I”d Never View it as Cheating–Part 2

CHAPTER 4

I knew Toni was right. I’d even agreed with her, but that didn’t make explaining to my two devoted kids any easier. They had been home a few hours—long enough to unload David’s van—when I walked in around 4:30. Of course, they asked about Lizzie, their mom, first. I tried to fill them in on everything, but what I had to say wasn’t nearly enough. After spending almost an hour filling in as many blanks as humanly possible I decided I had to get to the DVD’s.

“There’s something I have to show you. Lizzie made it for me, but there’s no way for me to explain what’s happened without your seeing it.” I turned on the TV and loaded the disc before sitting between my two kids. They sat silently as they watched their mom on the screen. The questions began even before I had a chance to turn the TV off.

“Was Mom lucid when she did that? I can’t believe it.”

“You didn’t do anything, did you?”

The questions came so fast I couldn’t answer so I waited for them to finish. “Yes, your mom was lucid and I’m sure she was sincere in what she said. You’ll see what she’s like when we visit her tonight. She can’t turn the lights on or off without help. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth. Lizzie knew what she was saying and doing.”

“But…Dad….”

“You heard her ask me to promise her. I did promise and I have followed through.” I continued once they had calmed down. “I didn’t look for someone. She actually found me. I was drowning my sorrow in scotch at Fred’s when she sat next to me. Next thing I knew she had me in a booth and I was spilling my guts to her. She listened carefully and patiently. She didn’t jump into bed with me and I didn’t jump in with her either. We saw each other for over a month before we slept together. You know I would never cheat on your mom. She asked me to do this. That’s the only reason I am.”

“Does this bitch even have a job? How do we know she isn’t trying to push Mom out of the picture?”

“I thought you knew me better. She has a job in the family court system. She hasn’t told me what, but she’s very intelligent. She knows I’ll only love your mother. I’ll never love her, but I need companionship and—yes—I do need sex, even at my advanced age. She met your mom on Saturday afternoon and she was very supportive. You’ll have a chance to meet her later in the week.”

“I don’t want to meet this fucking cunt,” David screamed. Truthfully, I could have smacked him across the face, but I restrained myself.

I was about to speak when my cell rang. Looking at the clock I couldn’t believe how late it was. Pulling it out of my jacket I realized immediately that it was Toni. “Hi.”

(“Oh…that bad, huh?”)

“You might say that.

(“Did you eat?)

“No…never got to it. We talked about Lizzie and then I showed the video.”

(“I guess it didn’t go over well.)

“No.”

(“Why don’t I get some pizza and come over? What do they like and where do you get it from?”

Do you really think this is a good idea?”

(“I thought that was my line. That worked out okay, didn’t it?”)

“Yeah…okay—two pies…sausage and everything, both with extra cheese—Fargiano’s or Angela’s. Know where they are?”

(“Yes…been to Fargiano’s plenty of times; give me about 45 minutes, okay?”)

“Thanks…see you then.” I ended the call then turned to speak to both kids—David first. “I’m sure you’ve already guessed that was Toni, the woman who’s helping me. She’ll be here in about 45 minutes and she’s bringing pizza. If she doesn’t we’ll go hungry tonight.”

“Well, I’m not sticking around to meet this whore.” This time I did strike David, slapping him in the face.

“You know that I’d never strike you under normal conditions, but your behavior is worse than deplorable. You will stay and you will be cordial. You don’t have to like her, but you will be polite. Understand?”

“Okay, Dad, but I’m only doing this for Mom.” We sat in silence for the next half hour. I was glad that Toni was early. I was about to open the door, but Beth beat me to it.

“Hi…you must be Toni.”

“Yes, thank you, Beth, and this must be David. Why don’t we eat and then we can talk, but not too long or we won’t be able to visit your mom. That’s the most important thing.” She carried the pies to the kitchen, placing them on the table. Beth got four glasses, some ice, and poured four Pepsi’s while I got paper plates, napkins, some forks and knives.

We ate in relative silence until Beth decided to break the ice. “I hope you realize that this has come as quite a shock to us.”

Toni gently placed her hand on Beth’s as she replied, “I’d be astonished if you felt otherwise. I know how I’d feel if I was in your shoes. I saw the DVD Lizzie made for your dad and then I saw the one she made for me. I had trouble believing that anyone could love another person as much as your mom loves your dad. I know he loves her just as much. It’s rare I see that in my courtroom.”

“Your courtroom?” Rather than reply, Toni dug into her purse, retrieving a photo ID in a black leather case and handing it to Beth. Beth read it then handed it to David. I saw it in passing. “You’re a judge?”

“Yes, Beth…I’m a Family Court judge. I don’t spread it around much because about ninety percent of what I do involves juvenile abuse or neglect or juvenile crime. I hope you understand that’s all confidential. Some people try to pry information out of me once they’ve learned I’m a judge so I don’t advertise. I doubt Chuck would do that; he’s handled confidential information probably thousands of times.”

“I guess you’re not some skank after Dad’s money after all.”

“No, David—I have plenty of money and I’m not after your dad either. I work in the County Courthouse in Hauppauge and I live in Brightwaters. I’m lucky in that regard that I drive against traffic both ways. I always drive west on Vet’s Highway to Northern Parkway and south on Sagtikos to Sunrise Highway. I never go down to Montauk Highway. It’s much too long that way.

“Also, I never go into a bar for a drink after work…never! On the night I met your dad I did drive past Sunrise to Montauk and I did stop at Fred’s, walking into the bar where I saw the most forlorn person I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen plenty of misery in court, but your dad was an all-time low, even for me. I led him to a table and encouraged him to tell his story. That was the day he put your mom into the home. Speaking of which, I think we should get going.” She and I cleaned up while the kids washed up and got ready. Ten minutes later we were in the car where Toni continued to tell our story.

I remained quiet, allowing Toni to tell everything. And that’s exactly what she did—she admitted that we had been intimate, but we had agreed never to use Lizzie’s and my bedroom. I felt she had pretty much won them over by the time she pulled into the home’s parking lot. She held my left elbow as I held Beth’s hand with my right. I signed us in and a minute later we were in Lizzie’s room. I had warned them to be upbeat and try to hold off on any crying until we had gone.

“Hi, Lizzie—I brought our kids to see you. You remember David and Beth. You saw Toni and me yesterday, remember?”

“Uh…who are you, again?”

“I’m Chuck, your husband.”

“Oh…okay.” I felt Beth gasp so I went to grip her tightly, but Toni had beaten me to it. I had each of the kids hug and kiss their mom then tell her all about their experiences in college. They were both at Duke—David a junior and Beth a freshman this past year. I was pleased to learn that they had both done very well—David with a 3.6 GPA out of four and Beth a 3.4. I hardly found that surprising. They were both intelligent and hard workers with maturity that belied their youth.

We stayed for more than an hour before we could see Lizzie tiring. Beth helped her in the bathroom and we all tucked her into bed, Beth and David telling her they’d see her tomorrow morning. We left after giving hugs and kisses to my wonderful wife.

Toni was just about to open her car door when David stopped her. He had tears in his eyes when he spoke. “I said some very unkind things about you earlier…when I first heard about you and dad. I want to apologize. I jumped to some unfair conclusions. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, David. I’m sure I would have reacted the same way. I love your dad, but I’m not in love with him. I love him for the kind of person he is and for his dedication to your mom, but I hope you understand that I have no desire to steal him from her. I’ve been praying every day that she’ll recover.”

David moved forward to hug her, whispering just loud enough for all of us to hear, “I believe you, Toni.” He leaned down to kiss her cheek then opened the door, holding it until she was safely seated. We were back home five minutes later. I was about to go into the house until Beth told me, “Why don’t you stay out here for a while so you can kiss Toni good-night?”

“Yeah, Dad,” David chimed in, “Take your time.” They both hugged Toni and walked in, leaving us alone in the dark.

“I must say—I am shocked by their reactions—not their initial responses, but you won them over so easily.”

“We still have a long way to go. Our relationship isn’t important. They need to see how much you love Lizzie, especially because she can’t show how much she loves you. C’mon, kiss me and let me go. Why don’t you call me when you leave for the home tomorrow and I’ll join you there? Oh, I almost forgot; here’s some bread. Why not give it to Beth and have them take Lizzie to feed the ducks again.”

“You’re a very special person; you know that? Thank you for everything.” I pulled her into my arms as we kissed. It was long and sweet, but lacked the emotion our kisses over the weekend had shown. I stood silently in the dark as her taillights faded into the distance. Only then did I enter the house and lock the door. David and Beth were waiting for me in the living room.


CHAPTER 5

The rest of the week was predictable—I went to work while Beth and David visited their beloved mom. Most days they ate in the home with Lizzie before returning home to help with dinner. We ate together, usually something light like burgers or chicken cutlets or steak with baked potato and salad before rushing to visit Lizzie. Toni joined us every night. They came to know her almost as well as I did…almost, but not quite.

I wasn’t sure how to tell them that I planned to spend the night at Toni’s, but I needn’t have worried. We were in Lizzie’s room when Toni and Beth excused themselves to use the ladies’ room. I was a bit surprised as we had all used the toilet before leaving home. I should have known that something was up by the grin on Beth’s face when they returned.

I had just kissed Toni good-night in the parking lot and slid into the driver’s seat of my Toyota Camry when Beth ambushed me. “Tomorrow night David and I think we should come in his car. Then you can go straight back with Toni.”

“Don’t argue, Dad. We know how often you and Mom used to make love. We’re not deaf, you know. You tend to make a lot of noise. We understand now that it’s just sex and we know that everyone needs sex, even old geezers like you—only kidding, Dad. We’ve seen how much stress visiting Mom can cause. If you don’t do something about it you’re going to blow.”

“Really, Dad,” Beth interrupted, “we’re okay with it…honest. Don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine. Maybe we can all go out for dinner on Sunday night. Is it possible we could take Mom?”

“I’ll speak with the director tomorrow or Saturday. I’ll have to thank Toni for your little chat earlier tonight, too. Now, what say we head on home? I do have to work tomorrow, you know. June—what a month—I could use another three sets of hands. Okay, you have a deal. Thanks.” Ten minutes later I was closing the garage door and we walked into the house. Five minutes later I was in the shower en route to bed. I was sleeping better now, but not much. I missed feeling Lizzie in bed next to me just as I missed her loving smile. Damn this fucking disease!

The following day was a blur beginning as soon as I walked into the high school. Several parents wanted to see me, complaining that a test had been given without warning or review. I always promised a full and impartial inquiry, but never that the test results would be changed. I spent the next hour interviewing other kids in the class. I didn’t even bother the teacher until she had a free period then I told her just so she’d know what was being said. She was young and relatively inexperienced, but with tremendous potential. “Do I need a union rep for this, Dr. Spangler?”

“No…the mere fact that someone complains doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. I knew when these parents complained that they were way off base. Part of it comes from knowing you and part comes from knowing them. They like to complain…like I have nothing else to do. They’ll probably call Dr. Parker to complain about me after I give them the bad news—their kids just did poorly on the test. What they won’t know until they call him is that I already did.
“I just want you to know that they complained and that I’ve found absolutely nothing wrong in what you did. More importantly, the students I spoke to are extremely supportive of you. That tells me a lot even though I wasn’t at all surprised. Thanks for coming in. I’m sure you have other things to do.”

“Thanks for being so supportive. I’ve learned a lot from you this year. Thank you for everything.” She left and I finally got into the huge pile of work on my desk. First was the draft of the final exam schedule. I had to deal with two separate schedules—one for school level exams and a second for the state “Regents” exams.

That was actually easier than in past years since some idiots in the state education department decided that all students in the key courses would take the exams. They’d been watered down so much to enable the lesser capable students to pass; the whole thing was just a joke. I prepared a cover memo that I added to the eleven-page document and put it into my out box for duplication. The teachers would check for any scheduling problems and I would have the final document to them a week in advance of the testing period.

Next I had to sign the diplomas for graduation. I had always believed that the students deserved a personal signature and I knew that Carl agreed with me. He always signed them individually, too. The problem here was that I had more than four hundred seniors and I couldn’t do all of them in one session. My signature would be a mess before I even reached the hundredth. Because of that I always did no more than thirty at a time taking the greatest care possible.
All told I managed to get 120 diplomas signed that morning, mixing other work between signings. I was deep into paperwork when my cell rang. I knew it would be Toni. “Hi, how’s your morning been?”

(Dreadful…just like every other morning. How about yours?)

“It would have been better if some parents hadn’t come in with some baseless complaint. I had to spend an hour just wasting time. Oh, I guess it’s no surprise that I’ll be staying over the weekend…assuming I have your okay.”

(You probably won’t believe me, but Beth actually brought it up. I’m sure she can see the stress you’re under.)

“Yeah, you’re really good at dealing with that. Did she say anything about going out to dinner together Sunday night? I have to call the director to see if Lizzie can join us.”

(Oh, I hope she can. Between Beth and me I’m sure we could handle anything in the bathroom plus I think it will help her to be with those who love her.)

“I hope you’re right. I’m planning to leave early this afternoon, if possible.”

(Oh…looking for some afternoon delight? I think I could handle it with my schedule.)

“I think we’ll get plenty of that tonight and tomorrow morning. No, I have to visit the district attorney about a child abuse case I’m involved with. I think it’s going to hearing next week. I won’t get you as the judge will I?”

(I’ll have to check with the head judge, but I doubt it. I’ll probably have to recuse myself because we know each other. Don’t tell me anything about the case. There’s a chance I could wind up with it.)

“Okay, shall we get together for dinner tonight?”

(What about the kids? I think you need to spend more time with them. They may not show it, but they’re finding everything extremely traumatic. Let them have you this afternoon. I’ll have you tonight—okay, Chuck?)

“I guess so, but I think we might have to work out some mid-week activity if you’re willing.”

(Let’s see what we can work out tonight. I need to get back to work. Bye, Chuck; I’m getting to enjoy these little talks of ours.)

“Me, too…I’d better get back to it, too. See you tonight.” We ended the call and I went back to signing diplomas and clearing paper from my desk. My secretary, Ruth, brought in the day’s memos for my signature and I finally remembered to phone the home’s director. We spoke for about fifteen minutes until–against his best judgment–he agreed to allow Lizzie to accompany us to dinner Sunday evening. He did make several suggestions—go early, shelter her from crowds and confusion, seat her near a window, and keep her between her loved ones. I thanked him for his advice. Now all I had to do was find a suitable restaurant.

I left school at 3:15 for my 4:00 appointment with the assistant district attorney. My mind often wanders while driving and today was no exception. There are good days and bad as a principal. It’s great to learn that one of your students has been accepted at the U.S. Naval Academy or that three of them have become National Merit Scholarship winners. Then there are the bad like the one in my mind today.

It had all begun in early March. I always find the time to greet the students when they enter the building in the morning. I probably know more than half of my 1700 students by name. On this day I noticed Jackie McMullen with a horrific bruise on her face. “Jackie, what happened? Did you get that at home?”
She hemmed and hawed–face down and red with embarrassment. I’ve worked with too many teenagers not to recognize the signs of possible abuse. I took her arm and walked her to the nurse’s office.