DP Hermione: Harry Potter Parody

As the sun shined through the window of Gryffindor tower, it landed on the open page of Hermione’s book. She was reading while lying on her stomach at the foot of Harry’s bed in the boys’ dormitory. Harry himself was leaning against the headboard, tossing a golden snitch in boredom while Ron sat at the desk in the corner, hunched over his homework and groaning as he struggled to understand it.

There was no one else in the room at the moment and the 3 friends had the space to themselves. Hermione rolled over to avoid the sunbeam, trying to hold her book above her face. Harry stared at her long smooth legs lying off the side of his bed and her bushy hair splayed out around her head. Her flat face usually only appeared angry as her expression was limited to squinting as she focused on the task at hand, but at the moment she looked full of more innocence and glee.

“Why do you come here?” Harry finally interrupted the silence that had persisted since Ron sat down to do his homework.

Hermione did not answer until she finished her current paragraph. She closed the book and rested it on her chest. “Why not?” she responded with a question. “We want to be together, right?”

“But this is the boys dorm room,” Harry reminded her.

“It’s not like you two would be allowed in the girls’ dorm. And there are 2 of you so it makes more sense for me to come here.”

“Or you could just stay in the girls’ dorm and hang out with us when we go to Hagrid’s later.”

“Hagrid’s,” Ron snickered to himself. “Ever since they moved quidditch practice to the morning, he’s been beside himself with boredom. Luckily the oaf likes the company or else I’d think we were bothering him with how much time of his we waste.”

“I don’t like being in the girls’ dorm,” Hermione admitted. “I don’t have any friends amongst the girls. Besides, you let Ginny come here all the time.”

“Ginny wears hand-me-down trousers so I can’t see up her skirt,” Harry spouted.

Hermione sat up enough to follow Harry’s gaze and quickly covered the crotch of her skirt with her hands. When Harry started to snicker, she did as well. “You almost had me there,” she sighed with relief. “You boys don’t have the guts to treat me like a girl. You probably think it’s gross to ogle your friend that way.”

“I know you have low self esteem, Hermione, but don’t sell yourself short. Boys will pay attention to a mutt if it’s female. Hell I even catch myself looking at Ginny’s butt, even in trousers.”

“What now?” Ron looked up from his desk. His face turned as red as his hair when he saw Hermione lifting up her skirt though.

Harry saw his reaction and turned to follow his gaze. “What are you doing?” he asked in shock.

“Are you really that interested?” Hermione asked in mixed confusion and curiosity.

“Hang on brainy, calm down and think a little,” Ron sputtered. “I know you like answers but this ain’t the way to get them.”

“I just can’t believe my 2 best friends would look at me that way,” she was still confused.

“Did you think we were saints, or that you weren’t hot enough?” Harry asked.

“I kinda thought you weren’t man enough,” she admitted shyly. He looked incredibly offended. “Ron won’t even make eye contact with me right now.” She turned her torso to face him, practically thrusting her panty-clad thighs out from under her skirt.

“Trust me, that’s out of consideration for you, not cowardice from him,” Harry warned her.

Hermione wiggled her hips and gauged Ron’s shy reaction. “No, he definitely wouldn’t do anything, even if I let him.”

Harry was fed up with her teasing them. He grabbed the hem of her skirt and pulled it up so the waist was around her torso and the hem would not cover her panties even if it fell back down. Hermione’s face turned red as she stared at him in shock. Too late to back down, Harry then thrust his hand into her crotch. His palm pressed her labia while his fingers found their way between her thighs. She winced and moaned slightly.

Harry became nervous and regretful. “There,” he sputtered in fake confidence. “Are you regretting your openness now?”

She shook her head while gawking at him in awe. She was more impressed than upset with him. Suddenly she felt something pinching her butt and spun her head to see Ron frowning at her. “It’s only fair,” he grumbled. “Let go of her already, Harry.”

“And if I don’t?” Harry curled his fingers upward into Hermione’s crotch, making her let out a gasp.

“Just do it.” Ron grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her toward the edge of the bed. Harry grabbed her wrists and pulled her back.

“Hey, I’m not a toy,” Hermione complained. “It feels like you’re siblings fighting over something your parents told you to share.” Harry raised a confused eyebrow, he had no parents, no toys and no concept of sharing with his cousin, just giving. Ron almost laughed at his expression but knew better.

Harry frowned at both Hermione and Ron, feeling they were mocking him. He pinched the crotch of her panties and pulled them down, exposing the bristling curly hair of her pubic area. Hermione’s face turned red again. “I can see I was wrong about you.” She moved to pull her panties back up but Harry still had her wrists in his other hand. He smirked at her as he poked his fingers against her labia.

Her eyes rolled back for a moment and she nearly collapsed against Ron. It was a sensation she had never felt before, more than ticklish but less than pain. She just stared down at her own crotch, confused and somewhat waiting for it to happen again. Ron poked her butt again to see if it got a similar reaction. She spun her head to glare at him but ended up just moaning instead when Harry pushed deeper into her cunt.

Her head flipped back and forth repeatedly as the two boys kept her off guard with which one was going to touch her inappropriately next. “Stop,” she finally panted in exhaustion. “I’m sorry I teased you. Please let me go.”

“We kinda don’t want to now.” Harry admitted as he forced his fingers past her labia and into her cunt. Her eyes crossed as she gritted her teeth to bear it. Her previously buck toothed expression of last year had been replaced with a metal smile after her dentist father concluded it was time to fix her teeth once and for all.

Harry liked the look of her small shining mouth, glistening with drool that was collecting quickly. He leaned forward and pressed his mouth to hers, tasting the metal of her braces and swallowing her drool greedily.

Ron grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her away to face him. She just panted breathlessly before he too kissed her. She did not know why she was not surprised. She always assumed her first kiss would be with one of these 2 boys and had actually agonized over which one it would be. It was a weight off her shoulders to know she would not embarrass herself by trying to take their friendship further one day, now that she knew they both felt the same.

As her mouth was occupied and she was unable to complain, Ron lifted her sweater vest above her chest while Harry undid the buttons to her blouse. She squealed into Ron’s mouth as she felt Harry’s hand running over her exposed breasts. “Stop it!” she groaned when she finally broke her lips away from Ron’s.

His hands had found their way around her butt to her front and were now playing with her labia. She winced and squirmed a little but she was not strong enough to shake the boys off of her. “If you don’t stop, I’m going to get angry,” she warned them.

They both snickered as if that was nothing to worry about. Harry pulled her sweater up until the neck hole caught on her nose and it was covering her eyes. Her bushy hair still poked out of it messily. He pushed his fingers into her mouth and played with her tongue, making her drool more. They tasted strange to her. She could tell he had eaten some candy earlier and they were still sweet, but they had also been inside her cunt a moment ago. She clenched her thighs together shyly as she thought about it.

Ron could feel her crotch getting wetter as it squeezed his fingers inside. He swirled them around and tried to touch every wall. Hermione squealed again, and spat out Harry’s fingers. “I’m serious,” she warned them half heartedly. “If my clothes aren’t back to normal before I finish counting, I’m telling on both of you. One, two, mmmm” her numbers were cut off as Harry pried her cheeks apart with his thumbs. She could not see him but she could feel him licking her braces.

She sighed with relief when she felt Ron’s fingers leaving her cunt but suddenly felt her arms being pulled backwards as he yanked on her blouse.