Daddy and daughter Lisa

Lisa was my oldest daughter. As kids go she fit the pattern: oldest would be the quiet thinking type, second oldest the trouble maker and so on. She had just turned 15 going on 26, she had the looks of her mother: her height and hair color, her build, even her sense of humor. Looking at her sometimes I felt nostalgic.

She saw me looking at her one time and commented, “You look sad dad.”

“Yeah, a little.”

“You miss mom don’t you.” She knew me.

“Yeah I do honey,” I confessed, “you remind me of her at times.”

Lisa came over and gave me a hug, a warm, tight, close hug, “I miss her too dad.” We held each other and I realized it was something else I missed – the closeness, the physical affection. I was suddenly aware of her breasts pressed against me. I didn’t back off, maybe I was being selfish, but it felt good.

Lisa had ‘adoted’ the mother role in the family since Jennifer had died, she made sure the younger kids got the things they needed if I wasn’t around. She helped me plan things and even sat in to help balance the checkbook and consider our expenses. It wasn’t past me to put my hand over hers and give it a squeeze when we were close together like that or to remind her how much of a help she was. When I could I tried to give her some extra liberties or more allowance to make up for the extra things she was doing instead of being a teenager.

There was a night when we had the younger kids in bed and she and I were up watching a movie. I was sitting on the couch and she had been leaning against me. The movie was a little long and she had dozed off while being snuggled up to me. I realized she’d gone to sleep with my arm around her and her head on my chest. I had intended to raise my arm up while not disturbing her too much but the motion was awkward and my hand accidentally cupped her breast. I froze there, suddenly afraid I’d wake her and have her discover my hand in the wrong spot. I could tell she wasn’t wearing a bra and I could feel the warmth of her through her tee shirt. It might have been curiousity or my own selfish motives but I gave her breast a gentle caress, I felt the firmness of her and at the same time was aware of her delicate softness. I realized this was my daughter and moved my hand off her. I gave her a nudge and although I meant it to be innocent the Freudian slip popped out, “Lisa, I want to take you to bed.”

She mumbled an “Okay.”

I knew what I said but it wasn’t what I meant, well I’m pretty sure it wasn’t. I still felt the memory of her breast in my hand. I scooped her up off the couch and took her to her room, she hooked her arms around my neck while I carried her. She was wearing her night time tee shirt and pj bottoms but I felt physically closer to her than I ever had before. I layed her on her bed and got a blanket over her and looked at her angelic sleepy face. I paused to move the hair back away from her eyes and mouth and admired the gentle beauty of her. I kissed her on the lips, just a little longer than I should have and told her good night and that I loved her. She caught me in her arms and pulled me close, “I love you too daddy.” I kissed her again but just a peck this time then I got out of there.

I was disturbed with myself, what I was feeling and what I was thinking weren’t the kinds of things I should be doing. When I kissed Lisa I felt that I wanted to climb into bed with her. I had to take control of myself for her sake, she was just a girl, in fact my daughter and I was thinking of her and sex. This couldn’t be this way.

I tried to get back to our normal routine, shopping, cooking, the typical family stuff but Lisa would do little things that would just set me on fire. She’d hook her arm through mine as we walked through the store, or lean her head on my shouder as we stood near each other or if I was doing the bills she’d come up behind me and rest her hands on my shoulders the same way her mother did. More and more I was wanting to respond to her attentions in ways I couldn’t express.

It was one morning before she left for school when she came up to give me hug goodbye, in the way she did she pulled me close to her and held me tight. I knew her arms were around me but all I could feel were her breasts against me. I pulled away from her rather suddenly.

“Daddy?” She asked me in a calm voice, “What’s the matter?”

I couldn’t say what I was thinking and she sensed my hesitation she pulled me into a close hug again and caressed my back lightly, “You can talk to me dad, what’s going on?” She sounded reassuring.

“It’s, well…” I fumbled for the words, “I love you Lisa and…”

“I love you too daddy,” She returned.

“No, it’s just that..,” She gave me a squeeze to urge me on, “Well it’s…