Being More Social – Chapters 16-20

Chapter Sixteen

When I got to the student council meeting, it was as if the negativity that was coursing throughout my body was some kind of atmospheric event that plagued the entire School. Even in my state of shakiness and numbness over what I had done, I couldn’t avoid noticing that the mood of the entire council had gone down. Nevertheless, instead of asking around before the council began, all I could do was find a seat and slump into it.

“You okay?” the concerned voice of Megan asked. I looked over to her, not realizing she was sitting next to the vacant seat. I frankly wanting to avoid talking to people, and clearly, choosing the location I went with was a big mistake.

“Yeah, just, last period was brutal.” I waved her off. “So who died today?”

Megan motioned to Mr. Scott, sitting at the back. “I don’t know what’s happening but it’s something big.” she said fearfully.

Yeah, real helpful, Megan. You really answered any and all questions I could have asked. I rolled my eyes and looked to the front to see a noticeably flustered Phil, pacing back and forth and occasionally making sure some papers were stacked correctly or something. Seeing him made me think of May, which gave me a pang of guilt as I pictured her distraught, betrayed expression, gingerly rubbing her face.

I looked away to Nicole, who was examining some pictures on her camera. I tried waving to her so I could capture her attention. She didn’t look back, but instead took her phone out of her pocket with her free hand and waved it back at me.

I followed suit and pulled my phone out, showing I got a new message from Nicole. Scott doesn’t want an alleged rapist heading the council. Go figure.

The sent time was the exact minute I viewed the message. Did Nicole send it seconds before I looked at her? She kept on impressing me with what I just accepted at this point were her supernatural powers. I looked back at Phil, who was fidgeting with his hands. So what, was Mr. Scott showing up to boot Phil? Seemed kind of… stupid.

I allowed my mind to wander, which led me to think of May yet again, which made me compulsively slam my hands down on the desk in front of me in a kneejerk reaction and take a deep breath. I wasn’t okay. Internally, I was shaking. I had struck another student. That went against everything I stood for. I felt truly and wholly disgusted with myself, ashamed that I would cause another person pain like that.

I was taken out of my headspace by Mr. Scott clearing his throat and standing up, slowly making his way to the front of the room besides Phil. He stood there for a few seconds, mumbling something to Phil, then looked towards the rest of the council.

“Good afternoon, students.” he began.

“This is Mr. Scott speaking.” I could barely hear Nicole mumble in her best Mr. Scott impersonation, which wasn’t half bad. If I wasn’t feeling empty inside I’m sure I would have given a chuckle.

“Now, as many of you know, this council has had its fair share of of disagreements and difficulties in the last few days.” he continued, unaware of Nicole’s interruption. “And as is customary in these sorts of situations, we like to leave it up to the people to decide these sorts of things once administration has done what it can. Now does anyone here not know about the situation involving this council’s president?”

No one said a thing. Not a damn thing. The silence hung uncomfortably in the air. I bet it hurt Phil to know that Scott wasn’t even mentioning his name.

“Okay.” he nodded after a while. “So in the past, the council has voted on whether they want to keep or dismiss the acting presi-”

“How can we be expected to have an honest vote if you won’t even release the findings of the police investigation?” Jeff piped up, practically jumping out of his seat. “If Phil is still here, that means he’s innocent. It sure would be cool if you guys would at least fucking say it!”

“Jeff, your dedication to transparency is appreciated, it really is.” Mr. Scott told him sympathetically. “However, police investigations like this one can’t be fully disclosed to the public. It’s just how it works. If there was another way, we’d be taking that option, but since there isn’t, a vote like this is the best thing we’ve got.”

“So are we voting on whether or not Phil did it? I’m confused.” Megan quietly asked.

“Thank you for asking, Megan.” Mr. Scott thanked her. He was the biggest politician out of all of us. “Given the events that have transpired, you all will be voting today on whether you want Phil to continue acting as your Student Council’s president.”

“Even though there’s less than a month left in the school year, and changing the chain of command would make things worse for everyone at this point.” Nicole dryly added, never taking her eyes off of her camera.

“Nicole, that’s enough out of you.” Mr. Scott said shortly. Clearly he’s had to deal with Nicole before.

“Why? Because I’m right?”

“Another comment from you and I’m going to ask you to leave.” he insisted, his patience thinning. I looked back at Nicole, who just shrugged in indifference. “Whether or not it’ll make things easier isn’t the question. You all have the right to voice your opinions on this.”

At this, Nicole raised her hand. Mr. Scott sighed exasperatedly. “Nicole, ple-”

“Isn’t there supposed to be another teacher here for these kinds of things?” She piped up anyway. “If we leave it up to you, and knowing you this’ll be a blind vote, how can we trust that you’re telling the truth? Not saying you won’t.”

All eyes turned to Scott, but he didn’t break a sweat. “Phil will be here. He’ll be able to see the results as clearly as myself.”

“So you mean Phil will get to see which of his friends are backstabbers firsthand?” Nicole replied coolly, never making eye contact. She was really trying to push her agenda here, especially considering I initially took her as the type to believe that Phil did it.

“Nicole, please exit the room.” Mr. Scott replied with as much chill to his voice. “You’re not welcome in this vote.”

“Systematically getting rid of pro-Phil votes, huh? I’m sure this was the kind of democracy the Founding Fathers died for.” Nicole muttered dryly as she packed up her stuff and left. Scott waited until she was out of the room, then continued.

“Does anyone else take issue with the way this is set up?” Scott asked, clearly hoping for no answers.

“I do like the idea of Phil not seeing the individual votes.” Eli commented. “I think we all trust you to be honest, Mr. Scott, but perhaps it would be best if Phil didn’t witness this.”

Mr. Scott nodded. “Does anyone have any objections?” No one answered, so Scott turned to the man himself. “Phil?”

“Yeah, it’s cool.” he answered flatly and tiredly. “I’ll go outside.”

“And…” Scott began, stopping Phil in his tracks. “…If Nicole is out there, no arguing, keep it civil, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I got you.” Phil nodded as he left, closing the door behind him.

“Alright.” Mr. Scott sighed. “As Nicole mentioned, this will be a blind vote. In a minute I’ll be asking everyone to lower their heads onto their desks so no one will be biased by their neighbor’s vote. I’ll be asking those who want Phil to stay as acting president to raise their hands, then the same thing for those who want him to leave. Do we all understand?”

There was a murmuring of ‘yes’ from the council, and Scott nodded. “Alright, could I ask everyone to lower their heads onto their desks?”

I did what I was told, and could see nothing but black. For the first time it occurred to me that this was a bit of a huge deal. This would impact the future of the council, how people saw Phil, maybe even his future. Supposing he did what he did, which I frankly didn’t even believe, did he even deserve this?

Rape is horrible. Being raped is horrible. If he did it, of course he deserved this. He deserved worse. Jail was too good for him. If he did it.

But did he? Maybe I was biased given what May did to me. How she couldn’t take no for an answer. But… was she learning from him? Hell, did I have any place to talk, considering how I struck her?

Fuck. I didn’t know. I was taken out of my thoughts by Scott’s booming voice requesting, “Those who want Phil to stay as acting president, please raise your hands now.”

My hand shot up. I heard the rustling of clothes as other hands presumably shot up too. A few seconds passed and then Scott declared, “Okay, you can put your hands down. Those who want Phil to no longer serve as your president, please raise your hands now.”

I heard more rustling. I almost wanted to ask other people not to do it, to plead Phil’s case or something. I wasn’t too keen on being thrown out just like Nicole, however, so I kept my mouth shut.

After a while, Mr. Scott cleared his throat. “Okay, you can put your hands down.” he repeated. All of us lifted our heads, eager to hear the news. All eyes turned to Scott as he cleared his throat again.

“By a very slim margin, the majority of you have voted for Phil to leave his position.” Scott informed us, accompanied by sighs and quiet grumbles from the more vocal council members. “Effective as of next meeting, Jeff Swanson will be your acting president, taking on both his and Phil’s duties for the next month.

“This is bullshit.” I heard Matt grumble.

“Straight out the ass.” Jeff agreed more loudly.

“Could someone please go get Phil and Nicole to tell them to come back inside?” Scott asked, clearly ignoring the remarks from the peanut gallery. “Whoever’s closest to the door will do.”

All eyes looked around the room until they came to rest at me. Of fucking course… Mustering strength, I got up from my seat and trudged over to the door, opening it slowly. A giant knot formed in my stomach as I realized for the first time that I was going to have to tell Phil. I needed to look this guy in the eyes and tell him that everything he worked for in high school, whether he deserved it or not, was gone.

As I closed the door behind me, I found I didn’t have to after all. After seeing Phil wasn’t to my right, I found him to my left, quietly sobbing into Nicole’s shoulder as she hugged him. I had heard him on the breaking point before, but never fully crying. The sound of his crying was absolutely haunting, and I was stuck between being grateful for Nicole’s involvement and curious as to how their interaction went out here. Her head appeared from behind his shoulder. “It’s okay.” she told me darkly. “He knows.”

***

“Shoulders down.” Sensei Sparrow barked at me. “You’re too tense. It won’t do you much good in a fight if your shoulders are up like this.” She hunched her shoulders up in an attempt to make a caricature of me. “Got it?”

“Ous.” I responded. Ous. What kind of word was that? Probably a Japanese one, I guess, but it still sounded stupid. I pushed the thoughts to the back of my head as I continued punching, one after another.

Sensei Sparrow nodded. “Good job. You’re really coming along.” she remarked. “Work on your footwork next, it’s kind of messy down there, okay?” Without waiting for a response, she walked away, looking after other students. Like many lessons, we were expected to look after ourselves tonight. After all, a disciplined martial artist doesn’t need an authority watching over them to be diligently working… or something like that.

However, I was still a white belt, so I had the lack of discipline to be able to say, ‘fuck it.’ I lazily glanced around the room, distracted by anything other than what I was supposed to be doing. Some students were practicing katas, Sensei Sparrow was chastising another Sensei for something involving ‘body dynamics,’ and two brown belts were sparring in the corner of the dojo.

Nicole and Paul, to be precise. And they were really into it. Nicole appeared to be giving him everything she could muster, but despite punches and kicks coming from everywhere, Paul didn’t back up. Paul blocked everything she landed, then supplemented a block of his with a punch that didn’t hit hard, but clearly got her square in the stomach.

“Point,” Sensei… um, I think it was Sensei MacArthur who was watching them. I was never good with names.

Nicole had a visible scowl on her face. “This is such horseshit.” she complained, just loud enough that I could hear it.

“Did I hurt you?” Paul asked her with a concerned voice that was tainted with a hint of smugness.

“No.” she growled back. “I don’t get how this keeps happening.”

“I’ve practiced sparring ever since I first came here.” Paul pointed out. “You could do katas in circles around me, but I just have more experience in sparring. Is it really so bad that someone is better than you at something?”

“Shut up, you’re not.” Nicole hissed back at him.

“Guys, focus.” MacArthur had a surprisingly warm voice. This wasn’t like Salvador where it seemed threatening. It just sounded like the tower of a man wouldn’t hurt a fly. The duo said nothing more and got back to their corners of the imaginary ring, readying their hands. MacArthur made a motion between the duo like he was chopping wood with his hand, and the two were back at it again. Nicole flew a flurry of punches in Paul’s direction, hoping to intimidate him right at the beginning again. It didn’t work, as Paul dodged to the side and retaliated with a roundhouse kick which hit the mark.

“Point,” MacArthur shouted again. Nicole made an audible groan. “Two points, Paul. Winner, Paul. Shake hands.”

Paul was clearly trying to stifle his grin and Nicole was trying to do the same with whatever murderous expression I’m sure she had in her mind as the two shook hands. Her eyes said enough – even from across the room, it sent a shiver down my spine.

Sensei Sparrow coughed loudly, taking my eyes away from the two. I have no clue how long she was standing in front of me. “Come on, Adam.” she coaxed. “Stay focused.”

Yeah, I’m sure not focusing on punches was a greater sin than a clear lack of sportsmanship, but Nicole seemed to get away with everything, so maybe it was high time I stopped comparing myself to her.

The rest of class went pretty uneventfully. After it ended and we bowed out of the dojo, Nicole and I changed in the washrooms and made our way to her car, almost wordlessly.

“You know what would be funny?” she asked.

“What?”

“If you and I fucked in one of the washrooms.” she replied with a sly grin. “Like, in the dojo area. Wouldn’t that be a scandal and a half?”

I stared at her for a few seconds. “Aren’t…” I began slowly. “aren’t we not having sex right now?”

“Well, yeah.” she shrugged. “I’m just talking hypothetically.”

“Well I think you’re trying to enjoy the power you have over me a little too much.” I replied.

“Aw, is widdle Adam bitter because he’s not getting sex anymore?” Nicole fake pouted, winking at me afterwards.

“Well, not really.” I replied, bracing myself for the truth that was about to spill out. “I’m still doing stuff with Megan.”

Nicole was about to shift to drive, and stopped, leaning back. “Stuff?” she asked exasperatedly. “Like, what stuff?”

“Sex stuff.” I replied bluntly, then looked over to see Nicole facepalming. “Oh come on, Nicole, you can’t e-”

“Sure I can.” she fired back.

“You don’t even know how that sentence was going to end.” I complained.

“‘Oh come on, Nicole, you can’t expect me to just stop like that.’” she imitated me. “Spot on, right?”

“No.” I lied.

“And yes I can. That’s why I stopped with you. I wanted to show you how sex makes everything you see different. It kind of fucking ruins the point when you go and do it behind my back anyway, doesn’t it?”

“I didn’t realize you were my mom. Or my girlfriend.” I shot back at her.

“Well, keep living in that world, because I’ll never be either.” She told me. “You’ll never know how to be responsible with sex until you know how to operate with and without it.”

“And how long have you operated without it?” I challenged her.

She shifted gears and began to drive. “Well, my record is over fourteen years.” she told me flatly, and flashed me a grin. “Beat that.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I think mine’s around there too.” Silence filled the air around us. “So what if I have sex, though?” I brought it back up. “Can’t I just be taught to make the most of my perspective or whatever while having it?”

“You still talk like a freshman. It’s not a good idea for you to be doing adult activities.” Nicole told me.

“Well, that’s condescending.” I grumbled.

“It’s also true. You think I wanted to stop doing it with you?”

“Then let’s just go back to the way it was before!” I protested.

“Oh squirt. You’re too cute.” Nicole chuckled. “But that way you won’t learn anything.”

“I’m not learning anything now.”

“And you have your own libido and Megan to thank for that.” She stretched her shoulders. “Just saying. Plus it’s a bad attitude to say you’re not learning. You’re constantly learning.”

“I’m learning that you can be a jerk when you wanna be.” I remarked.

“Don’t be like that.” Nicole replied, a small smile forming on her face. “You learned that a long time ago.” She and I shared a small laugh. “And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Just like how you can’t do anything about me and Megan.” I pointed out.

“Megan and I.” she corrected me before she even processed the sentence.

“Plus, I could always just take sparring lessons from Paul.” I grinned.

Nicole had a don’t-even-go-there smile on her face. “You fucking bastard.” she whispered to herself. “I mean, he’s a jerk anyway.”

“Well, you were the one lacking sportsmanship.” I replied.

“Was not.” she protested. “I have great sportsmanship. Just not with him.”

“You really hate the guy, don’t you?” I asked her. “This seems like more than a ‘he seems condescending’ thing. Did he like, do something to you?”

“No.” she flatly replied. “He’s just a jerk. You’ll see.”

I sure hoped I would, because as of now I definitely didn’t. “Whatever you say.” I mumbled.

“It’s been a long day, hasn’t it?” she brought up out of nowhere, as if we hadn’t just been arguing. “McDick’s?”

I chuckled. “Sure.” The more things changed, the more they stayed the same.

“Oh, and if you can resist it, I want you to stop.” she added.

“With Megan?”

“Not necessarily the ‘with Megan’ part. Just the sex. As hard as it fucking may be, just for a few days, just cut it out, okay?”

“I’ll try.” I uneasily said.

***

Megan screamed as I first entered her, allowing her a few seconds graciously before thrusting back inside her again and again.

“Mmm…” she purred, looking back at me as I claimed her. “Master’s a little on edge today, isn’t he?”

“Did I say you could speak?” I growled, slapping her ass hard before continuing to grip it. Megan grunted her approval, but understood her role and shut up. No sounds were left coming from her mouth except for the occasional muffled yelp of me pushing in further or picking up speed from my usual pace, which complimented the sounds of our hips slapping together quite nicely.

Eventually, I stopped, earning a moan of disappointment from Mean. Still knowing she couldn’t speak, she whipped around and batted her big brown doe eyes, asking me wordlessly why I stopped.

“I have an idea.” I replied huskily with a wolfish grin. “Bear with me.” As a promise of good things to come, I flicked her nipple, earning a surprised yip from her.

Maybe porn had warped me, but there was something I always wanted to try, and now that Nicole was ordering me around with what I could and couldn’t do, it just made me more adventurous. I don’t think Megan was exactly complaining when I grabbed her arm and dragged her to the custodian’s closet halfway through lunch, though judging by how her expression changed from slightly frightened to sparkly-eyed in anticipation, I didn’t need to her to voice her opinions to know what she wanted. Within minutes we were fucking, and thanks to the gym and karate, I think I finally had the physique to pull the following off.

I got down on my knees and coaxed one of Megan’s legs into my hand. During foreplay, I always loved to feel up her legs. It had been about three days since Nicole’s talk with me, and Day One of My Revenge Time (title in progress) was spent giving Megan foreplay until her eyes had rolled back into her skull, then leaving her with a chipper ‘goodbye.’ Needless to say, I got to spend a lot of quality time kissing up her legs, feeling them, doing whatever I wanted with them. I loved how smooth they felt, how much power I had… Being with Megan was an experience every time.

This time though, I pulled her one leg over my shoulder, then coaxed her other leg over my other one. My current positioning was awkward, but I was determined to make this work. Finally, at some point Megan caught on. “Oh Adam…” she breathed. “Are you sure? Are you sure you’re able to do this?”

“One more word from you and when we’re done, you’re going to leave here without me allowing you to clean up.” I growled sn response. I ‘allowed’ Megan to go to the washroom the last two times, even though the first time was only spent teasing her, and the fear of not getting that luxury shut her up.

Now both of her feet were awkwardly shuffled around my shoulders. “Now pull your legs in,” Instructed her as I gripped her ass with my hands, slowly standing up and preparing myself to support her weight.

It took an annoyingly long time and a few ‘okay, wait’s, but eventually, Megan had her legs locked around my shoulders at a height where I could easily enter her. Finally, I thought to myself as I chuckled out loud. “Ready, pet?” I asked her breathily.

“Destroy me,” she replied, just as breathily. “Nail me, make me your own.”

How could I turn an offer like that down? I I took my hand off of her hip to line us up and paused for effort, looking into her eyes and grinning. She met my grin with one of her own, albeit an innocent, sweet grin that almost made me feel guilty for what I was about to do.

With one motion, I pushed myself into her and just like that, I was fucking Megan right against the wall. No floor for her to stand on, no other lifelines, nothing between us and what we were doing. This way felt so much more intimate, more daring. I actually really liked it.

The mushy stuff never made me go any slower though. Never taking my eyes off of her expression, which seemed to be somewhere in between pained and blissful, I kept up my efforts, filling her in the way that she desired and craved.

Normally Megan was able to obey my demands for silence with ease, but I had to guess that fucking this way meant more of me went into her, because even after I ordered it, there was no stopping her surprised ‘oh’s and cute little moans, all of which just made me more excited to be nailing her right into the wall.

“This is… so… good…” Megan panted in between thrusts. “Adam… Oh, Adam…” This was interesting. I hadn’t seen Megan be such a chatterbox in a long time. “Adam… Oh my god, Adam…”

“You like that, pet?” I practically wheezed. “You like fucking like this?”

“Can we… do this… all the time?” Megan asked in answer, which almost made me laugh. I couldn’t afford to, though, considering I didn’t know if she would drop if I stopped supporting her hips. “Just all day… you and me…”

I grinned and continued my nonstop assault on her, making her spasm and squirm all over the place. If I had known that Megan would love this half as much as she did, I would have done this a long time ago. It almost brought us back to the first time we did it, minus all the drama afterwards.

“Kiss me…” she begged. “Please?” She was bouncing all over the place, allowing her body to ragdoll as I continued pumping in and out of her. Chuckling inwardly, I leaned forward and without making things too awkward, planted a full kiss on her lips. I found out very quickly that we could make out with me still being inside her after instinct took over and during the kiss my tongue played around her lips and occasionally darted in and out of her mouth. I kept up my rhythm as we passionately kissed and was tempted o move my hands up to her neck as we shared our slow moment.

I didn’t want to pull away, but since cramps started to become a prominent issue as we stayed in that position, I did and we went from a sweet, tender moment to animalistic sex all over again. Megan went back to her moan-panting and I went back to attempting to make my speed rival my depth as I entered her again and again. Every thrust made her squirm more, every push made her feel warmer and wetter, every meeting of our hips increased the euphoria between us two.

Either Megan was in a mood or she definitely liked this position, because her skin felt noticeably hot to the touch. The combination of hotness and smoothness was addicting and soon my one hand was moving around her body in a desperate attempt to grab, feel, and have her all to myself as I continued my efforts, albeit a bit slower. No matter how much I attempted to be as rough and carnal as I wanted with her, Megan had this inherent cuteness to her that made not stopping and admiring how adorable she was a chore.

Even in the midst of our act, I had to shake my head and come back to my senses. Was I getting… feelings for her? This late in the game? I knew she was developing feelings for me, but… I felt like she was a child, frankly. I felt like I had a responsibility to be the adult, to… well, I really didn’t know why ‘being the adult’ meant being the more cold and emotionless when it came to sex. Blame Nicole, or something. At any rate, as adorable as Megan was, I didn’t want to be developing feelings for her. I hadn’t yet, and I knew it would complicate things. This definitely sounded bizarre coming from her ex-boyfriend, but I couldn’t let it happen.

Luckily, just as things became complicated in my head, Megan’s moans started turning higher and more desperate. I silently thanked her God as I gained in speed, coaxing her climax and more importantly, the end. At this point, it frankly didn’t even matter if I got off. Plus, with all the ‘practice’ I was getting, it was actually getting harder to even climax during these meetings at all.

“Adam…” Megan panted, right on cue. “I’m… I’m…”

“I know, baby girl.” I moaned back. “Do it, cum for me…” I sped up and thrust in deeper, whatever I could do to stimulate her.

“I’m… I’m gonna do it…” she continued panting. “I’m gonna cum for Master… Thank you… oh, thank you…” Her moans turned to squeals as a flash of heat, noticeable by touch, flowed through her and she shivered. She would have screamed, I’m sure, but she had learned to be a good girl, and one of the requirements was controlling your screams so no one would become curious as to why there were screams of ecstasy coming from the custodian’s closet during lunch.

As she reached her orgasm, I thrust once more inside her and let her move around on me, enjoying the situation by herself, as had become customary. Once she was done, she lazily opened up her eyes and grinned at me. I felt her pussy loosening on me. Stick a fork in her, she’s done. “That was so great.” she quietly told me. “I love doing this with you so much.”

“Don’t lie.” I smirked, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “You like doing this with everyone.”

“Don’t put yourself down like that.” she insisted as I got on my knees, allowing her to stand. “You have special qualities. You’re going to make a girl very happy someday.”

“Are you guilt-tripping me?” I asked with a sly smile on my face, standing back up now that I had let her go.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that.” she huffed. She tried to formulate another justifying sentence, but just sputtered. At the end, all that came out was, “I’m sorry.”

“Because it’s a little too coincidental that you mentioned that you loved me just a bit ago, and now you’re telling me about a futu-”

“You’re pushing your luck.” Megan informed me, 100% serious.

“Right, sorry.” I stepped back.

“All I mean is that you’re a great lover.” she continued. “I’m happy that you’re going to treat someone really well someday. If it’s not right now and me, I can take it.” A smile formed on her face. “As long as we can keep doing this.”

I pretended to think about it. “I don’t see why we can’t.” I replied as she pulled up her pants. She responded by moving forward and kissing me on the lips. As we shared the kiss, my arms moved on their own to embrace her. They eventually wound up around her neck as our kiss became even more tender, even more loving. A rush of pleasure flowed through me, a wave I didn’t even feel during the sex. My body almost went limp at that moment. I found myself unable to concentrate on anything other than her, other than us.

My eyes fluttered open, as did hers as we ended the kiss, in some kind of poetic harmony. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. Even in the sweaty afterglow of sex, her golden flowing hair was still heavenly, framing her face perfectly. Her big brown eyes absolutely sparkled, and as a small knowing smile formed on her face, they began to dance, encouraged by her mouth’s movements. There was nothing about her face that didn’t seem purposefully sculpted to bring the whole thing together, to make her seem, in the moment, out-of-this-world beautiful. I was entranced. I was captured, hook, line and sinker.

“I love you.” she whispered delicately.

But I wasn’t stupid. I knew there were limits. I knew what I was supposed to say and more importantly, what I wasn’t. I was smart.

“I love you too.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake… that wasn’t my voice, was it? I looked down at Megan’s face, trying to hide the panic on my face, and saw her smile widen. No, stop that, I thought. Quit it, quit smiling. I didn’t just say that.

It was kind of too late to say, “Oh, but just in a friends that fuck way” like a jackass. I had kind of just boned myself. Hell, I couldn’t even run away, considering our arms were still wrapped around one another. God dammit, I was so stupid.

Megan giggled like a schoolgirl in my arms and hugged me tighter, burying her face in my shoulder so she couldn’t see my nauseated glare into space. After a while, the hug subsided and she took to the ground to grab her bra and shirt. “So what do you have next period?” she asked me.

“Anton is going over the Civil Rights Movement.” I answered. “You?”

“Probably just more To Kill a Mockingbird.” she said, putting her glasses back on and blinking rapidly. “It’s going to be boring without you there.”

“Yeah, we can’t fuck in the back of the classroom or anything.” I replied sarcastically.

“Would if we could.” Megan replied, grinning. “Are you leaving first or should I?”

“Uh, let’s make it you.” I answered. “Anton knows I can be late at this point. It’ll get us into less trouble all around.”

“Suits me.” she replied chipperly, giving me a small kiss on the cheek before opening the door, looking around cautiously, and breathing a sigh of relief. It was a miracle and a half no one had caught us yet.

***

“When I said ‘no having sex this week,’ I should have clarified: that does include lunchtime quickies with Megan in the custodian’s room.” Nicole huffed out of nowhere as she started the car.

I choked on the water I was drinking, earning a chuckle from her. “Yeah, go ahead, act surprised.” she added smugly.

“How…?” I began.

“You’ve been doing it Wednesday and Thursday too, haven’t you?” She flipped her hair back over hear head. “On Wednesday you had a hint of sex smell to you. Thursday your hair was all messy. I figure you wouldn’t have stopped today. For shit’s sakes, Adam, when I ask for you to stop having sex I didn’t realize it’s like slaying the Gorgon. Do you have an addiction?”

“Coming from you?!” I spat back.

“Aren’t I the foremost expert?” she asked with a wink. “Are you at least getting that this is making for some really weird situations? And don’t just say yes because you think I want to hear it.”

“Yes.” I admitted.

“Like what?”

“That’s private information.” I pouted.

“Yeah, and I won’t really believe you unless you spill the beans, so it ain’t private no more.” Nicole added spicily, pulling out of the school’s parking lot.

I shifted uneasily in my seat, earning a chuckle from Nicole. “Am I not allowed to keep some things to myself?” I asked finally.

“I’ve been fully public with you.” she shrugged.

“Yeah, but you’re more comfortable with that. I’m a different kind of person than you.” I retaliated.

“Yeah?” she asked me, genuinely puzzled. “I thought we’re pretty similar. How are we different?”

Really? How?! “Similar?” I asked incredulously. “Where do I start? You’re super smart, super pretty, super popular…”

“It’s a hard life.” she interrupted dryly.

“You have way more confidence and you have way more experience.”

“Experience?” she asked me. “What do you mean, like sex?”

“Well, not just that. Like, you’ve been in situations before and you know how to deal with them and stuff. You know how to be public. I really don’t.”

“Well this year you’ve been getting better with that kind of stuff.” Nicole argued. “So it’s pretty similar.”

“No it’s not! You’re all cool with the sex talk but without you I’d still be helpless talking about my problems.”

“Oh, okay.” Nicole slowly said, understanding me. “So you’re saying given the situation you’re in, on your own things would be more difficult and you’d be in over your head?”

Finally, she was understanding my feelings. “Exactly, thank you.”

“So your actions are putting you in situations you can’t handle on your own.”

Oh, fuck you.

“So when you disobey me and go have sex anyway, you’re only making things unbearable for yourself to the point where you have to run to others. AKA, you’re just proving my point.”

“Were you planning that from the beginning of this conversation?” I asked, head hanging.

“Pretty much.” she replied, grinning.

“I should never trust you again.” I grumbled.

“Saying ‘never’ is stupid, squirt. Especially with me.” she flashed me another grin. “I’m only doing this for you anyway.”

“You’ve been ‘doing this for me’ for like six whole months now.” I replied. “If you want me to be independent, quit bossing me the fuck around.”

“I could choose to be very offended at that. You’re being really rude.” she told me sternly.

I sighed exasperatedly. “It sometimes feels like my feelings don’t matter as much as what you think my feelings are. It’s not enough that you know I’m upset, you have to be right about why I am. I have to be happy on your terms. Every time I’m sad or something, you have to figure out why and if you don’t, you have to explain to me why I’m wrong. I get that sometimes I don’t know my own feelings, but sometimes I do, and you don’t really respect that. Just because you’re two years older than me doesn’t mean you’ve lived through everything I have, or like, every feeling I’ve felt. I’d appreciate it if you listened to how I feel more instead of presuming all the time.”

Nicole didn’t say anything during my entire rant. She just listened without interrupting. When it was clear I had finished, she pulled over to the side of the road, shifted the car into park, and undid her seatbelt.

“Okay.” she told me quietly with a small smile, then moved in to hug me. I went from sad and lonely to happy and feeling appreciated, all while embracing the most important girl in my life. I was very happy. It almost felt rare at this point, with all the shit going on around me. It didn’t even register that my face was moving to meet hers, or how close our faces became, or when I started kissing her.

It sure as hell registered when she was kissing back, though. It suddenly became very apparent what we were doing. My mind rewound to the point where we shared an innocent kiss, then sped up to the point where we were now, which in fact was making out like lovers that hadn’t seen each other in years.

And of course I had to screw it up. In the moment, my mind was turned off, everything rational was thrown away. Not only was my mouth moving of its own free will, so too were my hands. It was after my left hand travelled up her body and enclosed around one of her amazing boobs, giving a soft squeeze, when Nicole swiftly pushed me away with a sharp, “No!”

Both of us sat there in silence for a few seconds before Nicole cleared her throat and moved back into optimal driving position.

We drove for a few minutes before I decided to say something. “Sorry.” I piped up.

“Ugh, the awkward silence is over.” she complained to herself as she continued driving. “I was hoping we could go for the rest of the drive without saying a word then forget this a few weeks later.”

I could tell she was joking to try to make the situation a little better. “I pushed too far.” I continued.

“Oh, stop.” she shut me up. “It’s as much my fault as yours. If you have to come to me to respect your feelings, let’s start by not pinning everything easily pinnable on you, ya wimp.”

“So… was that something? Is… are we…” I stumbled over my words, hoping for the best.

“I’m not about to bone you right here and now, no.” she answered with a chuckle. “You caught me at a weak point.”

“That makes me feel like I took advantage of you.” I nervously pointed out.

“Fair point. We both took advantage of underlying sexual tension and we both had a moment of weakness following a sweet moment. Better?” She took her eyes off of the road for a second to smile at me.

“So you want it too?” I asked excitedly.

“Oh my god, squirt, I swear you’re the dumbest being on the planet.” she blurted out. “Of course I fucking want it. You know that I want it. I’ve always wanted it.”

“So then why do you hold back?” I eagerly asked, nervously eyeing the road. My house was really close, and as soon as I had to get out of the car, the moment of vulnerability would be over and we’d drop this conversation like a hot potato.

“Why the fucking shit do you think I hold back?” she asked, with a little too much ferocity for me to continue thinking this was a good thing. “I’m wanting it too much. I’m opening up to you. My emotional walls are coming down, and I don’t want that. I’m scared of being that close to you, squirt. I’m sorry, I don’t want to be. It’s nothing personal, but I really don’t want to be. I’m not ready to be close to human beings right now. I just want to remain that one girl people admire from afar. I can’t… I’m not ready to handle it right now. There’s just a lot of… Like, no. It’s not going to happen. This…” she gestured between us. “…is never going to happen. I need you to stop pretending it ever will.”

“But why?” I asked. “If you want it, what’s the harm in just accepting it?”

Nicole pulled into my driveway, put the car into park, and sighed as she leaned back. “Pretend…” she began with an unsteady voice. “Pretend you fucking love chocolate. Like it’s the best thing you ever ate. You love it, you love eating it so much. You with me?”

“Yeah…” I began slowly.

“Now picture that somewhere down the line, you got an allergy to it.” she continued. “You still enjoy it just as much, but it hurts you. It’s not like the hurt is preventing you from enjoying it, but it just hurts too much. A part of you is screaming for more chocolate, and another part of you never wants you to touch it again. Your stomach or whatever can’t take it. And it’s not something you can control. So just because you want chocolate, doesn’t mean you can just eat it.”

“So, me being around you…”

“Not really being around me.” she cut in. “Being intimate with me.”

“Me being intimate with you… hurts you?”

A haunting silence filled the car. Nicole remained unmoved for a good ten seconds, at least, before she spoke.

“Yeah.”

I nodded slowly, and let the silence pour back into the empty space. A concoction of awkwardness, sadness, and subtle anger from both sides swam through the silence as we both stared straight ahead. After a while, the car clicked to indicate the doors were open. I looked at Nicole. Her hand was on the ‘unlock car door’ button. I sighed.

“I thi-”

“Not now. Please.” her voice begged, eerily still.

I sighed and nodded. Undoing my seatbelt and grabbing my backpack, I gave Nicole one last glance as I shut the door. Her face showed nothing, as if she was just staring at a blackboard during class. As soon as I shut the door, the car became alive, pulling back out of my driveway. I could have followed the car back to her house with my eyes, but I just didn’t have the energy. I just trudged inside the front door, content to just kick off my boots and lay down on the couch.

I passed by mom, who was still working on the computer, before I did so, out of politeness. She had her headset on, so I only waved. Upon seeing me, she took her headset off.

“Hi, sweetheart.” she warmly greeted me. “How was your day?”

I chuckled. “Long. Yours?”

“Same old. Work is work. Are you hungry?”

I knew where this was heading. Mom always did like to baby me. “Mom, I’m not a kid. I can get something by myself.”

“Well, I know, but if you’ve had a long day the least I can do is help you feel better.”

I sighed and scratched the back of my head, the universal sign for ‘I’m too proud to say ‘yes mom do that,’ and too much of a freeloading pansy to say no and make it myself.’ Mom got out of her chair, took her headset off, and started walking to the kitchen with me in tow.

“Aren’t you still working?” I asked.

“I’m on break.” she answered. “Does a grilled cheese sound nice?”

“Sounds fucking perfect.” I answered bluntly, then covered my mouth. “Sorry.”

Mom wasn’t mad. She just had a surprised look with a hint of humor, the kind of face one makes when they say ‘Oh really?’ “Someone in this household sure is growing up.”

“Yeah?” I asked, plopping down on the couch. “Who would that be?”

“Well it certainly isn’t dad.” she joked, getting some cheese out of the fridge. I closed my eyes as she continued. “So why was your day so long?”

“Just things.” I answered.

“Ah, just things.” She repeated, mocking me.

“Well…” I continued exasperatedly. “It’s just stupid teenager things.”

“If it’s making you feel stressed, it’s not stupid.”

“Yeah, I know, but it’s not stress so much as… I just have a crush on Nicole.”

“Aw, Adam! That’s lovely.” mom said sweetly. “Does she make you happy?”

“Yeah, but that’s where the stupid teenager stuff comes in.” I continued. “She’s not exactly available.”

“Does she have a boyfriend?”

“No! No, nothing like that.” I practically sputtered. “It’s just that she has a lot of… baggage. It’s just like… I don’t want to say ‘it can never be’ because that’s too dramatic, but…”

“She’s just not ready for a relationship right now?” Mom filled in the gaps.

“Something like that, yeah.” I nodded. “I just feel kind of pathetic and small.”

“Aw, sweetheart.” Mom sympathized. “There’s no need to feel pathetic. Nicole obviously cares about you very much. If she’s not ready, that’s just a feelings thing, not an issue of you being ‘not enough’ or anything.”

“Yeah, I get that.” I nodded again. “It’s just one thing to know it, and another to feel it.”

“You understand things deeply, you know that?” mom asked as she brought me my plate.

“Oh c’mon.” I retorted as I sat up, taking the plate. “Thanks. I understand things normally. You’re just saying that because I’m your son.”

“It is my job to keep you feeling happy and confident.” mom admitted. “And fed, don’t forget fed.”

“Thanks.” I repeated. “I mean, even if I understand things better this year, that’s completely thanks to Nicole. She’s really opened me up this year, and made me see things I couldn’t.”

“Yes, I can understand that.” mom nodded, sitting down next to me. “Stoners don’t have the best reputation, but they definitely are known for their unique perspectives.”

I tried my best to stifle my laugh. “She’s definitely unique.”

“So where does your friendship with her go from here?” she asked.

“It’s probably not going to change.” I admitted. Nor is it going to change back to what it was, I bitterly thought to myself, but that was my Nicole-starved sex drive speaking. She definitely spoiled me. Megan was great, and she definitely was more eager, but there was a certain… flavor to Nicole that I got addicted to. I wanted to be inside her, to please her… hell, just to hold her.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” mom asked, smiling. “At least you still have what you have. I’m sure you’re grateful for that.”

I’d like to say I was a good boy, to say I was grateful for what I had. But I was a teenage boy, of course I wasn’t. I wanted more.

***

To say that the following Monday was weird would have been an understatement. There was no question that Jeff wasn’t ready to take on a leadership position. Even before the council began he was mumbling, checking things over with other council members, pacing back and forth… I guess I should have been glad he found Room 203 in the first place.

He sure as hell wasn’t doing a good job of controlling the place. In one corner, Natalie and Eli were arguing something about a budgeting issue, and in another, Tina and Matt were headlocked in a debate about how the hierarchy in student council had changed. It was like something out of a comedy movie. To complete the set, almost centered in the room, sat Nicole, playing with her camera and singing.

“Nobody knows, the trouble I’ve seen…” she sang in a pitch-perfect voice that would have earned her Simon’s approval any day. “Nobody knows my sorrow…”

“Nicole.” I practically had to shout over the crowd.

“Oh hey.” she said casually as I approached. She held up her camera so I could see the screen. “What do you think, number one or number two?”

She showed me two different shots of the school hallway with students in them. Both of them were framed frustratingly perfectly. They both could have been used for any old yearbook shot. It was impossible to pick one amongst the two.

“Number one.” I answered after picking a random number in my head. “What’s going on here?”

She glanced around her and shrugged. “Politics at work.” she answered.

“Can’t Jeff do something about this? Wasn’t the meeting supposed to start two minutes ago?” I asked.

“Of course he can’t.” she answered. “That’s reason like fifty-seven why firing Phil was stupid. He’s hopeless. He’s good at what he did, but not anymore.”

“Who’s the new VP then?”

“He is.” she sighed. “He’s taking on the roles of both. Hence why nothing is freaking getting done.”

“Well, can something be done about the noise at least?” I asked exasperatedly.

She sighed again. “Fine. Don’t say I never did anything for you, squirt.” She lazily got up, letting the camera dangle around her neck, and walked to the front of the room. She passed Jeff, took the heaviest book she could find off of the wall, and promptly threw it down on the desk in front of Jeff with a deafening thud.

It was enough to render the room silent. “As I’m sure a lot of you know, this time of the year is known to many as ‘crunch time.’” she began. “Crunch time means a very unhappy Nicole. An unhappy Nicole means either cooperation or several homicide reports. To save on paperwork, I think things would just go a lot easier if we all just cooperated. So I’m going to give everyone here ten seconds to resolve their issues and shut up. Afterwards, Jeff is going to conduct a council, and we’re all going to treat this as seriously as any other council meeting, without any interruptions unless they’re from me. Okay? Your time starts… now.”

I expected to hear perhaps confused murmuring, but all I heard was silence, and all I saw were a bunch of chastised students too fearful to look Nicole in the eye.

“That’s what I fuckin’ thought.” Nicole stated menacingly with a dark look in her eye. Almost instantly, it vanished, replaced by a gleam. “You all are lovely. Thanks for being so cooperative.” She sauntered back to her chair and sat back down, beaming smugly at me.

“Is there anything you can’t do?” I asked her teasingly.

“Get enough of your compliments?” she winked at me. “Now shut the fuck up, squirt. Council is starting.”

I didn’t think I was going to begin this particular student council with a grin, but definitely by the end, I was sorely missing Phil. Whether he had bad conduct or not was a whole other topic, but he definitely knew how to command a room, and Jeff… to put it lightly, Jeff didn’t. He had the same control over a room as a gym sock, and by the time the council had ended, I got to remember what ‘excitement’ was when I suffered a small cramp getting out of my chair.

By the time Jeff called out that the council was over, people were beginning to file out before he even finished the sentence. He took it well, clearly, not a single emotion on his face as he packed up and cleared out himself. I took my time, knowing Nicole was going to give me a ride home.

“Crazy day, huh?” I remarked.

“Kill me.” she replied, collecting her stuff. “I’m so done with everything.” By now, everyone else was out of the room, with the exception of Megan, who seemed to just be standing there.

“Do you need something, Megster?” Nicole addressed her.

“Um..” she nervously began. “I just… I got your note, and I’m just waiting for… whatever you needed…” she was playing with her hair anxiously as she spoke.

“Note? What note?” Nicole inquired. In answer, Megan put her finger on a piece of paper on her desk and slid it forward so it was in front of Nicole. I read the note over Nicole’s shoulder.

Megan,

Stay behind after the council meeting. I need to talk to you and I need to talk to you alone. Don’t ask me about it, I’ll tell you when everyone left.

Was Nicole hiding something from me? Oh god, was she going to talk to her about the sex thing? That wasn’t fair, talking to me about it was okay but poor little Megan would have died from fright. “Nicole…” I began uneasily.

“I never wrote you a note, Megan.” Nicole replied, dead serious. “I mean, fuck, this is nowhere near my handwriting.”

“Oh…” Megan replied, somewhat confused but still nervous. “I’m sor-”

“No, shut up for a sec.” Nicole cut in. “Why would someone write this note? They wanted the two of us together, in this room, why?” She paced around the room for a few seconds, then spread her arms out cautiously. “Oh my god, there’s a bomb.”

She eyed our fearful expressions and burst out laughing. “Relax, you idjits.” she chuckled. “So what the fuck is with this? Adam, is this you?”

I shook my head no and Nicole’s smile left. “Huh. Weird.” she shrugged, then gathered her stuff and opened the door.

A fiery little brunette greeted her, jumping into the doorframe with a loud “AHA!” as the door opened. Nicole remained unmoved, and slowly turned to face Megan and I. “Well, I think I have an idea now…” she said lazily. She turned back to face the little demon. “Hi, May. Care to come i-”

“I planned this.” May announced crazily, walking in. “I wanted to have all three of you in a room with me, because it’s time we talk about some things, and reveal a few truths while we’re at it.”

No one said anything for a few seconds. “What the hell, why not,” Nicole announced, plopping into a chair. “Meglet, text your bro and tell him I’m driving you home.”

“Why are you encouraging her?” I asked Nicole incredulously.

She shrugged. “Today was boring. This is at least something new. So, what’s up your ass, May?”

“Don’t talk down to me.” May snarled back at her, catching Nicole off guard. I had never really seen May this riled up. It was almost scary. No, fuck it, she was scary, especially given our past. “I’ve got many secrets I’ve been keeping inside for way too long, and it’s time to expose this motherfucker.” She pointed squarely at me, then slowly grinned. “So, Adam, do you want to confess for yourself, or do you want me to talk? Because I have a long list of things I have to get through.”

I looked desperately around the room. Megan wasn’t going to say anything. She was too uncomfortable. I sure as hell knew how she felt. Nicole was too unpredictable to help me, her burnt-out mind too focused on her spontaneous nature and sitcom attitude to take this seriously. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

The most worrying part was, I wasn’t even sure if I was thinking the same things as May, or if I was just inventing things she was making a big deal out of, or… maybe I deserved this. Too many things about what May and I did were coming up.

Fuck.

Chapter Seventeen

There couldn’t have been a better example of ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ in human history. May was staring me down, just daring me to make the first move and spill the beans. If I didn’t, she would start, and then she would really have the upper hand. Either she would have free reign to twist the story inevitably to make her look worse than she did, or I would keep interjecting with the ‘that’s not true’s, which would get weaker and weaker with every interjection I was goaded to make.

Well fucking played, May. I stared her down coldly as she stared back, her grin never fading. In the two opposite corners of the room sat Megan, so shy and shriveled up she may as well have been through a food dehydrating machine, and Nicole, sitting about as casually as one does when reading the Sunday paper.

“No? Nothing?” May inquired almost evilly. “Well then, shall I begin? After all, your little whores deserve to know just who you’ve been sleeping with, right?”

I nervously looked over at Megan, who was just staring straight down at her desk. It was almost funny, considering about a semester ago she was doing the exact same thing with May. How quickly the tables turned.

“So you fucked? Cut the histrionics, I’m already bored.” Nicole piped up lazily.

“We sure did.” May responded smugly. “More than once. And guess when the first time was?”

“A romantic candlelit dinner?” Nicole quipped. “Who fucking cares when y-”

“Jeff Swanson’s party.”

At that, the lazy look left Nicole’s eye. She sat up straight and put her arms down on the table. In less than a second, serious mode had been activated. “Excuse me?” she asked with a little heat.

“Ring any bells?” May asked her innocently, then turned to Megan. “It should for you. You were in a relationship with him at the time. Remember?”

Megan didn’t respond. Her focus on the table only sharpened and she began quivering slightly. I didn’t dare look at Nicole – I was too scared of whatever expression would have been on her face.

“Remember?” May pressured her.

“Hey, pipsqueak, lay off a little.” Nicole told her with force. “This is meant to be entertainment. You’re making her feel uncomfortable.”

“She should feel uncomfortable. She was with a cheating fuck.” May countered.

Nicole folded her arms but didn’t say anything. I was looking away from her, but I couldn’t help but feel her eyes on me. She wasn’t looking at May, she was looking at me.

“Not to mention, I was drunk at the time.” May continued matter-of-factly. “He took advantage of m-”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.” I cut in for the first time, enraged. “You kept trying to seduce me and didn’t take no for an answer. I told you I was in a relationship with you and you wouldn’t stop.”

“Neither would you after a little convincing.” May countered, staring me down.

I gestured around me. “Do you really think you’re accomplishing anything here? You’re only just making the both of us look like assholes.”

“Lying assholes.” Nicole said a little too casually, looking down at her camera.

“I don’t even care anymore. These girls probably already think I’m an asshole thanks to you.” May replied. “And you don’t know me.”

Yup, there it was. The good old ‘you don’t know me’ line. Even for a grade nine, I could tell that was stupid and immature.

“Why might they think you’re an asshole?” I asked only half-seriously.

“Because you like to think you’re right about everything and have to be the best and everyone else is a dick.”

Mature. “I sure as hell know why you’re an asshole. You fucking lured me out to a public place and took advantage of me right there, not taking no for an answer.” I retorted. “Among other reasons.”

“Oh, come on. You wanted it, you enjoyed it, I know it.” May challenged me. “You just decided to be a little bitch about it after the fact.”

“Is that the same attitude you had with Phil?! Or is it different because that was you, not me?” I challenged her, ice shards flying through my tone.

“Too far.” Nicole pointed at me fiercely, enough heat in her voice to melt the ice.

“Shut the fuck up!” I exploded at her, then pointed at May. “This little fucking bitch had her way with me after I said, I distincted said, ‘I do not consent.’ I said those words, Nicole. Those exact fucking words. If you’re so adamant in defending things like consent, it would be nice if you didn’t fucking side with the girl who raped me.”

“As if raping guys is a thing.” May scoffed.

“No, it is.” Nicole replied, chewing on my words. She looked down for a bit, then looked at me. “You will not mention the traumatizing event with May again. In fact, just forget that party happened, period.”

“Thank you.” May said smugly.

Nicole turned to her. “Shut up.” she said with authority. “He’s right. If what he’s saying is the truth, he’s right. Did he tell you that he didn’t consent?”

“No, he never said anything.” May lied. Right through her fucking teeth, too.

Nicole’s eyes flared, then narrowed. “You’re lying.” she told her, and my heart rose. My fucking hero. I audibly sighed in relief. She could tell. She was on my side.

May was visibly taken aback. “What, you’re just going to ta-”

“Yes I am. Because you’re lying. Stop pretending.” Nicole told her sternly. “The only way you can be more of a scumbag than doing what you did is lying about it afterwards. People have gone to jail for lesser things.”

May chuckled. “Call the fucking cops, then. Let’s see who they side with.” she folded her arms. “Besides, I’m not done.”

“Yes, you are.” Nicole replied, standing up. “I was hoping this would be some entertaining gossip. But nope, fuck it, I’m allowing a raping fuck to get the upper hand here. Fuck you.”

She walked over to me and embraced me in a hug. “I’m sorry.” she whispered. “I hope you’re okay.”

“Yeah?” May sputtered. “Well if you can spot liars, why doesn’t Adam tell you what happened after? When I approached him in the halls? He fucking punched me.”

Nicole broke off our hug and gave May an annoyed look. “Oh, fuck off.” she told her. “Adam is too much of a wuss to hit anyone, much less you. No offense, squirt.”

She may have been looking back at me during that last part, but I wouldn’t have known. I was staring down at the floor, not willing to meet her gaze.

“…Wait, seriously?” Nicole asked me, grabbing my chin and moving my head back up so our gazes could meet. My eyes left hers and stared off to some corner in the room. She let go of my chin, allowing my head to hang, and looked off. “Damn.” she muttered, almost impressed. “So something finally got through to you, huh?”

“You’re not fucking mad?!” May asked incredulously. “He hit a girl!”

“He hit a scumbag is what he did.” Nicole retorted. “What’s wrong, too dainty to get hit? Can’t take it? You’re strong enough to force yourself on someone, be strong enough to take it.”

“Violence isn’t right.” Megan’s shy voice piped up for just about the first time. “He shouldn’t have hit her.”

“Fucking finally.” May muttered. “Someone who sees reason. It’s a shame this fucker cheated on you, Megan. You deserve so much better, you’re such a good person.” May’s tone was a poisonous sweet. She was clearly trying to shift someone, clearly anyone at this point, to her side.

Megan didn’t respond. Her arms were on the desk in front of her and her head just sank into her arms. May shrugged and took this as the time the continue. “See? Look at all the pain you’re causing her, Adam. I bet Nicole is angry at you too. This is what happens when you fucking cross me. I can blow all of your fucking dirty little secrets. You can try t-”

A knock at the door caught the attention of all of us. Mid-speech, May whirled around to meet her interruptor. Nicole looked to the door, as did Megan.

Fucking Jenna was at the door, extending her upper body into the room. “I don’t mean to interrupt,” she began in a tone that clearly showed that she didn’t care, “but are you all going to be out of this room soon?”

“Oh, hey Jenna. Yeah, this is wrapping up soon.” Nicole replied casually. “Just give us a minute.”

“A minute.” Jenna repeated then was gone.

“Why the fuck is she here?!” I asked urgently.

“What, her?” Nicole asked. “Hall monitor. Makes sure rooms are closed and clean at the end of the day.”

My first thought was to wonder why I was even surprised at this point. Of fucking course. My second response was a giant knot forming in my stomach. The school has fucking hall monitors? How in the sheer force of fuck did I never get caught? Wait, how did Carson? If he really fucked in the hallways, he would have been nabbed for sure.

“We have hall monitors?” I managed to ask, hiding my surprise.

Nicole nodded. “She’s only part-time, but I mean it helps the school keep u-”

“Excuse me!” May snarled. “We’re not finished here.”

Nicole slowly turned to face May and slowly started to chuckle. Without uttering a single word, she walked over to her bag and scooped it up. “You guys coming? I’ve had enough of this.”

Megan got up and meekly followed Nicole, who was moving towards the door. May stood there, the little gears turning in her head, before her eyes lit up with yet more unlit gunpowder to fling around the room.

“I bet you’re no angel yourself, camera girl.” May began.

Nicole lowered an eyebrow, thoroughly bored and unimpressed. “Camera girl?” she asked annoyedly.

“I bet you two have been having casual sex for a while. Before we first kissed, before you even blew him.” she pointed at Megan. “So all three of you are assholes.”

Nicole grasped at her heart. “Shit.” she sobbed. “Fuck, you’re right. I’m a monster. Arrest me, why don’t you.” Her expression instantly went back to its bored demeanor. “Grow up. Everyone knows I’m a slut. Welcome to like two years ago, kiddo.”

“And how many people know Megan’s a good-for-nothing slut too? She just uses sex to get whatever guy she wants, even if she knows he’s got his eye on someone else.”

Megan cleared her throat with nervousness yet determination. “Why do you have to be so rude?” she asked, her voice having more structure than I thought it would.

“I’m not rude, I’m just right. If you can’t take it-”

“You’re a bitch! That’s all you are!!” Megan’s face unhinged in a way I had never seen before.

Time stopped. Shit. Holy shit. An uneasy breeze passed through the room as the tension, already at asphyxiating levels, piled up. No one said anything for a good while. Megan swore. Nicole and I slowly looked at each other.

‘Wow,’ Nicole mouthed to me. She looked halfway between that kind of playing-it-cool amused and genuinely concerned. I won’t lie, I was downright scared. Megan had never shown anything remotely close to this side of her before, and I think she was noticing it.

“Just… stop giving me this attitude. You’re not being a good person, you know?” she added awkwardly.

May let a smirk show. “Maybe I am a bitch, but I still managed to get what I wanted using my charms. You had to get down and dirty. Who’s the real bitch here?”

“Me, for allowing this whole thing to go down.” Nicole sigh-whispered to me.

“I second that.” I joke-whispered back.

“Oi.” Nicole shot me a disapproving smile.

A knock on the door sent all gazes back to Jenna, back in the doorway. “It’s been more than a minute.” she sourly reminded us.

“Can you give us a minute? I’m in the middle of something here.” May impatiently told her.

“Is it school-related?” Jenna asked.

“Dear God, no it’s not.” Nicole blurted out, shaking her head. “Yeah, we’re on our way out. Thanks for saving me, Jen.”

“Stay right where you are!” May warned her.

Nicole started to walk out, Megan quickly following her. I stared deeply into May’s eyes and did what I thought would have been impossible from here on out. While looking her in the eyes, I broke out into a smile. Still looking at her and smiling, I began to walk out the door.

May grabbed my arm as I walked past. “Adam, don’t you dare leave. You can’t do this.”

“Get off me.” I simply said, trying to shake her off, still making my way towards the hallway. I was practically dragging her.

“I’m serious. Don’t leave.” May repeated, now in the hallway, still latched onto my arm.

Nicole looked at the two of us. “And here I was, thinking of you as a parasite only figuratively.” she quipped at May, then pointed at Megan and I. “Let’s go, Adam, Meggs Benedict.”

“Hey hey, break it up.” Jenna ordered, moving between May and I as if only noticing for the first time that any kind of conflict was going on. She tried shooing May off, to which May either didn’t notice or pretended not to. Eventually, Jenna’s instincts of ‘I’m some kind of authority in this school’ emboldened her as she grabbed May’s arm. “I said, break it up.”

When one is in a position where they thought they would have a lot of power and influence, it seems only natural that when the tables get turned and everyone groups up on them, they start to lash out. I would be lying if I couldn’t understand May’s thought process, especially given the last few weeks, in what happened next, even if I couldn’t condone it.

As if reliving my personal shame from another perspective, I saw May wind up her other arm as she prepared to let loose all of the pent-up anger and frustration of the past few weeks. In the split second before anything happened, I glanced at Megan, who of course was looking away, not content to spend another second in this situation. Then my eyes turned to Nicole, who stood arms akimbo, eyebrows slightly raising as what was happening was dawning on her.

After the slow motion pre-game show, the spectacle happened as a strong thud was heard. You could only see May’s fist connect with Jenna’s cheek for a split second before Jenna’s ragdoll collapsed onto the ground without even reacting, becoming a Picasso on the floor.

I glanced towards May’s face. Her expression rapidly changed from an enraged girl on a mission to a mix of guilt, worry, regret and panic. She glanced up at me, her eyes pleading for me to have a solution or turn back the clock or something. She was a jerk, but… I couldn’t help but feel pity for her. It seems like May was a victim of herself as much as I was.

I heard Nicole sigh angrily from behind me. “You fucking hypocrite.” she snarled, powerwalking over to Jenna. “The fuck is wrong with you?!” She examined Jenna quickly. “She’s out cold. Meganstein, find a teacher, there should be one in the English office. Adam, there’s an ice machine in the back room of the cafeteria. If it’s locked, use this.” She tossed me a key which I barely caught. “I’m going to have a little chat with May.”

She stood back up and grabbed May’s arm, looking at Megan and I. “Well?! Move!” she ordered. Megan practically jumped and ran off, as Nicole went in the same direction. The cafeteria was in the opposite direction, so I started to walk the other way.

Then I stopped. I couldn’t help myself. I sauntered back to Jenna’s limp body. “Hey.” I whispered. “Since May’s a girl, this must mean she didn’t really hit you, huh?” I smugly quipped. “Or was this the patriarchy’s fault?” I giggled to myself and bolted off.

***

“So she’s going to be okay?” Salvador asked me gravely.

I nodded. “Yeah, she’s fine. May seemed to take it worse than she did.” I let silence fill the air. “What’s going to happen to her?”

“May or Jenna?”

“May.” I clarified, shifting in my seat.

“I don’t know, and even if I did, I couldn’t tell you.” Salvador shrugged. “What I can tell you is that violence does not get taken lightly at Hazelwood.”

I gulped nervously in my seat, realizing that May could spill the beans about me hitting her whenever she wanted, and I’d be fucked. It’s not like she was above snitching.

Salvador read my face. “Thinking about the fight with the mystery person?” he asked me, lowering an eyebrow.

I almost shook my head no, but then realizing the implications of that, thought better of it. “I don’t like getting people in trouble.” I told him.

“It’s not about getting people in trouble. These people have done unacceptable things knowingly, and they’re being punished for it. That’s how justice works.”

“It seems weirdly unfair.” I mumbled. “Like, if people’s lives don’t have to be made worse, why should we punish them?”

“Couldn’t you say the same thing to those people for what they did in the first place?” Salvador challenged me.

I huffed. “Yeah, I suppose.” I admitted.

“Is there anything else?” he asked me, picking up a pile of papers and collating them.

“No, that’s about all.” I still wasn’t ready to tell him how May assaulted me, or how I punched her. I wasn’t sure which one I was more nervous telling him, but for now I sure as hell knew I wouldn’t be bringing either one up. I picked up my backpack, slumped it over my lap, and started zipping it up.

“Why do you have Paul’s mask on your bag?” Salvador asked me, stopping his paper-sorting.

I looked at my bag and saw the mask Mom sewed on. The weird green mask with the big forehead, its eyes blankly staring off into the distance.

“That day you gave him his marks back, he got disgusted with it and threw it away.” I told him. “I found it in the trashcan and asked him if he wanted it. He said no, so I just sort of took it.”

“He threw it away?” Salvador asked me, then made a disappointed face. “What a shame.”

“Well it’s not like you liked it either.” I pointed out. “What was the mark you gave him, like a 4.7?”

“My job is to be critical and give marks, Adam.” he responded.

“Why don’t you like it, anyway?” I asked, eyeing the mask.

He put the stack of papers down on his desk and turned his attention to the mask. “It’s not well made,” he muttered, looking the mask over. “There’s no clear defining feature of the face, and the paper maché job leaves the mask with coarse skin when the assignment asked for smooth. The colors don’t blend together in a visually appealing way, and the strap was put on lazily, at least when the strap was still on. As well, look at the sides. They’re sharp. He wasn’t careful with the edges. That’s a telltale sign of lazy craftsmanship.”

Damn, son. I didn’t realize I’d be getting Gordon Ramsay. “Oh.” I simply said, looking the mask over. “Well… I mean, I like it.”

Salvador chuckled. “You have the right.”

I stared back at the mask and tried to make sense of Salvador’s comments. The more I stared, the more his comments made sense, but none of them really bothered me. I wouldn’t have liked the mask with smooth skin, it wouldn’t have… fit the tone. The color was unusual and I liked it. Plus, if the mask had an obnoxiously obvious feature, I wouldn’t have appreciated its subtleties.

“Do you think maybe I like it more because it’s like this?” I asked. “Like, that I like it more because it’s, as you say, flawed?”

“I don’t think I ever said it was.” Salvador clarified, then nodded. “Absolutely it can. Sometimes the most beautiful things aren’t beautiful objectively, but because they’re unique to us. Flaws help us relate to the more nuanced human emotions. If something is perfect, we can’t bond to it as deeply.”

“So things can mean more to us when they’re clearly flawed?”

“Yes.” Salvador replied simply. “That’s why art is subjective. You don’t know what you’re going to bond with, but it’s definitely not going to be as meaningful to others.” He sat back in his chair. “As long as you don’t hurt anyone and don’t get hurt yourself, your memories will be the same way.” he mused. “A lot of people like to romanticize high school, and despite all of the drama you may be experiencing now, you’re likely going to look back at high school fondly.”

I scoffed. “I don’t think so.”

“I know.” he nodded. “That’s why I said it about memories, not in-the-moment events.”

I wanted to tell him about the time I was a scumbag and hit May. I wanted to tell him about the time I was raped. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It’s not a kind of ‘I opened my mouth but nothing came out’ thing. It was worse. I was too scared, too nervous to open my mouth in the first place. I was just sitting there, staring straight ahead, probably a nervous look on my face, trying feebly to work up the courage to tell him.

“I know it sounds like I don’t know what I’m talking about.” he continued, shutting off the possibility of me opening up once and for all. “I don’t need you to be able to believe in me. I don’t need to be right either.”

“Then why say it?” I asked, trying to be as polite as possible in my tone.

“Hm?” He sat up.

“One of the lines you use so often in your class is, ‘don’t speak unless what you have to say is more beautiful than the silence it eliminates’ or something like that.” I explained. “So if you’re telling me something I don’t need to believe, and it may not be right, what’s the point?”

“I want you to at least keep it in mind.” he told me. I waited for a further explanation, but as usual, he didn’t give one.

“So that was more beautiful than the silence it eliminated, huh?” I huffed. “Is this another one of those subjective things that I may not find beautiful?”

His eyes danced. “If you like.”

“I don’t get you at all sometimes.” I remarked as I stood up and slung my backpack over my shoulder.

“The important thing is not to get me. I’m hoping you get yourself a little more from coming here.” he retorted.

“Do you want to get me too?” I asked him.

“If it means being able to teach you better, and if it means I can help you get through high school without having bad emotions manipulate you, I don’t really have another option.” He picked up his stack of papers again and peeled one off the top from the stack.

“Okay.” My hands gripped the back of the chair as I leaned in. “Your impression of me. Go.”

Salvador lowered an eyebrow. “I don’t do impressions.”

“Well, do you get me or not?” I asked him.

“You’re an anxious teenager wanting to do good in the world. I once was you.” he replied.

***

“I’m not going to sit here and bullshit you about how it was right to hit her. I’m disappointed in you.” Nicole dryly told me, not taking her eyes off the sunset as we both sat looking out the window of the church.

“I’m disappointed in myself.” I admitted in a small tone.

At this point, I was beginning to understand how to talk to Nicole more. After she drove me home after the talk with Salvador, she didn’t even have to talk to me to get me to realize she wanted me to follow her this time. We didn’t say anything for the whole walk, or when we got to the cemetery. She didn’t even look at Mitch’s gravestone this time. She just immediately went into the church and plopped down. We sat for about five minutes, then made a little small talk. Then the tears started coming, and I was all too happy to be her literal shoulder to cry on. Then after she eventually shoved me away and continued to stare out the window, more silence. Her telling me she was disappointed was the first thing she said to me since she started crying.

“That said…” she began uneasily, turning towards me. “I’m so sorry she had her way with you. That’s not okay at all.”

“It’s fine.” I brushed it off with a fake smile. “Shit happens, right?”

She gave me a disapproving look. “Shut the fuck up, squirt.” she said in a low, dry, serious voice, bringing me in for a hug. I accepted thankfully, not even registering how long the hug was. It was a long one, and a few seconds in, I started shaking. Not crying, I wasn’t sad. I was just… shaken. I didn’t like thinking about the event. I was just… upset. So upset. Almost giddy, but like a terrible kind of giddy. Every time I thought about the event, I buried my head into her shoulder more and cringed.

Her hand stroked the back of my head soothingly. “Don’t you dare think it was your fault.”

She knew I was thinking exactly that. I sighed uncomfortably as she held me closer, tighter. “It’s okay.” she told me gently in little more than a whisper.

Eventually the hug broke off and we just eyed each other awkwardly.

“So… you lied to me.” Nicole broke the silence.

“What?”

“At Phil’s party. You told me you’d never cheat. And you’d never be with someone that had a partner.”

“Oh. Yeah.” I replied lamely.

Silence hung through the air. “Are you ready to tell me about it?”

“I think so.” I nodded, then sighed. “So… At Jeff Swanson’s party, May was there. This was shortly after we kissed and Megan did her thing. You know?”

Nicole nodded. “I remember.”

Of course, she remembers everything. “Well she was really drunk and stuff, and she just sorta… got over it and came on to me.”

Nicole raised an eyebrow. “I know, I know, it sounds weird.” I defended myself, hands flailing in front of my face.

“As long as you’re telling me the whole story.” Nicole said with just enough of a threatening edge to her voice, coupled with a stare that could bore a hole in solid diamond.

I nodded solemnly. “Yeah. So she starts hitting on me out of the blue, and like a fucking idiot, I fall for it. For the record, your precious fucking Kenny told me to go for it, knowing she’s in a relationship.”

Nicole waved me off. “Kenny’s a tool. Protip: don’t listen to him.”

“So we go upstairs and… y’know, it happens. Afterwards though it starts to sink in what happened. May starts freaking out, right? She tells me that if I tell anyone, she’ll say I took her… against her will.”

“You’re making this shit up.” Nicole interrupted in disbelief.

“I’m not, I swear. I wanted to tell Megan, I did.”

“And you did, right?” Nicole asked.

I nodded. “Never said it was May though, so I guess she finally got to know who. I told Carson too.”

Nicole nodded. “Right thing to do.” She thought to herself for a second. “And then I kissed you the next morning, huh?”

“Yeah.” I admitted uneasily.

Silence hung over us. “Well, thank you for telling me the whole story.” she said softly, pulling me in for another hug.

“I’m sorry I lied to you.” I said lamely into her shirt.

“I forgive you, ya nut.” Nicole sighed. “Just tell me the whole thing next time. I only wanna help you out.”

“She tried to blackmail me.” I broke the silence with a quivering voice.

“Yeah, that crossed my mind.” Nicole huffed. “Welcome to high school. Ever heard of a ‘toxic’ person? Textbook example.”

“I bet May thinks you and I are toxic people.” I mumbled.

Nicole shrugged. “Probably. That’s the beauty of perspective.”

“I wish I had a bigger perspective.” I said in a small voice.

Nicole turned to me and smiled slightly. “Yeah?”

I nodded, still staring out the window.

“Wanna start now?”

I turned to her with a confused expression. “What do you mean?”

“I’m being spontaneous, squirt. Keep up.” Nicole answered me, leaping to her feet and walking with determination down the stairs.

I just stared at her as she disappeared from view. “You’re supposed to follow me, dolt.” Nicole’s voice echoed through the church’s lofts. Quickly, I got to my feet and followed her downstairs, then out the door.

Nicole kept walking until she stopped at a familiar sight. Good ol’ Mitch. She stood in front of the gravestone, looking down at it, never moving until she motioned impatiently at me without even looking away from the stone for me to join her.

I approached her slowly. I knew better than to ask what was going on, since I didn’t want to upset her in case she was vulnerable again. She visibly breathed in and out a few times before clearing her throat.

“Hey.” she began softly. I looked back to the gravestone. I wanted to be respectful, but she was talking to a hunk of rock.

“So, this is the friend I was talking about.” She gestured towards me with a small smile, which got noticeably impatient as seconds lew by. “Give him your name, knucklehead.” she whispered to me on the side annoyedly, as if there was a real person in front of us.

I turned to the gravestone. “Uh…” I began weirdly, “A-Adam.”

This was fucking awkward. Either Nicole was not noticing it, or was trying super hard to pretend it wasn’t. I gazed over to her, who was smiling and looking intently at the gravestone, occasionally nodding.

She chuckled. “Yup, karate. He’s still a white belt, but he’s got a lot of promise to him. Remember what you said? I believe in him too.”

I sighed and looked down, making sure not to make it too loud. What was this? Why was this? This kind of made me uncomfortable.

“Yeah, it’s going well. I practically have the yearbook done at this point.” she continued. “Classes are stupid, but, I mean, what’s new.”

I had to stand there for maybe two minutes as she made conversation with a dead guy. I tried to be as respectful as possible, and more often than not, I found myself just staring at my shoes. The pauses were the worst part. To entertain myself, I tried imagining what he must have said to warrant her responses, like guessing who’s on the other end of a telephone.

Finally, she uneasily told him, “Well, I guess we should go. Thanks for listening.” She leant forward and gently kissed the gravestone. “I love you.” she whispered.

She turned to me and smiled slightly. “Thanks.” she half-whispered.

“For what?” I asked her, pretending to be oblivious.

“I get it, that’s kind of weird.” she admitted. “It’s just how I get through it and stuff.” She went quiet for a second. “He means a lot to me. Blood is thicker than water and all that.”

I smiled faintly at her. “I understand.” I felt like I lied when I said that. “It’s just weird to me. Like, I didn’t even know him or anything.”

“Yeah, that’s a fair point.” Nicole nodded, then grabbed my hand, tugging me towards the graveyard’s exit. “Come on. I want to show you something.”

***

She was still dragging me by the hand when we got inside her front door. “Hey mom, hey dad!” she called as she kicked off her shoes. “I’ve got Adam with me again.”

“That’s fine!” Mrs. Baker called from the kitchen.

Really? It was? I normally felt as welcome there as a slow walker in New York City. Did Nicole speak to them?

I barely kept up with Nicole, hastily kicking off my shoes by the time she ran to the kitchen.

“So I was just telling Mitch that I’m nearly done the yearbook.” Nicole said gleefully, practically bouncing around as I walked into the kitchen.

Her mom didn’t share her enthusiasm. “That’s great!” she said with just a tad too little energy. She caught my gaze and shared my slight worry for Nicole’s tendency to talk to her dead brother, it seemed.

Her dad didn’t look up from his newspaper. I’m surprised he wasn’t reading The Charles Dickens Times or something. I tried to scan his face for any reaction to Nicole bringing up Poor Yorick, but his face was so blank one would feel compelled to draw something on it.

Mrs. Baker cleared her throat abruptly. “So, are you two hungry?” she asked us. “Would you like something?”

“I’m fine.” Nicole waved her off, going upstairs in a hurry, stopping only for a second to motion for me to follow her.

Just as I was about to follow her, Mrs. Baker turned her attention to me. “Adam?”

“Yeah?” I asked dumbly, distracted by Nicole’s signal.

Mrs. Baker hesitated as if her question was obvious. Eventually she repeated, “Are you hungry?”

Oh. Right. I guess that was obvious. I looked nervously to my left, then my right. Why was Mrs. Baker being kind to me all of a sudden? It didn’t make sense. Did she seriously just turn on a dime and start treating me better because I wasn’t having sex with her pride and joy? That’s all it took?! That was kind of sad.

“Um… I’m cool. Fine. I mean I’m fine.” I sputtered.

Mrs. Baker just looked at me. “Okay,” she finally said. “Let us know if you two need anything.”

“Yeah,” I awkwardly mumbled as I went up the stairs. Nicole was waiting for me in the upper hallway, checking an invisible watch.

“About time. I’m starting to think you come here for my parents but not me.” she complained.

“I’m Nicole. I’m not the jealous type. Stop hanging out with my parents so much, it’s been at least five whole seconds.” I shot back in a high voice.

“That sounds nothing like me, you clod.” she replied with a grin, shoving me.

“What’s with your mom, anyway?” I asked her, balancing myself.

“What do you mean?”

“A few weeks ago she gave me these death glares and now she’s just welcoming me into her home, offering me stuff to eat.” I pointed out.

“Parents do that. In fact, parents do those two specific things all the time.” Nicole replied. “I think it’s a union thing.”

“Yeah, but it feels like your parents are treating me differently.” I responded. “Why?”

“I don’t think they are.” Nicole simply said.

“Well it feels like they are.” I mumbled.

“Lucky you then.” she shot back bitterly. “Maybe someday they’ll start treating me differently too. Maybe I’ll feel like they actually care. They already care about you so fucking much.”

“Whoa.” I stepped back, throwing my hands up. “I’m sorry. Did I touch a nerve or something?”

Nicole pouted to herself. “No, I’m sorry.” she quietly said. “Firstly, try not to bring up my parents to me, okay? I’m well aware that shit’s unfair. Secondly, it’s the thing I wanna show you. I’m…” She shuffled around. “I’m kinda, like, building up the courage to show it to you.”

I glanced around the hallway. “Is it… is it like a wall or something?”

She pointed to a door next to her. “It’s this room you dork.”

One of these days she was going to run out of insulting words for me. “What’s the room?”

“The study.” Nicole answered, her voice trembling just a tad. “But it still has Mitch’s bed still in it. Dad just uses that room when he wants to be alone with stuff he reads.” She cleared her throat to stifle something. “I know you probably think at me talking to gravestones and crying all the time and you think, ‘damn, she’s messed up.’”

“No.” I told her supportively.

She smiled a sad smile. “It’s okay, squirt. You don’t have to lie. I know you do. But it affects all of us. Sometimes dad comes in here and he doesn’t leave for days. Once or twice I even caught him crying.” Her gaze fell to the floor. “Dad’s one of those guys. He never cries.”

“Literal days?” I asked her.

“Okay, not literal days.” Her gaze travelled back up to meet mine. “But long amounts of time. He’ll skip supper and everything.” She eyed the door. “I think the last time I’ve been in here was before I met you. A lot of bad memories come from this place.”

I reached over and grabbed her hand, holding it in mine. Her head slowly turned to face me, and she gave a small smile.

“But since I’m fine going to see him now, I feel like I’m ready. Plus, I want you to meet the real him, not just his name on a stone.”

“Okay.” I said, and we just stood there, looking at the door, hand in hand, not moving at all.

“Are… are we just gonna-”

“Building up the courage. Don’t rush me.” Nicole said firmly.

“Do you want me to open the door for you?” I offered.

She shook her head determinedly. “If I’m going in there, I’m doing it the right way.” She took a few deep breaths and let go of my hand to put hers on the doorknob. “Count me down.”

“Eighty, seventy-nine, seventy-eight…” I began jokingly.

“Remember that I can kick your ass if I wanted to.” she smirked towards me.

I chuckled. “Three, two, one.”

In the span of a microsecond, Nicole opened the door with the force of an atom bomb. Her hand was back at her side in an instant, and the door swung open to reveal a few bookshelves and a dusty bed in the corner.

Nicole started to wordlessly walk inside, as if in a trance, and I followed her. The room was barely visible given the sun was all but gone at this time. I felt around the wall for a light, eventually finding one and turning it on.

To say the room felt busy was an understatement. Behind the door sat a desk, presumably the one Mr. Baker used, and the walls were filled with posters and corkboards. None of the posters were anything recognizable though. No Marvel stuff, no gaming stuff, just these weird drawings of caricatures.

“Mitch liked to draw, huh?” I asked awkwardly.

Nicole nodded. “He loved drawing. He loved creating people, like his own people. He used to explain how they think, why they wanted what they wanted.”

Nicole certainly was enthralled with them, but me, a little less so. To be polite, Mitch didn’t appear to be Rembrandt. The characters were bizarre in some kind of abstract way. Some didn’t have noses. Some didn’t really have faces at all. They were all crudely drawn, some even hastily.

Nicole was looking at the room like she was playing Where’s Waldo. Eyeing every detail, almost breathing in the moment. I decided not to pepper her with more questions and do a little more of my own observing.

I walked over to the bookshelf. So, what did the great Mitchell Baker read? Apparently Dickens. Like father like son. Either that or Mr. Baker just liked to keep his books in this room.

“Your dad keeps all his Dickens books in here I see.” I remarked, trying to keep up conversation.

I went back to observing the books before Nicole joined me. Upon seeing her, I turned to face her, and she did the same.

“Dad never read a single Dickens book before Mitch passed on.” she told me in a warm, soft, sad voice. “This is Mitch’s bookshelf.”

Oh. Well, I suppose this was a great shot of perspective, running from my heart all the way through my body. So… Mr. Baker… that’s how he coped. He carried on his son’s legacy, or something. Through Dickens books.

“I dunno how to feel about that.” I told Nicole honestly.

She responded by wrapping her arm around my shoulder and rubbing it softly. “Neither do I a lot of the time.” she told me. “I don’t know why I talk to him. Hell, I bet if he were back within a few months I’d start to wonder sometimes why I missed him. He could be a bit of a jerk sometimes. He would…” she breathed heavily for a second. “Sorry. He would shove me around, make me feel like a child, but he never stopped believing in me. I think you would have liked him.”

“If you liked him, I think I would have too.” I replied, smiling at her. She smiled back.

Silence fell afterwards. Out of boredom, I took out a copy of Our Mutual Friend and looked it over. “I haven’t even heard of half of these.” I mumbled to myself.

Nicole followed suit, taking out a copy of Bleak House. “You should read them, they’re pretty cool.” she remarked. “I mean, they’re kind of boring if you compare them to today’s books, but if you take them in the context of their time period, they’re actually quite interesting.”

I moved to put the book back when something caught my eye. In the space between books was something shiny, sitting on the further-back part of the shelf.

“What’s that?” I asked Nicole, nudging her. She looked at the shelf, and I pointed out the shiny metal thing.

“I… don’t know.” replied Nicole, surprisingly dumbfounded. “Hold this.” She immediately dumped her book on me, which I barely caught in time. She started taking books off of the shelf, slowly revealing a locked box.

“Holy shit, a treasure chest!” I exclaimed excitedly. I dumped the books to the floor as Nicole carried it carefully to the bed.

It appeared to be some kind of huge cylinder with seven tumblers, all letters. It looked fancy, some kind of imitation gold with black letters on white tile circling the cylinder. Both ends had some kind of brass plating on them. “What’s this?” I asked.

“Cryptex.” she answered, studying it.

“Bless you.” I joked.

“A cryptex is like a portable vault. Dan Brown coined the term in 2003. It’s a lockbox that only opens if you spell the secret word. See these sevens letter tumblers? If I can spell the correct word, it opens.”

“Couldn’t you just force it open?” I asked her.

“Too easy.” She winked. “If you try to force it open, it breaks a vial of vinegar and it dissolves the parchment inside the cryptex.”

“Parchment?”” I asked, my tone reflecting how stupid that sounded.

“Or whatever is inside. Basically a cryptex is designed so that the only way to safely find out what’s inside is to guess the word on the lock. Try to force it open and whatever’s inside is lost.”

“Is this one of those things? Like, is there actually vinegar in there?” I asked.

“Not a clue.” she answered honestly. “But I sure as hell don’t want to risk it.”

“So then what’s the word?” I asked her eagerly.

She shrugged. “Not a damn clue.” she reported sourly.

“Well, you’re smart, you could figure it out, right? Trial and error.” I stayed optimistic.

She turned to face me. “Squirt, there are…” Her eyes glazed over as she looked beyond me. “…eight billion, thirty-one million, eight hundred ten thousand, one hundred seventy-six different possible combinations to this sucker. There’s no guarantee the correct password is even a proper word, or an English one.”

“Well, how many languages do you know?” I asked her.

“Only five. Point is, there’s no way we can open this. At least, not now.”

“So… what do we do?” I asked. “Seems kinda unfair we found this huge thing and now we don’t even get to see what’s in it.”

Nicole kept staring at it, lost in her own little world. “What is in this?” she whispered aloud. “What kinds of secrets could he possibly have? What did he keep from me?”

I began to get uneasy. “Nico-”

“I know.” she replied flatly. “I’m stopping. But, like, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. He didn’t really use any seven-letter words more often than any others.” She started moving some letters around. “Maybe Dickens…?” She completed the word and tugged. Nothing. “Nope. I give up.”

It seemed almost weird that Nicole would give up so easily. “Are you okay?” I asked.

She took the lockbox and put it back in the shelf. “To be honest, this box kinda freaks me out. I want to put it away and pretend it doesn’t exist, until I can properly figure out what it means.” She put all of the books back. “And don’t tell mom and dad this exists just yet, okay?”

“Yeah, of course.” I nodded.

“Thanks, squirt.” she sighed. “Mario Kart?”

“Thought you’d never ask.” I grinned, then stopped. “But… are you okay? Like, content with visiting here?”

She smiled. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little burnt out from school and everything. Visiting here is nice, but it’s a dark kind of nice. Right now I need mindless fun. Like, ‘stupid fun.’ And who better to be stupid with than you?” She winked at me, flashing me a coy smile.

“You’re dead.” I muttered, smiling back.

“First one there gets to be Luigi!” She shouted behind her as she bolted out of the room. I chuckled and got up slowly. I learned around the third time that she always got there first.

Just before getting out of the room, I stopped. Slowly, I turned around and flicked on the light. That couldn’t have been it. There had to be more.

I looked around his room again. The shelf, the bed, the corkboards. And there it was, a little memo that mentioned some daily tasks and reminded him that ‘the password sheet is in the desk.’

My eyes travelled from the board to the desk, to the board again, back to the desk. Could it really have been that easy? I almost got tingly as I slowly approached the desk, opening the desk drawer, expecting the answer to fall right in front of my eyes.

Rats. Nothing. It was completely bare. It was worth a shot, but even still, I let out a huff of disappointment as I closed the desk, shut off the lights, and closed the door behind me.

He had something still to him. Imagine that. A dead guy, and yet it felt like he was still clutching an item close to his chest, moving away if you got too close. It kinda was like he was living. Maybe talking to him wasn’t so nutty, because my insanely curious nature made me want to grab him by the collar and ask him what the thing was. The craptex thing.

“About time,” Nicole complained when I walked into her room. “What, did you get lost?”

“I wish you would.” I mumbled, stifling a smile.

“Already talking smack, huh?” Nicole smirked. “Bowser’s castle it is then, bitch. Now hurry up and connect your damn controller.”

Seconds turned to minutes, which turned into about an hour, so effortlessly. With Nicole, it was hard to say my life wasn’t blessed. There wasn’t a moment we weren’t exchanging jokes, hooting and hollering, and grinning knowingly from ear to ear. It’s like we were telepathic at this point. Nigh inseparable. Even with our problems, we knew how to relax with each other and just… enjoy the moment. The rest of the world may as well not exist.

“I win.” Nicole smugly pointed out and the end of our third grand prix tournament, both of us lying on our stomachs on her bed, controllers in front of us.

“I noticed.” I replied sourly.

“One of these days you’re going to beat me.” Nicole added playfully, rustling up my hair with her hand.

“I barely beat you in one race, and that’s because you got three red shells in a row.” I pointed out. “Plus I don’t play video games. You do.”

“You’re playing one now.” Nicole quipped dryly. “Who knows? Lady luck may eventually side with you.” She started absentmindedly playing with my hair some more.

I playfully pouted. “You’re going to mess it up.” I whined.

“It’s already messy.” Nicole giggled, continuing to mess up my hair. I smiled and reached over to mess hers up. Soon we were two people interlocked in a circle of messing up hair.

“Mine just falls back into position, I’m not sure what you think you’re accomplishing here.” Nicole remarked.

I shrugged and gave a small chuckle. “I dunno.” I replied. I slowly stopped as did she, and just looked into her eyes. She didn’t look away. Eventually she started moving her eyebrows in weird positions, making weird faces. “You’re fun.” I said, smiling at every face she made.

“Damn right I am.” she replied with a smile. “You’re not so boring yourself.”

“Oh yeah?” I asked.

“Of course.” she replied. “You’re a great time. Who needs twister when you’re around?” We both shared a weak chuckle at that, never taking our eyes off of each other. Eventually the chuckling stopped and we were just staring into each other’s eyes. No giggling, no weird faces.