A New Day, The Other Me chapter 4

I think I’m in love. Okay I hope its love but I will say for a damn fact there is a connection between Jenna and me. Not something as petty as likes and dislikes, we just get each other. The first two weeks of November we have been dating and people found out really quick that I not only existed but was the nice guy, no name pun intended. I make Jenna feel like a queen and she has me feeling like the happiest man alive. We eat lunch together every day, we go out to dinner at least twice a week and I’ve been to the studio where she does her modeling for her future career. I have been dressing nicer for her too. She’s always wearing some of the nicest clothes, attractive but mature so I’m wearing dress shirts and slacks. I even had mom take me in and style my hair. Now I look like a man who should be next to Jenna and people notice. I’m spoken to a little differently and asked constantly how we are doing; I don’t see why they ask me when Jenna is just as approachable as I am. Life is good here and we’re happy. I’ve only stolen a few kisses from her though but I blame Brandon for that. After he broke up with her and decided to screw around with women she’s keeping herself guarded till its right, I’m hoping for soon but no pressure. Most of the time we spend it working out her options and career after high school and at her prompting I am doing online college classes through the high school so we’ll have more time to work things out between us.

It is at the end of the second week that the family has another counseling session with Dr. Hill only it’s a lot different than I expected since we’re doing two sessions both involving me and another member of the family. We’re supposed to talk to each other about how we’re feeling and this first one is Beth and I. We’re both sitting on the same couch but at opposite ends as Dr. Hill decide to start in with the questions.

“So Guy, what were your first thoughts of Bethany,” Dr. Hill asks me and I think for a second.

“I thought she looked nice and she seemed happy,” I answer being honest.

“And when the incident occurred where she got Mark to attack you, what were your thoughts towards her then,” Dr. Hill continues with me ignoring Beth.

“I didn’t know what to think. I thought we were supposed to be a family but I was wrong,” I recall and wonder if the doctor is going to ask Beth anything.

“After the attack you isolated yourself from the rest of the family, did it ever occur to you to get any revenge,” Dr. Hill asks and I shake my head no,” Do you have any idea as to why you didn’t want to hurt her?”

“I don’t know,” I remark not liking the questions.

“Was it because of her brother,” she asks and I shake my head no,” There must have been a reason?”

“I don’t have one. She did what she wanted and I just backed off,” I am getting mad and I don’t like the questions.

“Do you hate Bethany,” Dr. Hill asks and I roll my eyes, more questions for me,” Guy please take this seriously, do you hate your sister Beth?”

“What does it matter, she fucking despises me,” I get the words out and that’s when Beth decides to add her two cents.

“I never said that,” Beth states and I turn my attention to her.

“You didn’t need to; everything you have ever done has come from your absolute hate for me. You had your brother attack me; you had people make fun of me at school and had yourself a good ole laugh at my expense and pain. Trust me I know exactly what you think of me,” I finish turning back to the doctor.

“Guy the question does matter and we’ll address Beth in a little while,” Dr. Hill says and I settle in for the inquisition.

Half an hour later I’ve explained how she hates my very existence, Beth not the doctor but I’m beginning to think the doctor isn’t a fan of me either. I’ve given details from my point of view as to things she’s done and said about me to others while the doctor takes her notes. It feels like forever since we started and finally Dr. Hill turns her attention to Beth and we both watch as her phone, the doctor’s, goes off. She answers and tries to explain she’s with a patient before telling the other party she’ll be on her way. I’ve sat through a half an hour of dumping out all my crap to Beth and Doctor Hill and she’s leaving. The doctor tells us that she’ll schedule us a time to continue and walks out of the sitting room. I watch her leave and now I’m very much done. I get up from the couch leaving Bethany where she is, she can rot for all I care, and head up to my room. Mom tries to stop me on the way but I’m not in the mood to stop and I’ve done enough talking. I get to my room and message Jenna letting her know I’m done and free is she wants to talk. I get no response and figure she’s taking care of something with her modeling and let her be. I must have been sitting for about ten minutes when there is a light knock on my door and before I can tell them to go away Beth steps in and closes the door behind her.

“I guess we don’t get to finish our session this week,” Beth’s only real words and it’s a bad joke.

“The sessions are bullshit,” I state and she doesn’t like my comment, I can tell by her expression.

“Not for me, I learned a lot today,” Beth says trying to, and I’m guessing here, actually talk to me.

“Well congratulations, what did you learn that was so special? That I’ve been and emotional wreck most of my life or that I make the world’s greatest whipping boy,” I ask her and she frowns at me, the non pouting kind.

“I learned you’re a hell of a lot better person than I am. I can’t understand how you never hated me and even after I ruined your birthday you just decided to ignore everyone and wait to move on with your life. I could never do that,” Beth states trying to reach me emotionally, bad idea.

“Because you’ve never had anyone taken from you, not anyone that matters,” I get the words out and Beth’s face goes from pleading to anger.

“You think so Guy? Well my birth Mom was taken from me when I was barely out of elementary school and I had to live without anyone till you and Mom came in to our home and we all became a family,” Beth says it and I can tell she’s mad, well get in line.

“No you lost your mother, what happened to her was an accident. It was a horrible tragic accident and when Mom and I came into this household,” I don’t think I’ll ever call them family at this point,” You made it your sole mission in life to take MY Mom from me and make her YOUR Mom. And you did and you smiled and laughed and the whole time you ruled the house, at least as far as us kids were concerned.”

“I didn’t take her,” Beth says and I am out of my chair and two feet from her in a flash.

“Doesn’t fucking tell me what you did or didn’t do? I was there and I lived it. You sat there and drowned me out of everything. YOUR mother took my father from me, the one person who actually loved me no matter what and when it was all said and done you just walked up and bat your eyes and she stopped being MY mother and started being YOUR mother. So now that we have that piece of history out of the way don’t you look at me and try to say you’ve had anything taken from you because to you everything is replaceable,” I’m hot and for once Beth doesn’t look so confident.

Hell with confidence she is hurt, I am still unbelievably pissed off as she backs away from me and opening the door rushes out of my room and past Mom who has by the look on her face heard everything I said. Mom could cry if I pushed the right buttons but I don’t know if it’s mercy or just emotional exhaustion that has me leave my door open and return to my computer chair. Mom takes a minute to herself before coming into my room and takes a seat in her chair she bought.

“I’ll always be your Mom Guy,” she says and I shrug.

“Yeah, not much I can do about you giving birth to me,” I state feeling a little drained.

“I know you have a hard time believing it but I do love you. I’ve loved you since I first held you and I never stopped,” Mom says and I sigh audibly,” I saw Dr. Hill leave early, she said something about an emergency?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care. All she did is ask me questions for a half hour and when I asked to turn it towards Beth for a bit she told me that it would happen later and then she leaves,” I recap the session for Mom.

“Well I am sorry about what happened between your father and I, the divorce and the custody fight. I didn’t think about what I did till years later,” Mom says and I cut her off.

“You knew exactly what you were doing, the one time in my childhood you were fully aware of what was happening. It was also the most sober I remember you being,” I state not feeling nice.

“I was sober, the lawyer I hired rode my ass for his paycheck and I hated nagging, even growing up,” Mom brings her childhood into the conversation,” I just couldn’t lose you. You were all I had and I just couldn’t go on without you.”

“Yeah, you needed me to wake you up for work and make sure the apartment didn’t burn down,” I may be lashing out but I feel like I deserve to.

“I was scared I’d never be accepted by Abby and Beth, that’s why I focused on them for so long. And I didn’t ever think I was neglecting you because I married Mark Sr. and made your life better. I always, ALWAYS, thought of you as being stronger than others. You did take care of me and I came to realize that too late and when I should have said or done things with you,” Mom says and I shrug.

“Well they’ll need you after I’m gone, Beth definitely will when she figures out that the world doesn’t revolve around her,” I state and Mom grimaces.

“She’s not a bad girl, needed to learn what sharing and family was earlier but not a bad girl,” Mom says to defend her and I laugh.

“Yeah and that’s why I know that in the long run they will always be more important to you than I am. You set out to keep me as a trophy and when the new happier batch of children came along I got dumped. Call it whatever you want but it was easier for you to be a mother to kids who didn’t have to clean up vomit before going to school than it was to even try to a mother to me,” I state letting too much of my temper out in my words.

“You were never a trophy, you were always my son and I was never a good mother to you and I wanted to be. I always thought we were doing well and when Mark helped me get sober I only saw better things in our future. I didn’t look back at our lives with any sense of what actually happened. I wish I would have ‘seen’ what I was doing before everything that happened but as Mark Jr. keeps telling me I need to focus on now and do what I can,” Mom says determined and ready for the next volley of hate.

“I don’t know, I like the makeup gift,” I gesture to the super system Mom bought,” But honestly it’s like I’m making friends with Abby and Mark, Beth is only doing this to make sure you don’t hate her and you have guilt.”

“I have guilt but I love you, you are my son and I will love you till I die,” Mom says it and I don’t hesitate.

“Or I die,” the words come out and she gives me a upset look,” I don’t want to but someone tried once already, nicked my guts with a knife and left me to bleed out.”

“I still don’t understand what you were doing so far away from home that day. I know you don’t want to talk about it and even the police can’t figure out what you were doing out there but I just want to know my son,” Mom doesn’t say again, I find that telling,” I want us to be a family. A real family.”

“Maybe you should have been paying attention back when you sobered up, I was there but I wasn’t ever a part and all the therapy in the world isn’t making them,” I point out the door to the rest of the house,” feel like a family. I don’t feel like a family when I’m with you.”

“Do you want to feel like family with us? With me,” Mom asks and I have to think.

“I don’t know, I did years ago. I wanted it a lot and I prayed that everything that happened was one bad dream. Then I’d wake up and go to school by myself, I’d come home and be drowned out by your children and at the end of the day I felt alone. I still feel alone when I’m here,” I try to explain without being hurtful.

“We could find your Father, I know Neal would come see you if he knew where you were,” Mom says and I shake my head.

“If he wanted me he would have found me and he would have done it years ago. I tried to find him and the courts said he wasn’t in the country so they couldn’t contact him for any sort of visitation,” I explain my original plan to Mom who takes in the knowledge of my attempt to leave her once before,” I hoped he would fight for me or at least be waiting but he didn’t and isn’t.”

“Guy I am so sorry I did this to you but,” Mom pauses and I don’t know how much more sorry I can take,” I would do anything to show you how much I love you, I know you don’t feel it and after so long I can only blame myself. Do you think there is anything left for us?”

I don’t know, I would like to give her a straight answer and either give her hope or some measure of resolution to this situation but honestly I don’t know. I shrug my shoulders and sigh as an answer which amazingly is interpreted as an answer. After Mom steps out of the room I check to see if Jenna responded back to my message, no luck but she’s probably busy.

And more time, about two weeks putting us at the beginning of December rolls on and I’m still living the good life. Well not good but better than I was. People keep asking me how Jenna and I are doing but it’s less now. Beth has been avoiding talking to me at school and even at home. Abby is trying to figure out what is the deal with my new relationship, her words not mine. I’ve been set up to go out with Mark to the gym since my cast came off after seven weeks of being stuck on me. Mostly however it’s Jenna and I. We smile and laugh and I keep things cool on my end even though I’m shaking. People see us together and I think she’s made peace with her ex Brandon, I’ve seen them talking a little here and there but as soon as I’m around she’s with me and it’s our time. Monday of first week in December and I’m at a bit of a nervous point in my relationship. Every time I’ve gone out with Jenna she’s asked me. Mostly that’s because she has been busy with her modeling and photography but the Winter Formal is coming up and while I know she’s getting ready I figure she’s been waiting for me to ask. I catch her at lunch and there is Brandon just hanging around as Jenna pulls away and comes to be with me. We don’t get very far when I figure I should bring up the most pressing subject of my week.

“So Winter Formal is coming up Saturday,” I tell Jenna like she doesn’t know but she does.

“Oh yeah, I’m absolutely ready for it,” Jenna says with a smile and I smile back this will be easy.

“So did you want me to pick you up, I can rent a car or limo? We can arrive in style,” I ask smiling and she doesn’t share my enthusiasm.

“Pick me up,” the high school supermodel asks.

“Yeah, we’ve been going out together for a month now and I’m pretty sure taking my date to the Formal is something a man needs to plan for,” I am stating facts that I’m not sure I should be.

“We’ve been hanging out for a month but date? I can’t go with you Brandon already asked me,” Jenna says it and I don’t think I have feeling in my legs.

“Brandon? Your ex Brandon asked you and you said yes,” I don’t know if I’m asking or clarifying.

“Well we started getting back together over a week ago and when he asked I told him yes and were all official again,” Jenna is saying the words and I honestly wish for Hector to come drag me off to a beating.

“So what about us,” I ask and actually dread the answer.

“Us? Oh you’re so sweet and such a good friend. I know you were looking out for me being single and all but I’m back with Brandon. We’re meant to be together and he finally came to his senses,” Jenna says it, I hurt and she doesn’t even stop,” Don’t worry about me Guy, I’ll be alright and we can go have dinner Sunday after the dance, just us friends, okay?”

I watch her get up and walk away, probably back to Brandon but where I’m at right now is empty. I thought I was empty before when I had nothing, now I have nothing. All plans I made to stay in the area were for her… us. Now there is no us. There never was an us. I was her fool and she played me. I head to my last classes of the day and do nothing. I sit, stare blankly and exit to the next class until school is out. I am walking through the parking lot to get to Abby’s car but pass it only to finally get stopped by Abby who catches up to me and guides me back to the passenger side door and helps me in. I’m aware that people are watching me confused, some are talking and some of them I even know the names of but for the life of me I couldn’t care. I thought I was strong with not caring before but now I know the true emptiness. Abby brings us home trying to talk to me the entire way but I don’t answer her, I don’t even grunt or nod. I sit there and feel hollowed out. Abby helps me out of the car and almost immediately when I get inside Mom is there and she is concerned. They talk about what happened to me today, Abby doesn’t know and Mom is trying to ask me questions as I walk dead but towards my room. Once in my room I lie down on my bed and stare into space, or more accurately the blank spot on my wall. Yeah, life loves sucker punching the shit out of my plans, hopes and dreams.

Mark Delauter Sr.

Just when I believed that things might actually be coming together as a family and something screws with Guy. The therapist isn’t earning her pay and I’m scheduled to tell her as such after her last session with Guy and Bethany nobody can convince Guy to sit down with her. Doctor Hill is a highly recommended family relations specialist but I am beginning to believe that Guy needs a developmental specialist. Specifically one that specializes in cases of neglect. I love my wife but I don’t know if she can see how much neglect her son grew up in and how devastating it has been on his emotional reactions. It’s been two days now since Guy’s remain silent and do nothing vigil began and I don’t know when it will end. If he were just being lazy and playing video games all day or screwing around I’d be fine with it but he’s just laying there and doesn’t respond to anyone. Even Doctor Hill gave it her best to reach him but all she said was something set him into this state and when he comes out let him come to us. I’m not that passive and have all three of my children back in my office again only this time everyone knows why they are here.

“We need to do something about Guy and this null state he seems to be in,” I tell my children from my desk chair.

“I could drop him in the pool, he’ll swim out to keep from drowning,” Mark, my muscle head defender offers and I shake him off.

“Mark we need to get him out of bed and in the shower, then we can change him and bring him down to eat,” Abigail offers her idea and I give them the nod.

Two of my children step out of my office leaving only Bethany behind whom quietly decides to step out of the room.

“Beth, take a seat,” I offer my daughter who freezes at the door,” Close the door first.”

I let her close the door and wait for her to take her seat before I begin. She’s scared and while she has reason to be this is not the time for her fear, this is about Guy.

“What do the other high school students say about Guy,” I ask her and she pauses for a second.

“Mostly they talked about how he is part of the family and has been following around Jenna like a puppy,” Beth explains and I remember the girl, a hot commodity for high school.

“So did anything happen on Monday? Anything you heard about that could have triggered something like this,” I ask and she fidgets,” Beth if you did something tell me now otherwise if there is something that happened we need to know so we can try to help him.”

“Jenna brought him to reality,” my daughter says and if it isn’t evident I have no clue what she’s talking about,” Guy has been running around school after her for a month doing everything and calling her his girlfriend, he tried asking her to the Winter Formal and she gave him the bad news that she’s back with her boyfriend Brandon. Everyone knew they’ve been back together for a couple weeks now and she finally just gave Guy his passport.”

“Passport,” I ask confused but more understanding of the situation.

“Yeah, to the friend zone where all girls put boys that they like kinda but don’t really like at all,” Bethany explains and I shake my head.

“So did you know that Jenna was back with her boyfriend while Guy was following her around love struck,” I ask and Beth nods,” Why didn’t you tell him?”

“Because he’s dumb, how dumb do you have to be to see that he was never in Jenna’s league? Dad he wasn’t even in Jenna’s sport and the fact that he never got anywhere with her could not have been a bigger sign that she wasn’t interested in him,” Beth explains and I don’t get my answer, yet.

“If she wasn’t interested in him why take him out to dinner and all those dates they went on,” I already know the answer but I’m looking for confirmation.

“Because all Jenna’s money is in college and her modeling. Brandon doesn’t have money and is praying for a scholarship this year to get into college so Guy was perfect for her to get a little of the good life,” Beth says it and it dawns on her what has been going on.

“So why didn’t you say something if you knew all this was happening,” I ask and she shakes he head.

“Because he hates me, Guy does,” I hear her say it but Guy has never shown anything to support it,” Dad you don’t see it but it’s there every day. He’s always watching me waiting for me to do something to him. He sits around when he wasn’t out with Jenna looking at everyone here. I’m sorry but he’s going to do something and its scares me sometimes.”

I shake my head at my poor daughter; she can’t see anything beyond her own selfish ways. I move to the chair in front of my desk next to her and she knows something is different. All punishments are handed out from behind the desk, now I’m in front of it.

“I’ve seen him watching all of us but he’s not angry or hurt. He’s scared,” I say it and she shakes her head.

“Dad you got it all wrong,” Bethany begins and I stop her.

“I will finish, for over three years that young man has had nothing. We all went about our lives smiling and laughing all the while where was he? He was there watching and when he tried to get close we shut him out. Sometimes it was an accident,” I state the facts for my daughter,” and sometimes it was intentional. He was nervous because in our family he didn’t know his place and when you forced him into the position you did.”

“Daddy I’ve apologized to everyone and to Guy if he’d come to a session again and listen about that. I was wrong and I tried to get him out of his shell with the Halloween party but he just doesn’t want to. He hates me and can’t forgive me,” my daughter explains her side, interrupting me.

“Yes Bethany, you tried once to be his sister. Once and when it failed you went back to quiet denial. And as for the therapy sessions I don’t know if Dr. Hill is the best person for Guy considering she’s done almost as much to drive him away as to help bring him out of his shell. What is wrong with Guy sounds simple; Jenna gave him hope and a plan. Everything he’s done in the past month was for her and now she’s pushed him aside, just like the rest of us did for years. If I disowned you right now and kicked you out how hard would your life be,” I ask Bethany who pales at the thought.

“I’d be homeless, Daddy are you kicking me out? I’ve tried with Guy,” Beth pleads and I cut her off.

“I’m not kicking you out I’m making a point so you understand. If I disowned you your life would be empty. No family, no money, no home and no good living yes,” I ask and she nods,” Emotionally that’s where Guy is. He had none of us he could confide in when he was hurt. Nobody to learn from when he needed help and certainly nobody to explain to him when a gold digging girl is screwing him over to the amusement of the school.”

“Daddy she’s a friend,” Beth begins and I end it.

“Anyone who would use this family is not a friend; she’s not even an acquaintance. She went out of her way to use your brother and you allowed it to happen,” my words seem to have an impact as some realization hits my daughter,” I’m sorry Bethany but if everyone here is trying to bring this family back together as we agreed that we would do and include Guy how are you doing your part?”

I have her thinking, something she hasn’t been doing in concerns to Guy. I don’t want to believe that she would be so naïve to think that after a time the family would go back to the way things were but it’s becoming more the case these past few days. I allow my daughter to leave and sit quietly thinking about what to do on my own end. A couple thousand dollars for an entertainment system is one thing but how do I get that boy to come out of his shell towards me, hell with me, and his mother. Big tasks ahead in this family and we’re running out of time. Guy added college courses to his schooling but he can quit those at anytime and graduate before spring. I want him to stay and I’d ask him to stay if it would do any good but considering where we are now I know it won’t so back to planning. Oh yeah and the assault case I’m first chairing this week.

Guy Donnelly

I know days have gone by but I really don’t care, I don’t feel compelled to do anything right now and even though Mark and Abby pulled me into a shower to clean me up it did little to spur anything out of me. I think I’ve been missing classes but it doesn’t matter, not a thing seems to matter at all. People don’t matter, family doesn’t matter, I don’t matter. It’s this dull empty feeling of nothing and it doesn’t change. Mom has come in a few times to speak with me but I don’t react to her words. Abby and Mark both come in to check on me and still I feel nothing. I don’t know what is happening in the world and I don’t care to. It’s dead and I’m dead in it. More talking is happening but it sounds different, Bethany is in the room I think and she’s trying to get my attention and yet I don’t move. I see she’s in front of me now and still talking to me as I lay on my bed facing the window.

“Guy get up, I need you to get up please,” Bethany asks and I don’t move but I do wonder why.

She pulls at the robe Mark and Abigail dressed me in to get me up and pleads for me to move but I don’t feel any motivation to do so. I wait for Beth to give up as she usually does but she’s being persistent.

“Guy come on, I need you to get up,” Beth struggles trying to move me to a sitting position.

My body relents, why it is relenting I will never know, but it does allow her to move me so that I’m sitting upright and then standing as Beth takes a breath before leading me out of my room. I am led by the hand down stairs and I don’t hear much of anything going on except the TV in one of the rooms. Mom is in the TV room watching something and it’s still day outside but barely as Beth leads me to the couch and I hear her and Mom speak.

“Beth what are you doing,” Mom asks confused and a little upset.

“Helping okay, I’m just trying to help now stay in your seat please,” Beth says to Mom who is sitting at one end of the couch,” Come on Guy, you can lay back down right here.”

Beth moves me onto the couch and then to a laying down position where my head is resting on my Mother’s lap. It is odd to me… wait odd, I was feeling nothing why is this odd. I leave it alone as Mom begins to stroke my hair with her fingers while her show prattles on about topics from and ‘empowered’ and ‘educated’ point of view meaning ‘moneyed’ and ‘famous’. I don’t know how many shows Mom watches while I lay there with my head in her lap but at some point she begins humming, I recognize the song as ‘You are My Sunshine’ but why is it familiar coming from her. More importantly why the hell am I feeling anything right now? I was in a voided state, I was at peace and now I’m feeling. I sound like the Grinch but he felt all bad, I felt nothing which was better. Why was it better? I didn’t feel pain. Why was I in pain? Because everyone wants me to have pain. What did I do to deserve that? I was born? I am unlucky? Fate wants someone to pay? Why am I thinking this much and why does Mom humming a fucking song sound so soothing and confusing all at once? She keeps brushing my hair with her fingers and it keeps me in a mindset that I don’t want to move.