Feels Like the First Time… Sapphic Edition_(0)

“Maybe it’s not such a bad thing, Mel. I mean… I’ve talked to Lisa and she told me that she has a real problem with John’s size and… you know… when they do it, it’s actually painful for her.”

I gave my best friend Alyssa a soft smile and then took a sip of my Diet Coke. It was Saturday night and we had just come back to my house from seeing a movie.

“Well, I definitely don’t have that problem.”

We exchanged knowing grins and she spoke again.

“It just doesn’t make sense. I mean, he’s so big in every other way, you would think that part of him would just be proportional to the rest of him.”

“Well if that were true, he’d probably be dragging the ground.”

She giggled between bites of her pizza.

She was right, though, my boyfriend Michael was a behemoth. The starting middle linebacker of our high school’s football team was 6’2” and well over 220 pounds. He had everything going for him: He was a senior, incredibly popular, and it was widely known that college scouts had already been to our school’s football games to watch him play.

“You could always… you know… break up with him I guess.”

“You’d break up with a guy just because he’s… small?”

“I didn’t say that. I just meant it’s an option.”

Michael treated me wonderfully. He picked me up and drove me to school and took me home before he went to football practice. He introduced me to all of his friends and always took me out on the weekends. It made me feel guilty to even consider breaking up with him because he had a small penis.

“It would be different if he was cheating on me, or somehow treating me badly, but he’s a great guy and really sweet.”

“Also, he’s a senior, and two years older than us, and being his boyfriend does do quite a bit for your popularity.”

Alyssa never did mince words.

“Well, there is that.”

We exchanged knowing smiles.

“So sex with Mike isn’t that great then?”

“Well he does… other stuff… to make up for his… shortcomings.”

Alyssa smiled.

“Maybe you could get him to teach Andy some of his tricks.”

Andy was Alyssa’s boyfriend and even though she was happy with his size, he refused to go down on her because he thought it was gross and that really upset her.

“I’ll make sure Mike signs Andy up for his ‘Muff Diving 101 Course’ the next time I see him.”

We both burst out laughing again.

“So you haven’t been able to… you know… have one during sex?” She asked.

“No. But when he goes down on me, it’s pretty easy then.”

“So, you just fake it?”

“Yeah, I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”

“He must be really small then.”

“You can’t churn butter with a toothpick.”

We both giggled until we heard the front door open. My parents were having a romantic weekend getaway in Santa Barbara, and that meant it could only be one other person coming through the door.

“Brace yourself, hurricane Jim is about to strike.”

“Hey, I heard that,” my brother’s voice boomed from the living room.

“You sound drunk, please tell me that you weren’t driving,” I said apprehensively.

“I am drunk, but there’s no way I’d waste my own gas and drive, that’s what Monica’s for.”

I rolled my eyes just as Alyssa’s mouth dropped open. She was still getting used to the spectacle that was my older brother. He walked right past us and wiped his index and middle fingers on the shoulder of my blouse as he went into the kitchen.

“You better have saved me some of that pizza,” he said, in a booming-drunk voice from inside the refrigerator.

“We did, and what did you just wipe on me?” I asked while observing the clear looking liquid that had now soiled my new blouse.

He put the half empty pizza box on the dining room table along with one of my dad’s beers and slid his chair up against Alyssa’s.

“That would be Monica.”

Alyssa and I both gasped.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said in utter disgust.

“No, I’m not. I thought of washing my hands, but I needed a dramatic entrance.”

The ‘two finger wipe’ was a classic move from the days of my older brothers. To flaunt their sexual prowess of ‘freshly fingering’ a girl, they would often wipe the proof on each other’s clothes, or force one another to smell their fingers.

Fortunately, my oldest brothers Todd and Scott had both moved out of the house several years earlier and now I was the only remaining sibling left to endure this torment.

“You’re disgusting, and you didn’t have to do that while one of my friends are over.”

“Alyssa’s like family and I know she didn’t mind,” he said while flashing her his handsome smile.

I couldn’t believe my eyes, Alyssa was actually swooning, despite his repulsive behavior. He just had that effect on women and no matter what type of repugnant behavior he displayed, they just couldn’t seem to get enough of him.

“You could be more respectful, though, Jim,” Alyssa said after she had somewhat composed herself.

“Oh, Melanie didn’t mind. And truth be told, she thought it was sexy.”

“The hell I did, Mom just bought me this blouse.”

“Oh calm down, you know she’ll buy you another one.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Let’s change the subject, Alyssa, so Melanie will settle herself down. What movie did you see?”

“We saw ‘Old School’,” Alyssa said while batting her long eyelashes at my brother, “It was really funny.”

“I saw it last weekend and I really loved it. You know, if you wanted to see it again, Alyssa, I could take you tomorrow night.”

“She has a boyfriend, Jim.” I interrupted.

“I know she does, but he’s only a sophomore and she’d probably like to spend some time with someone who’s older and more… experienced.”

At this point, Alyssa was blushing again and appeared to be unable to form words due to my brother’s smooth diatribe so I had to step in and assist her.

“Yeah, Alyssa will take one case of the clap along with her popcorn for your big date night.”

Jim shot me a dirty look.

“You know that was bullshit, Melanie. Tina was just trying to get back at me by starting that rumor.”

“Yeah, because you slept with her best friend.”

Jim was right and I knew he never had an STD. I couldn’t help myself, though, it was low hanging fruit and an easy way to get under his skin, especially in front of Alyssa who he obviously had a thing for. Furthermore, it was also true that he had cheated on Tina and part of me didn’t blame her for starting that ugly lie about him. Tina really loved my brother and he treated her like shit for the majority of the time they were together.

“Some women just don’t know how to share a good thing, but I know Alyssa’s not like that, are you honey?” He said while rubbing her thigh under the table.

“You’re drunk Jim, why don’t you just go to bed.”

“I will if Alyssa tucks me in.”

“Why don’t you text Monica and ask her to tuck you in, she’s at your beck and call anyway.”

“I would, but she’s a screamer and it would just keep you both up all night. See, who said I wasn’t considerate?”

I shook my head and took another sip of my Diet Coke. I loved my brother, but sometimes he was beyond help.

“You’re just projecting all of that sexual frustration onto me Melanie because your boyfriend doesn’t have the proper ‘equipment’ to take care of you.”

I scowled at him.

“That’s a very disrespectful thing to say about your best friend.”

“I used to tease him about it all the time, at least until he started banging my little sister, then somehow, it just didn’t seem quite as funny.”

I could feel my blood begin to boil. I didn’t like my brother’s quick wit and razor sharp tongue directed at me or my relationship with Michael.

“Just go to bed!” I screeched.

“Okay, okay. Take my phone so I don’t drunk-dial Monica,” he said while shakily rising to his feet before wobbling out of the kitchen.

I could hear the creaking as my brother climbed the stairs toward his bedroom.

“Lay off the pizza Alyssa, if your ass gets any bigger there’s no way in hell I can be seen with you.”

Alyssa’s jaw dropped open as we heard my brother’s bedroom door slam shut.

– – – – –

We tried watching TV but of course, there was nothing on. After a half-hour of randomly flipping through channels, we retreated to my room and laid down on my bed and began talking while perusing through my stacks of old Cosmopolitan magazines.

“Be honest with me Mel, do you think my ass is big like Jim says?”

I couldn’t hide my stunned expression.

“You’re kidding me, right? Every part of you looks great, and if you let my drunken buffoon of a brother alter your opinion of how you look, then you must be crazy.”

I wasn’t just saying that to be nice because Alyssa Silva was was truly stunning. She moved into our neighborhood from Brazil during our 7th-grade year and we actually met at church while taking our Confirmation classes. She was 5’7”, nearly as tall as me and weighed about 120 pounds. She had dark brunette hair and a deep olive complexion. It wasn’t an exaggeration to say she had the body of a model and every guy in our class was crazy about her and it was very easy to see why.

“I think he was just joking around,” she said.

“He’s drunk and probably won’t even remember talking to us tomorrow.”

“I couldn’t believe he… you know… wiped his dirty fingers on you.”

“Todd is the one who started that nasty shit years ago, and trust me, it pales in comparison to other things they’ve done.”

She smiled at me.

“Still, you’re lucky to have older brothers, my house is boring compared to yours.”

Alyssa had two younger sisters who were still in elementary school, so our experiences with our siblings were much different.

“I’ve had to endure the torments of the damned for the past sixteen years,” I teased, “so I’d gladly trade my brother for your sisters and get a few hours peace and serenity.”

We turned our attention back to our respective magazines and I had nearly completed reading an article about which exercises were best to help alleviate menstrual cramps when Alyssa broke the silence.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she.”

I peered over at the Cosmo Alyssa was reading.

“Christy Turlington in a twenty-thousand dollar wedding dress, what’s not to like?”

We smiled at each other.

“I’d give anything to have her body,” she said longingly.

“Oh my God, Alyssa, are you kidding me… you do have her body.”

“Right Mel, she’s like three inches taller than me.”

“And both of you are like… rail thin… I think you need to get your vision checked.”

There were a few moments of comfortable silence while we continued to peruse our magazines until Alyssa again broke the silence.

“Do you ever… you know… compare how you look to other women?”

“I guess I do, but not while I’m looking at Supermodels in Cosmo.”

She smiled.

“So when, then?”

I thought for a moment.

“Sometimes… you know… in the locker room, before or after P.E. I think it’s only natural to look a little and compare yourself to others, but I try not to dwell on it.”

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built like Alyssa and I don’t have that long and lean look. I wasn’t fat by any means, but I had a more athletic body type: big breasts, big bottom, voluptuous. I reasoned that it was human nature to admire the physical attributes in others that I, unfortunately, didn’t possess.

“I do the same thing Mel: sneak glances and compare myself to the girls in our class, especially in P.E. when we’re all semi-clothed or… you know… naked.”

She paused for a moment in reflection.

“I wish my breasts were bigger, like yours.”

“Alyssa, if you had my bigger breasts, then you’d have my bigger ass that went along with them.”

We both giggled.

“Your ass isn’t big, it’s… you know… sexy.”

I smiled at her.

“Jim has told me a million times that I’m the only white girl in Glendale who has a black girl’s ass.”

Alyssa laughed.

“I think he’s right, you have a sexy black girl’s ass.”

Alyssa was my best friend and I trusted her. She knew all of my secrets and I knew all of hers. The most disconcerting thing was that for the first time in my life, I felt sexual tension around another woman, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Looking, admiring, or comparing myself to another woman from afar was somehow okay. However, talking like this to her and… feeling … like this, especially around her, was different and wrong. Or was it? I wasn’t quite sure yet.

I put those disturbing thoughts out of my mind and quickly decided to change the subject.

“I’m slowing down Alyssa, you ready for bed?”

“Yeah, I’m getting tired too.”

Silently, we undressed and got into our jammies which consisted of sleeper shorts and big, comfortable T-shirts. Could she feel this too? There was electricity in the air… sexual electricity. I could feel her sneaking peeks at me and I very nonchalantly snuck glances at her too while we were changing.