A tale of an Uncle and his Niece

Caleb had a craving for a banana split one Saturday night. Not just any banana split, though. It had to be from Dairy Queen. While waiting in the drive-thru, stumbling out of a Toyota Rav4, was his niece, Missy. Missy was a senior. She had turned 18 just as school started in late August. DQ was packed. At first, he was going to pretend he didn’t see her. Then she recognized his red Jag SUV!

“Hey, Uncle Caleb! We frigging won! We are on to State,” Missy said as she danced, waving her arms over her head as she bopped over to his car. But, of course, she was talking about the Chief basketball team. “You should have seen it. “Gordie had like 35 points, and we killed the Panthers 84-62,” she added. Missy was a huge basketball fan. She played, but the girl’s team didn’t make it to districts. Missy started as point guard and was a three-point shooter. She was only 5’7″ but quick and could dribble better than a lot of the boys.

“That’s frigging awesome, Caleb responded? “Are you going?” He asked.

“No, probably not! Dads working that weekend, you know how mom is. She doesn’t like sports. So she definitely won’t approve of me going by myself. I don’t get it. I am 18! I should be able to go,” she concluded.

Caleb defended her mother. “Missy, your mom loves you. She worries about you. The Championships are over 100 miles away. Look at all the snow on the pass. She is worried that you will get drunk, do something stupid and get hurt.” The line moved, and Caleb pulled forward. Missy held on to the window sill as she followed. “Is she that far off? Look, it’s obvious you have been drinking tonight. I ain’t judging. Saturday night, after a game, we were partying too, back in the day. Your mom knows what can happen. She was young once. You know you can’t go home like this, right? Your mom will come unglued. Your dad? Frank would be pissed and looking to kill any boy in three counties,” Caleb added as he pulled forward again. Missy followed. “Look, why don’t you get in. It’s warm in here. I will get you a burger, some fries, and a drink. Maybe even a sundae. We will call your dad—let him know you are with me. We will tell him you challenged me to a chess match; you can sleep in your cousin Jenny’s room. What do you say?” he offered.

“Okay, sounds like a plan. You are so cool, Uncle Caleb,” she agreed before going to the passenger side.

Caleb released the lock, and Missy climbed in. They pulled up to the speaker, and Caleb ordered their food. After leaving the pickup window, Caleb said, “We will call from the house. Your mom will be less likely to want you to come home.”

“You are a sneaky one! I would have never thought of that.” I bet you were a bit of a hellion growing up, weren’t you? Look at that face. I bet you broke your share of hearts!” She flirted innocently.

“No—not me! I was a perfect little angel. Don’t you dare tell your grandma any different,” he said with a wink. I did my share of partying, but I always called momma to tell her I was okay. She knew, though. Dad was oblivious. Mom made sure my weed was never out in the open.

“What? You smoked weed? No frigging way! I don’t believe it,” she said.

“Smoked? You mean smoke. Why do you think I went to DQ for a banana split at 11 PM?” He said.

“Wow! I don’t believe it. My Uncle is a pothead! I smoke too,” Missy confided. Yup, sometimes when my knee is bothering me, I fire up a blunt. No more pain. It helps me sleep. It’s legal now! Well, for those over 21. You won’t tell on me, will you? She asked sarcastically.

“I won’t tell if you won’t tell,” he responded.

They arrived at his house. It was way too much house for just him. He did enjoy the amenities, though. The hot tub, the home gym, the sauna, the automatic shades were just to name a few. He had to have a maid come in once every two weeks just to dust and clean the bathrooms and the kitchen. His driveway was clear of all snow. As the garage door opened, she was surprised at its cleanliness. He must have had five bicycles hanging on the wall. They walked into the house. “Alexa living room lights. Alexa, Fireplace on! Alexa, music on—play Steve Miller, Greatest Hits, Wintertime.” Caleb commanded. Caleb called and talked to his brother Frank. He gave him the sorry he conjured up and said he would bring her home around noon. Maybe a little later if they go out for lunch.

Missy was amazed! She looked around. He had so much stuff. Her Uncle’s living room walls were decorated with photographs. Mostly of landscapes, from waterfalls and sunsets to even one of a view of a volcano. She assumed it was in Hawai’i. She hadn’t been in his home since her aunt passed. He moved here shortly after. The music started playing—the hypnotic sound of the wind and the harmonica made her sway. Missy sauntered up to him seductively. Then she snatched the bags from him and scampered away to sit at the bar. Caleb walked casually over to where she was sitting. Caleb was a little confused. Was she flirting with him? He wondered. He sat next to her. She was picking out fries from one bag. He reached for the other bag. Missy playfully pulled the sack close to her as if to say mine. Then she gave it to him. He took it from her. Then removed the banana split boat and spoon.

Missy said, “So, Uncle, Caleb, what kind of playlists do you have? Do you have a playlist to seduce women? You do, don’t you? Let me hear it!”

Caleb responded,” No, there is no playlist. I don’t seduce women. Not that it’s any of your business, I haven’t dated anyone.