First Black

I’m 19, 5ft 10 and 112 pounds, white South African, Dutch decent, my parents moved us to the U.S. when I was three. I work part time in a shop and I am an aspiring model. I have an agent for booking modeling jobs and so far I have worked with 5 photographers and done shoots for local stores and shows but nothing really special, this is the story of my first ‘unofficial’ assignment.

The last ‘official’ shoot I did was for a motorcycle magazine, a couple of weeks later that photographer phoned me and said he had a private commission so no need to tell my agent. A client was interested in me doing some work, “he wants nude shots, I know you say no nudes but he’ll pay double for a test shoot, if that’s okay and he’ll pay double again for a full set.”

I told him I’d have to talk to my boyfriend about it and that I’d get back to him.

I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing nude, my body is ok but I’m too slim, not skinny but tall and slender that doesn’t have the shape for nude photography. My boyfriend tells me I have a great body but I know he’s biased. I didn’t want to do it and I thought that my boyfriend would feel the same way.

Just like I thought, my boyfriend didn’t want me to but an hour later when the landlord came round threatening eviction if we didn’t pay up by the end of the week we realized how badly we needed money. We owed some back rent, if we didn’t pay by Friday we’d be on the street. It was the only way we could get the cash in time.



At the studio I was paid up front, in cash thank God, then Dave, the photographer poured me a Bakers, there was a lot of it and it was strong but I needed something to quiet my nerves. He asked me to dress in a sarong and a pair high heel platforms. With those shoes I must have stood about 6ft 4 or 5 and the sarong was very flimsy and almost see-through and more revealing than if I’d been naked.

Dave then asked me to put a towel over my shoulders while Jalen touched up my makeup. I’ve never been so close to a black man since leaving Bloemfontein sixteen years ago. My parents left their homeland because of the apartheid laws, Papa was a judge there and they’d always had two or three black servants and the new laws were stifling their way of life. Personally I don’t think I’m racist or bigoted, I’ve been out with an Indian guy and have Asian friends, I just never met any black people. Some of my parent’s attitude must have rubbed off on me though because I felt really wound up and uncomfortable at his proximity to me.

On the set Dave’s assistant was black too, he looked quite a bit older than Jalen with some gray in his tight curly hair, he fussed about with the lights and the backdrop while Dave fiddled with his cameras.

I felt very self-conscious with two black men lurking in the background while Dave clicked away and directed me. I was so embarrassed when then Dave asked me to slip the sarong off. He photographed as it floated to the floor, I stood naked with two black men in the room. I was upset that I’d began to imagine them ravaging me, horror of horrors I felt my nipples begin to stiffen. Dave noticed because he asked if I was too cold but he kept on clicking.

Thank the Lord, another 10 minutes and it was over. The relief flooded through me as I covered myself with the sarong for all the protection it gave.