23 Ways To Eat Your Lover

23 Ways To Eat Your Lover

This guide will be difficult, using verbal descriptions only. But the men out there, and a few women, need to know this stuff. How did I learn? I had some very inventive girlfriends, and I had a healthy obsession for prostitutes. I call it healthy, because I was never forced to rape a woman, molest a child, or pick up some diseased woman whom nobody else would touch. Since my looks resemble those of Abe Lincoln, I am not a woman’s first choice for romance. Even with that against me, I slept with more than 350 women. Fifty were one night stands, three were wives, two were year-long girlfriends and one fiancé. Approximately 500,000 dollars worth, were prostitutes. God bless them and the services they provide. I have never treated a prostitute with anything but respect. I believe we should cherish these women and protect them with laws and medicines. They keep your wife and sister from being raped, and your children from being molested. They taught me everything I have learned about sex and I am passing it on to you.

Fortunately, each time I paid for a hooker, I said the same thing. “Teach me something new.” They did, and I listened. So this is not a made-up, imaginary list. Some parts of the techniques may vary, depending on your weight and flexibility. And you may find some downright disgusting. Take what you need and leave the rest. First of all, remember this. Before you visit the dentist, or eat a woman, SHAVE. Five o’clock shadow hurts like a bitch the next day. It hurts inside and out. Never go down on a woman unless you have shaved within an hour. Now that you have my bonifidees, I will get on with it.

Outline: Some descriptions are very similar, with slight variations. I had to throw them all in for your benefit, as a reminder that they exist. There are five main directions in which to eat a pussy. The normal position, the rear position, and the 69 position. A favorite and little-used position is the side attack, usually while laying on the left or right leg. And the side facing position is another option where the woman lies on her side, and kinks her upper leg to allow you access.

And remember something that every unfortunate lesbian knows. Your craving for sex and a woman’s period will never coincide. Imagine how hard it is for two women with periods to get a bite in. Sorry ladies. But you can have limited oral sex during a period. If you disregard a doctor’s advice and are willing to douche during a period, do so immediately before sex and insert a tampon. Warn your partner to stay away from the little white tag. If you won’t douche, and I wouldn’t advise it, put the tampon in first, then douche the outside. Concentrate on the clit, that’s the most important thing anyway.

And one more piece of advice. You may want to read this to your partner. A guy’s hormones are driven by a hard cock. As long as his cock is hard, he will do almost anything. But if he comes and his cock wilts, HE WILL NOT EAT PUSSY. He will stop and apologize, feel bad and look hurt, but for 99 percent of the guys, he will not be able to eat pussy once the hormones are gone.