Caring for my daughter – Part 1 – I don’t need any clothes, dad

It is the worst day of my life. I have just learned over the phone that my partner of almost 20 years, Debbie, and our 18-year-old daughter Ava were in a car accident. A truck driver didn’t see them and crashed into the driver’s side of Debbie’s car. Debbie was driving and passed away on the site of the accident. Ava apparently was found unconscious and was hospitalized. I’m absolutely devastated. I’m in shock and arriving at the hospital. Ava is in lying in a bed. An odd system of splints sits around both of her arms. Her legs are slightly elevated. Ava is conscious! I learn from the doctor that she has gotten away without any serious injuries. She just has to wear the splints on her arms for some time to help with a full recovery and we got a list of rehab exercises for her legs and hips as they got injured as well. I hug Ava and we cry together. What a terrible loss! I cannot comprehend this!

Ava has to stay in hospital for observation for a few days. I learn that the splints on her arms and shoulders are just temporary, however Ava won’t be able to touch herself nor feed herself and needs a carer until she recovers. She’s not happy about that but the doctor insists on the inconvenient splints. “You will thank me for it later, young lady!” the doctor says as he leaves Ava’s hospital room, closing her patient file in one hand with a loud snap.

I realize quickly that I can’t afford a professional carer and I don’t know anyone who could help as we’ve just moved here recently. Ava will have to stay at my place and I will have to take care of her. I’m working from home anyway, so that should make it manageable. Over the next few days the nurses at the hospital are kind enough to give me a crash-course about basic care: How to get her in and out of bed, how to feed her, how to wash her, how to use the bedpan. I’m out of my element but at least I could watch the nurses a few times. Ava is clearly upset about being in this helpless state but has no choice but to accept it. “It will be over in no time, honey. You are so lucky that’ll you’ll be able to make a full recovery”, a nurse reassures Ava with a big smile on her face, squeezing her hand.

Ava has now been discharged from hospital. She’s not supposed to walk for some time and is sitting in a wheelchair for transport. Her arms are at a slightly odd angle due to the splints. But at least she can move her hands. The doctor recommended for her to stay in bed to ensure the quickest recovery. I’m putting my arm under her shoulders, the other arm under her legs and lift her out of the chair. She’s so light! Her body is slim and petite. Her long, black hair flows onto her shoulders in a straight line. She’s got a beautiful dark tan and dark eyes. She’s definitely coming after her mother. “Ouch! Careful, dad! My arms and legs are sore! Shouldn’t you know that by now ?!”, Ava exclaims as I’m lowering her into her bed. “Sorry Ava, darling! I’m doing my best. I’m sure we’ll overcome all teething issues in no time and you’ll be out of here soon.”

My daughter throws a sulking look at me and sighs deeply: “Dad, this is so bad! I can’t do anything myself. I need to constantly call you if I want to do things, do you realize that? To eat, to brush my teeth, to change my clothes, even to go to the toilet! This is so humiliating!” I’m sighing as well: ”Yeah, darling. I totally get you. We’ll both have to get used to this situation and be patient with each other, ok?” Ava doesn’t respond. She’s just staring into the void.

Ava is still wearing the hospital’s patient gown and nothing beneath. It is one large sheet of baby-blue fabric with two loose short sleeves, wrapped around Ava, covering the front of her body. The ends of the sheet are held together at her back by two pairs of strings which are tied together in a knot just like shoe-laces. One knot at her neck and another one at the center of her back. Below that there aren’t any knots; just a long slit until the fabric ends at her knees. Hospitals use these gowns because they are much easier to put on compared to normal clothes and the open back design allows easy access to the patient, especially handy when washing the patient or when having to use the bed pan.

“I’ve installed a holder for your computer tablet here, you can swing it over.