Clothes Shopping with Christy

“Here, try this on.”

Groaning, I reluctantly shrug into a fluorescent orange tank top that is about as far from my idea of fashionable as it is possible to be.

“Happy?” I say, trying not to think about my farmer’s tan.

“It’s ravishing,” she says, flashing me her trademark winning smile, making my heart flutter involuntarily. It was Christy’s idea to go shopping. We’re not even dating. Normally, such a request would be grounds for a “What are we doing here?” type conversation, but that’s just not Christy’s style. When she decides to do something, she does it. That, and she’s made clear to me on more than one occasion that we’re just friends. Still, my heart flutters. I mean, this is Christy Park we’re talking about, half Korean, half Irish, 100% beauty queen.

“Hey! Are you listening to me?” She’s holding a couple of skimpy bikinis that would send my mother into fibrillations. “I’m trying this on. Come wait outside the dressing room so I don’t have to come looking for you.”

“Personally, I think if you’re going to wear it on a beach, you should feel comfortable wearing it around a store.”

A withering look is the only response I get for my attempt at lighthearted ribaldry. Following the most beautiful little rear end I’ve ever seen, I head to the dressing room and assume my post outside the door, doing my best to indicate from my posture that that is the last place I would like to be. Not that there’s anyone to see me, of course. The store itself is pretty much empty and the dressing room attendant is away doing some restocking or something. I turn my thoughts to the girl—woman—who is getting undressed a few feet away from me. Christy and I met 8 years ago, in fourth grade. We hit it off immediately, first as some of the smartest kids in our advanced placement class, but then as good friends.

We started spending a lot of time together. Freshman year, I asked her to a dance “as friends,” but in truth I wanted it to be something more. She nipped that one in the bud pretty quickly. I moved to on to other things, and she kept unsuccessfully pursuing the love of her life – Conor Hedigan. Truly one of the most idiotic pieces of slime mold I’ve ever met. No one knows what she sees in him. They’ve never even dated, and I think Conor’s fucked pretty much every decent-looking girl but Christy by now.

“Hey!” she intones. “You still out there?”

“Yeah.”

The door pops open. “What do you think?”

I am genuinely speechless. I’ve seen her in a bikini before of course, but this is something different. Knowing that it’s at a store, that it’s for ME, in a way, gets me instantly aroused. Not to mention this thing is a felony waiting to happen. It’s bright red, with those slits on the waistband and I can just make out the nipples of her full and perky breasts peeking through the top. Needing to turn around before she notices my boner, I manage a “Nah” before I dart out.

I hear a disappointed sigh as the door closes. “I kind of liked it. It’s OK though, I’ve got 3 more to try.”

I’m sighing too, but out of relief. Just as I think I’m saved, I hear the clerk coming back. The dressing room area is oriented like a long hallway, with dressing room doors on either side. The clerk’s desk sits at the end of the hallway, so that he has a view of the outside of all the dressing rooms. Unfortunately, that means she won’t possibly miss me and the giant bulge in my pants. Not wanting to leave and piss off Christy, and kind of acting on a hormonal impulse, I knock on the door.

“Changed your mind?” she inquires, hopefully.

“Nah. It’s just that the dressing room lady is giving me weird looks” I lied. “I think it’s a bit unusual for me to stand out here. Can I come in?”

“I’m not going to be decent. I think you can handle a few weird looks,” she replied, curtly.

“Christyyy,” I whined. “I’ll face the wall. This woman is scary. She’s probably got Genghis Khan’s blood or something.”

A pause. She was thinking about it. The attendant was arranging some stuff at her desk, but any moment she’d sit down and see my nastiness.

“Christyyy.”

“Fine. Just face the wall. I might actually need help with one of these.”

Phew. Just in time. Wait. Did she say help? Christy hadn’t started to take off the red one from before, so I had time to look around.