Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor Chapter Twenty-Seven

Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor



Chapter Twenty-Seven: 2, 3, 4, give me more.



Disclaimer: Not mine, I own nothing. I’m not making any money.



WARNING: Harsh Language, adult themes, sexual situations (i.e. smut), bad spelling and grammar.

Author’s Notes: This story is a broad farce with over the top humor (a good deal of it is crude and sexual) and OOC actions (that’s Out Of Character if you don’t know). Also, this is my first smut-ish fic. If you don’t like sex and sex-based humor, do NOT read this!

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Harry and Hermione make up for lost time.











“I happen to have been enjoying that,” the ghost of Gryffindor said with annoyance as he pointed to the bulge in his trousers. He continued angrily; “Interrupting me like that was an incredibly rude thing to do. If my balls weren’t transparent, they’d be turning blue right now!”

“Do you think Icare, you nasty piece of filth?” Harry snapped. Harry wished, truly wished, that he could harm the annoying ghost at that moment. He wanted to show Gryffindor even a small amount of pain that he and Hermione were suffering. That,and the spirit’s antics had denied Harry anal sex. That was just low.

“We’re the laughing stock of the school,” Harry shouted. He made sure not to mention that Hermione wasn’t going to have sex until after this predicament was over; Harry knew that Gryffindor would revel in such information… particularly if it was about buggery.

“Trust me, boy, they’re not laughing,” the spirit said with a depraved smile. “They’re having sex or wankingoff – which is what I was about to do before you ruined the moment – but they’re definitely not laughing.”

“What did Ideserve to have you, a lecherous pervert, invade my life?” Harry asked rhetorically. “Not only did you spy on me and Hermione, but you passed around Pensieves from those invasions of privacy. Now, everybody in the castle has seen us together!”

“All right, boy, let me say this;” the ghost said gravely. “Yes, I did spy on you and your bird. You two are rather entertaining after all. In particular, that bit I was just watching there,” he said, gesturing to the silver liquid dripping down the wall. “Having her hook her legs behind her shoulders and then taking her while facing away, pure genius.

“But, and I cannot state this clearly enough, I. Can. Not. Make. A. Pensieve. Memory,” he said firmly.

“What?” Harry demanded.

“Think about it boy. If I could make Pensieves, wouldn’t I have shown you some of my more impressive exploits? Like the time I took a plump witch while standing on my head. Or when I sung ‘O, Britannia’ when switching between twins. Now that one was one of the higher points of my life and afterlife,” the ghost explained. “Besides, one needs a corporeal mind to extract Pensieve Memories. Sure, unlike a normal ghost, I have the fairly unique ability to affect the living, but my current status explicitly means that I no longer have a physical brain.”

Pondering over this statement, Harry realized that Gryffindor was telling the truth. Not so much in regards to the”corporeal mind” thing, but the ghost would’ve definitely done his best to scar Harry by showing him Pensieves of odd and perverted sex acts.

“Then… then who made those memories?” asked Harry desperately.

“Well, you could have watched the Pensieve and found out, couldn’t you? Walked around inside the memory and found the perpetrator,” the ghost speculated. “But that won’t work, will it? No, because you blew the damn thing to bits. Of course, if you hadn’t, you still would’ve had to wait your turn, because I was enjoying myself!”

“Oh, I’m sorry you couldn’t enjoy my suffering,” Harry snapped bitterly.

“Your suffering?” the ghost asked with asnide grin. “Aren’t you overreacting a bit, you melodramatic ninny?”

“Nearly everyone in this school has seen me and Hermione having sex!” the young wizard shot back.

“So what?” returned Gryffindor. “I would be proud if I were you.”

“But you’re not me. I’m not a pervert.”

“I’m not talking about the joys of sharing -which is loads of fun; especially’trains.’ That’s where once one bloke is done with a bird, you plow in; getting his stuff and hers on your junk. It’s all hot, wet, and sticky,” the spirit rambled. “I’m talking about making people happy.”

Harry was about to protest, but the ghost forged ahead.

“Sure everybody’s seen that funny face you make when you cum; where your left eye bulges and your right’s all squeezed shut while your mouth is open like a wide-mouthed troll. And most everyone has renamed your bird ‘April Showers’ behind your backs ’cause she’s a bit of a gusher as you well know. But you’ve missed the important thing here. You’ve made your peers truly happy,” the ghost said with a surprising amount of sincerity – in regards to the bit about being happy that is, the letch was smiling like the kneazle who ate thesnidget when he had said the word “gusher.” “I’ve been coming – and cuming – to this school for centuries; it’s a good place for an old voyeur like me to get his jollies. And I can say with certainty; I have never seen the students as happy as they are at this moment and it’s all thanks to you.”

“You’re telling me that everyone is perverted and they like to watch?” Harry asked bitingly. The thought of everyone wanking to the image of him and Hermione made his stomach turn.

“Harry, there’s a war going on,” Gryffindor said with a gentle smile. “People are dieing. And by all rights, these kids should be frightened. But they’re not. They’re running down the halls laughing and being happy. And you showed them the way.”

“I think you’re the one overreacting now,”Harry retorted.

“Am I? Harry, you and your wonderfully nimble witch have shown everybody that they should live their lives despite the war,” the spirit explained. “You two are in love and living your lives. Almost in spite of the tragedies around you. And through these Pensieves, you’ve told everyone to do the same, in effect.

“Also, you’ve help knock down the silly House rivalries,” the ghost continued. “There is a lot more interaction, both socially and scholastically, between the Houses now.

Harry thought over this for a moment. Had the Pensieves really done so much? Did everyone have hope because of him and Hermione? And he was also shocked and impressed by Gryffindor’s insight. From this conversation, Harry started to respect the ghost for his compassion and insight. Then Gryffindor dashed that respect to pieces with his next statement.

“For example; there’s this sixth year Slytherin, a blonde with gorgeous melons, and she’s dating blokes from other Houses. A year ago, she would’ve been ostracized for even talking to someone outside of Slytherin. That Slytherin witch is simply wonderful. After she watched one of your Pensieves, she took a sixth year Ravenclaw in her mouth, a fourth year Gryffindor in her bum, and two fifth year Hufflepuffs in her cunny… at the same time!” the spirit said with reverence. “Heavens, Harry my boy, you should’ve been there!”

Harry tried to fight the unconscious need to picture what Gryffindor had described. The thought of that many penises relative to the number of available entrances was somewhat disconcerting to the young wizard.

“It was glorious, two wizards, dueling one another with the wands their parents gave them in the same tight cave. It was epic,” the ghost said in awe. “She was covered in man juice at the end.

“Oh, look at that!” Gryffindor said, pointing at the bulge in his trousers. “Look who’s back. Maybe Ican find that Slytherin witch again and catch another show.”

The ghost waved at Harry before turning and trotting out of the room, humming happily to himself.

Harry eyed the silvery liquid as it dripped down the wall. He didn’t know if Gryffindor was right about his theory about the Pensieves making everyone happy, but the perverted ghost was certainly right about one thing. Harry could’ve entered the memory and found who was recording his and Hermione’s intimate moments.

The young wizard was drawn out of his thoughts when Gryffindor stuck his head back into the room.

“Oh, and if you do find out who’s been spying on you, tell me,” the ghost requested. “He’s a fellow perverted pilgrim and I’d like to shake his hand. Perhaps he and I can share stories… or even hand-jobs.”



~*~



To say that Hermione was worried about the still-unknown pervert spying on them was an understatement. When Harry had returned to his room, he found his girlfriend wearing a high-neck sweater, a pair of slacks and an ankle length skirt (at the same time), as well as two robes, one over the other. It was clear that the witch was worried to show even an inch of skin in fear that their unseen pervert would distribute the image all over the school. Harry, too, was just as frightened. The idea of anyone watching him and Hermione set him on edge.

Needless to say, this put a damper on Harry’s love life. The couple was afraid to do anything besides kiss lightly – and even then, they looked around to make sure no one was watching. Neither one daring to do more with each other in fear of the act being shown to their peers through Pensieve Memories.

Harry’s resolve lasted for two full days before ‘Harry, Jr.’ began to protest. No one could blame the member, just a few days before it had been promised an exciting new adventure with Hermione, in her dirty place no less, only to have the offer cruelly rescinded. While in the shower, ‘Harry, Jr.’ would gaze up at its friend with a pleading look in its eye, begging him to have a romp with Hermione. But Harry fought the urge, he needed to root out the voyeuristic pervert and make him or her stop before he could be intimate with Hermione again. ‘Harry, Jr.’ didn’t give a damn about any pervert; all the organ cared about was going into Hermione – any entrance would do at that desperate point – and dropping off a sticky package or two.

Added to Harry’s discomfort, every time he walked by a closed door, whether a broom cupboard or classroom, he could hear moans of passion emanating from the room. Apparently, the Pensieves had become incredibly popular to the point that it seemed that every student in the school was having sex… except for him. On two separate occasions, Harry heard “Maximus Intellegentia!” being shouted, meaning that his peers were performing the Wit Enhancing ritual. ‘Well, at least they’re learning something useful,’ he thought to himself.

On the third day after the confrontation with Gryffindor, a very sickening discovery was revealed to Harry. A very happy and bright, nay, downright joyous and radiant Professor Sprout bounded up to Harry. Smiling broadly, the plump professor said, “I know this is inappropriate for me to do, Mr. Potter, but I must thank you. Horace and I have found your instructional Pensieves to be,” at this point, the elder witch’s eyes began to twinkle wildly like sparkles, “well, rather exciting. It took a bit of effort, but Horace and I were able to perform the Wit Enhancing ritual.”

Suddenly, Harry felt very queasy. The mental image of Professor Sprout contorting herself into a twisted pretzel was unappealing, but on an infinitely worse scale, was the image of Professor Slughorn naked, much less shagging. In his mind’s eye, Harry saw the corpulent man, naked and sweating, thrusting away. The fat man’s face was a bright puce and his eyes were screwed shut in ecstasy. His fat was rippling in waves like the sea during a storm, sending his sweat showering all around.

“One hundred points to… no wait,” Sprout chirped. “One thousand points to Gryffindor!” she said with a flourish, and skipped away.



~*~



Ron and Luna joined in Harry and Hermione’s quest to find the pervert. But unlike Harry and Hermione, who were subtle in their inquires of their fellow students (asking simple, open questions such as “Have you seen anything interesting lately?”), Ron would walk up to someone and demand, “Have you seen my best mates go down on each other?” To which Ron got several different unhelpful responses, including “Not yet” and “Are you offering to let me watch?” Unfortunately, one time Ron had asked his question after leaving Dean and Seamus. The younger student being questioned “Have you seen my best mates go down on each other?” assumed that the red head had been referring to Dean and Seamus, leading to an embarrassing rumor about the two wizards.

Over the course of the next several days, Harry and Hermione were able to discern that their peers didn’t know who was giving them the Pensieves. They would wake up to find the Pensieve waiting for them on their bedside table. Or find the memories already set-up upon walking into a previously empty room. Also, during this investigation, Harry and Hermione were proposed to several times, asked to sign over a dozen autographs, and offered to watch a number of couples have sex so that they could give helpful pointers. Several witches and wizards actually began to strip in front of Harry and Hermione while suggesting an impromptu session of group sex.



~*~



One afternoon, Harry’s thoughts were drawn away from his worries about the Pensieves floating around and, to him, the more important building pressure in his loins caused from lack of intimacy, when he heard a student announcing to one of their friends:

“Draco Malfoy and his mum are in the castle!”

Knowing that Malfoy and his mother were meeting with Professor McGonagall in regards to being allowed to return to Hogwarts, Harry made his way to the Headmistress’office.