College Daze – Chapter 2

College Daze – Chapter 2
“I need an honest answer, Keith” my girlfriend, Cassie Mansden, let out in a quiet and sombre tone. “Is there someone else?”

“Yeah, I think there might be, Cassie. It’s too early to tell yet, though.”

Cassie? I never called her Cassie. It had always been my favourite nickname, Kitten, since two weeks after I’d first met her, four years ago. That fact wasn’t lost on her either. I watched the joy leave her face, along with some of the colour. In that one moment, I would have killed to be anywhere but under Cassie’s scrutiny.

Here it comes! I told myself. The one question I just know you’re going to ask, and the one I really never want to have to answer. Please, Cassie, for the love of God, don’t ask!

It was almost as if she’d heard my thoughts, and asked anyway, out of spite.

“Anyone I know?” she almost hissed, and I felt my little world fall apart.

How was I supposed to answer her question? How do you tell your girlfriend that she’s been replaced? And by your own sister? I had no idea.

“Yeah, I think you know her” my sister’s voice drifted across the room. “There’s no easy way to go through this, Cassie, and I know you asked me to disappear. But this affects people that’re very special to me. I can’t just stand here and ignore what’s happening.”

“You knew about this? Cassie snapped at Tandra. “You knew he was going out with someone else, and didn’t do anything about it? What the hell kind of a friend are you?”

“One that loves you, that cares about you, that still wants to be your friend. But I’m kind of caught in the middle here. He’s my brother, damn it, and I love him too! If you think I’m going to just sit on the sidelines and leave him out in the cold, you’d better think again.”

“So, are one of you going to tell me who my competition is? Or do I have to guess?”

Her voice was angry, and her tone forcefully subdued. I really couldn’t blame her. Hell, if I was in her position, I’d be just as furious, and probably looking for someone’s blood. And that scared me even more, because I knew whose blood she’d want.

“Me” Tandra declared in a quiet but authoritative voice.

Cassie just sat and stared, her vision moving between my sister and me, the shock of it all almost choking both the life and the voice out of her. No one said a word for what felt like forever.

“You?” Cassie finally managed to hiss. “You’re your brother’s . . . ? His own sister? But that’s . . . “

She’d defined the problem in the fewest words possible, and still managed to achieve maximum impact. I looked for something to hide under, like a dust mote. Damn my sister and her vacuum cleaning! The place was spotless.

“Shit, I don’t believe you two!” Cassie’s anger eventually started to come out. “Brother and sister, and you’re fucking each other? How long has this been going on? Since last spring, I’ll bet!”

“Kitten, we’ve been drifting apart for a long time, you and I” I tried to keep my voice rational, “and for all of that time, I’ve tried to wait until you had an idea of where you wanted your life to go. I’ve prayed that somewhere along the lines, we’d overcome whatever road blocks showed up between us. I even took the whole summer to think about just how much I want my architectural degree. Shit, I was just about ready to abandon my education to try and keep us together. But in all honesty, I can’t do that and not have any regrets. And I can’t ask you to give up your dreams either.”

“And I suppose that when you told me you loved me, like this afternoon, it was all a lie?”

“No, it wasn’t,” I fought to keep my voice as soft and quiet as I could, “because I do love you. I think I have since we started going together, and I probably always will. So no, I didn’t lie to you. I never have, and I’m not about to start now. You mean too much to me to go down that road of deceit.”

Cassie continued to stare at both of us, some of her shock slowly being replaced by her obvious anger as the pain began to sweep into her system.

“You fucking bitch!” she exploded at Tandra. “Some friend you turned out to be! Stealing my boyfriend behind my back? Jesus fucking Christ!”

“Kitten,” I had to jump to my sister’s defence, “please don’t call my sister names. If it was anyone but you, I’d deck them, male or female. But it is you, and I can’t. I still care about you, maybe more than you know. That part of our relationship still exists, and always will, for as long as you want it to.”

I had no idea if my words had any meaning for Cassie. Given how she probably felt inside, I had my doubts. She hurt, badly, and seemed to want to lash out at anybody or anything that would help relieve some of that pain. I couldn’t blame her, because I would have been the same way, only worse.

“Go fuck your hat, Hayes! Both of you!” Cassie erupted, her anger now controlling her voice.

“Stop it, Mansden!” Tandra snapped back, her own anger at my ex-girlfriend’s vehemence becoming unleashed. “Put yourself in our shoes for a minute. I’m sitting here watching my brother, the man that I love mor than life itself getting his ass fried by my best friend, all while knowing that I’m the cause of this fight. You think this isn’t tearing me apart? My best friend’s hurting, and all I want to do is hug her, hold her, and try to make her understand that after the pain, the anger, and the feelings of rejection heal themselves, the sun will come out again. On that day, maybe she’ll see that it’s all for the best. I want to, but as I’m the other woman in Keith’s life, I owe him as much loyalty as I ever owed you. It’s because of that, that I’m hoping and praying that you and I can still work on being friends. Just don’t ever ask me to choose between the two of you, because if you do, you’ll lose. He may be my brother, but he’s also the man that I love. I’ve known him a hell of a lot longer than you have, and wanted him long before you ever arrived on the scene.”

There was a pregnant pause while silence reigned supreme as Tandra fought to regain a modicum of control over her emotions. Cassie continued to stare at my sister, and I was still looking for somewhere to hide both of us until the storm blew over.

“You may love him,” Cassie murmured quietly, “but that doesn’t change the fact that I think you’re just a slutty fucking bitch! Your own brother, for chrissake! When the fuck did you become such a fucking pervert? Some friend you turn out to be!”

“Kitten,” I just had to inject, “I’ve asked you nicely. Now I’m telling you. The next time you call Tandra a bitch, I’ll slap you! Not because she’s my sister, but because you’re hurting my second-best friend, a girl that I love, and that means more to me than you seem to realize. That would be you. So please stop it, let yourself cool off, and try to work with me to resolve some of this . . . this shit that I’ve stirred up. Okay?”

“You two take the fucking cake, do you know that? Shit, brother and sister, and you’re busy fucking each other! I suppose you’re thinking of moving in with him, too! Wouldn’t that be the end-all, be-all?”

“I already have” Tandra confessed, still fighting to keep her voice low and unthreatening. “Mom and Dad wanted us to split an apartment while I go to college. I guess I fibbed earlier, because I’m enrolling this year in first-year English, and with a full course load. I want this, Cassie, just as much as Keith wants his B. Arch., and you want that Fine Arts degree. Whether you two were still lovers or not, I want that degree. Trouble is, I want Keith, too, which doesn’t change the fact that I want you as my friend, and I want to still be your friend, too. Maybe it’s a case of wanting my cake and eating it too, and maybe it’s a little idealistic. But I still want it. The question for you is, what do you want? What does Cassie Mansden want for herself, for my brother, for her friend Tandra Hayes? When you can give me a good answer to those questions, we’ll all be ready to talk. Until then, all that’s going to happen is we’ll scream at each other, try to hurt each other, and make ourselves just as miserable as we can. Personally, I can do without that shit, and I think both of you can do without it just as much.”

The silence returned, just as heavy and suffocating as the last time. I desperately wanted to break through it’s confining entrapment, but couldn’t find the words.

“I can’t handle this,” Cassie finally broke through the pall of our inability to communicate, “not now, anyway. I’m just too fucking angry, in too much goddamned pain inside. Right now, I’d love to just beat the shit out of both of you.”

The tears had started to run down Cassie’s cheek, and almost instinctively, I reached over to wipe them away with one finger. It was something I’d always done for the four years Cassie and I had been together. She slapped my hand, hard, and pulled as far away from me as the chair would allow.

“Get your fucking hands off me, Keith Hayes! If you think I’m going to let you put a finger on me that’s probably been up her cunt, you’re even more perverted than she is!”

There was a resounding slap that echoed throughout the apartment as Cassie’s head spun from the force of the blow. I looked up to see my sister now standing, her hand ready to repeat its assault on her friend, and the redness of her exploding anger almost glowing on her face.

“Stop it, Cassie” Tandra commanded. “Keith’s asked you to keep a civil tongue, and now I’m demanding it, for the same reasons. Your hurting my friend, my very good friend, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit here and watch you hurt someone I love. So unless you get off her ass, I’ll hit you again, and I’ll keep on hitting you until my best friend Cassie is safe from your hurt, your anger, and your pain.”

Tandra walked around the back of Cassie’s chair, then wrapped her arms around the seated girl’s chest and kissed the crown of her head.

“I do love you, Mansden. Maybe not as much as my brother does, but I still love you. So does he. The only difference is that while you may be in love with him, he’s no longer in love with you. If you care about him, really care like you have for all the years we’ve known each other, you’ll keep on loving him, but let him have the space he needs to find his own life. When the day comes that you’re over this shit we’re all finding ourselves in, and you will, just remember that we’re both still here for you, that we’ll do whatever we can to help you get through, and that our doors are always open. I truly am sorry for what’s happened, and for the pain I’ve caused. If it was anyone besides you or Keith, I wouldn’t give a shit. But it is, and I do.”

Something that my sister had said had struck a chord in Cassie, because I saw her hands move up and grasp Tandra’s forearms, pulling and holding the offered consoling tighter to herself. When Cassie didn’t fling those arms away, I wondered if my sister had found that place in my ex-girlfriend’s heart that cried for salving.

“I’m too close to the trees to see the fucking forest” Cassie admitted. “This is all a little much to handle. Shit, I come over here to make love to my boyfriend, and get dumped instead. Thrown over for his sister, for fuck sake! You two sure know how to hurt a girl, don’t you?”

Some of Cassie’s anger was slowly dissipating, and there was some relief as the veil of heaviness started to lift. I knew that we just might survive our disagreement when Cassie slid a hand across the tabletop as she sought mine.

“This doesn’t hurt us any less than it does you, Cassie” Tandra murmured to her friend. “We still need you, to be our friend, to be there when we need someone. Hell, I need to be your friend, still. I’m really hoping that one day, you’ll forgive me, and we can go back to being what we were. Is that possible, do you think?”

“Maybe,” my ex-girlfriend offered, “but it’ll take me some time to get over the fact that my boyfriend’s in love with his own sister. No, maybe that’s not quite correct. I’m having a hell of a time accepting that he’s not in love with me any more. But you’re both right, in that I still love him. It’s his sister that I’m pissed at. Stealing my boyfriend? That’s going to take me a while to get over, Tandra. But yes, I still want to be friends.” She lifted my hand and kissed the back of it, then leaned down and kissed Tandra’s forearm that was still wrapped around her chest.

“I’ve got to get out of here, before I start crying. I’ll talk to you guys when I’m a little more rational, okay?”

“Kitten,” I finally found my voice, “can I call you sometime through the week? I really need to know that you’re okay. I don’t expect you to go through this crap with a big smile on your face. Shit, if it was me in your position, I’d be ready to demolish something. But I do need to know that you’re alright.”

She squeezed my hand once more, then lifted it to join the other as she eased Tandra’s restraining hold of arms off her.

“I’ll call you, Keith. Okay? I need some time to get my head straightened out.” then turning to Tandra, she went on. “And I’m still pissed at you, Miss Hayes. It’s going to take me some time to forgive you for what you’ve done, and even more to accept that you’re fucking your own brother. But I will, eventually. Trust me, I will. You two have been my friends for too long to just throw it all away.”

“What you need, Kitten, is to remember that you’re loved, that you’re cared about, and that you matter to someone. I’m all those things, and so is Tandra. Focus on that reality, and maybe it’ll help” was all I could offer.

“And you’d better call,” Tandra added, “or I’ll phone you until your mailbox is full, then keep it full until you return my call. That’s a promise, not a threat.