Good Man in a Bad Time

Natalie dropped her car down to second gear as the mountain road became steeper. It was snowing hard by now, and with night quickly approaching it was almost impossible to see the small signs put up at every crossroads. And, she admitted to herself, the tears weren’t helping her visibility either. It was too painful to think about why she was crying, but the past two days kept replaying themselves in her head like a broken record she couldn’t switch off no matter how hard she tried. As the snow started settling on the road her mind flashed back yet again to the events of that morning and the day before it.

***

She had seen her parents off at Denver International Airport the day before – they were embarking on a month-long trip to Sydney in celebration of their twentieth wedding anniversary. Natalie was happy for them; they were hard-working and had never had a real vacation together. Still, she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy that she couldn’t come along and soak up some sun as well. However, there were certain compensations to having the house all to herself, and spending uninterrupted time with her boyfriend was one of them.

Natalie had been going out with Nathan for almost a year; they’d started dating right before high-school graduation and were taking most of their community college courses together. But in a year she had never had sex with him, had never even let him slide his hand beneath her skirt. He had been patient with her at first, but in the past few months their relationship had gotten strained. Every time they went out now he would ask some variation of the same thing.

“Come on Natalie, it only hurts the first time.”

And, “Why don’t we go back to my house baby? My parents aren’t home all night.”

And finally, “Damn it Natalie! You’re such a little tease. Most other couple’s our age are doing it, why should you hold out?”

He had asked that one on their last date after he had asked her to go the “The Hill” with him and she’d said no. “The Hill” was a spot that overlooked the city and was a famous (or infamous depending on who was talking about it) place to find teens in a “less than decent” position.

She had apologized to Nathan, but she couldn’t answer his question. Why was she holding out? The most obvious answer was that she was scared, but she also had to admit to herself that it wasn’t just that. Whenever she thought about having sex with Nathan, it had just felt wrong… which really didn’t make sense, did it? she thought. He was her boyfriend, she should like the idea of making love to him, it should excite her. But it didn’t. Still, she knew if she didn’t give in to him soon his frustration and anger would end their relationship.

As she went to bed that night in the empty house, Natalie began to hatch a plan for a weekend with Nathan. Her parents owned a small two bedroom cabin up in the Rocky Mountains. It was Natalie’s favorite place to go — the scenery was beautiful all year long, there was a small river by their cabin, and it exuded a peace and privacy she didn’t feel existed in the city. Maybe if she were up there with Nathan she would be able to push her doubt and fear into the far recesses of her mind and finally give him what she knew he wanted. Her mind made up, she set her alarm clock and fell asleep.

When she woke up the next morning the weather was cold and frosty and the weather-man said there was a high chance of heavy snow later in the afternoon. She packed accordingly, adding a heavy sweater and second coat to the clothes she’d shoved in a duffle bag. Her packing complete, she made a quick trip to the grocery store to pick up some food that would keep well for the three hour drive up the mountain and the weekend at the cabin.

As she wandered the large department store she found herself in a section of lingerie. She had packed warm flannel pajamas for the cold December nights, but maybe Nathan would prefer if she brought a couple of “sexy” nighties along too. A particularly pretty lavender set caught her eye and she grabbed it on impulse along with a black slinky night dress in her size. Throwing them in the cart without even trying them on, Natalie hurried to the check out at the front of the store. If they fit, great. If not, Nathan would never know she had bought them.

The guy at the register was not much older than Natalie, and as he scanned the lingerie he smirked unattractively, “Big weekend with your boyfriend?”

Natalie was mortified to have been asked such a personal question, but keeping her cool responded, “My girlfriend actually, and I’m sure your manager wouldn’t be happy if I told him you were making inappropriate comments to customers instead of doing your job.”

The jerk’s mouth dropped open but nothing came out. Shaking his head in disbelief he finished tallying her things in silence and stammered out the total. When she’d put it on her credit card he asked “Do you, er, need help to your car?”

Natalie couldn’t help it, she laughed. “Help from you? You have got to be kidding me!”

Still laughing, she walked away just as he muttered “Jeeze, I have to ask that question to every customer!”

Once home, Natalie packed the food and drinks into a cooler, grabbed her duffle bag, and placed it all in the large cargo space of her Volvo wagon. She left a message on her parent’s cell phone, telling them she would be spending a few days with her best friend Stephanie. She felt a little guilty about the lie, but she knew Steph would back her up, and she could hardly tell her parents her real intention. She looked around the empty house, and satisfied she hadn’t forgotten anything, locked it and headed for Nathan’s.

As she pulled up to the large Tudor style house Natalie was surprised that Nathan’s car wasn’t the only one in the drive. Parked next to the small black Saab was Stephanie’s Toyota Corona. It was winter break, but was there some sort of assignment she was supposed to be working on with them that she forgot about? Walking in without bothering to knock, Natalie looked around the empty living room, then turned and headed up the stairs. “Maybe they’re studying upstairs in his room,” she said naively to herself as she reached the landing. But as she swung open the door, she realized that what her best friend and boyfriend were doing on Nathan’s bed wasn’t something they had covered last semester.

As the guilty party looked up in surprise, Natalie took in the scene as if it were a movie set in slow motion. Stephanie on all fours facing the foot of the bed, her bottom high in the air and her naked breasts flushed. Nathan, positioned behind Steph, both hands on her hips and obviously deep inside her. Nathan’s expression was one of pure horror at being caught, Stephanie’s was a strange mixture of guilt and relief. As the two disentangled from each other and started grabbing their clothes off the floor, Natalie could only look on in silent disbelief.

Once she got her panties and tee shirt back on, Steph was the first to make an attempt at conversation. “I’m so so sorry Natalie. I came over to Nathan’s house looking for you and it just sort of happened…” Stephanie trailed off as Natalie shook her head.

“You were always a bad liar Steph. I just can’t believe you would do this to me.” She looked at Nathan, who had pulled on his boxers and was struggling to untangle his inside-out football jersey — the one she had gotten him for his birthday. Her eyes swam with unshed tears and all she could do was leave. She turned and ran down the stairs, not stopping when she heard Nathan’s shout to wait up. She pushed out the front door and was fumbling with her keys when Nathan grabbed her arm and spun her around.

“Damn Natalie, I said to wait. I can explain, I really can.”

Natalie laughed as the tears finally spilled over and streamed down her face. “What is there to explain Nathan? You were having sex with my best friend. If you were going to cheat on me, couldn’t it at least have been with some girl I didn’t know?”

“We never meant for it to happen!” Nathan protested, “But she came by and we both sort of… well we… shit Natalie, what do you want me to say?”

“How long?” she asked him bleakly. “How long have you two been doing this behind my back? Don’t bother lying to me Nathan, I can tell this isn’t the first time it’s happened. It was written all over Steph’s face.”

Nathan looked away, and she thought he wasn’t going to answer. But as they stood there in the driveway, the wind starting up around them, he finally whispered “Three months.”

“Three months,” Natalie thought, “Right after he really started pressuring me to do it with him. I guess he found someone else more willing.”

“I see,” she said aloud. As she turned back to the car he grabbed her arm again.

“It’s not my fault you know. If you had just been less of a frigid bitch I wouldn’t have had to -”

SMACK! The sound rang out clearly in the air as Nathan grabbed his face in pained surprise. Natalie wanted to scream and rage at him, tell him if he had been that unhappy he could have broken up with her, or really talked to her… or something besides sleeping with her best friend. But she didn’t think she could ever truly convey to him the magnitude of her hurt, so she got into the car and slammed the door. Nathan didn’t try to stop her as she reversed down the driveway, and as she drove away the last thing she saw was Stephanie coming out of the house and tentatively reaching out to him.

Without any clear knowledge of having made the decision, Natalie had found herself at the foothills of the Rockies and heading up the road that would take her to the cabin.