Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor Chapter Thirty

Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor



Chapter Thirty: Threats, Boobies, and Fake Names



Disclaimer: Not mine, I own nothing. I’m not making any money.



WARNING: Harsh Language, adult themes, sexual situations (i.e. smut), bad spelling and grammar.

Author’s Notes: This story is a broad farce with over the top humor (a good deal of it is crude and sexual) and OOC actions (that’s Out Of Character if you don’t know). Also, this is my first smut-ish fic. If you don’t like sex and sex-based humor, do NOT read this!

Chapter Thirty: Draco makes his move!!!









“You had sex in front of Courtney?” Luna asked for the third time in as many minutes.

“Yes. I don’t see what is so difficult to understand,” Hermione answered.

The two witches were sitting on the couch, while Ron and Harry played a game of chess. The four were enjoying the solitude afforded to them in the Head Students’ chamber. The topic of conversation had dealt with the fact that Harry and Hermione proudly admitted that they performed a public sex act. More shockingly, the couple had sex, knowing that they had an audience, albeit of one.

“You two have grown so kinky that you’re now having a live show, that’s what’s so hard to understand,” explained Ron after he moved a pawn.

“No, what’s so hard to believe about the situation is that we weren’t invited,” Luna stated. “I had assumed that when you finally did have someone watch, it’d be us; your best friends.”

“Um, honey, count me out of that,” Ron requested, while Harry fretted over his next move on the board. “Harry and Hermione are like siblings to me; watching them shag would be just creepy.”

“But you’ve already seen us. Remember, through that Pensieve we made you,” Harry pointed out. He hesitantly moved his knight, knowing that he’d more likely than not lose the piece with Ron’s next move.

“Yeah, but that was different, wasn’t it,” Ron said. “For one thing, it wasn’t live, you know? Seeing it in real life, where I would smell you guys, it would be too weird for me. And second, you were teaching me something. So I was able to force myself to overcome my queasiness of watching you go down on Hermione; I was focusing on the knowledge that I could learn what you two were showing me.”

“Ronald, dear, what are you talking about /’queasiness’/?” Luna asked with a pleasant smile. “You masturbated as we watched the Pensieve.”

“Just that once,”he tried to defend himself.

“Actually the first ten times we watched,” corrected Luna.

“Fine, alright, I lied,” Ron confessed in a huff. “Wanking to a Pensieve memory is a lot different from the real thing. If I watched the live act, I’d end up wanting to wank. And that thought scares me because I’d be masturbating to my best mates, one of whom is a bloke, while they could see me. Wanking my willy in the same room as Harry getting laid is a little too close to being gay for me, okay?”

“That is quite all right, Ronald, you can stay while I’ll go and watch when Harry and Hermione invite us,” Luna said dreamily.

“Um, you do realize that it was a kind of spur of the moment thing, right?” Harry said as he watched Ron’s white bishop sodomize one of his remaining few black pawns. The bishop had taken off his mitre and was waving it above his head like a cowboy at a rodeo as the piece buggered the helpless pawn. “Where the hell did you get this chess set?”

“Of course I understand,” Luna said happily. “I’m just saying that if that spur of the moment thing ever strikes you again that you ask me to watch.”

“You already have watched us. When I had you take polyjuice to look like me on the train when term began, you watched me perform oral sex on Harry,” Hermione pointed out. She turned to Ron and reprimanded, “And you had no problem shagging Luna when she looked like me. ‘Think of me as a sibling,’ my backside.”

Ron pretended to have not heard Hermione as he concentrated on his bishop spanking Harry’s violated pawn.

“That was just oral sex, Hermione. I want the whole deal,” Luna said with a hint of excitement. “I don’t want to pressure you two or anything, but I do want to put it in your heads that I’m next in line for the entertainment.”

“Um, sure,” Harry finally said. “You’ll be the first one we contact.”

“And, as an added incentive, I’ll allow both of you to watch Ronald and I make love as well,”Luna added.

“We will?” Ron asked nervously.

“Yes,” the blonde said evenly.

“What, now?” Ron asked.

“No, Ronald, you’re playing your game,” Luna said with a shake of her head as if she was disappointed that her husband couldn’t understand such a basic concept. “It wouldn’t do to have sex in the middle of a match. Perhaps we can do it once the game is over.”

“That’s not necessary,” Harry said.

“Are you certain? I can use the chess pieces as helpers,” Luna offered.

“How would you use the pieces?” asked Harry… and he instantly regretted it.

“It’s a wonderful game I invented,” she said with a bright smile. “It’s called ‘The Spelunking King.’ Ronald and I were just playing it with the black king before you two started playing your match.”

Harry had been eyeing his king (which happened to be the black piece that Luna had referred to) and was about to move it, but now had second thoughts about even touching it. He wondered whose cave the king had gone spelunking in (much less what /cave/)and whether or not it was cleaned afterwards.

“It’s alright, Luna, we’ll just take a rain check,” Hermione said.

“What does that mean?” the blonde asked.

“It means that we’ll take you up on your offer at some later date,” explained Hermione. It was clear to Harry that Hermione had no intention of fulfilling that obligation.

It didn’t take long for Ron to trounce Harry. But how the red head had won was what surprised Harry. Apparently, Ron’s pieces had thrown the rules away and had all participated in a gang-bang on Harry’s queen.

“Just where the hell did you get this chess set?”

“Bukkake!” Ron’s two knight pieces shouted as their battle cry.



SoG



The next morning, Harry sent a post to Alicia telling her in great detail that the toy she was interested in had worked wonders (a brief exert of the note described the “wonderful sounds Hermione made every time I tugged a ball out of her bum told me she really, RE/ALLY// liked it”/). After Harry sent Hedwig off to deliver the post, he joined his friends in the Great Hall. Hermione had already finished her meal and was busy reading the Daily Prophet. The front page of the paper was dedicated to a new pamphlet that the Ministry had begun to circulate. This pamphlet would only end up accentuating the wizarding population’s current irrational fear.

“Ministry Advises the Public to Stay Indoors!” the paper read.

“After multiple reports of random attacks committed by roving gangs of giants, werewolves, and Death Eaters, the Ministry released a pamphlet instructing witches and wizards not to go anywhere after sundown. The only time the Ministry suggests someone should leave the safety of their homes is in the case of an emergency.

This official document also urges people to barricade their homes with various wards. Many of the wards that are suggested are considered high level wards, such as Ill-Will Repeller and Bind My Foes. As these wards are highly difficult to erect, far above the ability of the average wizard and witch, most of these wards will need a Certified Wards Master to make them.

Some of the defensive spells the Ministry highlighted include the Stun Hex and the Impediment Curse. The Ministry suggests that if someone were to be attacked that they should use these two spells in order to buy enough time to escape.

‘How the (expletive deleted) am I supposed to use a/(expletive deleted) /Stun Hex on a giant? A Stunner just bounces off a/(expletive deleted) giant,” Wilhelmina Murray, aged one-hundred and two, commented demurely after she read the pamphlet. “And even if I’m attacked by(expletive deleted) /Death Eaters with no (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted) giants, a Stunning Spell won’t do /(expletive deleted). The moment I’d knock one of those (expletive deleted) /down, one of the other/(expletive deleted) /would Rennervate them and I’d b (expletive deleted) out of luck.”

Another wizard, Hans Von der Kidd, stated that he’d most likely leave the country. “I can’t make wards like these; they’re too difficult,” Mr. Von der Kidd said. “And I know that I don’t stand a chance dueling with a Death Eater, much less a giant or werewolf. It’d be for the best if I just leave this place. I’m about to decide to let You Know Who have /England//.”/

“This is horrible,” Hermione groaned so that only Harry could hear and tossed the paper on the table. “I thought that performing the Morgy Ritual would help. Even though we took out over a hundred Death Eaters, it doesn’t matter. The war has gotten so bad that everyone’s now afraid of their own shadow.”

With a sad look, Hermione surveyed the Great Hall. The Hall was packed full of happy students, all of them laughing and smiling.

“Why isn’t everyone else like we are here,” she said loud enough that their friends heard.. “None of us are pulling our hair out. None of us are frightened that we might get attacked and killed.”

“Maybe it’s because we’re in Hogwarts,” offered Ginny, as she ate her breakfast. “It’s got a bunch of really strong wards around it. And we’ve also got Aurors patrolling the castle and grounds. So it’s pretty much safe from attack.”

“But we were attacked last year,” Neville pointed out, “even with the wards and Order of the Phoenix members patrolling the grounds.”

“Then why is everyone here acting so carefree?” Luna asked.

Harry bit his tongue. He had a theory, the one that the pervert, Gryffindor, had pointed out. The young wizard wasn’t about to blurt this theory out. So over the course of the day, Harry pondered how he could approach Hermione about this once-outlandish idea.

“I think I know why everyone here isn’t affected by the war,” Harry began when he and Hermione were alone in their chambers later that night. “It’s because of us.”

“How do you mean?”asked Hermione.

“Well, I think the students, and some of the teachers, aren’t overly worried about Voldemort because we, well we’ve given them something to do other than fret,” he explained vaguely.

“And just how did you and I do this?”

“Well, to be honest, it was more like Dobby did it.”

Hermione looked at Harry in deep thought for a moment. Then she narrowed her eyes and challenged,”Are you saying that because everyone here saw us have sex that they don’t worry about the war?”

“Basically, yeah,”he agreed. “Listen, I know it sounds far fetched, but I’m in the middle of this war, and it’s no secret Voldemort wants me dead. You’re in the limelight too, not only because you associate with me but because you’re a Muggle-born witch, making you a target twice over. So by all rights, out of everyone in this castle, you and I should be the ones most affected by the war. But we don’t let it get to us, not to the extent of the people outside the castle. We’re living our lives the way we want to and not in fear. And by seeing all those Pensieves, our peers were encouraged to do the same. I know it’s not a conventional way of boosting morale, but it worked.”

“Harry, I don’t consider an active sex-life the cornerstone of living our lives without fear,”argued Hermione.

“But it is. Most people out there are terrified. So much so that they aren’t even sleeping properly; they sleep with one eye open. And the last thing on their minds is sex. You know for a fact that sex is a great stress reliever.”

“And how do you know people aren’t having sex?”

“I talked with Alicia. She’s working at Franklin’s of Cardiff, and she told me that no one’s been shopping there in weeks,” he told her.

“Franklin’s of Cardiff? Is that where you got those toys?” she asked and he nodded in the affirmative. “I’ll have to go there one day.”

“The back section’s where they keep the toys,” Harry pointed out.

“Let’s say that I agree with your assumptions that people aren’t having sex and that lack of activity is a part of the problem,” Hermione speculated. “Are you suggesting that we have Dobby start passing out the Pensieves again, only this time to everyone in England?”

“Not exactly,” he replied. “You see, Ginny was right to a point. This castle has wards. They do have a way of making the people inside feel secure, even though a small group of Death Eaters attacked last year by bypassing those wards. However, most homes don’t even have the simplest wards.”

“What does that have to do with us having sex?”

“Well, we could create new rituals, ones that could erect wards around people’s homes,” Harry said.

“Yes, I can see that. I’ve actually had a few ideas in that area,” Hermione said while chewing her lip. “But how do you suppose we teach these potential rituals to everyone? I mean, having Dobby pass out Pensieves to everyone in the country is a little impractical.”

Harry spoke very slowly and clearly so that he could drive this point home… that and he reckoned that it would turn her on so he didn’t want her to misunderstand him.

“You… and I… will… write… a… book.”

“A bo-b-book? Me, an author?” she asked hesitantly. Suddenly Hermione’s irises shot open, leaving only a hair-thin ring of color, her lips puffed up a touch, and her complexion flushed. Harry could see her nipples harden through her blouse, and he felt it was safe to assume that she was getting rather wet. Harry’s assumption about the dampness of his girlfriend was confirmed when she ordered throatily: “Shag me silly, Harry.”

As Harry was in the process of carrying out her request of shagging her silly and while he was tugging on her hair, Hermione brought up a good point.

“Wait, why don’t –/uh /- -we just – -/smack my bum /- -copies of the tantric book we –/that’s it /- -already have?”

“/Uh/ – -we –/oh/ – -can use some of the – -/er/ – -spells from that book,” Harry said and paused to give Hermione a good hard swat. “But – -/oh/- – it doesn’t – -/uh/ – -have a lot of ward rituals.”

“So you’re saying- -/ooh, yessss rub my clit/ – -we need to make an – -/mama/ –updated version of The Magic of Making – -/FUCK ME! /- -Love?”

“/I’m gonna cum /–Yeah, a new version,” Harry answered. “One that will – -/almost there /–help people deal with Voldemort.”

“Hold on, I’m close – -I think we should – -/just a bit more, baby – -follow the author of the ‘special book’ and – -/oooh so- -o- -o- -o close /- -use pen-names – -/NOW! DO IT NOW!”



SoG



The next day during Potions, Hermione and Harry were quietly discussing what spells and rituals they should put in their forthcoming book from the ones that they had already invented.

“We should definitely include the Wit-Enhancing ritual,” offered Hermione as she put a dash of powdered frog toes into the bubbling concoction they were brewing. “Of course, that would mean we’d have to put in a section on stretching techniques so that the reader would be limber enough to perform that ritual.”

“One spell that we shouldn’t put in is the ‘Loninquitas Amorus,’ the long distance love ritual that I created,” Harry said. “I could see some bad people doing bad things with that one.”

“You mean like if Snape had that ritual in school, he would’ve used it on your Mum?” speculated Hermione.

“Why’d you go and say that?” demanded Harry as he felt his stomach lurch.