Am I just using him – chapter 5

So yeah. At some point the protagonist of the film and the PHD student start having sex. Oh, I forgot to mention; spoiler alert. Although, people like spoilers to be mentioned because after hearing how a movie progresses, they don’t see a need in watching the movie anymore, right? In that case, this wasn’t a spoiler. At least, I don’t think anyone wouldn’t want to watch the movie after knowing there is going to be sex. I’m sure I would still watch it!

Anyway, they have sex – nothing too visual or anything, it isn’t porn – but you can hear their moans and you see their sweaty smiles. Enough to get me to bone up. I involuntarily visualise it’s Milan and me instead of Elio and Oliver. And I don’t dislike that vision! You would expect I would be disgusted to imagine me like that, but to be honest, it’s hot! Hot as fuck, quite literally.

Milan notices my excitement as well, apparently, and I see a roguish smile developing. “I told you this was a nice movie.”

I nod.

He kisses my cheek. “I want you to call me by my name next time,” he whispers in my ear.

I turn my head and give him a quick peck on the mouth. “Dan,” I whisper and immediately try to push away the weird feeling that goes compared with saying my own name. If it wasn’t for the movie, I would dive right onto him right now. But, unfortunately for him, I don’t want to miss anything. Besides, as I mentioned earlier, I love to not always be thinking about sex. I may be a teenager, but believe me, even we believe in more than just sex. Milan is a great guy, I know that. I just have to get to know him better. On that topic, I don’t really know anything about him or his family. I don’t know where he lives, besides the fact that he lives close. I don’t even know who his friends are.

The film affects me more than I would like to admit. And I’m not just talking about the sex scene. No, it’s the love that was slowly developing between the two that really left me with some weird emotion. An emotion I can best describe as nostalgia, even though I obviously never experienced anything like that. It almost makes you wonder whether things like reincarnation are real.

In silence the two of us are watching the credits roll by. Those are the best movies, you know. When you even watch the white text with the names of the actors in amazement. As if those letters will help in any way processing what you just experienced. And I don’t even think the movie was that good. Don’t get me wrong, it was enjoyable, but it was certainly not on the level of all those other films I watched the credits of. Yet, the whole experience was just… stunning. Being able to watch it with Milan, feeling this weird nostalgic emotion and maybe even jealousy for the protagonist. Ugh, I need to shake this off.

“So?” Milan asks.

I laugh awkwardly. “I get why you got the movie on your phone.”

He smiles. “Yes. Not just for Timothee, though.”

I quickly glance at the screen, which is now displaying the cover image of the film. I do get it, why Milan thinks Timothee is cute. Though if I were to objectively rate guys, I still believes Milan should rate higher. I can’t know for sure of course, but I feel like I can still judge boys on cuteness, even though I don’t necessarily think of them as cute myself.