A New Day, The Other Me chapter 3

So first things first on a Saturday morning after my night with Abigail is Mom there checking on me like she said. I didn’t really clean up last night and when I point out that I’ve been dressing myself without her for over a decade I see my Mom’s face turn from helpful to sad. Now I’m trying to be nice for some reason, I blame Abby, and try to scramble a reason.

“Mom I need to try to do this myself, only way I am going to get back to full speed is doing it on my own,” I see it doesn’t help the situation and figure on turning it up a notch,” Can you just wait outside the door for a bit in just in case?”

She nods in agreement and smiles lightly before stepping out of the room. I dress easily, it’s not that difficult to put on the basics of shorts and a t shirt before stepping out of my room and she smiles at me. She’s trying, really trying but I don’t feel good about it. I put that away and join some of the family for breakfast as it’s only Abby, Mom and Mr. Delauter with me. Abby is sitting next to me again and the parents are at their head and foot of the table. Both want to talk, both want to say something but after Mom got kicked out of my room and Mr. D received my message of why I don’t care about his family. It makes things difficult for them to reach me and I am in the ninety percentile of not wanting them to. Mom informs me that I’m to be home and healing for another week, I’ll have missed almost all of October but first week of November I’ll be back in classes which will delay my initial plans by a month so end of February or beginning of March if I keep to my idea. I know Abby is up to something because she’s started to say something to the table three times and stopped looking at me before she did.

“Guy could do college courses through the high school,” she finally says and now Mom and Mr. D are paying attention,” If he does college courses through the school he’ll be a step ahead for college.”

“I don’t know if I’m going to college,” I say the words and now the both parents want to chime in.

“Honey college is the next step for you, it’s getting out there and seeing the world,” Mom starts but Mr. D is quick to counter.

“College is the reason you put up with high school nonsense. All the drama and bullshit,” I don’t think I’ve ever heard him swear before,” that you have to put up with is so that you can go to college and get a real education. You spend four years prepping for it and I think it’d be a shame if you wasted it.”

“What classes are my strongest,” I ask and now the table goes quiet, for a second.

“Math and English,” Mom says and I figure she has had a look at my transcripts,” You were always so smart with math when you were little and even though I never got you a calculator you still passed your classes.”

“Let’s not take this trip down memory lane right now,” Mr. Delauter says taking control of the conversation,” The point my daughter is trying to make Guy is that you have options, not just here but out there in the world.”

They’re trying to get me to stay but still I don’t feel it. I remember when I wanted to stay, seems like a lifetime ago but that died in me two years back at the no birthday party I had. I let that thought carry me through picking at the scraps of breakfast and when I’m done head up to my room to ‘rest and recover’.

Healing is a wonderful thing, it allows you to regain who you were and realize that you can be stronger and better than you were before. It’s also boring as watching paint dry and grass grow, I actually sat outside and watched the yard. We live on a yard big enough for me to do laps around and yet we have no dog, seems like a crime but they’d probably move me into a closet under the stairs for the dog to take my room. I don’t think that would actually happen now but a couple of years ago Bethany could make it happen. Speaking of Queen of the Bitch brigade she keeps messaging me because face time is too much for her right now. Nothing like ‘Are you okay’ or ‘I was a complete cunt and I’m sorry’ it’s more ‘Are you going to attend my Halloween party or not’ and ‘You better not have a crappy costume’. I spend the weekend feeling the love off those messages.

Monday I find myself left alone in the house except for Rosa who is doing her chores. Mom is doing some volunteer thing she apparently has been involved in for the past couple years. I didn’t even know, maybe the lack of caring became a two way street and I didn’t notice. Regardless with her gone wherever she went and everyone else at work and school I am allowed to sit downstairs in peace with Rosa. I’m the one sitting as she is cleaning the kitchen and doing prep work for dinner tonight, mother cooking still confuses my inner child.

“Guy you are doing better,” Rosa asks and I nod,” why do you not tell everyone you are better?”

“They don’t deserve to know and anyone out there who wants to hurt me more will see me already wounded and surrounded by watchful eyes. It’ll keep me safe till the police figure out who it was that did this,” I explain and she nods but doesn’t like it.

“Guy I know you and your family are not close, I watch you and them. Your mother doesn’t know how to help you,” Rosa says and I like Rosa so I let her say her piece,” You should give her an opportunity.”

“Rosa you are a nicer person, I’m not. I’d love to be able to say that I actually did something to garner the level of apathy that these people and my mother have for me but I didn’t. You say give her a chance,” I ask receiving a nod in reply,” She had four years.”

“She loves you,” Rosa tries to explain but I have to stop that.

“She loves the idea of me, she loves possessing me but actually loves me? I’ve never known a time in my life where I was a priority and after my sixteenth I know that
making her or any of them a priority isn’t worth my time. I need to get back to school and finish so I can move on with my life,” I tell Rosa who understands my words but doesn’t believe them.

“This family is a good family, they are not perfect and they have faults…. Some big ones with the cheer puta,” I smile at Rosa’s thoughts on Bethany,” But they are trying, they are desperate to make you a part of the family. You should let them.”

“I should and I could but I won’t. I don’t deserve it,” I say and before she says something about my words I finish the thought,” I don’t deserve being let down and dragged around when everyone gets bored with making me feel welcome and goes back to their perfect lives.”

Rosa wants to say something but the front door opens and we hear Mother come in and call for me. We want to talk more but for my privacy and her employment we keep this discussion to ourselves. Mom comes in and wants to talk to me about my day but considering talking with Rosa and laying around doing nothing is all I’ve got. She wants to make me a snack, I’m not hungry. Then Mom is wondering if I want to watch TV with her and I say no before heading back to my room. Rosa disapproves and I see it in her face. I’ll probably have to talk with her about it tomorrow.

Monday rides out as boring and the same with Tuesday and most of Wednesday until the afternoon. Mom was home most of the day and didn’t want to go anywhere without me, she’s offered before but I’m supposed to be healing not running around on ‘salvage relationship errands’. I don’t think I’m acting any different than I have been before, I’m not giving them anything and I’m not taking anything however now most of the family is trying to get me to open up. I’m up in my room and I know the rest of house are home by the noise and Abigail bringing me my homework, she’s been really helpful in that respect but otherwise she is being a pain. She won’t talk to me at all about her night in my room and she isn’t letting go of me staying at the house for the family. I must have been done with my homework for about a half hour when Mr. D knocks on my door asking to come in even though it’s half way open.

“Your house,” I remark realizing how cold it sounds.

“We’re having a family meeting downstairs and I’m here to get you,” he says and I shrug,” Please. I don’t want to tell Abigail and have her get mad and come up to get you.”

“Why not try yelling and screaming at me, it would be a change of pace,” I comment but I stand up and following him down.

Everyone is apparently in the TV room waiting and it’s only once I’m inside that I see we have a visitor. Dr. Hill has her own chair and the rest of the family is seated on the couch or in the other comfortable chairs. Another chair is brought from the dining room for me to sit on and I can scream about how this is poetic but I put a pin in it to come back to the point.

“Thank you for joining us Guy,” Dr. Hill greets me with a smile.

“Not sure why I’m here,” I remark sitting down in my wooden seat.

“You’re here to join the family therapy sessions. The rest of your family has been meeting for almost a month now to work out their issues and since you are out of the hospital and moving we figured you’d like to join us,” Dr. Hill explains and I scoff.

“You figured wrong,” I say it and Bethany rolls her eyes, another pinned item to bring back.

“Guy all of us are here to work out the way this family has acted. There have been a few one on one sessions so that some of us can accept things that we have done or didn’t do when it came to how we treated this family as a whole,” Mr. Delauter explains and I shake my head.

“Okay so what does this have to do with me again,” I ask and everyone grimaces at my lack of enthusiasm.

“Guy what your family is trying to do is bring you into the fold emotionally, you’ve always been a part of the family,” I start to say something but Dr. Hill cuts me off,” now before you begin we’re going to let everyone say their piece on how they felt about the whole situation once everything was brought to light.”

I should get up and leave right now but Mark Jr. steps up and wants to say something to me that he’s probably rehearsed over the past sessions.

“Guy when you came around I didn’t know what to think because you were different. Different from me, I was waiting to see who you were when the fight happened and I beat you up. I didn’t know it at the time but I was being used to make a point and I’m sorry I was a shitty big brother,” Mark stops to gauge my reaction before continuing,” Mostly I just want to take you out and try to make up for lost time.”

I think about it, put it in its place and watch as Abigail stands up to say her piece. Oh lord they are all going to do this one at a time.

“Guy we’ve talked a little bit about it but you have no idea how sorry I am by my lack of actions in your defense. I will do many things to help bridge the gap I allowed between us, I only ask that you let me and trust me like I trust you,” Abby sits back down a little hopeful.

“Guy when you came into my life I knew you were special. You are a smart young man and you have the best sense of duty and family I’ve ever seen. You did things way beyond the responsibility that you should have had and have grown up too fast and yet not poorly. I never wanted to take the place of your father but I hope with time and consideration you will accept me and my children as your family as we have done a poor job of showing you that you are a part of our family,” Mr. Delauter hits a few really good points before sitting back down next to my Mom.

It’s a big debate who is going to go next but I’m about talked to out. Apologies are fine but it’s like a Nazi apologizing to a holocaust survivor. You can use all the words you want but it’s not going to change the fact that you killed twelve million people. Granted that’s a bit bigger than my current dilemma and I stand up gaining everyone’s attention.

“Guy could you please let the rest of the family finish their statements,” Dr. Hill asks thinking I’m going to leave.

“No, I need to head back up to my room so something productive can happen in this little session,” I say and everyone in the family is a little hurt by my dismissal of their apologies but Dr. Hill doesn’t want to let go.

“Guy this family is trying to tell you how they recognize the situation you’ve been living under,” She begins but I shake my head,” And you are being dismissive of their efforts.”

“It’s a moot point, you can’t change what was done and what wasn’t done to and around me since I was nine. All the things that lead up to the point in my life where I got stabbed were unrelated to that event unless someone here orchestrated it which I doubt. I’m not going to let one event that had nothing to do with my living situation change how I…,” I am trying to explain but Dr. Hill cuts me off.

“Guy you are not helping this family, they are all sympathetic and attempting to help you but you aren’t giving them the opportunity…,” about here is where I decide to finish this.

“SHUT UP WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU! Why the fuck can’t you seem to understand I don’t care. I am the poster child of an uncaring life and an uncaring family environment but you keep on nagging with their feelings. FUCK THEIR FEELINGS AND FUCK YOU! I did everything for my Mother and she was happy to have her fucking victory trophy of a son for years while she drank herself into a fucking hole and I took care of us and as soon as she found the man she was looking for she decided she needed to straighten her ass out for her new perfect fucking family,” I am spewing venom but apparently that doesn’t dissuade Dr. Hill.

“Guy your language has no place in this session,” She get that much out before I continue.

“Bitch my voice has no place in this house thanks to that cheerleading whore, her idiot brother and brow beaten sister. I tried to talk to them and I was ignored and the best part is Beth was right. I’m not wanted here, not unless you want to count to make the perfect family feel less guilty about their upper class ways. Get one thing straight, there isn’t a person in this room that has been there for me to the point that I would call them family in almost a decade. NOT ONE PERSON! All of you are a family, I’m just the shitty trophy from Mom’s first marriage that she won when she somehow screwed my father out of rightful custody,” my words are poison and everyone especially Mom is in pain from them,” I don’t need this family. I don’t need your bullshit or guilt or lies and I especially don’t need someone to try and tell me the past is something I need to forget about because it doesn’t help everyone else. Everyone here for years has said fuck Guy. Now here is me saying FUCK YOU!”

I leave the room fast and head up the stairs to my room in a rage I’ve never had before. My ears are ringing and I can feel my heart in my head pounding. My limbs are shaking and I don’t feel well. I sit down and lose all control as I cry against my bedroom door.

Mark Delauter Jr.

I have kicked people’s asses for a lot less than what just got yelled at me and my family by my younger brother Guy. I know part of me wants to kick someone’s ass right now because it be better than feeling like an idiot. Mom is crying and Dad is holding her while Abigail is burning holes through Bethany. Beth on the other hand is more concerned about Mom than what Guy said about her. Maybe that’s part of the problem, Mom and Guy are a package and she doesn’t see it. Dr. Hill is still waiting to speak like Guy is going to come back down and let her have a word with him.

“Well that was good,” the doctor says and now everyone is looking at her like she is the idiot.

“How in the hell was that a good thing,” Dad asks and I agree with him.

“Guy’s biggest problem is he has cut off all his emotional attachments. When I was able to speak with him in the hospital my main obstacle was his emotional distance. He’d rather speak with a stranger on the street than sit at a table with his family. Nothing any of us can do to break that wall down since it was outside stimuli that built it, we needed Guy to break it down and from that we can help him feel again,” the doctor says and I’m confused.

“You manipulated him to say all those cruel things to my Mother so you could do your job,” Beth begins to argue and I don’t know which to smack, her or the doctor.

“Yes, I’m here to help this family and Guy grow and hopefully develop a real family bond. A bond that is easier when emotions are involved which he wasn’t feeling or allowing himself to feel. You know your place in the pain that he’s endured but you are not able to empathize with it. Guy needed to lash out and hurt, he needed to express himself after years of silence,” Dr. Hill is firm with my sister before looking at the rest of us,” You needed to know his pain, all of it and even though this wasn’t the happy accepting session you thought you would get we’re actually making good progress.”

“Explain to me how him leaving the room when we’re trying is good progress,” I ask because there are a lot of emotions and I’m not fully understanding.

I watch as Doctor Hill picks up a pen and then I’m hit in the face with it. It stings a little and everyone is staring at her as I want to throw her out of my Dad’s house.

“Did that hurt,” she asks and I nod angrily,” now imagine that all your emotions a feeling, that was you feeling emotional pain. Happiness, sadness, rage, shame, envy, lust are all feelings that would have a corresponding physical feeling. Do you understand so far?”

“Yes,” I grunt and I want to throw the pen back at her.

“Now think about how you would feel if I struck you with the pen but there was no pain. Emotionally Guy has spent years building himself up so that he feels nothing since all of it for him has had pain attached to it. His Mother loved him but couldn’t cope with her personal issues until she found your father and then she was busy trying to build a solid family base with him. Your father is a solid provider and loves in his own way but can be emotionally distant at times as he is a rational thinker,” the doctor explains and I’m beginning to get it I think.

“So what about the rest of us,” Bethany asks and I’m curious as to our faults.

“Your brother was naïve to how much deceit you have directed towards others and you turned his nature of defending his family against Guy. Your sister, your twin, wasn’t as emotionally strong as you and you bent her to a follower position just to further your agenda,” Doctor Hill says to Beth who doesn’t like what is being said.

“So what about Beth, Mark was mislead and I was coerced,” I don’t know that word Abby used,” What is Bethany’s thing other than she’s a mean hatful bitch.”

“She’s not mean or hatful, she’s scared,” Doctor Hill says it and I think I scoffed louder than Beth,” You are afraid of being alone and forgotten. When your mother passed you clung to everything and now with your Mom, Loretta, you have changed yourself so that she will feel closer to you.”

Now that makes a lot of sense but I feel like we’re all missing the point since Guy’s upstairs and not down here. I didn’t even think about it when Beth told me Guy attacked her and I don’t hate her even though I’m not happy with finding out I have been her goon for a few years. Everyone continues to talk about what to do with Guy and how him screaming at us is good but again he’s not here. I stand up and walk to the door only to have Dad say something.

“Mark we’re in the middle of the session,” Dad says but I shake him off.

“Dad I have to do this,” I say it as I head out the door.

Up the stairs and I can hear Guy in his room crying, dude we made him cry? I don’t get that at all but here it is and I am just going to have to deal with it. I knock on his door and hear it go quiet so I knock again. It takes a minute but he opens the door after the third knock. He doesn’t say anything but he looks at me like he wants me to leave.

“Put on some jeans and shoes, we’re going out,” I tell him and he gives me an angry look.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Guy informs me and I shake my head.

“Yeah we are, come on,” I tell him and stand there.

I let him close the door and wait for a few minutes before he comes out with jeans and shoes on. I take my time walking with him downstairs and out to the garage then get him and me into my Dodge Challenger and I head out to get some food. We’re about five minutes out and Guy is just sitting there looking out my window.

“Burgers or chicken,” I ask him.

“What,” he asks, guess I confused him.

“You want a burger or chicken, I don’t know a decent seafood place with a drive through,” I tell him and he shrugs,” pick one man.”

“Burgers,” he tells me looking back outside.

We pull into the drive thru of a mom and pop burger joint, the kind that you eat in the parking lot because all the whole building could fit in my Dad’s garage. Guy picks his meal and I tell our order to the girl behind the counter, kind of cute but I’m not trolling for high school girls. We get our food and drinks after I pay and I take him to one of my spots at the college and park before getting out with our food. Guy is about a half step behind me as I head to the edge of the parking area and sit down on the grass. It’s a hill over looking one of the practice fields where football and soccer do their drills.