Adam’s Apple, Part I

Ever since I hit puberty, I had harbored a desire to be with a man. Not enough to be considered gay, or even bi, but it was strong nevertheless. I never was able to get past the details of a man – the hair, the scent, the strong rough hands. So I contented myself with women, and I eventually married one. I’d get off every so often on a little gay porn, or I’d take advantage of the few opportunities afforded to me to indulge – stealing a private moment with her vibrator, giving her a little anal sex here and there, or kissing her after she gave me a blowjob so I could imagine the cock had been in my mouth and not hers. I had even toyed with the idea of the casual encounters section on craigslist. The thought of fucking a stranger was so exciting, and I could spend an hour or more looking at all of the self-posted cock shots. A few times I even responded, from a secret email account, and once or twice I even set up a meeting, only to duck out at the last minute. Every time, there was too much to think about – my marriage, the chance of disease, the nagging feeling that I wouldn’t really like it.

Where we live is a pretty walkable neighborhood, and its streets are lined with plenty of bars to while away the time.