Guilt Expunged

Julie was a typical middle-class mum with a good job, a successful, loving husband and two beautiful children. She always attended Parent’s Days at the school; she and her husband had a healthy social life and sex life and Julie was on various rosters at church to do things like serving coffee and even Bible reading in the services.

But Julie had a deep secret. Of course, Dave, her husband knew all about Julie’s difficult childhood and they had been working through it together. Julie’s mum had been a difficult woman who found it hard to show affection. Her love for Julie had manifested mainly in a strong desire to protect her child by keeping her on the straight and narrow and this, in turn, had led to a strict regime and to a demand for the highest standards at all times. The result had been that, whatever Julie did, she always carried a sense of failure, inadequacy and even guilt for falling short of parental demands.

There had been years of counselling, both inside and outside of the church but nothing could lift the crushing burden of profound guilt. If only there was some punishment which could give Julie a true sense of having paid for her crimes so that she could be free and finally move on.

For over a year, Julie had been having sessions with Rev Tim at church and the sessions had been effective in identifying that this guilt was the root of the problem. This was a real breakthrough but how to deal with the guilt? Years of strict punishments from her mum had left Julie with a strong sense that only real punishment can deal with guilt. The offender must suffer a suitably serious penalty to expunge the guilt of their own failings.

It was from these thoughts that a possible solution had come to be considered but, for a long time, it was just too radical to even put into words. And yet, that same idea kept coming up during their sessions albeit in slightly different forms each time.

Julie had discussed it with Dave and he was open to anything which helped his wife but was she really sure about this? Had she thought about what it could involve?

All the above is just the preamble to that Friday evening. The family had their evening meal and, as soon as it was over, Julie nervously looked at her watch. Dave caught her eye and said something about it being time for her meeting. Of course, the girls knew that Mummy was having counselling so this was just routine for them.

Julie put on her beige raincoat over the dark trouser suit which she had worn at work.