Felicia…

Felicia…

This street, these houses, this cruel world, callous people, bone-shaking loneliness, the feeling of guilt, and patience, and betrayal, and heartless crowds…

Felicia always looked at the ground while walking. She would’t want to see your face, talk to you, touch you, listen to your lies, or believed you.

You stole all her innocence and didn’t care when you saw her turn into a ruin. You mocked her with your cruel language and destructive words and your frozen hearts…

You didn’t see her walking home from her job at the patisserie. She wasn’t a beauty that took men’s breath away, but wouldn’t say she was ugly. She was a simple, ordinary, pale-faced, small woman. She had an innocent beauty that could only be seen by eyes that wanted to see. If you could made she smiled, you would see that her shy cheek is very sweet. But she was so far away from you. Never once have you seen her hiding the tears from her beautiful eyes when it was raining.

Now it’s raining again and her eyes are wet again. Of course you, in your own safe house, warming up in the warmth of the radiator, drinking your evening coffee and looking out the window, and you don’t care about Felicia. Stock market is rising, you’re happy, or down, you’re bored. Let it be. This is life. It can rise and fall. All possibilities are to ruin people.

One of her shoes has a hole. She walked, looking carefully at the ground, to go home without stepping her foot, which was wet with cold water, into any more puddles. When she turned the corner two blocks later, holding the shopping bag she had planned for dinner tightly in one hand, she saw the man hiding under the eaves next to the large garbage container, shivering. A homeless man and a stray dog. They were huddled together, trying to stay warm. The man’s dirty hair is tangled like black sheep’s wool. He shares the piece of bread he found in the garbage with the stray dog next to him. The poor yellow dog’s bones are visible under his wet fur, his belly almost stuck to his back and he is shivering under the merciless rain.

Felicia heartbroken. While you are listening to the sound of the rain in your warm seats at home, these two poor comrades are trying to survive. Is this fair? Is this divine will?

It had been a long time since Felicia had distanced herself from God. The reason for this was, of course, you. You left her with nothing to believe in. Still, Felicia loved her god. His lies were like an innocent child compared to yours. Your lies are so disgraceful that even God cannot imagine…

She couldn’t just walk past the dumpster. Felicia is not heartless like you. She looked sadly at the poor man who was shivering as they hugged each other and the dog whose fur smelled like a wet carpet. She opened the shopping bag in her hand and rummaged through it. A bottle of cheap wine, a package of pasta, a small piece of cheddar cheese, that’s it. That’s Felicia’s dinner party was all.

She took out the cheese packet. She stopped in front of the container and bowed graciously. She handed it to the man who was partially sheltered under the eaves. She didn’t say a word, what could she say anyway? Should she apologize for poverty? The reason for this man’s devastation is not Felicia, but you…

The man was shivering under a thick, torn coat. The coat, which was once dark forest green, had now faded to ugly gray under dozens of seasons. He raised his face and hummed gratefully as he looked with two narrow coal black eyes through his face covered by his thick and long black beard.

“Merci…” his voice shook miserably. As Felicia looked at him, she felt ashamed of being human.

“I know this cheese won’t fill you up, but I don’t have anything else…” she felt obliged to explain her miserable treat.

“I… Happy… Lady…” The man said each word haltingly.

Felicia stood there, not knowing what to say with the feeling of compassion rising within. The man divided the cheese into two parts. He gave one to his best friend, a stray dog. When the dog smelled the scent, suddenly became cheerful, drooling from its mouth. It quickly grabbed the cheese and swallowed it almost without chewing, begging for the next piece. The man did not care about the emptiness of his own stomach as much as he cared about the dog’s hunger. He gave him the remaining piece and caressed its head lovingly.

“Good… Dog… Pal…”

Felicia rummaged through her shopping bag desperately. What good is a box of pasta? How will this poor man cook it? He felt so useless and inadequate.

“If you wait here, I’ll bring you food. Please don’t leave here, I’ll cook it for you and come back…” She had a plan in her mind to go home quickly and come back.

“I… Wait… Lady… Food…” the man said the word ‘food’ with his eyes shining.

“Do you understand me?.. I’ll bring you food, don’t leave here…” Felicia panicked.

“Dog… Pal…” the poor homeless man obviously didn’t understand a word Felicia said. Soon the rain would stop and the two companions would wander the streets hoping to find a warmer corner. Who knows which side street they’ll take shelter in the darkness and fall asleep on a piece of cardboard, shivering from hunger, cold, diseases carried by dirty microbes… God! Maybe they would never wake up again..!

Yes, you don’t care what happens to them, but Felicia wasn’t going to turn a blind eye to this tragedy.

“Come…”

With a sudden decision, she extended her hand. Her clean, small, graceful, pale white fingers extended gracefully. It was like a visual invitation text. A warm, compassionate call that goes beyond words.

The homeless man could not remain indifferent to this. A poor person living on earth with no options. This hunger, this cold, this cruel city, screams to us that every behavior we think of as free will is actually a necessity.

He stood up, hugging his coat tightly. He followed Felicia three steps behind, shyly, hesitantly and with his head down. His faithful friend, the yellow stray dog, followed him.

After a short walk, they were in front of the apartment building where Felicia lived. Felicia found the key in her bag and opened the door. When she entered and looked back, she saw the man waiting in the doorway. The poor homeless man was hesitant to enter this middle-class apartment building. If anyone saw him, they would definitely think he was a thief. Until today, he had always been humiliated, pushed and despised. The conditioning in his mind was so strong that he lacked the courage to even take a single step and enter.

“You can come in…” Felicia invited, her caring voice drowning out his fears.

They went up one floor. This time, Felicia opened the door to her own apartment and walked in. While the poor man stood motionless in the midst of a new discouragement, waiting for a new invitation, the dog passed him carelessly and wagged its tail happily in the warm home. The man waited hesitantly for a while, then followed woman inside and closed the door.

Felicia took off her own coat, hung it on the hanger next to the door to dry, and showed her guests a seat like a hospitable host.

“Please relax. Take off your coat, sit down and rest while I prepare dinner…” she pointed to the long couch covered with blue velvet fabric.

“I… Dirty… Bad…” He muttered, lowering his gaze in shame for polluting this clean house with his presence. His clothes had not been washed for years, just like him. He had no right to sit in that beautiful couch.

“Why don’t you take a hot bath while I prepare dinner?” Felicia smiled warmly.

The man did not move, his gaze still turned to the carpet. The word a hot bath was so far away, he had even forgotten the meaning of this.

Felicia understood him. She knew very well what it meant to be one of the people excluded by society. She put a pot of water on the stove to boil and returned to the man.

“Please let me…” With her own elegant hands, she graciously took his dirty coat and torn cardigan and left them on the hanger. As she turned back and took off the yellow-stained sweater, the poor man raised his arms in great embarrassment.

Felicia looked sadly at the scars on his bare chest. He saw several stab wounds among the bruises. Who knows what pain he must have suffered? He carried the traces of a life of suffering on his body. She untied the knot of the thick rope that tied his pants with her own hands. The wet pants with mud fell at his feet. Of course, he didn’t have the luxury of owning an underpants.

Felicia looked tenderly at his cock, which had almost disappeared from the cold in its long black curly hair. The poor man trembled in shame. He covered the image with his hands and turned his head helplessly.

“Please don’t be shy…” Felicia held his hand in her softest voice. “Come…” she led the man, who was walking behind him holding her hand like an embarrassed child, to the bathroom.

This small bathroom, which barely fits a bathtub, a sink, a mirror and a toilet, was perhaps that the stranger had been dreaming of for years.

The man got into the bathtub, sat down, covered his crotch with both hands and turned his face to the tiles.

“Look, this is hot water…” Felicia turned the tap on the left and the warmth of the flowing water warmed the man’s feet.