I’m So Drunk Right Now…

What a great way to spend Saint Patrick’s Day. I was planning on getting drunk anyway, but now I was angry and drinking far more than I knew I should, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to forget my lying, cheating whore of an ex-girlfriend.

Everyone else was cheering, celebrating the Irish holiday, drinking watered down green beer. Instead I started off hard with two shots of vodka, and hardly slowed down the rest of the night. In the sea of green rowdy revelers one lady stood out as I bumped into her getting another drink. I was pretty drunk, but she seemed to be an attractive blonde in a sexy green dress. She scowled, and seemed to be drinking just as heavily as I was. I don’t know exactly what I said or did, but she looked at me and said in a disgusted tone, “Men fucking suck shit.”

I shot right back without thinking, “Women are all lying whores.”

After that she responded with a string of even more derogatory insults against my sex, and I kept up with her, letting out all my hate on this complete stranger. Half of our drunken insults didn’t even make sense, but that didn’t matter to either of us as we just ranted and drank.

We spent the rest of the night drinking and cursing as the bar cleared out as the night wore on. I’m hazy on the details, but we were ushered out when the bar closed at two in the morning. Then she looked at me and said, “I’m so drunk right now… I probably shouldn’t drive home.”

My brain should have warned me, but like a fool I volunteered, “I live in an apartment just down the street.” Then we stumbled down the empty dark street, up the three long flight of stairs, and into my apartment.

The place was a mess between the broken lamp still in shards where I’d thrown it during the fight I’d had with my girlfriend earlier that day, so only half the normal light came on when I flipped the switch. I showed her the couch, then walked into my bedroom crashed onto the bed.

The long walk and stairs had really sent all the alcohol right to my brain, so I passed out seconds after my head hit the pillow. I’m not sure how long I slept, but it was still mostly dark out when I woke to the sound of crying.

I got up and followed the sound back out of my open bedroom door. I was still light headed and buzzed, but no longer blind drunk. So looking down at the sobbing woman I could tell she was actually really hot looking, even with her disheveled hair and streaking makeup. “What’s wrong?” I asked wiping the sleep from my eyes.

She looked up and instantly tried to bottle herself back up, “Nothing. I’m sorry. I should go.” She went to stand, but wobbled and sat back down and put her hand to her head. “Whoa,” she muttered, “I’m so dumb.”

“It’s okay,” I comforted her, but she was having none of it.

“No,” she cried. “I’m so useless I cannot even have a drunken one night stand right.”

That threw me a little. Had she wanted me to take advantage of her? “Look, I’m sorry, but I wasn’t trying to pick you up last night. I just broke up with my long-term girlfriend yesterday and was just looking to drown my sorrows.”

She wiped at her running mascara with the back of her hand. “Me too. I found out Brian has been porking his secretary when I went to surprise him for lunch yesterday.”

“Yea, Beth was about the same,” I related my story. “She’d told me she was hanging out with her girlfriends, but then I went to surprise her with changing her phone background with a picture of me and got a sexy text from some guy.”

“She was cheating on you?” she asked.

“With at least three different guys, one who was a friend of mine.” I confessed. It felt really good to let it all out. I’d lost my girlfriend and one of my best friends. All my other friends already knew, some for longer than I had, but just felt they couldn’t tell me. I’d gone out with Beth for five years, and lived together for the last two. I’d had plans to ask her to marry me, but she’d just been using my love for free rent.

I looked at the blonde woman and sat down next to her. “What a pair we are,” I laughed.

Then she looked me in the eye, “She must have been hot?”

“What?” I asked confused.

“You didn’t want to sleep with me, so I must not be as good looking,” she explained.

I felt bad, seeing her sad and messy face so grabbed a box of tissues and handed them to her. She thanked me and cleaned up her makeup while I tried to comfort her. “Actually I think you are much hotter, way out of my league, but you cannot be too careful with date rape these days.”

“God! Political correctness will be the death of us,” she said exasperated. “I really need to feel like a woman. Can you help me?” She pleaded with deep blue puppy dog eyes, now mostly clean from her makeup, but still shimmering wet from her tears. Before I knew it she had drawn me into a kiss.

Her breath was quite bad, like rotten fruit from the copious amounts of booze she had put away last night, but I’m sure mine was no better. And once our lips touched it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. I’d felt the same way she must have; lonely, hurt, betrayed, alone. So just being allowed to loving someone, even on the shaky pretense of a drunken one-nighter was enough to discard all my doubts and inhibitions. She needed me and I needed her. I reached over and took her into my arms as our hungry tongues darted and probed back and forth, dueling each other as the flames of our lust feed off each other.

Our hands were all over each other, grabbing, squeezing, pulling at our clothing. Her green party dress easily came off her shoulders easily and exposed her bra-less plump and delicious tits that I left her face to suckle on. She moaned in pleasure at my pulling and sucking as her nipples grew hard and pointed, letting me tweak and nibble on the hard bumpy flesh.