A New Day, The Other Me chapter 10

Jim: Days after the Detective visited

“The police? You got one detective coming into your business and telling you she suspects the police are looking to build a connection case by going for a weak link and you’re not removing the weak link right now,” Mulligan is asking me as we’re at his ranch having a private conversation.

“So just kill off forty or so young men and women to make things safe and put the operation back at square one,” I reply and he shrugs.

“Square one or jail, not a tough choice really and I know Sid wouldn’t be debating this,” Mulligan says it and it is a bit offensive.

“Sid would also be taking off the top whether you approved it or not. Sid would be selling to people we deemed unfit and Sid would probably be allowing more drugs through the city,” I recount a few of Sid’s decisions.

“Fair point and your boys are loyal? Do time in jail if needs be loyal,” Mulligan asks leaning forward in his chair.

“They are built for loyalty and what happened with that kid you wanted watched out for they’ve proven they aren’t talking,” I state and he nods in accepting my statement, but now I have to bring up the problem,” Our biggest problem might be the kid himself.”

“What the hell did I say about the kid, I want him left out of this,” Mulligan is pretty pissed off about me even bringing the kid up, must be a damn good lawyer.

“I agree except he’s putting himself in the center of it and somehow he’s curbed the Faces of Fear. That sick preacher fuck Gabriel, he said one thing to him and now Gabriel isn’t just camping out, he’s preparing for something,” I explain and Mulligan is interested.

“That kid brought Gabriel to heel? If someone else was telling me this I’d call them a bullshit artist but… what did he say,” Mulligan asks and I shrug.

“That’s the thing, nobody is sure what he fully said but Gabriel and the Faces of Fear are watching and waiting. We need to wrap this up before someone outside the situation gets hurt,” I tell Mulligan who agrees.

“One thing though, this detective? We sure she’s on the level or do I need to put her down in a few weeks,” Mulligan asks and I shake my head.

“She believes in the system, enough time she’d understand ours and believe in it too but for now we’re keeping her on our radar,” I tell Mulligan and nods again.

Guy: Friday evening at home, two weeks after Detective Escalante’s visit

So I agreed to spend three hours or so with Gwen… not one of my personal favorite decisions recently but it’ll get her off my back and get Mark a date. I’m helping his love life? That feels weird on levels that I can’t even begin to describe. I’m relaxing with my massive video game/entertainment system when my door opens and Gwen pokes her head in and smiles at me.

“So ready for our big day tomorrow,” she asks and I shrug,” Come on Mark told me you agreed to spend a whole day out with me.”

“A whole day… funny that’s a lot longer than the three hours he told me,” I state and she gives me a very puzzled look.

“Well we’ll need the whole day if I’m gonna have a chance to win you back,” Gwen says and I chuckle.

“Win… not win back. You never had me in the first place,” I clarify and she has a look on her face that seems a little familiar,” I agreed to spend time with you and give you a real chance to talk and explain everything so that we could attempt to function as siblings, this I agreed to.”

“Well yeah that’s what Mark said he asked you for. It was nice of him to offer to ask you,” Gwen says and I have to think about it for a second.

“And there’s also the date you are going on with him for asking,” I say it and she gives me a confused look.

“Who said anything about a date? I was trying to talk to your sisters and he offered to talk to you for me,” she says it and I believe I might have seriously underestimated Mark.

“So now I’m roped in for an entire days worth of whatever you want to drag me to and I have to listen and give you the opportunity to basically convince me that water isn’t wet and the moon is Swiss cheese,” I state and she has a bit of a hopeless look on her face.

“Yeah, but it’ll be a good day. I’ve got some fun things planned for us,” Gwen says and she’s actually worried about this.

“I will be there, willingly. I will be there and I will partake of as much as of your events as I’m able and I’ll listen,” I state and I’m being honest,” But Gwen, I hope for your sake you’re not lying about Mark not wanting a date with you for this. Because if you back out of this deal and with that on the table nothing you say will change my mind. It’ll just make it worse.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to Mark just to be sure,” Gwen says and leaves closing my door.

I’m pretty sure someone either left something out or made something up but I’m not sure who, a mystery for later as I resume killing terrorists.

Hmmm, I wonder who is playing who in this.

Waste… of… time…

Really? I’m pretty sure I’ve been reading the playbook and you need to catch up on a few things.

If it’s not chaos, destruction and bodily harm I’m not interested.

I’d read up, we’re going to be teaming up here soon.

I finally get some sleep and am almost rudely woken up at fucking four thirty in the morning by energetic knocking on my door.

“Come on baby brother, we got stuff to do today,” Gwen says with a lot more happiness than I care for this early in the morning.

I let her explain what I need to wear, which is clothing I used to wear before my change and it already feels like a bad idea. I’m committed to it wearing one of my black t shirts, beat up blue jeans and a flannel shirt with boots because my sneakers won’t have grip according to Gwen. I’m in our Father’s truck and we’re on the road. She’s drinking coffee and I’m sitting here with absolutely nothing in my stomach but I’m wide awake. This is psychological warfare and I’m ready, I’ve had worse. We’re heading out of town and I’m just waiting patiently when we pull up to a family restaurant after spending an hour plus on the road. First thing I realize is that my phone isn’t in my pocket and immediately I’m not happy getting out of the truck.

“Where is my phone,” I ask and Gwen looks a little embarrassed,” You took it.”

“Actually I had Mark take it last night before I came in,” she informs me and I’m really not starting out my day well.

“So I’m not supposed to have any way to contact my family in case of an emergency,” I clarify and she realizes a bit of her error.

“I have a phone if we need it,” She holds up a flip phone, a fucking flip phone,” Besides we’ll be too busy to make a lot of calls.”

We get in the restaurant and order quietly waiting for food while she sits there looking for some sort of an opening to talk to me. I don’t need to say anything right now so it’s in her court.

“Don’t you want to know what we’re doing today,” she asks and I shrug,” I found a place kind of like mine and Papa’s ranch up in Montana. We’re gonna do some work then we get to ride some horses. Then some lunch… you don’t like horses.”

“You mean the couple thousand pound glue bag on legs,” I say it and immediately she sours at my words,” I don’t have any experience with horses.”

“Well I’m gonna teach you today,” she is upset with me now, one comment and now she’s mad.

“Don’t like me talking about horses like that,” I ask and she is waiting for me to say something mean,” Okay I’ll stop.”

“You can think what you like but when you’re on the back of one things change,” Gwen informs me very sure of herself,” they are special creatures.”

I nod a little but really they aren’t much as far as I’ve ever seen, also I’m not a girl and don’t have that magical connection to horses that most girls seem to have. We eat and continue in the truck for another hour or so and we arrive at a large patch of land that has been turned into what appears to be a farm house with barn and large building that I’m guessing houses horses. We park and she meets up with someone I assume is in charge, a heavy set man in flannel shirt, jeans and cowboy boots. Gwen motions towards me and says ‘brother’ and the guy looks at me and chuckles a little.

“You brought a greenhorn to help out? Boy brought the wrong boots to stall mucking,” the man tells me and I have to wonder what fresh hell I am being subjected too.

“Well I’m trying to show him what it’s like to work like I’ve been working for the past few years,” Gwen tells him and I am wondering what the hell this has to do with us as siblings.

We get shown tools; mostly a couple of wheel barrels and each of us get a shovel and a pitchfork before being shown to our stalls and immediately I hate my life. There is a base layer of mud with straw on top and shit, two good sized piles of shit. Gwen tells me about keeping the wheel barrel close to the door so I don’t have to walk carrying shit and making a bigger mess and heads into her stall to get things cleaned. I spend what can only be described as an hour of hell getting all the straw out before tackling the pile of shit, how the fuck do you pick up straw with a fucking pitchfork? It falls through and doesn’t hold. Gwen has been done and tells me she’ll be getting her horse ready and where to meet up. I get done and hear someone whistling behind me and turn to see a pair of ranch hands, I think that’s what they’re called, trying to get my attention.

“So where is your hose,” one asks me and I look around confused,” you need ta wet down the mud in there before putting in new straw so it stays.”

“Here we’ll get you a hose,” the other says and off he goes.

I wait and after a few minutes the second ranch hand return with a hose. They walk me through the basics of setting up the stall and leave me to my work.

Gwen: half an hour later

I got two horses, an older gelding for Guy and mare for myself as I wait for my baby brother to get done with his stall. I know it’s taking him a bit but I want him to understand how I hard I work and the reward of what I do running the ranch. He’s been in there for a lot longer than I thought and I hear people laughing and turn to laugh myself for a bit as my baby brother has mud all over him with patches of straw stuck to the mud and no boots. He looks ridiculous and I don’t know how it happened but aside from mud all I can see is his blue eyes. We’re laughing and it’s hilarious, he has to see how funny this is.

“I’m glad you find this so funny,” Guy says and his voice is perfectly flat.

“Baby brother what happened,” I ask trying to figure out how he did all that to himself.

“Two of your friends,” I stop to figure out who he’s talking about cause I barely know most of these people,” told me about how I need to wet down the mud before laying down the straw by hand.”

“What the hell are you talking about,” one of the hands asks as he and a couple of his boys laugh, it’s funny.

“Baby brother you don’t wet down anything, I didn’t and I was right next to your stall,” I tell him trying to calm down from laughing.

“No you were out here with horses, I was in there,” Guy points at the stables and a patch of mud flies off him and everyone laughs harder.

It’s so funny but I am trying to get it under my hat when the ranch owner and I think his daughter come by to see what the holdup is and immediately they both have a little bit of a laugh as my brother is covered in mud in his bare feet. Guy is just standing there in front of everyone as they laugh and I see it, I never saw it before but his eyes change. They’re still blue but something is wrong when the ranch owner moves up to Guy and reaches out to help him away from the scene.

“Come on son, let’s get you cleaned up,” the nice man tells Guy and that’s when I hear it, his voice chills my bones.

“Touch me with that hand and you’ll need to find a partner if you ever plan to clap for the rest of your life,” Guy says it and the ranch owner freezes in place.

“Guy he’s just trying to help,” I try to tell my baby brother and that is when he turns his eyes on me.

“Help? I think we’re all pretty sure I’m beyond help at this point so let’s just sit back and have ourselves a laugh why don’t we,” Guy tells me and people stop laughing and Guy looks at the ranch hands,” what’s wrong? I thought this was funny to you? I thought you wanted this? I’m here; I’m still covered in mud, straw and shit. Why aren’t you laughing?”

“Listen son they were just having a bit of fun,” the owner tries to calm my brother but I’ve never seen anything like this before,” It’s just a little harmless fun and that’s all. It’s nothing personal now come on and we’ll get you cleaned up and some fresh clothes.”

“Oh like these clothes,” Guy asks before pulling off his shirts and dropping them on the ground,” Or how about these?”

Guy strips down to his underwear, boxer briefs and while my brother is fit and trim he’s got scars all over his chest and back, and a couple on his arms. A couple people are a looking away and the ranch owner is trying to get my brother to stop but Guy is so angry. I didn’t think people could get this angry.

“Alright everyone show’s over get back to your work… NOW,” the ranch owner yells at his people and they run like he’s got a whip before getting back to my brother,” It was a joke but it’s over and we’ll get you cleaned up and some fresh clothes and you can take your sister riding.”

“And why the hell would I want to continue this disaster of a day,” Guy asks and I speak up.

“We made a deal for a day… and I want a ride a little while with you so we can talk. It was a bad joke Guy but it’s over and we’ll get you cleaned up and we can go riding,” I remind him of the deal and his shoulders drop a little.

“Right, I made a deal,” he says and turns to follow the ranch owner and his daughter to their house for some clothes.

I get a bag and go to find his boots but they look like a lost cause buried up to the tops in mud. He got the stall cleaned though. I wait with the horses and Guy comes back with some loose fitting jeans, a button up flannel and cowboy boots.

“You look good, almost like a real cowboy,” I praise him and he just stares at me,” I know it was a bad joke but we got some horses and a lot of space to ride.”

He doesn’t respond or even show any real feelings as I try to smile at him. I walk him through how to properly mount a horse and wait for him to get up, it takes him a couple tries, but he’s up and sitting uncomfortable on the gelding as I hop up on the mare and lead him out down a trail. I chose the gelding because he’s a follower horse, basically he will follow another horse almost perfectly from what I saw a couple weeks ago when I was helping out. We’re about a half hour into the trail and I look back to see my brother staring at me and I have to say it’s almost, no it’s worse than when he was mad. When he was mad I was able to know a bit of what was going on. Now I have no clue what he’s thinking and that worries me. I get us to a creek the ranch owner had bridged and stop in front of it to let the horses take a quick break. They don’t need it but I think I do.

“The horse isn’t even tired,” Guy says and I nod a little.

“Yeah, listen I’m sorry about the boys back there,” I try to apologize and he shakes his head.

“I don’t care if you’re sorry or not,” he says and I have to think.

“I remember when you were a baby. I was so happy to be a big sister,” I get it out and immediately regret it.

“Are you still happy now… big sister,” Guy asks me and I nod.

“I got my family back. I thought you and momma and daddy were dead for years and then he, Dad, came for me and I kept asking where you were or where Momma was. I mean if he came back then you two had to be out there,” I explain and he stands there listening, I actually have him listening,” I asked Daddy all the time when we were going to get you and he said you were better off without him and that it was just the two of us.”

“That would be his shame talking,” Guy states and I shrug, I didn’t think about it like that when I was a teenager.

“I hired an investigator to find you,” I say it and he looks at me and I think he’s interested,” the asshole wasn’t very good but he found you and that’s mostly what brought us down here.”

“Except our Father knew where I was. He’s known for years,” Guy says it and I nod.

“He told me that too after I told him I wanted to come get you. I heard your life was shit and figured coming out and seeing your big sister would fix things like when you cried as a baby and I would crawl into your crib,” I tell my baby brother and he’s still listening to me.

“I don’t remember a thing about you beyond when I first saw you in the sitting room at home,” Guy tells me very flat and cold,” I don’t feel anything when you’re around. I don’t feel a closeness that I would if I had bonded with someone when I was a baby.”

“Well it happened, I was there and I used to count the moles on your back and sing TV shows to you while you slept,” I tell him and it hurts that he isn’t interested.

“I’m not saying it didn’t happen. I’m saying that I don’t remember it and I don’t have any,” he moves his hands back and forth between us quickly,” emotional bond. Chalk it up to my budding memory cells.”

“I hoped you would or something. We were so close then I got taken and I lost you,” I am beginning to cry and Guy is just standing there looking at me.

I rub my eyes and try to keep from crying while my baby brother stands there watching me and all I can do keep it under my hat. We stand there for a while and he finally speaks.

“It’s weird for me… someone wanting me. Honestly wanting me before all this happened,” he waves his hand at himself.

“I always did, you got to believe that,” I tell him and he nods.

“I do, that’s the sad part. I know you’re telling the truth. I know everything you have said and feel is the honest truth but I don’t feel it,” Guy says and I don’t understand.

“How can you not? I’m here giving you everything I have and I hurt so much because I’m trying everything I know to let you feel something between us,” I yell at him and he stops and looks at me like he’s doing math or something,” What is wrong with you?”

“I’m not a good person. I was once I think but I’m not. You said you did this today does that include me losing my boots in the mud,” Guy asks and I shake my head,” Okay, I believe you. How do you feel about the two that set me up like that?”

“They were just having a little fun but I don’t know,” I tell him and it’s confusing.

“They’re fun, my expense. How do you think I feel about the two of them,” he asks and I shrug, I want to cry and he takes my hands,” Gwen listen to me because I need you to understand who I am now. The people who laughed at me, they could die… right now… screaming and I would smile. They’d deserve it for my humiliation.”

“Guy you don’t feel like that,” I tell him and he looks me straight in my eyes.

“I do, more so the ranch owner… I’d burn his house down with his daughter inside it just to help him understand how much pain I’ve suffered. The two who thought I was a great mark for some ‘harmless’ fun? I’d skin them alive,” Guy is scaring me but I don’t let go of his hands,” I’d let them all die horribly if I was told they would and only I could save them. I’d let them die and I’d watch.”

“But why? Why be so cruel? Why spread that on everyone else,” I ask him and he smiles, a sad little smile.

“Because it’s what I know, pain is all I’ve known for years and it’s all they deserve,” he tells me and I don’t know what is so broken in my baby brother.

I hug him, I get to hug him for the first time in almost twenty years and it’s like I never left him. I don’t know why but I feel like everything will be alright. At least for us. He’s hugging me a little but he’s holding back.

“I wish our parents wanted me as much as you did. Hell I wish they wanted me half as much as they wanted you,” Guy says and I pull back from him a little bit.

“They do want you,” I tell my baby brother and he smiles that sad smile.

“They don’t, not in the same way. See Dad went after you because he loved you and was going to get you back because you were taken from him. He promised me he would take care of me and protect me and when I was taken from him he ran away,” Guy explains stepping away and looks at the bridge.

“Our Daddy went after me but Momma was there for you,” I say it and remember some of the stories,” I mean not like she should have been but she was there.”

“He ran after you, not me. He didn’t want to see me at all until you dragged him down here and as for my mother she can’t even remember what my preteen years were like thanks to drowning herself in enough alcohol to kill India. But you show up one time and she’s instant recipe mother for you. It took me years to get to where she actually acknowledged me as her son and I was living with her, it took you seconds. No, they may love me but it’s filtered with guilt. You they love because you are their perfect first born,” Guy says and he’s not being mean to me about it but it hurts to hear him say it.

“They feel bad because instead of the sweet baby brother I knew you’re this thing. It’s cruel and horrible and it’s not you,” I tell him and he stops.

“Then you don’t know the real me, this is who I am,” he pulls away and stares into my eyes,” I don’t have time for things like love and compassion now. People need to be made to suffer they will.”

“Like Mom and Dad,” I ask and he gives me an ‘excuse me’ look,” They were the worst according to you so you’re going to make them pay.”

“If I wanted them to hurt, and I mean really hurt,” Guy tells me and smirks,” I wouldn’t be so subtle.”

I’m a little confused but he’s talking to me, he believes me but we’re just starting and I have more for us today. We talk a bit more as I get into what we do at mine and Papa’s ranch, chores and customers, simple things really. He listens and doesn’t really ask any questions about it, I leave him space to ask but he doesn’t and I don’t understand why he’s not interested so I figure turn the tables.

“So you’re into music, that’s what Beth said,” I ask as we’re back on horses and further down trail.

“I sing, people say they like it but not enough to put up the money to train me so I’m leaving it as a useless hobby,” I heard the bitter in his voice, that makes him unhappy.

“Well I say use it and shove it in their faces if you want to really burn them,” I tell my baby brother who shrugs.

“I did a bit of that already. The approval committee wanted to talk me into a few of their schools and I told them to fuck off,” Guy says with a smirk before continuing,” I wanted it for me, no family help. Just to do it on my own and they took that away because our Mother married rich.”

“Well she’s happy with him, I know she misses Daddy but she is happy where she’s at. I keep getting asked not to beat up your step sister,” I tell Guy and he nods.

“Ever want to see me again,” he asks and I nod back,” Never touch them, they’ve done shit to me yes but they’ve done more for me than you have and they are my family. Whether I liked it or accepted it they are.”

“I wasn’t gonna do much and besides she was picking on my baby brother. Had Daddy come down sooner like I kept telling him he should I woulda stopped her shit years ago,” I tell Guy and he nods with a smirk, I got a smirk.

“I tried to find him, couple years back. He was gone and won’t tell me where he was,” he says it like he’s curious.

“All I know is that when Daddy leaves bad people don’t come back, I don’t know who the bad people are but he told me first time he left and I’ve never asked a question about it since,” I tell Guy who doesn’t react,” It wasn’t cause he was avoiding you. I’m sure if he knew you were looking he would have come.”

“Except he knew more than he said and didn’t come,” Guy argues and I think he’s a little right.

We get done riding and the owner offers us lunch at in his home but Guy doesn’t want to be around him and it makes me worry. The owner’s daughter comes out to announce that our lunch is ready and as I try to lead Guy to the house he won’t move. It’s bad and the owner notices.

“Listen kid it was a joke and it’s over, this is a peace offering and an apology,” the owner offers and Guy looks at him and I see that flicker in his eyes.

“Did you tell them to do that to me,” Guy asks it and I have to step in.

“Guy he didn’t tell anyone to prank you it just happened, sometimes the hands like to prank the city folk. It was just a bad joke,” I explain to my brother but he’s not budging, hell he’s not even looking at me.

“You eat Gwen, I’m going to take walk… clear my head,” Guy says and begins to walk away.

“Let him cool off Miss, seen it before plenty of times,” the owner Henry says leading me away.

Lunch is good and Henry is a pretty nice man, we talk about my favorite subject… horses. I’m only there for a half hour when I see Guy sitting down in the shade outside the house staring at the land. I swear I have no rightly clue what is in his head but it’s not always good. Mr. Henry sees me watching my brother and shakes his head.

“Something very wrong with that boy,” Henry says and I nod.

“I just wish I could figure out what it is,” I reply taking a sip of sweet tea.

“It’s hate. I’ve seen it more than a few times to know it when I see it,” Henry says and I must be looking for an explanation because he continues,” that boy is full of hate. Something happened to him and all he has left is hate because everything else has been burned out of him.”

“So there’s nothing left, that what you’re telling me,” I ask and he shakes his head.

“In people like him all the feelings are little people and hate is a firebug. When there is a flash fire around the farm house and nowhere to run, like that boys head, they all run for cover in something all us good farmers keep,” Henry explains and I know this answer.

“A tornado shelter or like a basement.