Ass Bandit

Lance – the man of the house
Tiffany – the horny drunk chick

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Tiffany called me at work one Friday and told me she was drunk and in the mood. After several minutes of conversation that, luckily, hadn’t erupted into an argument, Tiffany mentioned something that immediately brought me to attention: baby oil and ass-fucking. I’d been waiting for another chance with this girl, especially the chance to fuck her ass, and her current state certainly worked in my favor. In addition, her guy was out of town with their son for the weekend. Damn, I’m one lucky son of a bitch.

“I’ll be there in half an hour,” I said.

“Whatever,” Tiffany responded. “You talk a lot of junk, so we’ll see what happens.”

“I’m leaving now.”

I hung up the phone and turned to my co-worker. She’d heard at least my end of the conversation, nothing too revealing, but she was well aware of what I was talking my way into. I asked her if she could handle things if I left, and she told me to go ahead and take care of my booty call.

About thirty minutes later, we met a block from her house, beside an abandoned shipping warehouse, and I got into her car. She drove us to her place, and I was amazed at how much she actually had been drinking. This girl was trashed. Between the seats was a cup of vodka and cranberry juice, which explained why she was so wasted.

We exited the car after she parked it on her front lawn. As we entered the house, I got a good look at the place (I can see rather well in low-light situations).

“Quaint,” I said.

“Quaint? What does that mean?” (See what I meant about arguments?)

“I didn’t mean that in a sarcastic manner. The place is nice, cozy. It wasn’t an insult.”

“Oh, well whatever.”

“Where do you want to sit?” I didn’t really care, but it wasn’t my house, so I asked anyway.

She dropped onto the couch and put her drink on a table at one end. I sat beside her, and for some stupid reason I began to chat about work and other unrelated items; at one point, I did ask her how long her family would be gone. She got up at one point to re-fill her cup, and when she returned her mind was not at all on small talk.

“So,” she began, “are we gonna do this or what?”

Finally, the go-ahead was given. I leaned over and started kissing her neck, pushing her waterfall of thick hair back so I could reach flesh. Being drunk AND horny helped get things going quickly, and I soon had her shirt off and her bra immediately followed.

Tiffany had a set of massive boobs, each nearly twice as large as my head.