I lay sideways to him. He was looking down at me, and the fire danced across his features. In the past year, he had stopped going for the clean shaven look, allowing a well groomed trace of stubble to cover his strong jaw line, meeting over his chin and above his lip. When he smiled, it was always just slightly crooked – so slight I often wondered if anyone noticed it but me – and he showed all of his perfect white teeth. Many times, it was still very much a boyish grin that lit up his green eyes. He wore his hair a bit shorter now, three or four inches off his head, though when he wasn’t working it had a playful, tousled look.

Since we had been swimming earlier, he simply wore his trunks and an open button down shirt, showing off the fact that his jaw was not the only thing that had become chiseled.

Needing to look away from him, I looked past him to the sky. “So many stars.”

He leaned back on his right arm, following my eyes upward. After a moment, his other hand came up and began playing with my hair, almost absentmindedly. “It’s one of the things I love about being out here. All the stars. So beautiful, yet so out of reach.” His gaze dropped to me, and I could see the simple smile that upturned one side of his mouth. “I still don’t like it, Holly.” With that, he brought the conversation back to where it started. His fingers continued to move gently through my hair as he spoke. “You’ll be making a mistake.”

The look in his eyes told me how deeply he believed what he was saying to be true, and it hurt me to see that I made me feel that way. Even so, I pushed on.“If I’m making a mistake, you’ve got to let me make it. And I might be, I admit it, but how else will I learn, right? You and Jon, and even some of the other guys sometimes, are always there to tell me what decision I should be making, and you guys were always there to catch me before I fall, and adjust my path so I’m always on the right track.
“But I’ve never been allowed to just completely fall off the track. I need to do that, at least once. But, Riley, I’ll never feel brave enough to risk completely failing unless I know that you’ll be there for me when I do.”

“Me and Jon?” He clarified, his face now extremely gentle and thoughtful, yet almost pained.

“You. I love Jon, and I know he loves me and looks out for me a lot better than most guys do their little sisters, and he listens and helps me and does anything he can for me, but not the same way you do. Jon would go to the end of the earth for me; you would sling me on your back and take me with.” The words kept coming out, yet nothing truly felt enough. I couldn’t explain what I meant well enough to make him understand how deeply I meant it.

I tried one more.