Hermione the Shiteater

I do not own Harry Potter, and make no profit from writing this story. Sorry for mistakes, it’s my first story in English, which isn’t my native language. Warning! This story is a kind of weird radio play. It contains watesports, scat, rape and other nasty stuff.

Hermione the Shiteater

Interview with Hermione Granger taken by Rita Skeeter in Hogwarts, 1st June 1998. Wizarding Wireless broadcast.

RITA SKEETER. Good morning, my dear listeners. I’m Rita Skeeter, your favorite journalist, and I’m visiting Hogwarts School today. Make your wizarding wireless louder, because you’ll hear the most mind-blowing interview in my career. Of course you know how our glorious and mighty Dark Lord banned all the mudbloods and blood-traitors from attending Hogwarts after He had won His rightful war a month ago. But one notorious mudblood has stayed at Hogwarts to get a proper education of another kind. Today she’s going to tell us about her new role in our decent pureblood society. Well, darling, what’s your name?
HERMIONE GRANGER. My name is… oh… I’m formerly known as Hermione Granger.
RITA. And how do you call yourself now?
HERMIONE. …
RITA. Please repeat, I don’t understand you.
HERMIONE. Hermione… [Sigh]. Hermione the Shiteater.
RITA. Beautiful and appropriate name for a mudblood. Could you say it loud so that each of our listeners can hear?
HERMIONE. [Sigh]. I CALL MYSELF HERMIONE THE SHITEATER, AND EVERYBODY IN HOGWARTS CALLS ME THAT TOO!
RITA. I see. You’re the best friend of the most wanted criminals Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, and you were captured in the battle for Hogwarts and found guilty of opposing our great Dark Lord. Am I right?
HERMIONE. Yes, you are.
RITA. But our merciful Lord let you stay in Hogwarts and imposed upon you some duties. Today we’re going to speak a lot about them. Let’s start our interview with some simple questions… For example, what are you wearing today, my girl?
HERMIONE. You see it for yourself, Rita.
RITA. Yes, but I want to hear it from you. So…
HERMIONE. [Sigh]. Well… I’m wearing a black collar around my neck.
RITA. Ah, the one with the message which says “Mud for mudblood”. Pretty thing. Is there something unusial in this collar?
HERMIONE. Yes… [Sigh]. It was charmed by the Dark Lord and works like some kind of mind-control device.
RITA. You mean…
HERMIONE. I mean I can’t disobey any orders given to me by the Dark Lord or by his followers! It’s worse than Imperius… I can’t disobey even if I think that death is better than submission! [Sob]. Oh Rita, you won’t believe what they make me do for their pleasure… Could you help me, please? [Sob].
RITA. Sorry, but I’m here not to help you. I have my own work to do. Nothing personal, Hermione – well, maybe slightly personal. So, what else are you wearing?
HERMIONE. T-t-tight white cotton panties… [Sob].
RITA. I see. What else?
HERMIONE. N-nothing. I’m not allowed to wear anything else.
RITA. And to be totally honest with our listeners, your panties aren’t as white as you say, are they? There’s nothing white – only yellow and brown! I see the huge dirty-yellow spot in front of these panties, and it seems like urine to me, my girl! Turn around, please… Yes, there’s the enormous dark brown spot on your ass too – I bet it’s your own shit! You’re so dirty girl, Hermione. Care to explain?
HERMIONE. They made me! [sob]. They’ve made me poop and pee without taking off my panties for the whole month! And I can’t change underwear too – I must wear this dirty stinky rag at all times!
RITA. So you used to walk around the school wearing almost nothing except yellow-brown panties, soaked in urine and shit. Everybody can see your plump tits and your dirty ass. You don’t even have your wand with you!
HERMIONE. Actually… I have.
RITA. Really? Where do you keep it then? Show me.
HERMIONE. Rita, please be merciful… I can’t stand it anymore… [Sob].
RITA. My girl, we’ve only started. So don’t be silly and show me everything. Dear listeners, I see Hermione blushing like a tomato. She turns her ass to me – there’s a small hole in the back of her dirty panties – she bends down, spreads her firm buttocks… Oh Merlin, what is this?
HERMIONE. It’s my wand…
RITA. Well, it seems more like the base of your wand – I can’t see the rest of it, because it’s buried too deep in your back passage! Hermione, why did you choose so strange way of keeping the wand?
HERMIONE. It’s part of my duties too… [Sob]. I always have it up my butt. I pull the wand out of my asshole only to cast a spell, to take a dump or to be fucked in the ass. But even after that I must lick it clean from my own excrements… [sob]… and shove it back into my poor poophole!
RITA. Oh dear, it’s the most unusual thing I’ve ever heard. By the way, Hermione, how long is your wand?
HERMIONE. Eleven inches long.
RITA. Impressive length. Is it thin? Are there any knots on it? Is the wood polished good enough?
HERMIONE. Oh Rita… my wand is rather thick with some perceptible knots. The wood is rather rough too.
RITA. So it must be very unpleasant for you to push this long knotty wand trough your tight sphincter… tell me, Hermione, what do you do to ease the discomfort? You probably use a lot of lube or push this piece of wood into your ass in a very slow, gentle manner. Or maybe your anus is so loose that you don’t feel any pain at all.
HERMIONE. No… [Sob]. My asshole is as tight and sensitive as it had been before I lost my anal virginity. The only lube I’m allowed to use is my saliva, and I can’t even do it gently! Each time I do it, I have to roughly shove my wand into my bum with one strong push! Every inch and knot with one push!
RITA. I know you must feel a lot of pain…
HERMIONE. You know nothing! Because after that I have to spin it three times inside my poor asshole… [Sob]. So cruelly… I cry every time I do it… [sob]. But it isn’t even the worst of my tortures…
RITA. Oh, so it’s time to tell our listeners about your main duties in Hogwarts! Please make your story as detailed as you can.
HERMIONE. No… No! I won’t tell you about it!
RITA. My dear, thousands of wizards are waiting for your story. And I know that you are ordered to fully cooperate and answer all my questions today!
HERMIONE. [Sobs].
RITA. Well, for example, what can you say about your slutty tattoos? About the one on your stomach: “THIRSTY PISSDRINKER”. Or about the one above your buttocks: “DIRTY MUDBLOOD ANAL SLUT”. Or about the big, bold tattoo over your breasts: “MOUTH FULL OF SHIT”…
HERMIONE. Stop! Oh Merlin, I’ll tell you…
RITA. Yes?
HERMIONE. I EAT SHIT! I EAT SHIT!
RITA. Well, we have already guessed it. It’s quite obvious. Please give us more details. I know you don’t want to speak about it…
HERMIONE. [Sob]. YOU KNOW NOTHING! THEY FORCE ME TO EAT TONS OF THEIR FOUL SHIT, TO SWALLOW EVERY FUCKING PIECE OF IT! THEY FEED ME THE FUCKING SHIT AND THE FUCKING URINE, EVERY FUCKING SLYTHERIN IN THE SCHOOL HAS SHAT INTO MY MOUTH! Oh Merlin, why are you so cruel? [Cry].
RITA. Language, miss Granger! Well, it seems that you need some time to pull yourself together. Dear listeners, we’ll take a quick ad break, but after that Hermione is going to show me the place where she works as… how to call it… as a taster of human wastes. Stay with us!

AD BREAK. Dragondung Potion! Dragondung Potion is the best potion for diarrhea in the world! Use one dose per day to make your diarrhea worse! You’ll be able to take a king-size dump! Try our new product – Rotten Dragondung Potion. One dose per day, and you’ll have the most odorous diarrhea in the world! Tasted by Hermione Granger herself! She said «Oh Merlin, its taste is killing me! I can’t eat it… I can’t… [Chew]. I’ll spewww…”

RITA. Well, we’re here. It’s Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom, right? It seems like ordinary school bathroom to me. But wait a second, what is that terrible stench? I’m going to hold a breath, or I’ll spew myself too… Hermione, is it from you? My girl, when did you take a bath for the last time?
HERMIONE. I’m not allowed to take baths anymore, Rita. [Sigh]. I’m ordered to cast special air-refreshment charms, so nobody except me feels that awful odor. Maybe they fell off… oh Merlin, that means I ought to recast them again!
RITA. Do me a favor. Yes, that’s better. But what are you doing? Oh, I see – you pulled out your wand trough the hole in your panties to cast the spell. So now you are sucking it clean from your own excrements.
HERMIONE. Slurp… slurp… Ewww…
RITA. It’s very erotic, although you obviously don’t enjoy it much. Yes, your wand is really long, thick and knotty, but now it seems to be lubed enough with saliva. So show us how you force this piece of rough wood into your tight sweet butthole with one strong movement and tell our listeners all the details of this process.
HERMIONE. I… I usually stick the tip into my anus for an inch or two… like this…
RITA. Your anus is red and slightly swollen. Must be really uncomfortable for you.
HERMIONE. And now… oh Merlin… [sob]… I have to forcefully hit the base of the wand… AAAAHHH!!
RITA. You’ve done it! I can see only the base of the wand sticking out of your asshole.
HERMIONE. Then… [Sob]. Then I have to spin it three times inside my rectum. AAH! AAAHH! AAAAHHH! [Cry].
RITA. You wet yourself, my girl. There’s the new fresh yellow spot on your panties.
HERMIONE. [Cry]. So much pain… [Cry]. You’re beasts…
RITA. I’m an insect, if you remember. It doesn’t matter anyway. So, let’s see your working place. It seems like ordinary toilet, my listeners, but there’s a message on the wall behind it, handwritten in large letters. It says “HERMIONE THE SHITEATER”. You’re quite popular amongst students, my girl. Who wrote this?
HERMIONE. I did. [Sob]. I must write this message on the wall with my own shit every morning and I must lick it off the wall every evening… [Sob]. It’s so humiliating…
RITA. Kinky stuff! Well, tell our listeners about your daily routines.
HERMIONE. I… eat shit?
RITA.