Amy Gets Her Fill of Doctor – Chapter 1

Gallifrey disappeared. The Daleks, caught in each others’ crossfire, decimated themselves as the Time Lords were transported safely into another dimension. The Doctors had won.

They all needed a good rest after that, and the Tenth Doctor had the brilliant idea of taking the lot of them to the Zaggit Zagoo bar, an intergalactic tavern he frequented on the planet Zog. They were all in hearty agreement, and soon there were 13 TARDISes all parked in a row outside the lively establishment.

As the night went on, the Doctors all got a bit drunk, particularly Nine, Ten, and Eleven, who had previously believed themselves to have caused the extermination of their own species. The conversation gradually gained a more sexual nature, as liquored dialogue is wont to do, and many of the Doctor’s intimate conquests were recounted and discussed.

“I highly doubt,” said the red-faced Sixth Doctor, “that in my life, I shall ever meet a woman as ample-breasted as dear sweet Peri! Oh, and she knows how to use them, too– you remember, my dear fellows, I’m sure!” He gestured to his future incarnations; somehow, the Doctors had unintentionally sat in regeneration order. Perhaps each felt most comfortable with the most recent version of himself. They all had a good chuckle, each remembering with a different amount of clarity the buxom companion sliding her assets along the Doctor’s member whenever he wouldn’t give her something she wanted.

“Aye, you might be right about that,” the Twelfth Doctor said, lowering his sunglasses, “But you’ve not seen an ass like Clara’s in your time.” They all laughed again, except for Eleven, who looked awkwardly down at his drink. “No, actually, scratch that,” Twelve said. “You’ve had one better, Bowtie– what about Miss Pond? Now there was an ass!”

At this the Eleventh Doctor cracked a smile. “Amy did have quite a nice ass, yes.”

“Are you joking?” Twelve continued. “If that wasn’t the finest ass in the galaxy…and those fucking legs! Oh, and did she know how to-“

“No, that’s enough!” Eleven cut him off curtly. “No need to-” It was too late. Most of the other Doctors were clamoring, raucously chanting for him to tell them his sexual escapades. Finally he gave in. “You know what, fine! You want to know? Here’s what happened. I met Amy when she was a little girl…”

“You did not…” the War Doctor began, disgusted.

“No I most certainly did not, Granddad,” Eleven retaliated. “Let me finish. I met her when she was a little girl, and I told her I’d be back in a mo’, but I’d just regenerated and the TARDIS was in the middle of fixing itself, so the time circuit was all wonky, and when I made it back, she was…nineteen.”

Guffaws and whoops echoed from the group as Twelve mouthed the word “nineteen” with glee. “Yes, yes, nineteen. And she was bloody angry with me as well. Apparently the thought of me had…kept her up at night, if you know what I mean. For god’s sake, she lived in the house almost alone her whole life, and apparently I was the only bloke who’d ever come in…except Rory, if you count him…”

“No one counts Rory,” Twelve grinned.

“Anyway, we go on a few adventures and then she’s all over me, running her hands over me and kissing me in her bedroom and-“

“And?!” the War Doctor exclaimed.

“And nothing. I pushed her off and went to tell her fiancé.” Disgruntled moans filled the group.

“Wait, wait, you still haven’t let me finish. It got me thinking, sure, now, she’s engaged but, you know…time machine! So I went back to a few months before she was engaged, and knocked on her door. She was still bloody angry but I was…soon able to calm her down.”

“Here’s the good part!” the Seventh Doctor chimed in.

“Basically, we had…” Eleven began to do a great deal of implicated hand-flapping and head nodding, “…and at the end I told her that when I showed up in a few months, she needed to act all surprised and angry with me, and that we couldn’t do it again.”

“What, that’s it?” Nine exclaimed.