Body of a Man, Mind of Machine – Chapter Two_(1)

Chapter 2:



“What’s the emergency you called me about?” Amanda asked with worry as she climbed into Jenny’s car.

“I need to talk to you and I can’t do it in your house or mine,” Jenny said sheepishly as she pulled out of Amanda’s driveway.

They drove out of the suburbs and deep into the woods, stopping at the side of an unpaved road. They were half an hour’s drive from the nearest house or real building and only after being absolutely sure that both Amanda’s and her own phone were turned off an out of reach did Jenny finally pull over.

“Ok, do you need to talk to me, or are you going to kill me? I’ve never seen you this nervous.”

“I just need to tell someone about this but I have to make sure no one else finds out,” Jenny said, taking a deep breath and gripping the steering wheel so tightly that her hands were white. She then turned to her friend. “Listen, I don’t know how to say this delicately, so I’ll just be blunt… Adrian and I made love last night.”

Amanda shifted through so many facial expressions so quickly that she looked like she had opened the Ark of the Covenant. She didn’t know whether to be happy for her or be horrified. Jenny just waited for Amanda to respond with a guilty look on her face.

“So… how was it?”

Jenny gained a nervous smile. “To be honest, it was better than I expected and I had really high expectations.”

Amanda was almost taken back by the response. “Really? He was good? Wow… I don’t know what to think anymore. Seriously, I can’t decide if this is luck or skill, or if you’re just trying to sabotage yourself. This is like if you got pregnant and I couldn’t tell whether to congratulate you or suggest an abortion. Speaking of which, you are on the pill right? Because you might really need to get an abortion.”

“Yes, I’m on the pill, but this is serious! I don’t know what to do!”

“Well do you regret it?”

Jenny smiled. “Not at all, it was the greatest night of my life. I just don’t know what to do now.”

“Well what happened? I need details!”

“Well my parents weren’t home when he drove me back, so I told him there was something I really needed to talk to him about. I brought him up to the bedroom and I told him that I loved him and I wanted to give him his virginity.”

“Well while I think that it’s stupid that you actually love this guy, I’m glad you had enough sense to give your virginity to someone you love.”

“At first he was really defensive, you know how he just wants to be alone… He thought it would be a really bad idea, he said that we would both regret it, he warned me that if we started a relationship it would inevitably end after a short while and we would hate each other, and he thought I was being an idiot for wanting to give his virginity to him. Finally, he told me that he would follow my wishes, but he would erase the memory of the whole night so that it would have never even existed for him.”

“How romantic,” Amanda said with sarcasm drier than the world’s greatest martini.

“I know… the build-up was less than desirable. But when he finally agreed and we had that first kiss… I’m still shivering. And then after we kissed… well I already told you that it was the greatest night of my life.”

“I got to say, that last part does sound pretty romantic. So what happened afterwards?”

“Well he got up, got dressed, and said that he had to go home. I was worried he was going to be true to his word and erase the memory, so I asked him if he enjoyed it. Instead of answering, he turned to me with the warmest smile I had ever seen and asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner tonight. I told him again that I loved him, he teased him a little, then he winked at me on the way back to his car.”

“Damn, you are good. You brought him back from the brink and made him human. So are you really going out with him tonight?”

“Well I don’t have his number so I’m assuming he’ll call me. I just hope he really will call. I know he was pretty shell-shocked afterwards and wasn’t quite in his normal state of mind, I’m worried he could crash mentally. I don’t know whether I should give him space or stay close and keep an eye on him. He went from emotionless robot that just wanted to be left alone to being physically intimate with someone that loved him. I’m actually really scared for him; his identity completely changed over the course of an hour and that’s not good for someone’s psyche.”

“Wait, over the course of an hour? Does that include…”

“No, neither of us was quite confident enough for foreplay, but there was a “transition” between kissing and the actual sex and we were intimate for over an hour.”

“Wow, he’s got some serious self-control. I have to say, I’m kind of jealous of you now.”

“Thanks, but remember, you can tell no one about this. If Adrian and I are in a relationship, then it won’t take long for people to find out. I just don’t want them to know we were intimate.”

“Your secret is safe with me.”



Adrian was sitting in his bedroom with his mind set in a self-induced trance. For what he planned to do, he needed to fully work together with his subconscious. Having achieved a perfect meditative state, Adrian delved deep into his mind and created a space for his consciousness to solidify into a projection of his physical body, the same as in a dream. He constructed the background of the dream into something fitting the situation, choosing the form of a nightclub. The walls were dark purple and decorated with lit candles and the ceiling was covered in mirrors and the tiles had intricate patterns. There were no tables, just booths lining one side of the room opposite to the bar, with a small lamp dimly illuminating each one.

Adrian was sitting at the bar, looking at himself in the mirror.

“I wouldn’t be doing this if I weren’t desperate, so let’s at least get this over with.”

Two copies of him appeared, sitting on the stools on his left and right. One was the embodiment of Adrian’s physical desires, an entirely separate personality that he kept locked away. The other was the embodiment of his emotions, which according to Freud, kept desires in check and applied meaning to them.

“Id, Ego… it sure has been a while.”

“Wow, you really are desperate,” Id laughed.

“Let it all out,” Ego said.

“I just have no idea what to do. What can I possibly say when I see Jenny again? I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“Tell her that you want to screw her on every possible surface and in every possible position,” Id grunted.

“She loves you, stay with her and it won’t take long for you to have the same feelings. When you see her, I want you to wrap your arms around her, kiss her, and tell her you want to be with her,” Ego said, patting him on the back.

“You guys are completely useless, could you at least try to be unpredictable?”

“What the hell do you expect? I’m pure emotion and he’s the sum of your physical desires. You haven’t given us much to work with,” Ego replied.

“Enough talk, just rip her clothes off an fuck her!” Id yelled in impatience.

“You love her, tell her that.”

“Id, shut up. And Ego, YOU love her! That’s your job! I’m the Superego; I’m a separate personality with my own desires. I exist as my view of myself and what my identity is, and I’m not sure I want to identify myself as the guy that loves her.”

“Well did you regret rocking that tight body of hers?” Id asked.

Adrian hesitated before answering. “No, I don’t regret it, at least I’m not sure that I do. I have no idea what to do now. Do I just erase the memory as planned and go back to the way I was before and continue on to my goal of transcending the human race? Do I keep the memory and try to have a relationship with Jenny? On one hand, statistics show that our relationship would inevitably fail, but on the other… I was happy. Every aspect of my night with her was like… it was better than… I hadn’t felt so good since I walked out of the hospital and stood in the rain.

I remember everything so vividly and can’t help but go over it over and over again in my mind in an attempt to relive it; the feeling of our bodies melting in perfect harmony, the warmth and softness of her naked form pressed tightly against mine while we held each other in that sweet embrace, the way she ran her fingers through my hair when she kissed me with her rose petal-like lips, and that nearly spiritual euphoria of the simultaneous climax we shared. Just thinking of it all makes my body tremble like it did when we finally separated.

But I don’t know what to do now. Do I forget about her? Do I just go along with it and enjoy her as long as I’ll have her and try to endure the pain after it ends? Do I try to fight the odds and make the relationship work? Do I forsake my goals to be with her? I just need a voice that isn’t my own to tell me what to do. I haven’t felt confusion in years and I don’t know how to face it all. I need help, but there is no one that can help me.”

“It doesn’t matter who you get involved with, the plan must come to fruition.”

He turned around, facing another copy of himself. He was wearing a bulletproof overcoat and all of his clothes were made of Kevlar. Protruding from the back of his waist was the hilt of a weapon, hidden in its sheath that hung diagonally from his belt.

“The other half of my Superego, the symbol for my world plan. I was wondering when you would show up.”

“Id, Ego, and Superego; you divided yourself up into those three mental forms in order to help you achieve your goal of transcendence. However, I have a personal stake in this too. You created me for the sole purpose of completing your ultimate goal of changing the world,” the ominous entity muttered, staring at Adrian with those same calm steely eyes.

“Tell me something I don’t know. I’m well aware that she could get in the way of my plan and I don’t need you reminding me of that. Either give me something I can use or vanish,” Adrian cursed, wishing he hadn’t even bothered contacting his alternate personalities. For the first time, he actually wanted someone to talk to.

“Hey, we’re all you got. You’re the one that doesn’t want to have friends, remember?” Ego reminded.

Adrian’s eyes widened. “Damn it, you’re starting to respond to my thoughts. You’re reminding me that I don’t want friends while I’m regretting not having anyone else to talk to. We’ve been in contact for too long, we’re starting to merge back together. This discussion is over.”

Adrian banished Id and Ego back to the confines of his subconscious, leaving him alone with the other half of his dominant personality.

“You want my advice? Very well. Trust her. Take a risk. Should she get in your way, you can always eliminate her the way you’ve eliminated so many other traitors and obstacles. You have enough money to hire an army of subordinates and have them do anything you want them to do, anything except trust and follow you. She on the other hand is completely loyal to you, and that could greatly come in handy. If she loves you then she will follow you. Mold her into something that you can use.”

“I refuse to merely use her. She is not my subordinate. I won’t take advantage of her like that.”

“Well if anything, she can serve as both the barrier and the cushion between you and I. You are well aware that as you move forward in your plan, it will be harder and harder to separate us. To the people around you, you are Adrian Alexander, a youth focused on breaking his own physical and psychological barriers. But there are so many names for me, the commander of your legions. The question will eventually become which of us is actually the mask.

You have already killed many people, both through orders and by your own hand, and I am the prison that keeps your sins contained and protects you and the plan from your conscience. If you keep her close, then she can help you bear the sins you must commit, and she can make the transition between us easier as well as make it easier to stay separate from me.

The plan must be brought to fruition; there can be no excuses and no failure. In order to change and save this world, we must be successful. You and me, two goals, the two sides of the same coin that will act in tandem, two of multiple personalities that share this mind and work together. We can do it if we don’t let ourselves get trapped in this farce that is known as “your life”. It all comes down to what you are willing to cast aside and what you are willing to bring with you when we finally make that leap and reveal ourselves.”

The entity turned away from Adrian and slowly disappeared as the dream melted like a painting on thawing ice. Adrian opened his eyes and took a deep breath. He was back in his room and his body was sore from maintaining the meditative position.