I Accidentally Called My Boss Mom Pt. 1

I Accidentally Called My Boss Mom Pt. 1

Being an office temp is better than a flipping burgers, I suppose. I’m 20 years old, and I skipped out on college so my options are limited. I started this new job four weeks ago. I had to get a suit from Goodwill, fill out a proper resume, and had to endure a tense interview with the director of the department I was to work at. She introduced herself as Amanda Jones, and I had never met a more beautifully intimidating woman in my entire life.

She was slightly shorter than me, about 5’8”, but her presence was intense. She was significantly older than me, probably 38, and aging gracefully. She wore a modest black knee-length dress and wore her hair down to her shoulders, with deep bangs cut short just above her eyes. It was very nearly black, but glowed red when the sun shown through. She had Business Goth down to a T.

Her face was carved like a Roman statue, neutral yet serious. She studied me with deep brown eyes, and I couldn’t hold eye contact with her for more than a few seconds.

She made me nervous to my core. No one had ever had this effect on me, and it was terrifying. Thankfully, once I was hired I was able to relax a bit, not under her scrutiny any longer. She gave orders to the manager, Gordon, who gave orders to me. Gordon was a nice man, in his 50’s. The kind of guy you know has an immaculate lawn. He set me up in at a small corner desk surrounded by reams of paper, tucked away in a forgotten area of the office floor.

My main job would be digitizing physical documents and shredding them. My other main job would be to walk cubicle to cubicle and receive coffee orders. I was an office bitch. It beat being stuck in a hot kitchen breathing grease all day, though.

The next few days I got into the rhythm of my job. Every morning I would get coffee orders, except for Amanda’s, since she preferred to make hers in the comfort of her office. Then, I’d get to work digitizing and shredding. It was quite boring, over and over running paper through the scanner then the shredder. Every few hours Gordon would come by and shoot the shit for a few minutes, sipping on his black coffee. It wasn’t until Friday afternoon when I made my first mistake.

Gordon had come by to check on me. “Hey Mark, did you manage to get through 86’ yet?”

“I finished it a few hours ago” I replied. “I decided I wanted to clean up this corner close to the desk so I could have some more room. I’m halfway through 2016 right now.”

His expression changed. “Did you . . Shred 2016?”

My heart rate increased. “Yes.”

He nodded slightly. “Alright, we’ll need to go tell Amanda.” He turned and began maneuvering across the floor towards her office.

I didn’t know what I did wrong. I stood up, adjusted the wrinkles out of my suit, and followed Gordon. He stopped outside her office and motioned for me to stay put. He went inside and I stood, wracking my brain as to why 2016 would be important. Soon he left her office.

“It’ll be alright!” He said cheerily as he patted my shoulder. Then he motioned for me to go inside. I gulped and opened her office door.

I walked inside her office and stood before her large wooden desk, beside two leather chairs. She was sitting regally on a distressed leather chair, tapping away at a laptop. When she looked up at me my heart leaped into my throat. My heart raced as I met her eyes, my breathing changing as my throat became painful from the anxiety of the situation.

“Mr. Sampson, did you shred 2016?” She asked directly.

“Yes ma’am.” I said slowly.

She waited, but I gave no excuse or meek explanation. “We need to keep physical copies of those documents from the current day back ten years. Gordon hadn’t told you, since you weren’t close to 2014 yet.”

“Oh.” I whispered.

How is she doing this to me?

She noticed my discomfort. “It’s fine, really. You’ll need to print out what you shredded and refile it.” She said, comfortingly.

“Yes ma’am.” I blurted, relieved, starting towards the door.

“Mr. Samp-“ She stopped, then continued gently. “Mark, until you get the hang of things around here, don’t do anything unless someone tells you to, okay?”

“Yes, Mom. Thank you, Mom.” I squeaked.

What the fuck??

“I mean! Ma’am! Thank you.” I stammered. “S-Sorry.”

When I looked up at her, her eyebrows furrowed and she had a puzzled look on her face. She studied me intently. After a few moments, she nodded towards the door, and went back to her laptop. I left, quickly, mortified at what I just said. I navigated back to my desk where I sat for the rest of the day, fixing my mistake and thinking about how I called my boss Mom.

After work I rushed home to change and went to the gym, desperately looking for my gym crush. My crush would distract me from whatever I was feeling towards Amanda, but she didn’t show. My workout was subsequently deflated and short lived.

The next morning, after I had delivered coffee to my grateful coworkers, Gordon notified me that Amanda wanted to see me in her office. I was crushed. She wasn’t going to let it go. I made my way to her office, but when I opened the door, she acted like it had never happened.