Come Sit on My Lap

Fred was fried, totally, on both sides over hard. He hadn’t meant to get drunk, but there he was stewed, ‘I’m gonna be sorry tomorrow.’ He thought.
It had been a strange day, he normally didn’t travel on weekends but here he was on a Sunday evening, 186 miles from home in a medium sized town. He booked a room at the motel he normally stayed at, and found the lounge was deserted on Sunday evening, so he had had a couple. Well actually he had had five beers his usual limit. He had an itch and didn’t want to go up and watch TV so he decided to drive around for a while, and see if there was any action out on the street. His first stop was a bar four blocks from the motel, it was just as dead as the motel bar had been. He drove through the small downtown section, which was pretty deteriorated, most of the shopping having moved to the suburbs. Cruising around the block back and forth, he spied a parking lot full of cars and a neon sign. ‘Let’s give that one a try.’ The sign had a picture of Michelangelo’s statue of David on the sign, and over the entrance was a sign ‘The David’.
Must be ‘The David.’ Giggled Fred to himself as he walked in. The place was packed, Fred spotted a seat at the end of the bar and grabbed it. The hurried bartender came over and Fred ordered a beer. There was lots of noise, loud music and couples all over the place. Fred looked at one of the waitresses and was more than passing surprised to realize it was a waiter, with lipstick a scarf. Then Fred made a more careful appraisal of the interior of the bar and came to realize that the entire place was all male, what he had taken for women were just effeminate men. ‘Oh shit, I’m in a gay bar, now how do I get out of here, and what do I do if someone hits on me.’ Strange thoughts.
Of course the obvious answer was chug the beer, get up and go back to the motel. Fred wasn’t thinking all that clearly. So while he was mentally making plans for a discreet exit he had three more beers. By the time the fourth beer came he had decided to ride it out and pretend he was somewhere else, at least their were people here, more than he could say for either the motel or the other bar.
As it got later the two guys next to Fred left and the seat was vacant. He was having difficulty focusing as he consumed his next beer.
“Hi, is this seat taken?” Said a feminine voice.
“Noooo, oh nooo, thus seat is yourse.” Mumbled Fred. ‘Migosh, that was terrible.’
Thought Fred as he appraised the woman that sat down on the stool next to him. She was as tall as Fred, well built and had long raven black hair, high cheek-bones and copperish colored skin, and as nice a set of tits as one could imagine.
“I’m Lee,” she said extending her hand: “are you gay?”
“Ah I’m Fred, no I’m not gay.”
“Well don’t be offended, this is a gay bar.”
“Nope, things dull back at the motel so I decided to see the town and found this place.”
“I see, and now you don’t know how to leave.” Said Lee as she sipped her beer.
“Yeth, thas it.” ‘Damn, got to straighten up, get it together.’ A beautiful girl next to him and he wanted to get it wet in the worst way, but he had to maintain his cool.
Fred concentrated and began a conversation with Lee, soon they were laughing and giggling together.