HOW TO HAVE A THREESOME: PART 6

PART SIX: THREE’S COMPANY


“This is the worst idea anyone has ever had.” Alexis said as she slid a cold beer in front of me. “When are they coming?”

I looked at my watch. “Soon.”

Alexis had been one of my closest friends for almost a year. She was a lesbian gal that I had met thru my former land lady. She was also a bartender at a beach spot called The Tiki Hut, which is where I decided to stage my final move in this wicked little game of chess. “Do you really think you’re gonna get out of this mess without getting at least two drinks thrown in your face?” she asked.

“Oh, I plan on a lot more than that.” I calmly said.

“What do you think will happen when they realize who each other is?” she asked, wide eyed.

I took a long tug of beer as I saw the front door swing open and Amanda walking thru it. “Competition Lexi.” I smiled as I pushed away from the bar. “Competition.”


I slid into a dark booth in the back of the bar across from Amanda, making sure that I was on the side facing the door. “So, why did you wanna come all the way out to the beach tonight?” she asked.

“There’s someone I wanted you to meet.” I said. Thank God for pro-nouns.

“Oh.” She smiled with her eyes wide. “An old friend or something?” she asked.

“Something like that.” I smiled. She could already tell I was being evasive. I had to think fast. A distraction maybe? “Do you see that bartender with the really short brown hair?” I asked.

Amanda turned and spied Alexis. “Uh-huh.”

“Her name is Alexis. She’s one of my best friends.”

“Is that who I’m meeting?” She was good.

“No. I mean, you’ll probably meet her, but she’s not who we’re waiting on.” I sighed.

“She keeps looking over here.” Amanda noted. I looked over and Alexis quickly looked away. She was certain I would fail and couldn’t wait to watch it happen. She didn’t know me as well as she thought she did.

“She knows we’re dating.” I said.

The front door swung open.

“Oh… Does she know about the other girl you’re dating?”

Renee stepped into the bar and began to scan the room.

“Yeah.”

She caught sight of me and began to walk toward the booth.

“So you just tell everyone about everything?”

Renee was half way across the room and smiling. I lifted my hand to wave her over.

“Pretty much.”

“And you never lie about anything?” Amanda asked, still smiling.

“Almost never.” I replied.

Renee approached the table and finally saw the dark haired girl sitting across from me. She stopped in her tracks and her eyes went wide. Amanda turned toward her and saw her expression and then turned back to me. “Amanda, this is Renee.”


The tension in the air was so dense that it felt harder to breathe than usual. Both women stared at each other and then back at me for at least thirty seconds. Finally Renee said “Are you fucking serious?”

I raised my hands as if to say ‘calm down.’ “Okay. Now, before everyone decides that I’m a piece of shit, just let me say something…” I looked back and forth at them both. Amanda lowered her eyes and Renee crossed her arms across her chest, but neither of them left. Once I was certain they would hear me out, I went on.

“It occurred to me recently that the two of you should meet… So far, you’ve only heard about each other thru me and have probably formed some pretty low opinions of each other that way. I wanted the two of you to meet because I wanted you to both see what I see… You’re both very kind and sweet and I thought that if you met, all of the animosity that has been developing recently might dissipate a little…” I looked around for a reaction and got nothing, aside from clear anger on both of their faces. “That’s it. Now, feel free to call me an asshole or whatever you feel is appropriate.”

More silence. More stillness.

I looked over to Renee and caught a glimpse of Alexis staring on wide eyed behind the bar. “Will you sit down please?” I asked Renee

I honestly expected what happened next. It was like I’d written a scene and was watching two actresses act it out. Renee wouldn’t sit next to me and she certainly wouldn’t sit next to Amanda. She didn’t leave either though. She reluctantly pulled a chair from a nearby table and quietly sat at the end of the booth. “So now what?” she asked.

I was just happy that I had made it that far. Step one of my plan was complete. I had gotten them in a room together. I waved Alexis over and continued. “Now, we have some drinks.”

Alexis took our drink orders and secretly raised her eyebrows at me. At first no one seemed willing to talk, so I made the first move. “I chose this place for the three of us to meet for Renee. It’s far enough away from downtown and the campus to be nearly certain to avoid running into anyone she might know.”

Amanda glared over at her. “Like your boyfriend?”

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Renee glared back at her and then over to me. “Thanks, I guess?” she muttered, still clearly displeased.

Amanda picked it back up immediately. “Can you just tell us what the point of this is so we can get the fuck out of here? I don’t think I’m the only one who feels really uncomfortable right now.” She said looking back over to Renee. Renee nodded in agreement. Then they both turned to me.

I took another sip of beer. “Okay… So, here’s how I see it. I’ve been seeing you both for a couple of months now. I’ve never tried to hide that fact from either of you. The fact that neither one of you has ended things with me yet has led me to believe that you are both okay with it. I understand you both have your reasons.”

I glanced over to Renee. “You’re already in a relationship.” Then I turned to Amanda “And you just moved here and aren’t looking for anything serious.”

They were both listening to me solemnly. I hadn’t lost them yet. “I guess I could’ve just kept my mouth shut, but lately I’ve noticed that both of you have seemed a little bitter whenever I mention spending time with the other.” I took another sip of beer. “That, coupled with the handful of times that the two of you have almost accidentally met got me to thinking that the two of you were bound to meet sooner or later anyway. This little meeting is my way of trying to keep it from being as awkward as it probably would be if one day you just ran into each other at my front door.”

They both sat in silence for several seconds. I pressed on. “Again, and as always, you are both free to walk away any time you like, but if you both still want to go ahead with this, I would prefer that we could all get along or at least be civil.” I took another sip of beer. “I wasn’t looking to develop feelings for either of you, but I kinda did. I’ve come to like you both very much and would hope that by meeting and talking with each other, you may come to at least respect each other too.”

I thought I had spewed enough reason to get them to come along…

I was wrong.

Amanda took a sip of her Mojito and said “Okay, this all sounds like a lot of bullshit to me. You can’t date two people.” She paused before looking over to Renee. “Neither can you.”

Renee looked up at her and was slightly angry and defensive. “I can do whatever I want! Besides, didn’t you go on a date last weekend with some guy you work with?”

Amanda looked over to me again. “Jesus, you really do tell her everything…” She then turned back to Renee. “Don’t you get tired of all the sneaking around?” Amanda asked her before focusing back on me. “You need to make a decision… Look, I like you a lot too, even though I wasn’t looking for it and I tried not to, but it’s impossible for me to take you seriously as long as things keep going the way they are!” She sighed deeply. “You have to choose… Or you’re gonna lose us both.” She then looked over to Renee for solidarity. “Right?”

Renee looked at her evenly. They were forming an alliance! It was all going according to plan. Renee looked back at me and lifted her head high. “Right.” Any drill sergeant will tell you: nothing unites people faster than a common enemy.

I was nearing the end of stage two. It was perfect. Better even than I had planned. What I did next would have to be pitch perfect though…

I looked back at Renee and stared into her eyes. I then looked over to Amanda and did the same. They both were hanging on my every movement waiting on a resolution. Finally I slid out of the booth and stood up. “I can’t make that choice…” I pulled some cash out of my wallet and laid it on the table. “So I guess it’s nothing.” I turned and walked out to the back patio that overlooked the beach, sat at a table alone and lit a cigarette.

I looked out over the white sand out to the waves gently breaking under the moonlight, each one creating a new high water mark. ‘They won’t leave.’ I thought. ‘They can’t… Not after that… They’ll need a stronger resolution than that.’ I waited…

I sat alone for almost twenty minutes, determined not to break character or look back. Finally Alexis came out onto the deck. “Do you want another one?” she asked.

“Not yet.” I glanced up at her. “Did they leave?” I had to know.

“Not yet.” she smiled. “Do you really still think this is going to work?”

“What are they doing?” I asked.

“Talking. Too quiet for me to hear anything, but they both look pretty emotional.” She replied.

“Okay… I will have another one then.”


I sat alone for another ten minutes. Finally Amanda stepped out of the doorway and approached my table. “Mind if I sit?” she asked.

“You alone?” I asked.

“Yes.” She replied as she sat down next to me.

“What happened?” I asked.

“She left.” Amanda said. “We had a long talk…” She paused and took a deep breath. “First, I just need to say that what you did tonight was totally fucked up! Neither of us would’ve agreed to this if you had told us what was going to happen.”

I lit a fresh cigarette. “I can see that now.”

She was quiet for a moment. “Now that I got that out of the way, you should know; that girl is completely in love with you.”

I couldn’t make sense of it or really figure out what to say. Finally I just said what I was thinking. “So, she’s in love with me, but she left and you stayed?”

“I didn’t stay for ‘that.’ I could just tell you were upset, and even though you’re being a total dick tonight, I didn’t want to leave you by yourself.” She answered. “I’m sure you had good intentions, but this was a terrible thing you did.” She trailed off.

“Yeah… Well, thanks for sticking around.” I said.

“Sure. You’re a nice guy John. You just need to pull your head out of your ass sometimes.” She paused before finally looking back at me. “So, what are you gonna do now?”

I finished my beer and put the empty bottle on the table. “Order another drink.” I looked up to meet her stare. “Want one?”

“Sure.” She smiled warmly.


We had been out there alone for about five minutes. I turned to wave down Alexis when I saw Renee walking thru the bar toward the back patio. Phase 3: COMPLETE.


“I didn’t wanna go home yet.” Renee mumbled awkwardly as she stood beside the table Amanda and I were sitting at. I knew she would come back. Competition…

“We were just about to order some more drinks.” I said, breaking the silence. “Do you want one?”

“God yes!” she said as she sat down at the table. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red. She had been crying. Alexis came and we all ordered more drinks. “So, we can hang out now, right?.. I mean, now that it’s not all weird anymore?” she asked.

I knew that during their half hour conversation, they had bonded somewhat. I was counting on that. When Amanda came out to the patio alone, I knew she was hoping secretly (maybe even subconsciously) that Renee was out of the picture and that she and I could start fresh. I also knew that women never completely trust each other and by that rationale, Renee would come back because she would wonder if Amanda was going to use her absence as an opportunity to make a move. It was all about psychology.


There was no getting around the next part. For quite a while, it was really awkward. I did my best to keep the mood light, but it wasn’t easy. I kept ordering more rounds and clinking their glasses in the hopes that alcohol might relieve the situation. Good ‘ol alcohol…

After about an hour, the mood had lightened significantly. What I hadn’t anticipated was how much of the conversation would revolve around Renee’s feelings about her relationship with her boyfriend Henry. Amanda was almost like a counselor to her. She was asking questions and making suggestions. Over time, it became clear that the two of them were actually really starting to get along. At one point, Renee was talking about how their relationship was lifeless and devoid of passion, and her eyes began to well up. Amanda actually rubbed her back for a moment. Again, the reality of the situation was exceeding all of my plans!

Finally, it was 2AM. The bar was closing and just as I had hoped, neither of them knew what to do. I could only imagine that they were both kind of hoping to end up alone with me… Not because I’m any prize, mind you. I just understand how much pretty girls hate to lose. When I paid the tab, I asked the girls if they felt like leaving yet. Neither of them did, so I bought a six pack from Alexis and suggested that we keep hanging out, but that we move our party down to the beach.

We walked about half way down to the beach to where the hotels keep all of their beach chairs in stacks. It was the exact same spot that Marie and I had had sex almost two years earlier. (See Seven Months With Marie: Part 1) I pulled three beach chairs down and laid them out very close together and the evening continued.

We had two beers apiece. During the thirty or so minutes it took for us to put them down, the three of us just talked more and joked around. All three of us were pretty buzzed by then and both Renee and Amanda would make the occasional reference to the strange situation that the three of us had been involved in. I even told them about a couple of close calls where they almost ran into each other. All of that talk was making everyone feel more at ease and also a little frisky.

Once the last sip of beer had been taken, I looked at my watch. “Shit.” I said.

“What time is it?” Amanda asked.

“2:35” I answered. “We should probably head out…”

No one said a word for a while. I was counting on this too. I had actually chosen to meet up at that particular bar for several reasons. One of them was how far it was from where everyone lived. I waited patiently for it…

“Can I just ride home with you?” Amanda asked.